Commentator
- The scene is set on the set of Jonathan Ross Show. Jonathan Ross of
course for all you non-British people, is a Film Critic in the UK, also
famous for the "Friday Night With Jonathan Ross" show. The house crowd
are in and raring to go. The Prouducer signals that they are ready to
go. The introduction Screen plays on the TVs around the UK, and of
course the people re-watching this via Youtube. Jonathan Ross is now
standing in his usual place introducing the show. But of course this is
a wrestling show... we aren't going to bore you with all with all the
silly jokes. So here is the actual Bourne interview.
Jonathan Ross - So do you want me to bring out our final guest?
The Crowd cheers
Jonathan
Ross - Our Final guest is a Pwofessional Wrestler known as Bourne, he
was once famous in the local federation called CWR, more recently he
appears in what is an up and coming federation called the WWCF. Ladies
and Gentlemen pwease welcome, BOURNE!!
The
Crowd cheer as Jonathan Ross's house band called "Four Puffs and
a Piano" plays a song as Bourne walks out onto the set. The people
cheer as Bourne smiles and waves at the crowd. Jonathan comes and
greets him. After small convosation not really picked up by
microphones, Bourne and Jonathan Ross are sat in their designated
chairs.
Jonathan - Bourne first for all I would like to welcome you to the show
Bourne - Thanks very much
Jonathan
- Now the first question that spwings to mind, has anyone ever told you
you have a likeness to hollywood movie star, Matt Damon
The crowd laughs in the background. Bourne is smiling
Bourne
- I hear it all the time, even the wrestlers backstage poke fun at me
for it. I would walk past them and they would be like "ohhh its Will
Hunting! How do you like those apples!" It is quite annoying at times,
but yeah I can take it
Jonathan
- I suppose that if any of them make fun of you, you do what any
logical person in the ring would do and of course punch them in the
mouth.
The crowd laughs
Bourne
- Of course, which often leads to having a match in the ring with them,
live on television, and they get embarassed more so when I beat them in
the ring by making them tap out
Jonathan - See I have had wrestlers on the show before and not one mentioned tapping out. Can you explain this?
Bourne
- Tapping out is pretty much the worse way you lose a match. It is a
sign of you submitting as such. Now if you get pinned for a 3 count, it
just shows that for 3 seconds your body wasn't able to respond. Tapping
out, that is you telling everybody watching that you cannot continue,
you quit, you can't take no more. Which in my opinion is a worse way to
go out.
Jonathan - Have you ever submitted?
Bourne - Never.
Jonathan
- In a previous show we had an interview with a wrestler, known as The
Rock. He wrestled for a company now called the WWE. You ever talked to
The Rock?
Bourne
- Actually no... I mean in my opinion if he doesn't have the time
to talk to guys who wrestle in the sport that made him famous
enough to get to Hollywood, then I personally have no time for him.
Jonathan - So a Career in Hollywood you wouldn't persue?
Bourne
- I doubt I would make it in Hollywood, I mean people come upto me in
the street asking me when I'm making the next Bourne film. I mean I
would be screwed over if one day someone decided to release a "Best of
Bourne" DVD, People would be expecting Matt Damon kicking some
Government Organisation when in reality you would get Bourne kicking
ass from Pulse.
Jonathan - Now this show Pulse.... a Weekly show in the WWCF yes?
Bourne - Correct
Jonathan
- and on Monday you fly back and you face Brandon Michaels and Pezzer
in a Tag Team match, with your partner being someone called Yoshi Lee.
How prepared are you for this?
Bourne
- As Prepared as I can be you know. I mean recently I have been gaining
some critism for my lack of interest for the company, but when they
make me work with guys who are lazy, where is my motivation? It is like
this week I have decided to focus beyond others who have failed to even
make a crowd apperence this week as far, and ride alone. My Tag Partner
will no doubt not turn up. Pezzer and Brandon Michaels probably don't
even know what day the show is.
Jonathan - So you feel your chances are high then providing they do show up?
Bourne - Indeed I do.
Jonathan
- I hear on the grapevine, that you have a personal vendette against a
couple of wrestlers on the show. Chase Campbell and Callisto. How true
is this and why?
Bourne
- Chase Campbell just pisses me off, you know that he basically been
handed a few non title matches and because he won, hes a big deal now.
If the management would throw all new guys the same bone, then I would
be fighting in the Main Events.
Jonathan - So what about Callisto, I mean shes a girl she can't wrestle right?
Bourne
- Females can wrestle. Its just that during the week we release promos
of ourselves, basically you play mind games with your opponent. Now I
swear Jonathan this is true, that girl makes me wanna go to sleep and
never wake up. Seriously. She stutters like Gareth Gates from Pop Idol,
and that is pretty bad from what I hear. She makes sure a lot of
effects go into her mind games, but I shall be fair to the girl. It
works. You listen to her for an hour your gonna be too tired to fight
her in your match.
Jonathan - So What about you Bourne, what is your goal in the WWCF?
Bourne
- The Same as every wrestlers goal should be. To be at the top of the
ladder, to be remembered, to be a legend. I shall get there.... and you
can all watch me this week on Pulse to prove how.
Jonathan - Bourne you have been a fantastic guest on the show. Please give it up for Bourne!
The Crowd cheer, Bourne and Jonathan Shake hands and Bourne walks off the set.
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