|
   The evening was most certainly not a quiet one. Outside the EPICenter in Ft. Lauderdale Florida a sizeable crowd had gathered before the entrance waiting for the show to begin, every single one of them eagerly clutching their ticket-stubs to what Spyder Gainey had orchestrated as a return to form for the Uncensored wrestling establishment he built from the ground up, and in HIS image… with Fashionably Late. A constant ramble that was the bi-product of a hundred plus conversations going on at once between the hordes of fervent supporters filled the air on this mild October night. The mood was good, an atmosphere of high spirits, one would argue this was often the case to an event put on by the Incomparable Spyder Gainey (be it a backyard keg party and bbq or a bona-fide wrestling event). The throaty and muffled sound of a vintage two litre engine can be heard in the distance. As the racket of the engine gets louder, echoing around the surrounding buildings as it corners, the front grill of a split-screen black VW camper appears and can be seen by the masses passing the EPICenter entrance and rolling into the arena parking lot. Drowning out the rattling purr of the Volkswagen is the relentless bassline of something that sounds like a mix of reggae and hip hop. As the van pulls into a parking space toward the rear of the 2,688 capacity venue the face behind the wheel becomes distinguishable as that of Cameron White, peering through the screen of smoke that mists both front windows. With what is more than likely a blunt pressed between his lips Cam puts the Vdub into park and kicks the open allowing the cloud of smoke inside the vehicle seep out into the night air like the rising plume of spray at the foot of a waterfall.With an air of stoned clumsiness about him he steps out from his ride and pulls a holdall over his shoulder before looking left and right nervously while locking the VW. A pair of large aviator-style thick-rimmed sunglasses cover the redness of his eyes beneath tinted lenses as he hastily makes his way toward the rear entrance of the venue. As he reaches the doorway that will take him to the locker area he is greeted by a sight he’s oh too familiar with. After a crackdown on any and all illegal substances possessed by rappers at hosted events by a specialist branch of the LAPD it was only a matter of time before they went the same route with professional wrestlers. Consequently, standing before him are two police officers standing with their arms crossed. He spits out the remains of the blunt between his lips and steps on it in his stride. Cameron White: Evenin’ gents... here for the big guy’s bee-day-bash eh? Nice outfits by the way… He says nonchalantly, while trying to step between them. Officer: Excuse me sir, if you wouldn’t mind handing your luggage to my partner and stepping to the right. Cam swallowed hard. Cam: What is this… the Spanish Inquisition? Replies Cam, reluctantly handing his holdall to the cop on his left. Disturbingly both are wearing those latex gloves everyone associates with cavity searches. This was Uncensored and as the saying went ‘Now Bend Over’ but Cam wasn’t quite sure that this kind of behaviour applied to that motto. He emptied his pockets revealing a wallet, cell phone, lighter and loose change before lifting his arms in the air while the officer to his right unzipped his kitbag and began to delve through its contents like a desperate woman rummaging through her handbag for a tampon at an awkward moment. Cam's eyes wandered to another part of the parking lot. He dipped his sunglasses and gave a wink to a hooded accomplice clutching a kitbag (that looked like his own) in the distance. With that signal the figure in the distance made a dash for the fire exit. He turned his attention back to the two officers unremittingly searching him and his belongings, no doubt hoping they found something. Aside from the obviously poignant aroma of marijuana on Cam’s clothes and breath they had nothing… nada… squat… Officer: Thank you for your cooperation sir, enjoy the rest of your evening. Said the officer with a undertones of disappointed malevolence in his tone while handing back the holdall. Cam grinned. Cam: Any time officer. You have an exhilarating evening also. He pushed on past and flung open the glass double doors that were the rear entrance to the Epicenter. When the doors open the scene that the crowd watching on the big screen shifted to live shots of them. The house lights hit them and "Famous" by Puddle of Mudd hit the speakers. Diablo: WHAT'S UP MOTHERFUCKERS? Maverick: YOU FOUND US! Diablo: And what a night of wrestling Spyder Gainey has booked for us tonight! Maverick: The rumor is...we will see an Uncensored Primo Champion crowned tonight when Star takes on Kirsta! Diablo: And it is no rumor. A number one contender to Vladimir Kratos' Banned Championship will be decided when Sean Williams squares off with the Irish Attitude, Johnny Mac. Maverick: And speaking of Kratos and the Banned Championship, he will defend that tonight against the one, the only, The Nightmare JXD! Diablo: And speaking of JXD, before we get too far along, I have knowledge that JXD needs to make a very special and heartfelt announcement. Everyone. The big screen.
