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A Room For Two


the EX-QUEEN of FW~!
Jan 1, 2000
Greensboro USA
(FADEIN: A private room. Joey Melton, Cameron Cruise, and Melton’s twin brother sit at a table. Beer, Natural Springs water, and an array of sweets on the table. Joey hugs the EPW World Heavyweight Championship tighter as he catches his brother eyeing the prize.)

JOEY: Don’t give me that look. You didn’t do that much in there.

CRUISE: Actually, he pretty much was the difference. A blind man can see you were gasping for air.

JOEY: Cruise…enough.

CRUISE: No, seriously. Most of us couldn’t breathe with the way you were sucking wind. I told you, at your age you need to train harder.

JOEY: I trained…okay.

CRUISE: You dropped a pants size by using the nutria-system diet. “Hey Marino, I lost a pants size too!”

JOEY: Dammit Cruise, the weights weren’t working. At my age it’s either fad diets or steroids usually reserved for horses. And when I dabbled in the 80s there was too much initial bloating for my tastes.

CRUISE: I never thought I’d see the day when you won a legit World Title again.

JOEY: I know it does seem strange. (Joey’s brother grabs the title and tries to yank it away. Melton pulls back and slaps the table.) NO! MINE!

CRUISE: Oh, that’s sweet.

JOEY: You don’t understand Cruise. He has the mind of a child. Something went wrong in the cloning process, he only got half my brain. We’re only able to communicate through a primitive form of sign language. (Melton’s brother signs) (Joey signs) It’s such a strain.

CRUISE: Are you serious?

MELTON: (beat) Yes, you dumb ape. I don’t clone well. That’s the issue. ****, could you be any dumber?

(Joey’s brother signs.)

MELTON: Yes, I called all of them. They were….old.


MELTON: The women in my little black book. I remember them being younger. Cammy, you’ve been gloomy ever since you came into the room. What gives?

CRUISE: You have a brother. Why didn’t you tell me? I mean, that’s the first issue. But, you always told me I was your brother. You know, I don’t have a lot of family in my life. It meant something to me.

MELTON: Hell, I’ve said a lot of things over the years. Most of them not true. What’s your point? That your feelings were hurt? Do you have any idea how much of a relief this is? To have the truth out there in the open? To be free?


(The door opens and an Intern, a young man in his early 20’s steps in and sits down.)

MELTON: Alex. My good man. What are the numbers?

ALEX: A quick survey of those in attendance, and sober enough to talk, find it 3:1 in disfavor of the move.

MELTON: Understandable. Troy was popular champion. And a great pin-up.

ALEX: No, I think they just hate your brother.

(Melton’s brother slams his fists on the table, and storms out of the room.)

ALEX: Granted, the poll itself is unscientific….

MELTON: Great. There he goes. Nice job. It took me twenty years of my life to find him the last time he walked out on me and there he goes again.

CRUISE: He’s probably not even half-way down the hall, Joey. I can call him back in if you want.

MELTON: No. He’s gone. Out of my life again. Dammit Alex, our relationship has always hung by a thread and now you go and spring this on him.

ALEX: I’m sorry?

MELTON: How did you think he’d react? “Welcome to EPW, they hate you.”

ALEX: Most people however did think you performed well in the ring.

MELTON: (beams) Excellent. It all felt really well in there. Very good news.

(Melton’s brother storms back in, pauses at the table, then with one sweeping motion with his right arm, knocks the contents of the table on the floor. He angrily signs to Joey and walks back out.)

ALEX: Wha?

MELTON: (yells) How much do you want me to give? I gave part of myself in the cloning process, but its not enough. IT’S NEVER ENOUGH!

CRUISE: Oh shut up.

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