Heyyyyyyyyyyyy VWF viewers everywhere! Sweet Cheeks Danny G here bringing to YOU the finest interview to ever grace the presence the airwaves! I am standing next to none other than the self-proclaimed “King of Awesomeness,” TD Alexander. It seems I have startled you Mr. King.
What… in the name of Awesomeness… are you doing here?
I’m here to interview you silly!
I think that is pretty obvious, but incase you haven’t noticed, the King of Awesomeness does not need these petty annoyances you call “interviews.” I have way bigger concerns occupying my time and energy.
And that is…?
Trying to ignore you so you can scatter along. But by the looks of things, no matter what I do, I’m always being followed by inconsiderate peasants who try to bring the King down to THEIR level, but little do they realize is that I am way mightier than thou. And yet, they still find the King and dabble him with their “highest concerns.” I could really care less.
… Okay?
DON’T YOU DARE INTERUPT THE KING WHILST HE IS SPEAKING! Wasn’t you raised with better manners than that?!
Now, where was I before I was SO rudely interrupted? Oh yeah… that’s right. Mr. Jonny Cedrone… just another big waste of time, money, energy, space, and skin, all you are “Studd” is a worthless peasant in my vast and power empire you call “make believe,” but believe you and me Jonny… it’s real. For you see Jonny, the Land of Awesomeness isn’t a make believe land, it’s what you and everybody else call, “reality.” In my books, “reality” and hell are the same place, because only in your so-called “real world” can you fail at everything you do and still get rewarded for it. But in Awesomeness, the Land of One, you cannot fail… failure is not an option. There is no such thing as disappointment… no such thing as losing… no such thing as failing. For you see, what I call Awesomeness, you call having an optimistic outlook on life. You drill that idea into you mind and you can’t lose, but Jonny, you are way too late to try that little trick. Ever since I was a little squire, I drilled that mindset into me, and look at me today… the greatest wrestler to ever grace the VWF!
What about Mr. Fantastic, he’s a pretty good wrestler, or he has a nice ass at least.
Mr. Fantastic… our so-called “Worlds Heavyweight Champion?”
Yes, that very one!
He’s not worthy enough to clean my lavatory! The fact of the matter is this Daniel, once I am done with Jonny Cedrone and the Masked Marvel tonight, I am heading STRAIGHT TO THE TOP… and claim what is rightfully mine, the World Heavyweight Championship!
But isn’t that spot reserved by the “King of Sexy?” Damn he makes me so horny!
I don’t think we need any commentary from you Mr. Grabowski. I think we made it very clear that you are a sodomizer. Now, for the sake of this “very important” interview, could you please try to refrain from those remarks?
I shall try my best your majesty.
-|| Sweet Cheeks Danny G throws in a little bow which draws a slight grin on TD’s face. ||-
Thank you Daniel. Now onto the matter in which I was just speaking of. After tonight, I am heading straight to the top to the VWF’s highest pinnacle, the Worlds Heavyweight Championship. For you see, earlier tonight, our so-called United States Champion decided that he was going to be ballsy and put the beloved title that he never won up for grabs tonight, which I will graciously accept with honor, pride, and dignity… three characteristics that our current “champion” fails to possess. And after I become not only the REAL King of the Viking Wrestling Federation, I will also become the United States Champion and face off against Mr. Fantastic for the right to defeat him for the Heavyweight Championship of the World at the next edition of Crucifiction.
How can you be so certain? I mean… it WAS someone aligned with Mr. Fantastic that took out Jonny a few weeks ago! This match between him and Cedrone is pretty much written in stone! And who’s to say that the Viking King or Jonas Allen has accepted Cedrone’s wish for the title to be up for grabs?!
It is, isn’t it? Don’t you inconsequential idiot realize that stone can be broken? Trust me, after my victory tonight, I WILL go on to become the World Champion, with the US title in tow or not, that title WILL BE MINE! And that my friends is a cold… hard… FACT!
Cedrone, just like Mr. Fantastic and the Masked Marvel, you aren’t worthy enough to clean my lavatory, let alone step inside the squared-circle against me! You want to stand there and throw false accusations my way trying to make yourself the better man? Get real Jonny! NO ONE is the better man in this equation but ME! I’m not jealous of you, why should I be? Who would be jealous of a common thief? Sure as hell not me! You have done NOTHING to make me envy you. As a matter of fact, it’s the polar opposite. You wish you were as great as I am, you wish you were the King of Awesomeness, don’t you Jonny? Come on, don’t deny it… you want to be… should I say… as fantastic as me, don’t ya? It’s time for you to face reality Cedrone because no matter how hard you try, you will NEVER be as good as me… never. And this crap about me claiming to be a higher power; that again is false my friend. Never once have I claimed to be some kind of savior, as a matter of fact, I KNOW there is another Awesome Wonder greater than I, and He resides up yonder where someday, I will join Him and we shall hold annual Awesome Fests for all eternity. Wouldn’t that be lovely Cedrone, to bear witness to Awesome Fest for all of eternity? That’s right, you won’t be there for it was YOU that broke one of the Ten Commandments! Or do you honestly think that “Thou shall not steal,” doesn’t pertain to you? I didn’t think so.
Yes Jonny, I admit it. There have been a couple of instances in which I joined this great federation only to leave a short period of time later, and for that, I am truly and gratefully sorry. No one knows how much that set my career back, but you Cedrone, you should know first hand the problems I have with a certain part of my anatomy in which I’m not going to address to everyone here tonight… the one and only true weakness of the King. But I can guarantee you this Jonny, I’m a new man after my recent hiatus. I’ve gotten that problem fixed and it feels like brand flipping new! I’m not going anywhere in the very near future, so be prepared to have this thorn in your side until I get what is rightfully mine.
Tonight, I know you are wishing that this will be the beginning of the end, but boy are YOU wrong! Tonight is just the very tip of the iceberg, because I have this feeling that we will meet again in the very near future. For you see Jonny, I am the future of this great organization, and only time will tell until the inevitable happens… the Reign of Awesomeness… MY TIME AT THE SUMMIT that is the Viking Wrestling Federation! It’s going to happen Jonny, and once it happens, things will change, and boy will they ever change!
Only a few seconds left your majesty, any words for your other opponent, the Masked Marvel?
Yeah, there’s a cookie with your name on at the bottom of the ocean. Go get it before someone else does.
-|| The King of Awesomeness grabs the left lapel of his robe and wraps it around the lovely Evalina before leaving camera view in a hurry. Sweet Cheeks is still standing there with the microphone in his hand. He stares at the direction of the lovely couple before turning the microphone around and… I’ll let you fill in the rest. I’m not going into detail. The cameras quickly cut to Joey Styles and P. Lickin inside the VWF Arena as they prepare for the next match-up to begin. ||-