BACKSTAGE
The camera flickered to a cemetery, the Nightmare
knelt beside a gravestone, gazed at it for a few moments then placed down
a bunch of white lilies on the earth before it, followed by a single red
rose Alexandrea Donovan JXD: Happy anniversary my love... Backstage, a man wearing a long white robe, a red and white cloth on his head, a curled handle bar mustache and speaking in a bad accent has his back to the camera and is yelling at his cell phone. Man: You are a mother fucker, faggot. I put you in camel clutch, break your back, fuck your ass and make you humble. Meso Horney (wearing a really bad looking Ultimate Warrior costume with green and red face paint, green and red tassles around her arms, and really colorful spandex shorts) Kelly Goodhead (wearing a red bandana, tight yellow Hulkamania tank top, and yellow spandex shorts) and Mallory Cox (wearing a really slutty looking bee costume) all walk up behind the man. Meso: Hey Jack. The man turns around, and reveals that he is Jack Mehoff. Jack: Hello angels. I have a mission for you. Mallory: Jack, why do you have us dressing like the Ultimate Warrior, Hulk Hogan, and who ever the fuck I'm supposed to be. Jack: B. Brian Blair of the Killer Bees. Mallory: Yeah, why him? Jack: Well, because I'm the Iron Sheik and later tonight, I'm going to put you all in the camel clutch, and fuck your ass. All the girls just roll their eyes. Jack: Now I'm sure that as you girls know, I am getting out of wrestling, and going into managing instead. And you also know how my last attempt at managing went. Jack looks behind him where Spaz, his hyperactive midget camera man is standing there, wearing red pants, a red jacket with a Russion flag on it, a black furry hat, and a fake beard attached to his mask. Spaz looks up at Jack, does a salute and starts singing in a deep sounding voice. Spaz: A dosh fes a dorra. Gob desha dorra a. For she a doma oh mother Russiah. Jack turns his attention back to his girls. Jack: So, I think I found the perfect guy to manage. Vladimir Kratos. The girls all get shocked looks on their faces. Kelly: You mean the guy who beat the crap out of us at the last show? Jack: Yes. Meso: Are you nuts? The guy is a total psychopath. Jack: I know, that's why I want him. Meso: Well, how the hell do you expect to sign him? Jack: Well, I got a package from Ridge a few days ago, with instructions to give it to Vlad. I'll just hold the contract and tell him that it's a from from the post office. Meso: So, where is he at anyways? She looked out the window of their locker room. The camera focussed in on we she saw and we found Heath Sommersby arrive at The Epicenter with someone that Uncensored had never met before. Sommersby had his hair tied back in a tight ponytail so it didn't beat his passenger up as he pulled into the parking lot on his red Ducati. His passenger hung on tightly around his waist albeit pretty low on him as he slowed to a park near the side of the building. The large sign behind them read: TONIGHT: STAR LITHEGOS VS. KIRSTA LEWIS FOR THE PRIMO CHAMPIONSHIP! Sommersby pushes his sunglasses up on top of his head and leans back against his passenger. Sommersby: Told you that I had a wicked good surprise for you tonight. Annie: You weren't lying when you said there would be a suprise. This is definitely something I'd like to see. Annie Alvarez tighens her grip on him and leans forward whispering something in his ear. Sommersby: Is that a fact? She didn't answer just nodded while purring in his ear. Sommersby: Well...word on the streets is that Spydie can't get Star here tonight. He even called me trying to get me to bring her. Looks like...someone may need to take matters into their own hands. You don;t know anyone who might possibly be capable of coming out on top against Kirsta now do you? Annie: You're joking, right? I mean if there isn't already a line formed to take Star's spot, I'm positive I could find someone to do it... Sommersby: Oh they're scared of Kirsta around here. The sarcasm just dripped from his lips as he spoke these words. Sommersby: They think she's seven feet tall and bullet proof. Annie smirks then begins laughing hysterically. Annie: What are they smoking? I, for one, know that Kirsta is neither of those things. And I've proven that a few times before. And I'd have no problem proving it again. Sommersby: So... He revs the bike hard enough to make it almost bounce off the ground. Sommersby: Are you ready to go inside? Or...? Annie: We can go inside if you'd like, but I'm positive I know of something that you'd much rather do first. She slowly pulls her hands back from around him and gets off the bike. She walks around and faces him, putting one hand on her hip, and the other on his arm. She smilies innocently at him. Annie: And just to let you know, I am wearing that little matching set that I told you about earlier.. you know, the black one, from Fredericks of Hollywood. And I'm pretty sure that this skirt that I'm wearing wont get in the way.... As she climbed onto the motorcycle facing Heath and began to undo his pants, the camera panned back and we could all hear Jack Mehoff whispering furiously to his girls: Jack Mehoff: GET THE CAMERAS! GET THE CAMERAS! THAT'S ANNIE ALVAREZ AND IF SHE'S OUT IN PUBLIC I DON'T NEED HER UNDER CONTRACT TO SELL THIS! RINGSIDE
The match bell sounds three times calling for everyone's attention. Chloe DeVille: Ladies and Gentlemen, the Incomparable Spyder Gainey welcomes you to The Epicenter tonight for a...FASHIONABLY LATE AND UNCENSORED WRESTLING PROGRAM!!! The capacity crowd of almost twenty seven hundred marked out hard for the announcement that would signal the start of the evening's matches. The lights dim as “It's Me Bitches” By Swizz Beats hits the speakers, Williams makes his away from behind the curtain taunting to the screaming female and male fans in the audience. Chloe DeVille: This match is scheduled for one fall and will decide the number one contender to the Banned Championship! Introducing first, from Atlanta, Georgia...SEAN WILLIAMS! He makes his way down the ramp until he reaches the bottom. He turns and points at the curtains and out walks Princess and Mercedes, the cheers get even louder as the two walk down the ramp smiling and waving to the people in the audience, they meet up with Williams and accompany him to the ring, he slides in leaving Mercedes and Princess standing outside. He bounces of each rope as he awaits his opponent. Chloe: And his opponent! Walk by Pantera explodes