All I Need Is Love

[Steve]

[updated:LAST EDITED ON Apr-30-02 AT 07:20 PM (EDT)]"Ten million dollars and Chad didn't bite. Ten million dollars for a world title shot but Merritt hasn't said a word. Is it possible losing an attempted murder charge has sent Chaddie on his way to developing morals?"

"I don't think so either. So Joey Melton continues to be amazed the call hasn't been placed. Look at the house numbers Merritt, the ratings, merchandising, the rats left this ship long ago, but still you won't make the call that can go quantuam leap and put right what once went wrong."

"This is the CSWA, it's not your league it's Joey Melton's. I'm the man who threw the world title in the trash in 1988 and spent my own money to create a new one, a belt with real gold and notches in the back to boot. The strap you thew at me, giddy as a gay beaver, was nothing more than one of your dad's leather belts, a grimy "I owe you." You owed me then and you owe me now, and once again I went into my own pockets to be given a fair shake and reclaim what was mine, but it seems you've gone deaf listening for the last rat to save it's own ***."

"I put the first butts in the seats, Chad, I'm the one who told this girl, she'd be a woman soon. I want respect, I know it's not your game to give any, but if you ignore me any longer I'll force the game to be played by my rules."

"I want the world title, instead I get Eddy Love. Glass half-full, Eddy Love is a former champion. Realistically he's about as much of a World champion as Louie Anderson is a quality human being."

"Survey says, Eddy love is lost with the rest of the "We like stories" flock. Skits, puppets, it's all fun and games until the truth about you and a pig named desire gets out isn't it Love?"

"PRIMETIME, kids, I'm the solution to the problem. Eddy Love, South Carolina's finest, bring Lady Dee with you, I've got a taste to make another girl a woman soon."

-Joey Melton

 

[eyoung]

(Eddy Love stands in front of a Playboys Inc. backdrop. Wearing a muscle T that reads “AARP’s most wanted”. He holds up and OK sign but with the pinky, ring and bird finger facing the camera.)

Three things in the world every man wants…… number one, to be Eddy Love….. Number two, to kiss ALLLLL the girls and make em cry…… and number three, to live to be as old as Joey Melton without your kids slamming you into the bingo village. Now I’ve tried to avoid calling Little Joey Melton senile…… I’ve overlooked the fact that he appears to have little memory of the time, not so long ago, when I ran him, Billy Starr and Ray Cornette’s whole famed corporation from my sport. I’ve, instead , kept reminding myself that the man looks in better shape than he did then, that his on air interviews sound more coherent, more entertaining, that Melton actually looks and acts the part of the *legendary* superstar he is supposed to be. To be honest when last I ran into him, he and his Corporation were going through the motions, and an easy mark for any motivated professional not to mention a proverbial piece of cake for the Southern Dandy himself.

Now Melton speaks coherent stinging words…. He puts together X-rated Sesame Street skits, that even made me chuckle…… he looks informed, sharp, in shape, not at all like the dullard that I whipped in my first CSWA title defense. Now if old was gasoline, I wouldn’t be smoking around Melton, but I was impressed that maybe he’d dried out and come back to the CSWA and maybe, just maybe, he could line up opposite Eddy Love and give the challenge to thrill the fans with great wrestling like when Eddy Love used to drop that damn Hornet on his head …… or when Eddy Love beat 63 men to become CSWA champ …… or when Love beat Kevin Powers up in his own home town before Powers was a complete wash out as a human being. Hurricane Eddy was excited, maybe just maybe I had an opponent who was focused on being in the hunt for prizes, not the recent diet of Prozac filled hacks who’s pleasures came from shaving heads, attacking their superiors from behind and trying to hide their own inadequacies and feelings of inferiority behind the cloak, personality, and intelligence level of a rabid wolf. Love vs. Melton…. Maybe it could mean something and just maybe it could be the first step to righting some of what’s wrong with today’s CSWA.

Then just when I give Melton credit the senility rises like cream to the top. This man who professes to be a student of my sport, a man who put asses in the seats before Eddy Love was smashing one Nielson record after another…… he makes the most ignorant statement that I’ve ever heard, and as much as I’ve listened to Mike Randalls that’s saying a lot. Joey Melton says he is settling for a match because he can’t get the showdown with Evan Aho he wants. Now Little Joe I’ll give you that someone with an ounce of personality carrying our World Title belt around would be refreshing……. I’ll also give you that ratings were better before they swapped that 20 pounds of gold around in the preliminary wrestler’s locker room like super models get swapped around Playboys Incorporated‘s. But hear me Joey Melton when I guaran-damn-T you that there will never, and I mean ever, be a day, no matter how much gold he carries around, that Evan Aho is higher on the professional totem pole that the Legend Killer, Hurricane Eddy Love. Now Joe I think you could beat Aho even in your advanced years, and I think there are a hundred men who would shine more glory on that belt than the last two men that held it, but Joey I’m still your measuring stick, and you’re still a whipping boy for the men’s fret and the women’s regret. So don’t go looking past the mountain to get to the valley.

Joe, you lay awake at night with visions of Aho dancing in your head but please remember……. I’ve seen every freak show with every 200 year old man at every fair around the world…….AND WHEN EDDY LOVE GOES TO THE FAIR, HE ALWAYS COMES HOME WITH THE TEDDY BEAR. (FTB)