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BLACK DAWN 2010: #1 CONTENDER - IC TITLE - Anarky vs. Fusenshoff

DBrunkGXW

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WINNER GETS INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE SHOT AT AGGRESSION 52.

POST ALL RP HERE.
 

JLevinson

Diva Tree
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Jan 1, 2000
Messages
707
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0
Age
43
(FADEIN to a small, featureless room. The walls are blank. A single light shines from overhead. Anarky sits at a card table. Three items are placed upon it: a ¾ full bottle of Jack Daniels; a full glass; a pack of cigarettes. He takes a sip from the glass and puts it down. The camera faces straight ahead. He smiles.)

ANARKY: “Demons. Everybody’s got ‘em. Most men don’t freely talk about ‘em. I guess that’s what makes us different, then, from normal men.

“You and I, Fusenshoff. Not so different in that regard. Me… I enjoy a drink now and again. Not like you. You have a disease. And you’ll have it forever.

“I feel you, brother. I, too, have a disease in my brain. A compulsion.

“See… I once believed that it was simple… that it was enough to hurt a man… to make him beg for mercy… for you to just relent for one moment… to breathe…

“But like any junkie, my friend… it was not meant to be. It is never enough. My appetite is only whetted. It is not enough to be declared victorious… to have my hand raised, to smile down at my vanquished foe…

“No. My burn became greater. I needed something else.”

(He stops and contemplates this a moment before he pulls out a cigarette and lights it with some matches from his pocket. He takes a deep drag and exhales.)

ANARKY: “So began many paths… and I walked them. I manipulated men. I formed alliances. I destroyed them. I watched careers rise and fall. I felt my influence run through this sport even as they chanted my created’s names…

“… and it was not enough.

“Still it was empty. It all rang hollow. Title belts. Glories held and lost. None of it mattered.

“But there was something left for me yet… because as much as I tried to walk away… as much as I knew my time had passed…

“It was not enough. So I came to understand, Fusenshoff. I saw what it was that I had missed all along. The very thing of beauty here before me.

“A man’s dream… is like a delicate flower… it must have all the right conditions to grow… hope, optimism. In order to flourish, it must be fed. It must be nurtured.

“The dream, of course, is a lie. A false promise of future happiness. Like all lies of our culture. If only you weren’t fat, ugly, poor, stupid, maybe you could be happy. Maybe if you buy this pill, this real estate deal, this penis enlargement pill, you can matter.

“You can’t. The dream is designed to die, to fail, to rot. That is life. Decay. The moment you are born you begin your descent.

“And in the moment when you come to know this truth… this shred of reality covered in the dirt and sh*t that stains our world… in that moment, there is this… recognition.”

(He leans forward now, his eyes staring into the camera, caught up in the moment.)

ANARKY: “Do you know what it is to gaze upon a man’s eyes as you’ve robbed him of everything? As he comes to realize the tragedy of his situation?

“He is not a hero. There is no destiny. And everything he had been promised… all the lies that had been heaped upon him… as they whispered in his ear… if you work hard, you can be anything…
“And as the man looks up at your blood-soaked face… and you smile… and he knows… that it is over.

“This… this is enough.

“This is who I am, Fusenshoff. You and I may have tagged together before. May have succeeded once. Perhaps, to you, it meant something. A stepping stone. A chance to move forward.

“So begins your dream. And your demons give chase. And me… I’m right here. Ready for my fix. For the moment. When I am alive.

“It is… pitiful, I know… but… it is who I am… and honestly…

“… it doesn’t matter… we’re not so different, you and I….

“Give in, Fusenshoff. Just one more drink. You’ll change tomorrow, I promise. Hope awaits…

“… for tonight, we indulge.”

(FADEOUT as he smiles and raises a glass to the camera.)
 

Fusenshoff

League Member
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Feb 6, 2007
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317
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39
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East Lansing, MI
Fade in to Fusenshoff. It’s Saturday in May and the Canucks are playing the Chicago Blackhawks on CBC. Anyone who’s been paying any attention at all knows the scene. One shot of blackjack; one bottle of Blue and Fusenshoff staring intently at the screen above him. His focus is only stalled by intermissions and empty glasses. It happens to be intermission and Fusenshoff has a camera on him.

Fusenshoff: “It’s a shame that once again I’m put in a predicament where my relationship to my opponent is pure parasitism.

“I understand that it’s the nature of the Westcott that all confrontations can’t end in mutualism like when I fought Karl Brown. That was a rare case where both of us had a similar approach to our professional endeavors- where the thrill of competition and personal fortitude were our highest triumphs.