from the speakers and Johnny Mac steps out onto the staging. Chloe: From New Orleans, Johnny Mac! The crowd boos him pretty hard as his makes his way down to the ring. Maverick: I just pitched a tent under the broadcast table! Would you check out the assets that Sean Williams has with him tonight. Diablo: If Sean's lucky they'll distract the six foot eight inch damn near three hundred pound Irish Attitude that is Johnny Mac. Referee Rusty Houlihan shouts a few last second intructions to both men, then steps back and calls for the bell. Maverick: And another edition of Fashionably Late is under way! Diablo: It's going to be tough to top some of the things I saw last time, let's hope that all of our Uncensored superstars are on point tonight. The two men clash in the center of the ring with a collar and elbow tie-up. Mac being much larger began pushing Williams back towards the ropes when Sean ducked under him and cinched in tight around Mac's waist. Williams lifted and hauled Mac down onto the mat where Mac got to the ropes as fast as he could. Maverick: Yeah I don't think I'd want Sean Williams behind me like that either. Diablo: Mac nows his way around the ring and wanted that hold broken as quickly as possible. With both men back on their feet, Mac moved in for another collar and elbow tie-up now knowing he was the stronger of the two, but so did Williams who avoided the hold with another duck under, go behind. He cinched in again tightly around Mac's waist again, tried to lift him but this time Mac blocked it by wrapping his leg around Sean's. He tried to tear the Sean's hand apart and off of his waist. When he pulled them apart, Sean wrenched away from Mac's grip, reached up in between his legs and with a school boy, went for the pinfall. Maverick: ...1...2... Diablo: Oh there's no way you;re going to be able to keep the Irish Attitude down with that this early in the match, but it is a good way to start wearing the big man down. With Mac still down on the mat, Williams appllied a side headlock. Mac moved up to his knees, but Williams kept the pressure on fighting against letting Mac rise up any higher. After about thirty seconds of this, a "BORING" chant started in the fifth row and quickly circled through the small venue. Maverick: This Ft. Lauderdale crowd has been spoiled by this company. Diablo: We're not known for headlocks and bodyslams. The lights dim as Higher by the Game bumps out of the PA system. Cameron White ambles onto the entryway bopping his head to the music, hood up with a grin on his face. He strolls down the ramp looking left and right and whatever support he’s getting. Maverick: You have GOT to be shittin' me! It's the Stoned Superstar. Diablo: Colonel Chronic himself! It's Cameron White and you bet your sweet ass that he is Uncensored! Leaping up onto the apron he rolls under the bottom rope and climbs to his feet. Williams released his grip on Mac and moved towards White. When cam saw this, he moved towards Williams and hit him with a brutal Running STO from out of nowhere. As they both got back to their feet, Cameron caught him up, paused and turned in a complete circle for everyone to see and sent Sean Williams over the top rope with a vicious and cocky T-Bone Suplex, sending him down hard to the concrete floor at ringside. Maverick: Did you hear that? Williams' skull just connected with the hard concrete! Diablo: Sean Williams just lived..."The High Life"!!! Mac was up to his feet now and coming at White. Cameron smacked him in the mouth with an arrogant slap, stuck him in the eye with an eye gouge, then with a European Uppercut. Mac staggered back just far enough so that White could nail a Standing Dropkick. The supersized Johnny Mac still did not go down back staggered backwards. He finally hit the ropes and came back towards White who used that momentum to Irish Whip Mac then he reversed it and took mac down with a short-arm clothesline. And then before you could say "best moonsault ever", Cameron White had nailed him with a Springboard Moonsault. Diablo: The Stoned Superstar is looking to "Finish on a High Note"! Maverick: ...1...2... Diablo: And Mac is able to kick out at the last possible millisecond! Cameron White stepped back, stalking Mac, waiting for him to get up. When he did, it looked like White was going to chop block him, but instead lifted him straight up and just as quickly dropped him back down hard onto the mat with an Electric Chair! Diablo: UP IN SMOKE! Maverick: ...1...2...3!!! Diablo: CAMERON WHITE WALKS BACK INTO UNCENSORED...LIT UP THIS CROWD AND SMOKED JOHNNY MAC! Chloe Deville: Your winner...and number one contender to the Banned Championship...CAMERON WHITE!!!
BACKSTAGE
Jack and his girls are standing outside the Epicenter's walk in freezer behind the concession stand. Meso: Someone has got to be messing with you. Why would someone be hanging out inside a freezer? Jack: Hell if I know. Maybe he's got a thing for the smell of dead animals. Jack opens the door and walks in followed by his girls. Sitting in the middle of the freezer, is Vladamir Kratos. Jack: Hey Vlad, how you doing? Vlad doesn't respond or even move. Meso: Hey Kratos, are you ok? Meso walks up to him, and reluctantly touches him on the back, quickly pulls her hand away. Meso: Damn, he's cold as hell. I think he might be dead. Mallory: Why would someone lock themselves inside a freezer? Vlad: Because being in here lets me meditate in private without people bothering me. Mallory: Doesn't the cold bother you? Vlad: No. Why are you here? Jack: Well, I got this package in the mail, adressed to you. Jack pulls a large envelope out of his pocket and tosses it to Vlad. Vlad stands up and opens the package. Inside is a blood covered railroad spike and a note. Kratos reads it aloud. Vlad: Vlad. I used this spike on Kirsta two years ago today at Uncensored's Devil's Night Pay Per View and got my first win over her. If you want to make an impact, use it on her again today and finish what I started. Ridge. Vlad holds the spike to his nose and smells it. The spike is rusty and covered in dried blood. Jack's girls get disgusted looks on their faces. Vlad then holds the spike to his mouth and licks it. Vlad gets a weird look of purpose on his face, and starts walking toward the door. Jack: Hold on for a second. Before you go, I need you to sign this form saying I gave you the package. Vlad grabs a pen and quickly scribbles something on the form and walks out of the freezer. After Vlad is gone, Jack looks down at