I have to be the hero. Any time I've ever competed in the NLCW, I've always woven some grand tale of the forces of good and evil, a Shakespearian fairytale representing the struggles I knew I was about to endure. As a wrestler, I prided myself on my skill in the ring... but as a writer, the pride was directed at my abilities with the pen. Mixing the two together, in the end, may have been one of the many things that triggered my need to be as the heroes in my stories themselves were.
Nevermind the fact that, as a child, I began dreaming of one day being the kind-of fighter that everyone loved and respected... the kind-of wrestlers that I'd once watched in an old gymnasium my father took me to one day when I was young. A dream birthed from countless weeks spent huddled in front of a television set, watching the Gladiator-like warriors doing battle in the center of a four-sided ring, weaving their own tales and inspiring others just like myself to dream the same.
At one time, I was being called a man with a boyhood dream... and with good reason, I made it apparent everytime that I'd go out for a match that it was all thanks to my childhood roots in the business. I'd joined the amateur wrestling team in High School, hoped to get some of the needed basics to make the jump one day into the real thing.
It was... well, needless to say, it was hilarious in hindsight-- I'd not realized, at the time, the enormous difference between professional wrestling and amateur wrestling. When the realization hit me, it didn't take me very long to switch from the team over to an actual professional wrestling school. I had my rivals in the academy... the teachers themselves were friendly enough, but it was my fellow students that honestly made the experience for me.
I had other dreams back then, you know. Being a hero wasn't always this huge thing for me, it... I wanted to have a family, to be successful for them and to be respected for the work I did with what I had. A lot of my motivation today comes from my desire to help people-- my donations and contributions to charities, my constant autograph signings and meet-and-greets with fans, the never-ending promotional campaign I went on for the NLCW... I did things for free and without asking in return because I cared, and because I wanted people to know that there was someone out there who cared for them.
I wanted to show a different side to the industry, one quite unlike the slathering, vulgar, brutish visage that is brought to mind when one thinks of a wrestler. I knew that I was talented, that I could back myself up in the ring and play role-model for children nationwide, encourage them to better themselves and aim for the best in life. I wanted to prove that the rags-to-riches fairytale wasn't a fairytale at all... and that you didn't have to do terrible things in order to make it to the top of the mountain.
Even the hero can have his happy ending... it doesn't always have to end with death and despair, failure and regret, or a M. Night Shyamalan-like twist. It can just... end in the best way possible.
And yes, Rick, I... I lost that happy ending when Champion said there was nothing to be done. I lost that happy ending when my best friend, the godfather of my child... when he told me he was dying, that no-one could stop it, and it was all a matter of time. Or, at least, I lost a good chunk of that happy ending... and it hurts me tremendously. It's going to continue to hurt me for a very long time, Rick... because Chris was a brother to me, and there was nothing I could do to help him in the end.
It was about maintaining some form of control over those dreams of mine that put me over the edge, Rick. It was the constant prayer, the never-ending hope an the unstoppable desire to, for once, see a real-world story have a happy ending... I set myself up for disappointment in the end.
When it comes down to it, Rick... you're the villain in this situation, and you're perfectly happy with that fact. The hero doesn't always win in the end... there have been those out there who have proven it time and time again, and if anything... this particular hero has already been far too broken down to put up much of a fight against arguably one of the most goal-oriented people in the NLCW.
I may have a hero complex, Rick, but I'm not as misguided as that would entail... you're going to hurt me, and you're going to hurt me badly. After-all, with my dreams falling apart around me... with my whole world crumbling down...
... what could possibly make me honestly believe that the hero could really pull out of this one unharmed?