Bourne's Menu

Bourne The scene is set outside in what looks to be a Garden. Bourne is sat on his outdoor chair, next to his outdoor table, along with the classic umbrella, blocking out the sun. Bourne is in his shorts and sunglasses and he stares at the camera. Smiles. And Begins to Speak. Bourne - This is where Triple H claims I am from... The Back Gardens. The place where most wrestlers see as the bottom of the pile. The Scrap Yard.... but what does that mean for a wrestler? It means that they are training on their own. Showing their videos on the internet. Using YouTube as a means to get themselves recognised. Because unlike Triple H, they weren't born with a Silver Spoon in their Mouth. Does that make them worse wrestlers? Hell No. It just means they work harder to reach their goal. Triple H bought his way into wrestling.... and as he may have fought to the top, he made sure via a certain Billion Dollars Daughter that he stayed at the top of the game. Bourne pours himelf a glass of Orange Juice, he takes a sip and then proceeds to talk Bourne - You see Triple H, there is nothing to be ashamed of being a rookie, a backyard wrestler. I mean CM Punk used to be one of these guys. The Hardyz, RVD, MICK FOLEY!  AJ STYLES! Hell you can even count the ICP. But the fact of the matter is guys like RVD, Mick Foley, The Hardyz, CM Punk have all been to the top of the business. Hell Mick Foley is a LEGEND of the WHOLE business. Possibly dare I say, higher than one Triple H. Bourne takes another drink of orange juice. Bourne - Backyard wrestling will bring people into this business. Some call it reckless, some call it stupid.... but this is a way in for Hundreds of wrestlers in the USA alone. Not everyone can afford wrestling schools, not everyone  can receive the top training that the rich folk got. Not everyone can be screwing the boss's daughter. The fact is Triple H, you should start respecting the fact that these people exist, and hell I am proud to admit.... I am one of those people. Some people call me an embarrasment because I am practically Unheard of. But I would have not be known than be known for the wrong reasons. Bourne takes a breather, he has another drink..... places the glass down and continues to speak Bourne - Now Triple H, One more day until Aftershock. I really hope you are prepared. At the Beginning of the week, I was excited just at the very thought of being in the same ring as you. But Now... I just want to prove to you that I am not a Rookie. And I am going to show you how to take a beating from a guy who learned from the BackYards of Wrestling Organisations. I am going to reach for the prize Triple H. I don't care what the guys backstage say. Every person has said "Bourne is going to lose" The Internet polls say "Bourne is going to lose" Infact one Site came up with the Crazy headline "Bourne Kidnapped by Aliens to No Show Match vs Triple H" But the fact of the matter is.... I am going have to be unable to walk to make it into the ring. Bourne smiles at the camera Bourne - But I know what you are thinking. Bourne why are you out in the sun when tomorrow you are wrestling in Alaska? Shouldn't you be there already?  The Answer is.... Yes I should be, but why worry about getting cramp in my sleep, when I can relax in a warm part of the USA. Hell Even Canada would be better than this. But I suppose I know what others are saying. People think I'm not all there as it is. Brandon Michaels once said that the beatings I have suffered have gone to my brain. Randy Readman said my head is in cloud cuckoo land.... Bourne takes another drink of his orange juice Bourne - But an insider tells me that Randy Readman has been crying about me backstage? I mean he said I didn't listen to him talk properly. I suppose the lanuage of bullshit is still a lanuage I need to work on? I mean I can tell you right now what has happened backstage. Randys turned the TV on, watched me verbally tear him to pieces, gone storming out into the corridors, bumped into one of the female wrestlers. Infact.... I can't explain this story properly. I shall show you the video of what happened after Randy Readman heard me talk about him. Now for those of you watching right now. I must say that unfortunetly this is not the Real Randy Readman, this is an actor who looks a DAMN lot like him. Kinda how I look a lot like Matt Damon. But Nethertheless.... here is what happened... The television screens at home change to another scene. A Randy Readman Lookalike is standing there backstage. He is nearly crying while leaning against the wall. All of a sudden Alexis Monroe is walking past and sees him crying. She wonders over to him to see whats wrong Alexis - Oh excuse me? Randy? Are you okay? Randy (Lookalike) - No I'm not ok! That Bourne! Degraded me! Made me look a fool! Randy bursts into tears Randy (Lookalike) - I swear! I hate him and Triple H! I swear I'm going to.... Alexis interupts Alexis - Alright shut up already. I have better things to do than listen to you whine and cry all because you can't handle the fact that you aren't anywhere near as good as Bourne. You need to get a life. I'm 22 years old and I could handle someone making me look like a fool better than you. No wonder the girls around here laugh at you when you're not around. Then again some of them do it when you are around. Everything Bourne has said is hilarious. Hes like a genius on the mic. In fact I was thinking of asking him to be my second interview. You're just being pathetic.See you later loser... Besides, I got a date to get ready for rather than listen to you cry. Randy goes back to crying against the wall. Suddenly in the background a violin starts playing. The Camera zooms in on... well who else... MICHAEL CAINE!!!! Michael Caine plays a nice violin solo before stopping. Here looks at the camera and takes a bow. The scene goes back to Bourne who is there clapping his hands. Bourne - Excellent performance there Michael Caine! So you see everyone, that is a true interpretation of what the insider told me was Randy Readmans reaction for when he saw my interview. Now Randy let me say this to you. I can be like the spokesperson to what everybody thinks about you right now. Stop interfering in everyones business... K Schmuck? Bourne finishes off the orange juice in the glass. Bourne - Aftershock is going to be fantastic.... Triple H, I hope you are ready. Bring your A Game, and a back to basics wrestling manual. I am going to teach you many many things this week. Don't disrespect the new guy, don't judge a book by its cover, unless of course Chyna is the one on the front cover.... don't judge me.... and most of all don't under estimate me. My Name is Bourne..... I shall make sure that unlike Jason Bourne.... I shall never make you forget it.... Voice - Bourne? Bourne looks around and then back at the camera. Bourne - Here is my date.... see you on Monday! The camera moves to Bournes date. Who Would have known! ITS ALEXIS MONROE!!! Bourne and Alexis leave the scene arm in arm as the scene fades out.