the contract. Jack: Hey, we got him to sign it. Meso grabs the contract. Meso: Uh Jack. He wrote "fuck you" on the contract. Jack: Doesn't matter, it still counts. RINGSIDE The match bell sounds three time calling for everyone's attention. Chloe DeVille: This next match is for one fall and will decide the Uncensored Primo Championship!!! Animals by Nickelback hit the speakers and the crowd began to boo loudly. Chloe DeVille: Introducing first, from Dayton, Ohio, Kirsta Lewis. As she made her way to the ring, the crowd pelted her with their half finished beers and half eaten hot dogs and cups of popcorn. She was drenched by the time she got to the ring. The house lights fell save for one spotlight which illuminated the right side of the staging near the gorilla position fell upon Chloe DeVille. The cameras focused in on her and it was her hands, not her face which was seen by all on the big screen. As the needle got closer to the spinning wax on her left turntable the crowd noise got louder and louder. She turned one of her knobs and the record stopped spinning sending the crowd into a near riotous frenzy. She lit a cigarette, drawing it out as long as she could, took a deep pull and before anyone had noticed the turntable, she put the needle to the wax and the SPIDERMAN theme by The Ramones exploded from the speakers. As Joey Ramone was about to begin singing, she remixed the track with The Shangri-Las singing; "And that's when I fell for...The Leader of the..." But before they could finish the sentence, Luke Skywalker and the Two Live Crew shouted; "BANNED IN THE U.S.A.! I WAS"...then Chloe slipped back into; "The Leader of the.." and then right back into "BANNED IN THE U.S.A.!" while the SPIDERMAN theme by Aerosmith continued to play. As the song ended, the spotlight that was on the D.J. shifted to the black curtain at the gorilla position. With the spotlight on it, Spyder Gainey's long, lean body was seen leaning up against a pimp cane. The crowd went wild when they saw this. "Speak softly, Love" the Godfather's Theme by Nino Kota hit the speakers and the official introduction began. Chloe DeVille: Ladies and Gentlemen...it is my distinct pleasure to introduce to you the proprietor of Permanent Stain tattoos...The Epicenter...and UNCENSORED! He is...HOMEGROWN right here in Ft. Lauderdale!!! They marked out hard at the mention of their city. Chloe DeVille: He is...The Chairman...of the BORED!!! He is...The Leader...of the BANNED!!! This IS...The GODFATHER of all things UNCENSORED in sports and entertainment! You could barely hear Chloe now over the crowd's noise now that the girls had stepped away from Spyder's silhouette. One had been combing his hair at the last second, the other placed his pimp hat on his head. The first one placed a blunt in his mouth, while the other lit it. Well what'd you think Spydie was going to be for Halloween? Chloe DeVille: Ladies and Gentlemen, PLEASE!!! Open your minds...and lower your standards for THE INCOMPARABLE...SPYDER...GAINEY!!!! "Hate it or Love it" by The Game hit the speakers, Spyder stepped out onto the stage and the crowd blew the roof off the place! Spydie looked mad as heel and already had a microphone. He tried to get the crowd to let him speak. Spyder Gainey: There ain't nothing like a warm...hometown...welcome! Of course he got the cheap pop. Spyder Gainey: Check this out y'all. I know everybody remembers, but I want to take a moment and remind everyone what Kirsta's...scheduled...opponent did to my hand the last time we were all here. Roll the film! He motions up to the big screen right behind him and we see Star Lithegos making her way down the very aisle he stood on towards the ring. Diablo: And what the Hell does she want? Maverick: Hopefully me, now that she's done with Sommersby! Diablo: You wouldn't know what to do with her. Maverick: For your information...I just pitched a tent under the broadcast table! Star still wore her hoodie that she choked out Xavier Spires with. Her hands were down deep in the front pocket...concealing something. Diablo: Spyder Gainey is out cold! Maverick: He is conpletely out of gas right now! Star slid into the ring, and immediately pulled out a propane blowtorch and fired it up! Diablo: NO! She reached down and picked up his right hand, his tattooing hand and and held it directly under the blue flame of the blow torch! Spyder came back to consciousness like...well like his ass was on fire! He quickly pulled his hand away from the flame and rolled away out of the ring. Maverick: She's tough! No wonder Sommersby couldn't hang with her! The cameras once again re-focused on Spyder who was holding up his right hand so that everyone could see his ruined tattoo and the nasty scar tossue which replaced and ruined his ink. The large star tattoo was symbolic of his son who's Mother is Nikki Starr. Spyder Gainey: Not only did this bitch...yeah I said it. This bitch not only fucked with my ink, but she fucked with my livelihood too. And you're fuckin with my money...you're fucking up. But apparently she knows this. He began paced back and forth on the staging. He paused just long enough to hit the blunt that he still held before believe it or not, he passed it to someone in the crowd! Spyder Gainey: Don't "bogart" that shit either. Pass it around. Now like I was saying, this bitch fucked up and she knows it. This bitch lost ALL of her South Florida priviledges. She better know that I better not see her dimpled ass any farther south than Atlanta actually, much less South Florida...or it's on. I don;t care who she's got with her...I don't care if she's got that same damn pistola she shot Sommersby with...the next time I see her...it's on. And I want you ALL to know, I've done everything I can short of kidnapping a bitch to get her here tonight. I called Sommersby and tried to get him to bring her, but that guy said he already amde plans with someone else. I left myspace bulletins, I've left messages on her phone, I've offered to double her salary and make this match for the vacant Primo title! He opened up his long pimp coat. Over one shoulder was the Eliminator X Chammpionship from X-Net. Over the other was the GFX-Net Championship and around his waist was the coveted (well it was in Uncensored anyway) FUCK X-Net Championship. Below that...hung the Uncensored Primo Title. Spyder Gainey: I wasn't lying. I don't never lie. He pulled the Primo Title off of his waist and began walking down to the ring. Spyder Gainey: Rusty...give this to Star...or whoever