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the final revelation
The sun rises over his head as he walks into cities and towns, going to fulfill the prophecy that was laid out ages before his birth. He never dreamed as a child of the things he was destined to do, though he did have a vague idea of a similar nature. The Wandering Samurai, Bei Tai meng; the savior to the world which was once drenched in shadows. No matter what is thrown in his face, forever does he walk forward and raise his sword against the demons of the world. Though his enemies are strong and numerous, and range anywhere from demons to fellow samurai... he still believes in the prophecies with unwavering faith.
The Wandering Samurai is all of my faith placed into a single man, who with that faith has bred his own determination to fight onward. Perhaps, then, this is where my downfall began... when I placed the two things that made me who I am into characters as an outlet for my own personal stress. The Wandering Samurai, filled with my faith... and Danger, filled with my determination.
The heroes I believed myself to be at one time are now playing out their lives on my sheets of paper, the screens of computers I sit down to type at, and the tips of my fingers as they await to tell their stories. Meanwhile, I myself stay here on this world, with this shell of a body, slowly crumbling back into the same fallen man that I was long ago. Hard to believe that I'm reverting back like that, after promising myself that I wouldn't let it happen like it did before. You'd... you'd think I'd learnt my lesson by now.
I guess I never really did though, did I? In the end, I just kept on making the same mistakes... just kept taking the fall because of my own actions, as the world which has learnt to love me sat by without a hint as to what was happening.
The Wandering Samurai hides things too, because he believes in keeping the people happy and allowing those who are close enough to help him through his problems. I, on the other hand, simply hide them from the entire world-- though she's noticed it, Suki doesn't know anything about these problems raging within my head and heart. All the time that I tried to be the best for her... to stop hiding things from her... I was hiding this war going on because I believed she didn't deserve to be given this pain I feel.
I'm marrying this woman and I failed to realize that it's part of being soulmates that we take each others burdens and help each other through them.
A hero doesn't forsake love because he believes that only he can shoulder the burden on his own; he keeps those he loves out of danger but allows them to help him surpass his own weaknesses in order to move forward in his life and grow stronger. Suki's done nothing but stand by my side through everything... and I've tried to push her astray because I believed she couldn't handle it.
The Wandering Samurai would never do that to Mai Xin... how the hell could I do it to her? Suki's been my strength, my family and friends my guidance, and God my support through this all... and I've pushed everything aside to try and stand on my own. I'm no child, I've stood all along... but even the greatest of men must accept help when they know they're down.
Every hero has a weakness, and when it's exploited... they seek help in those they trust the most, because in those people there lies the answers in overcoming what stands against them. All this time I've kept myself blinded of this... all this time, I've tried to do it on my own.
No, I'm not a hero... am I?
I wish I was-- I really do-- and I've tried so hard to be... there was a time in my life where I was a hero, and that time wasn't even all too long ago. Yet in just a few short months I lost sight of that, and inevitably took a turn down the wrong path. No, I'm not a hero any longer... I'm a sheep who's lost its way in the fields. The herd's headed home and I've been left with the wolves of this world and damn it all if I haven't just realized that no, I cannot stand this all on my own. No hero stands alone in this life... they have to have someone at their side or else they lose all parts of humanity left in them. When a hero stands alone he eventually allows himself to become a villain, because those he loves so dearly are no longer there to help stabalize him when he needs someone there for him the most.
I've pushed them away in hopes of making it on my own, and in doing so now realize the truth: I can't, I never could, and there was absolutely no reason to try it in the first place... it was simply uncalled for. When I had everything I could ever ask for I pushed myself to try and get stronger on my own, I completely relied on my own abilities, without realizing that I wouldn't have those had it not been for the people who brought me here today.
The Wandering Samurai never would have done this, Danger would have laughed at the thought of it, but Dominic Pericolo has gone down this path... and now all he can do is turn and run back home. But how far gone am I, at this point? Will it be too late? Now that I've realized my mistake... can I really make it up in a matter of days, or is it all too fargone now for that hope to exist?
I guess the question finally answered itself then, Kindred... without you ever getting a word in to tell me what I've tried to decipher all along. The answer is no, I'm not a hero...