This whole damn world's gone fucking insane, kids...remember that. For every smiling face you see there's about ten others ready and waiting to blow their fuckin' teeth out just to have what they have. That's where I come in--I'm Violent Clown, your friendly city peace-bringer and fuck-smasher. Yeah, that's right, fuck-smasher...because there's a whole lot of villain fucks just needin' to be smashed, you get what I mean?

So I'm sitting at my home, tryin' to lead my everyday boring-ass life...and I come across an advertisement in the morning paper talkin' about some 'Tournament of Champions' comin' up in one of these underground arenas. The name interests me, so I do a bit of research...and low and fuckin' behold, it's a tournament for heroes and villains, with a prize that could skyrocket anyone to the top of the whole damn city.

If a villain wins this thing, I says to myself, thing's won't be very safe 'round Capital City for a long-ass time. So what do I do? Naturally, I sign up for the thing to shut out any villain that's unlucky enough to cross paths with me, and keep this city safe for another day.

Day comes 'round that I get the info I need, and I find out only two villains signed up for the damn thing. Looks like I didn't have as much to worry about as I thought I would...which means I'll be whippin' some hero's ass just for the fun of it.

Hey, whatever works. Not like things are gonna get serious at that rate, right? Just some friendly, classic battles...honorable shit, you know?

Fuck was I ever wrong.

This place is a fuckin' hellhole, we've got prostitutes bangin' drug dealers for their smack and people throwin' shit all over the place. Very first match of the night and Merritt Evil gets killed by Jay Bird, a fuckin' HERO.

I mean what the FUCK...what kind of a hero kills a guy when the guy ain't tryin' to kill them?! Villain or not, that shit's uncalled for.

Fights continue like nothin' happened, shit goes on...and I beat the Castle to make it to today. Whoop-de-fuckin'-do...my journey ain't over yet--I've gotta face Danger to make it to the finals.

And Danger looks ready as he ever fuckin' was...just like the last time we faced each other.

"Things just never fuckin' change, do they man?" I grin at him from across the arena, watching him as he extends his metal staff and looks out to the fans, a solemn look on his face.

"Looks like it...how the hell did we get ourselves in this mess anyway?" he sighed at me, the two of us circling the battlefield now.

The whole damn world pretty much faded around us...who gives a fuck that these jackholes want us to kill each other...we've got respect between us that can't be broken. We've kicked each other's asses before, and today we'll be doin' it again.

"Fuck knows, but whatever the case one of us needs to win this fuckin' thing...we both know what's at stake here." I called out to him, as he nodded his head at me in understanding. Looks like the fight was about to start...

Ya' know, it's kind-of funny. I hardly know the guy and I feel safe enough to believe in him should he go on and win this whole fuckin' thing. I can trust his sorry ass with the position he'll be given...if he beats me. Fact is I've got a feelin' way down in me that's sayin' whoever wins this fight's gonna win the whole damn thing one way or another...and my feeling are normally dead on.

Time'll only tell though...but if it's me who's gonna take this thing, I'll be ready for it all.

After all...it's about time the Clown gets his shot at the throne again.