comes down here and beats Kirsta's ass tonight. He passed the Championship belt off to the ref, and then began to make his way back to the backstage area. Maverick: So who's it going to be? My guess is Vladirmir Kratos. Diablo: He needs to not play into this and do Ridge's bidding for him! Kratos has a very tough match tonight where he defends his Banned Championship against The Nightmare JXD. And you can't take him lightly! A few moments of silence went by and the crowd began to grow antsy. Kirsta stalked the ring waiting for her opponent. Finally, "Sex Machine" by James Brown hit the speakers. Maverick: You have got to be shitting me! Diablo: Well if there's one person who knows how to get Kirsta flat on her back, it'd be Heath Sommersby! Maverick: I'm thinking that should've been my line. Diablo: I'm thinking you're slipping. I'm thinking I need a cold beer to re-sharpen these blurry edges. I'll holla. And with that, Maverick got up and went on a beer run. Chloe DeVille: And introducing next, from Johannesburg, South Africa. He is underpaid. He is oversexed. He is better than fucking advertised...HEATH...SOMMERSBY!!! But Heath was not alone. Diablo: That's pornstar and MCW superstar Annie Alvarez! She just beat Kirsta Lewis last Monday night in MCW and here they are...together again! That's when Rusty slid out of the ring. He obviously didn't like the idea of Heath and Annie double teaming Kirsta. When he tried to send Annie to the back, Heath took a running start and head butted him! Diablo: Heath has the reputed deadliest headbutt in sports entertainment. When Zinedine Zidane headbutts someone, he calls it a "Sommersby"! Rusty fell back hard onto his ass, leaned up against the ring. He was down, but not out. Heath backed up, took a running start and hit a running knee lift square to the point of Rusty's chin with his surgically re-built titanium knee. Diablo: Now you know when Star shot him last January, I'll bet you she never guessed that all she was doing in the long run was giving this man a deadly weapon to use at his leisure...but she has! With the referee now a non-factor for the moment, Annie slid into the ring. Heath ran around to the far side and rang the bell himself signaling for the match to begin. Diablo: With Rusty down and Heath Sommersby often being used here in Uncensored as a special ref, we might not have any choice but to consider this match underway. I don;t see Spyder stopping this! Annie climbed into the ring, and just as Heath had just done, the first thing she did was headbutt Kirsta. As Kirsta staggered backwards, Annie hit her with a Spear. Taking her down to the mat, Annie pummeled her with a relentless barrage of closed fists. And then, as quickly as she started, she stood up, over Kirsta and actually dusted her shoulder off. As Kirsta moved to her feet, Annie nailed her in the gut with a stiff kick and as Kirsta doubled over she hit her with a swinging neckbreaker. Kirsta hit the mat hard and Annie was up on her feet, springboarding off the middle rope and hitting Kirsta with an elbow drop. She hooked the far leg and Heath slid into position to make the count. Diablo: ...1...2...and Kirsta is able to kick out of that pinning combination early on in the match. I'll tell you what, Annie seems to have Kirsta's number judging by her performance last week in MCW and right here in what is looking to be her Uncensored debut. Kirsta makes it back up to her feet and Annie nails her with an Inverted Atomic Drop. She doesn't release her grip, she reversed it and hit Kirsta with a Sidewalk slam next. Again, she hooked the far leg. Diablo: ...1...2...Kirsta is able to kick out again. But Annie looks to have a lot of power moves in her repetoire. If she keeps this up, Kirsta might not keep getting up! But when she did finally get up, Annie hit her with a high hip toss. And then another hip toss when she got up again which sent her right back down where the last pinfall attempt had been. When Kirsta got up again, Annie nailed her right in the mouth with a vicious Superkick. Diablo: And Annie Alvarez with mad disrepct right there. She just hit Kirsta with her own finishing move! This time, she did not pin her. As she was going to Vladimir Kratos ran in unannounced through the crowd sliding into the ring with Ridge's old railroad spike in hand. Annie and Heath but rose to confront him but Kratos was already talking to them. He held up the railroad spike with one hand, pointed down at Kirsta with the other and what he said obviously shocked both Heath and Annie. It was obvious by the looks on their faces that they couldn't believe what he was saying. Then Annie burst out laughing and began instgating Heath into doing it. Diablo: I don't know what's going on here but it does not look good for Kirsta Lewis! Annie sat down on Kirsta's chest and held her arms down to the mat. Annie immediately began shocked down curses at her and talking much shit. Vladimir Kratos fell to his knees at Kirsta's feet, dropped the railroad spike to the mat next to him and before you knew it he had torn Kirsta's black leather pants off of her and had them bunched up at her ankles around her wrestling boots. Diablo: What?!?!?! Sommersby sat down on Kirsta's gut, back to back with Annie, then grabbed Kirsta by the backs of her legs and held her legs up, and open for Kratos. Diablo: There's no way this is happening. I can't be seeing this shit! He didn't hit her with it. He didn't stab her or cut her with it. Kratos picked up the railroad spike that Snake Ridge had carved up Kirsta's face with at Bill and Ted's Most Excellent Halloween Adventure, two years ago tonight when Uncensored put on Devil's Night at Orlando's Universal Studios halloween Horror Nights and jammed it violently up inside of her. When that happened Kirsta wasn't out from the Superkick anymore. She shot upright and as she did was headbutted once again by Annie and sent right back down onto the mat. She spit in Kirsta's face and talked shit as Kirsta wiggled and squirmed against Annie and Heath's grip. Kratos began jamming the railroad spike in and out of her harder and faster. Diablo: Now I have often been quoted as saying that we ain't having no fun til somebody dials 9-1-1...but tonight. He paused, still not believing what he was seeing. Diablo: Wow. Just...wow. And nobody's stopping it. I don;t think anybody's even going to try. I can't. You're fucked in your head if you think I'm getting into the ring with a guy who has a physical anomaly that preventshim