“That why guy like us leave the ring satisfied, win or lose. It’s also why Anarky won’t get satisfaction at Black Dawn… no matter what.

“There are many ambitions in this sport that breed a great deal of disappointment to go along with met aspirations. Those who pursue glory and accolades, like titles, always lose them. They’re defeated or even leave by their own admission. Then the next guy consumes the mantle and the inevitable loss of that position too.

“Also, those who seek such accolades rely on making that goal a reality. Some just aren’t talented enough. Some have the talent, but don’t have the drive or grit to climb the mountain.

“And there are guys like Anarky. They have the talent; they pay the price. In the end though, they reach the pinnacle and look down upon the emptiness of a glory so wrought with the plague prevalent in the approval of other people.

“They see how hollow that path can be. The fruits of their labor are rotten to the core, much like the casual observers who wield the power of judging the worth of another on a whim.

“You saw that darkness Anarky, and want to destroy it. A terrible hatred has grown in you that’s birthed your obsession with crushing the hopes and dreams of others. You seek to ravish such desires with every opponent you meet.

“You thrive on watching your adversary as their hopes flee like a whisper and their goals are tarnished by your sweat.

“But from that wish, you’re just as weak.

“Your obsession makes you feeble because you also seek the same thrills, but in a more violent and destructive form. You’re the advocate of that emptiness now; you’re its acolyte.

“Men need the wins and success to reach the heights of glory they’ve set for themselves. It is your purpose to prevent this for them at all costs. You don’t fight for you- you fight against them.

“Someday you’ll realize this pursuit is even more fruitless than when you sought glory and status.

“And the worst part: I represent the antithesis of everything you’ll attempt to accomplish at Black Dawn. “

Fusenshoff hears “He’s not afraid to show his feminine side… if he had one” and looks up for a moment at the Dos Equis commercial. Taking a sip of his beer after shooting the shot in front of him, Fuse turns his attention back toward the camera.

“Your goal is to crush me in defeat. You speak of the look in my eyes when the bell rings and I’m at the losing end of our head butting.

“But I have a hypothetical for you. A hypothetical situation because if I win, you needn’t worry. But if you win, it’s reality.

“Let’s ponder a situation where when we meet in the ring you’re at your very best. Every move is smooth. Every execution is flawless. I’m taking a beating that makes grown men cringe and children cry themselves to sleep. You lay every move you have on me and things couldn’t be more in your favor. You make the pin and the referee beats on the mat like the stomp of a marching band.

“You wipe the sweat off your brow and look down at your defeated foe, Anarky. As always, you grin and stare as you search for that look you speak of: hopes dashed; dreams extinguished.

“But you see something else. I’m not hollow; my eyes aren’t crushed.

“You see something entirely different.

“I’m smiling.

“Smiling because I fight to push every limit I have. I thrive on the competition of this sport and you were all the opposition I could handle. You defeated every bit of my constitution, resilience and strength.

“I gave everything I had to you and lost. And in that, accomplished everything I wrestle for.

“But you didn’t get to see a fallen opponent whose ego is shattered and dreams evaporated.

“…Maybe it’ll be just the revelation you need.”

The bartender breaks the monologue to pour Fusenshoff another shot. Fusenshoff watches and takes another sip of his beer. He waves it in the air to let the bartender know he’d like another one.

“OR, you might not be able to fight like I fight. You may not have a good reason to break the pin when all logic says ‘give in’. Either way one of us probably wins, but while I’m satisfied win or loss, you’ll never get to see me deflated from getting beat.

“And that’s why unless you find something truly worth fighting for, I’ll accomplish what I lace ‘em up for no matter what. But you won’t receive what it is you’re looking for… no matter what.”

Fusenshoff has a sad look on his face as he comes to this realization. Taking a swig of his beer, he seems to be in deep thought for a moment. Then the Canucks go up 3-0 at the start of the second period, and just like that, he’s forgotten about Anarky’s predicament.
 

JLevinson

Diva Tree
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(FADEIN to a small balcony near the very top of a 20-story apartment building. The building itself is unimpressive and utilitarian in its straightforward design. On the balcony sits Anarky, staring out over the streets of Hartford below. He’s smoking a cigarette.)

ANARKY: “Y’know, it’s funny… every man… every single last man… I’ve ever stepped into that ring with… they all told me. They all talked about competition and spirit. They talked about dreams worth fighting for.

“Every… single… man.

“You know what, Fuse? I’ve been in this sport a long time. Probably too f*cking long. I ain’t fast like I once was… though I was barely that even as a rookie.