from feeling pain! Heath Sommersby's face was priceless. He had the one and only, one hundred percent certain view of what was really happening besides Kratos who was stone faced as always. You could tell that Heath was pretty grossed out by it. Then it looked like he threw up in his mouth just a little bit, closed his eyes and looked away. Finally Kirsta stopped moving. She'd passed out from the pain. Kratos stood up with a victorious look on his face and held the railroad spike up for everyone to see. Blood ran freely off of it and quickly down his forearm. Kirsta lay in a pool of it from her waist down. Diablo: This can't even be a nightmare. I can't even dream up something this fucked up. Kratos dropped the spike quickly, offering it to Sommersby so that he could take a turn. He dropped it too quickly, got it too close to Heath's face giving him a big whiff of it. I don;t know if what he smelled was that bad, or if he was that repulsed by it being so close to his face and mouth, but Heath grabbed his nose like he'd been punched in it, fell off of Kirsta and rolled around the ring seemingly in agony. He really oversold it. He rolled out of the ring and onto the arena floor. Annie saw the referee, Rusty Houlihan finally starting to make it up to his feet. She shoved kratos out of the ring through the top and middle ropes, pulled Kirsta's pants up as high as she could as fast as she could and as the referee was pulling himself up onto the ring apron Annie nailed a pedigree right in front of him. She sent Kirsta down facefirst into that pool of blood Kratos had left her in. Diablo: And now that too? What in the fuck has happened to the show? She flipped Kirsta over onto her back, stood over her and put a boot down on her chest. The referee slid into position and made the three count. Diablo: ...1...2...3!!! The match bell sounded and Rusty gave the belt to Annie, thrusting her arm up in victory. Chloe DeVille: Your winner...and the new Uncensored Primo Champion...ANNIE ALVAREZ!!! Maverick: So what happened? Did I miss anything? BACKSTAGE
Clint Bone: Oh yeah, that's my homeboy. He won't mind if we hang out in here. The Anonymous Blonde: You know Spyder Gainey? Clint Bone: Hell yeah. I don't pay for any of my tats, homie does them all on the house and these piercings...they were all free too since he's training Tabi Katt on how to do it and needed a guinea pig to poke on. The Anonymous Blonde: Wow! I wanna meet him sometime. Clint Bone: Well, you might meet him now... He opened the door and smoke came billowing out at them. Clint waved it away. Slow Motion: Who goes there? Inside of Spyder's office was Lowrider, Slow Motion and Jakki Frost who were smoking a blunt. Finally the smoke cleared enough for them to be able to see each other. Slow Motion: Damn Bone! Don't you know how to knock? You got to knock on doors when you're backstage at this motherfucker! Clint Bone: My bad y'all. Carry on. He closed the door, turned to continue down the hallway and much to his surprise found himself almost face to face with...the one that got away. Instantly the baddest mother fucker on the planet turned into a nervous pimple faced high school kid. Clint Bone: D..D...Dayshia? Yup, that was right. D..D...Dayshia's 5 foot 11 inch frame stood clad in a short, skin tight metallic gold dress, looking even more like an Amazon in match gold stilettos. Cute little shovels were attached to the belt that hugged her tiny waist, a gold "$" adorned her neck. A golden hat that somewhat resembled a hardhat with a light on it covered a head full of rather disheveled blond hair. If anyone knew Dayshia Raye there was no question about what this Halloween costume was. Dayshia: Clint... She smiled brightly and tugged down the hem of her dress a little. Dayshia's tanned skin glistened with perspiration under the lights but she didn't seem to pay it much mind aside from being slightly out of breath. She adjusted her hat and gazed at Clint in person for the first time in she didn't know how long. Dayshia: Why hello birthday boy. Believe it or not, Clint Bone blushed. He seemed almost embarrassed that Dayshia remembered or somehow found out about his birthday. Somehow, someway that old Ray Charles song, "I got a woman" seemed to get stuck in his head whenever she was around. And oddly enough, that's the song Kanye sampled in his hit "Gold Digger". Clint Bone reached out slowly and took Dayshia's hand seemingly to shake it. Clint Bone: Damn you look good... He bent down bringing her hand to his lips to kiss it softly. Clint Bone: ...better than I can remember. He sniffed at her hand. Clint Bone: And you smell as good as always. She smelled like sex, but he was too drunk to realize it. And his hot little blonde was utterly forgotten and ignored in the presence of Dayshia Raye. Dayshia couldn't help but sigh a little and even blushed at the realization of "smelling good". But instead of nervously rambling on like an idiot, which surprisingly she actually wanted to do, she was drawn to another action. Dayshia: You look good too, Clint. The blond continued to be ignored as Dayshia made her way to Clint, eyes roving over his always spectacular form, taking in the new and oh so tempting additions he'd made that she didn't think he needed but still enjoyed just the same. She looked on with an almost mesmerized gaze as her hand raised slowly to barely graze the side of his face. She grinned while moving her hand to slide her fingers into his newly locked hair, gently massaging his scalp as she continued to look at him like a hungry lioness. Dayshia:...better than I can remember. Dayshia stepped in closer, pressing her well curved body against his to take in his good smell as well, absentmindedly disregarding her own for just a moment before she shook it off and stepped away. She oddly looked over her shoulder and then turned back to Clint for a second before glancing at his uhhh...escort? She looked her up and down for a second before she pointed a freshly manicured nail at herself. Dayshia: Miss Raye. And you are? Aurora Snow: Obviously no one important if she's with him.... Aurora Snow, yeah the former Mrs. Bone. Both Dayshia and Clint looked a little shocked really to even see Aurora here, but she was now a member of Uncensored thanks to Spyder Gainey. She smiles her wicked little smile, that smile that drove the men crazy. Aurora Snow: Because we all know how much of a MAN Clint is don't we. She flashed a smile towards Dayshia and hooked her arm into hers, dragging her the opposite way. Aurora Snow:You know I just got this nice little gig from Spyder, does great tattoos too. She looked at her own body, she was adorned with them, all courteously of Spyder himself. Aurora Snow: I get to host my own show here on Uncensored starting next week. Do you know my friend Spyder? She doesn't really give her a chance to speak, she just has enough time to make a little mummer before Aurora speaks again. Aurora Snow: Who cares...I just need a co host and well darlin you are just the girl for the job...I know we've had our differences, and they all involve Clint but I am able to put that all behind me, just for the sake of the show. She starts to drag her off around the corner, not giving her time to speak, just blurting out all her ideas for the show, giving herself enough time to look back into the hallway at Clint, giving him a evil grin before leading Dayshia far away from him. The Anonymous Blonde: Who...were they? She sounded a little mad. Clint Bone looked down at her like it was the first time he'd ever seen her in his life. Clint Bone: Oh. That was my ex-wife...and the girl I fucked around on her with. The Anonymous Blonde: Ok... Then she thought about it for a second as Clint continued to watch Dayshia's ass shake back and forth under that short skirt as she walked away from them. Behind them Spyder Gainey came out of the room Dayshia had just emerged from. Spyder was still getting dressed, buttoning his pants and fixing his belt with a look of sheer bliss on his face. Then he saw Clint Bone watching Dayshia's booty shake, got a "oh shit" look on his face and hauled ass down the hallway and around the corner as fast as he could before Clint saw him. The Anonymous Blonde: So...which one was which? Clint Bone: Huh? The Anonymous Blonde: Which one was your wife? And which one was the one you had on the side? Clint Bone: You see that crazy bitch with all the tattoos? I swear...I'm going to put her fucking head in a toilet one day. The Anonymous Blonde: Oh. So that's your ex-wife? She's cute. I'd do her. I'd do the other one too though. Clint Bone: And if that crazy bitch Aurora hadn't shown up, we might have been able to do Dayshia.. She didn't look mad anymore, she looked intrigued again. The Anonymous Blonde: Really? Clint Bone: Yeah. Really. Bone looked down at her with a lustful look in his eye. He was about to fuck this Anonymous Blonde like she was Dayshia. He led her into the room that Dayshia and Spyder had just come from. The Anonymous Blonde: Wow. It smells like somebody already fucked in here. Clint Bone: Yeah. It does smell like... And then it hit him. Clint Bone: ...Dayshia... The scene faded to black and the cameras then returned to Chloe DeVille at ringside. THE MAIN EVENT The match bell sounds three times calling for everyone's attention. Chloe DeVille: Ladies and Gentlemen...this is your main event of the evening and will decide the Uncensored Banned Championship!!! The arena lights blacked out... The crowd held it's breath... The familiar female operatic vocal sounded from the speakers and the EPICenter went ballistic with cheers when the recognized NYMPHETAMINE by Cradle of Filth!As the instruments replaced the vocal, the Nightmare stepped out into a blood red spotlight, his hair tied back and the black trenchcoat was open to reveal the silver and black skull of the Punisher. Flanking the Nightmare was Alicia Blackheart, clad in a pvc nurses uniform that had the entire crowd drooling. Chloe DeVille: Introducing first, the challenger! He is being accompanied to the ring by Alicia Blackheart. He hails from Derby, England but makes his home in and fights out of right here in Ft. Lauderdale! Ladies and Gentlemen...an Uncensored Hall of Famer...THE NIGHTMARE...J...X...D!!! JXD held a purple steel chair and began the walk to the ring, he acknowledged the crowd with a salute as he vaulted onto the ring apron, Alicia simply walked to his corner as the Nightmare called for the mic, and as he caught it, he vaulted the ropes and began to pace in a circle. JXD: Right, first things first: we have found a lost child. Parents have until midnight to claim him otherwise he will be sold to the Walt Disney Corporation for use on "It's a small world" in which he will be bolted to the floor and taught the damn song in 37 languages and kept there until he's too big to use and is sold to Jack Mehoff to be used as a fluffer for the Starlets. The Nightmare paused as laughter carried across the crowd, he picked up his stride and continued to pace in a circle. JXD: Anyway, I know my Halloween costume may seem a bit of a let down, but the Punisher is fucking awesome. That and I am about to fight a commie bastard from Russia who can't feel pain. If he has actually bothered to dress up and looks like Waldo on steroids or Dracula on steroids, then it may be a good thing I have Alicia in that outfit this evening, but even if I am going to the A and E with a fridge door wrapped around my neck, I'll have the belt around my waist. I laugh in the face of adversity, then kick it in the boll- It was this point JXD paused, Alicia had climbed up onto the ring apron and was saying something to the Nightmare, who nodded and stood stationary for a moment JXD: Anyway, moving into a shameless advertising plug for Spyder Gainey, for the... JXD glanced at the back of his hand and read the text from it JXD:... The best little Tattoo shop in Florida... Just ask Star! Just make sure you book an appointment, and especially don't feed the Pitbull!!! JXD glanced at his hand again JXD: Yeah, especially don't feed the dog Campbell's Chunky Roadhouse Chili... unless you want to smell like Star's new perfume, Eau de Pitbull shit! I've nothing else to plug, so lets get the commie out here so I can choke him out and go back and finish getting wrecked! The opening cords to House of the Rising Sun starts to play over the sound system, as Vladimir Kratos makes his out of the entrance ramp, with a look of disgust on his face, to a chorus of boos from the fans. Chloe DeVille: And his opponent! Fighting out of Romania by way of Sapporo, Japan. This is the Uncensored Banned Champion! VLADIMIR KRATOS!!! He walks down the isle completely ignoring the fans. He walks up the ring steps, climbs into the ring. The bell rings and both men stand in the center and lock up. Both men try pushing the other back. Vladimir uses his height advantage and pushes JXD into the corner. Vlad tries for a knife edge chop, but JXD ducks out of the way and hits Vladimir with a stiff knife edge chop that echoes through the arena. Maverick: Oh, that had to sting. Diablo: It had to, but you wouldn't know that looking at Vlad. Vladimir just stands there showing no sign that he's in any pain even though his chest is turning pink. Vladimir just stands there and tilts his head slightly looking at JXD. JXD blasts Vladimir with a second chop that echoes even louder through the arena. Vladimir once again no sells it. JXD fires away with a series of chops that leaves Vladimirs chest a bright pink color. After JXD is done, Vladimir shows absolutely no sign of being in pain. He just calmly looks down at his chest and shakes his head "no" at JXD. The Nightmare climbs to the top rope, but Vladimir hits the ropes, causing JXD to crotch himself. Vladimir runs at JXD, jumps and hits JXD with a Hurricanrana off the top rope. Maverick: Wow. I never would have expected to see that out of a man Vlads size! Diablo: He is going to try to keep the match hard hitting, use some wrestling holds and submission holds and try to keep JXD off balance! But this accomplished nothing but pissing The Nightmare off! With no warning at all, Donovan hit Kratos with his "Funeral of Hearts" Superkick to the chest. Kratos showed no pain but did go down hard and fast. JXD climbed over him onto the top rope and as Kratos made it to his feet, JXD took him back down with a Tornado DDT! Maverick: The Ultra Sexy Alicia Blackheart has JXD's chair! She slid it into the ring just as JXD crucifixed Kratos' arms and pulled him up. The chair slid to a rest in the shadow Vlad's face cast down on the mat and JXD curb stomped him hard down onto the chair to the crowd's delight! Diablo: The impact of that evil manuever just echoed in the balcony! JXD was up quickly. He began shouting orders at Alicia as he unscrewed the top turnbuckle. Maverick: Oh shit. What has JXD got in mind here? Diablo: He is looking to somehow, some way cause Vladimir Kratos to cry out in pain! JXD pulled Kratos up by his hair and laid down three simply vicious knife edged chops which back him into the corner. JXD slammed the back of Vladirmir;'s head into the exposed turnbuckle once, then twice before Kratos went down to his knees. JXD pulled him back up, turned him around and began slamming his face down hard onto it. The first one busted him wide open and after that, everytime he went face first into the cold steel the cut got deeper. JXD was relentless though and in mere seconds it seemed, Kratos was wearing the crimson mask. Maverick: Kratos is a bloody mess! He may not feel any pain but he can still pass out from blood loss and lose his title that way! Diablo: He is almost out on his feet! Jxd releases him and Kratos goes down hard to the mat face first. Then, Alicia tosses JXD what he'd asked for perviously. JXD held it up for the crowd to see and they went wild! Maverick: That's a tazer! JXD has a Tazer!!! With Kratos already down on the mat, JXD hit him with 50,000 volts coming out of 2 darts and fifteen feet of wire which over rode Vlad's Central Nervous System rendering him motionless. Once he stopped shaking that is. Diablo: I think I might know what's next! And JXD was quick to let everyone else know too! He was out of the ring quickly and tearing the ring apron aside to get himself a trash can from under the ring. When he held it up, the crowd gave what was possibly the biggest pop of the night! JXD went over the guardrail at ringside and through the crowd. The cameras followed him up the stairs and into the balcony where everyone in the crowd seemed to be urging him on. Maverick: JXD is about to write a "Suicide Note". Diablo: YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS HE IS!!! JXD re-emerged in front of everyone's view standing on the edge of the railing a good tenty feet over the ring. Maverick: HE IS A LEGITIMATE ONE HUNDRED FEET ABOVE THE RING NOW? Diablo: 100 Feet? Maverick: MEASURED IT MYSELF!!! JXD dropped the can down over his head and the crowd got even wilder. Kratos still lay motionless on the mat and JXD leaped. You could've heard a pin drop. Diablo: Holy shit.. Maverick: Holy...fucking...shit. Finally, someone in the crowd said it, and a "HOLY SHIT" chant broke out in the arena. Kratos hadn't moved, JXD simply and accidentally mis-judged the distance he could leap. The can sat right side up in the ring, with JXD's leg sticking out of the top of it twitching. Diablo: And we are at the intersection of pins and needles! What could possibly happen now! When the trashcan tipped over, it was so close to Kratos that it's slight impact was enough to roll Vlad over onto his stomach. His hand flopped down across JXD's gut. Immediately, the referee slid into position. Maverick: ...1...2...3!!! Diablo: Kratos has done it? Kratos has defended the Banned Championship? When the match bell sounded, it seemed to jolt JXD back to life. Chloe DeVille: Your winner...and STILL the Banned Champion...VLADIMIR KRATOS! When JXD realized he had somehow lost this match just that quickly, he smacked the mat in frustration, then got to his feet and drug Vlad over into the corner. He looked to still be out. JXD picked up his chair, and with a running start, smashed Kratos right in the face with it! Maverick: What a vicious chair shot! Diablo: JXD is just getting started though if I know him! And indeed he was. JXD viciously assaulted Kratos with the chair. Referee Rusty Houlihan tried to break it up and took a chair shot for his troubles! Maverick: He's going to fucking kill Kratos! Diablo: What a night of wrestling...and other stuff we have witnessed! Before we go, I didn;t get a chance to already so I want to wish the baddest mother fucker on the planet, Clint Bone a Happy Birthday. Maverick: I can't wait for him to see the whole show! Diablo: I'm thinking that part might get editted. I know another part needs to. Maverick: Oh yeah? What part you talking about? Diablo: The part that's going to make us never get a TV deal! Maverick: Oh the Banned Championship? That was the best part! Diablo: Man, don;t you need to make another beer run? Maverick: As a matter of fact I do! Diablo: You know what everybody? I think I do too. So once again this is Diablo and I'll be looking for you next uncensored time saying so long... He gave a little wink and a salute into the camera. Diablo: From the sunshine state. The cameras re-focussed on the action in the ring. JXD still beat on Kratos with a chair. The cameras centered on Vladimir's bloody smile, and faded to black.
|