“But I’ve heard men talk about SPIRIT… about COMPETITION… I’ve heard men tell me that they’d fight forever.

“Men come and go, Fuse. Men like you. You think you’re f*cking invincible. You think it doesn’t matter what happens in that ring… you’ll get up. You’ll keep fighting. To reach your limits. Whatever the f*ck that is.

“But not all men last. The men who, like you, once stood upon the precipice of their future, and decided that anything was possible.

“It is not, Fusenshoff. Your mommy and daddy lied to you when they said you could be anything. They lied when they told you to keep going… to never give up.

“You talk about the dream like you even understand it. Its implications.

“Who are YOU to talk to ME about motivation? Do you have… even an inkling… what the f*ck it takes… to sit here… year after year… league after league.. and still strap up those boots? And still be ready… no matter WHAT?

“I don’t have to kill the dream, Fuse… cause it’s already dead. I’ve seen it. I’ve lived it. I’ve been everything you wish you could and more. And I’m on the other side, and I’m telling you, son… there IS no other side.

“I’ve seen men… LEGENDS… come and go. I have known glory in front of millions at home. I have known suffering defeat in front of bingo halls full of drunk, angry veterans who wished nothing more than for me to bleed out.

“You talk about… how if I win… and you don’t give up… that this is some victory for you… that I will, once again, walk away defeated… unsatisfied… “

(He laughs and leans back, enjoying a last drag before he flicks the cigarette off the edge of the balcony. He stops smiling and leans over, the camera looking with him below, as men dressed in loose jeans and big hooded sweatshirts look for people to buy dimebags of weed. The camera turns back to Anarky, who is still staring below, now smiling.)

ANARKY: “Can you not see.. Fuse… from here… that we are all dying… together… and it matters not if a man’s spirit can be crushed in a day or a month or a year…

“It seems as if all the gladiators are dead and gone, Fuse… any man can talk about spirit… but so many have walked away… have turned their backs on it…

“… but I’m still here, Fusenshoff. I’m still here, on the dark side of the dream, and I’m still listening to men like you lecture me about the spirit of competition. About limits.

“There are no limits here, Fuse… if you want to win… if you want to be Intercontinental Champion… if you want even a chance at it…

“… it’s going to take more than spirit.

“Don’t you see, Fuse… as time crawls forward… as oceans crash… I’ve already won… because in the end… you, too, will come to see, as I have… and you will have to decide…

“… will you walk away… or will you embrace it… will you become it?

“You are right about one thing… I have become its acolyte. In a sense… it defines me… because without it, I am nothing…

“… but you see… even in this, I have won, because endless is the lie… endless is the tide of hope and dreams and magical rainbow lollipops and Disney-manufactured Happy Endings shoved down the throats of babes too young and ignorant to reject it…

“Like Sisyphus… you imagine me… unhappy… toiling away, endlessly laboring…

“You cannot understand, Fusenshoff. You cannot walk in my shoes. See what I have seen. You are you, and I am me.

“So you’ll never know… how I’ve already won… how I’ve already seen your spirit broken, like thousands others… you are just temporary… something to enjoy for right now… a taste of something…

“… you will do what you can, my friend, of that I have no doubt. And I welcome it. I want you to drink yourself into that sweet oblivion which makes you alive so that when you and I meet, you see nothing but me… you feel nothing but me… and we… we will be one…

“Because in the end, Fuse… you, too, are just a man.. and a man can be broken. Perhaps not in a night… but like they say, Fuse…

“Time… is on my side.”

(FADEOUT to his wide, teeth-showing smile.)
 

Fusenshoff

League Member
Joined
Feb 6, 2007
Messages
317
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0
Age
39
Location
East Lansing, MI
Fade in to Fusenshoff in front of an EPW banner. He’s wearing a black leather jacket over a white wife beater, black jeans and black boots. The flask at his side is half-empty, but the only way one could tell he’s inebriated is if one owned a scratch-n-sniff television.

Fusenshoff: “Maybe you thought you pulled the wool over everybody’s eyes Anarky. That was a hell of a try, after all. It’s not easy to condense everything your opponent says into two words.

“It’s even harder to work that angle and actually pull it off.

“You f*cked it up pretty badly actually, but good effort Sport.

“Your first mistake was when in your first promo, you took the viewer to a pinpoint moment that defines your validation for wrestling, ‘This is who I am, Fusenshoff’ you rattled off verbatim.

“You talked about looking into a man’s eyes and seeing his hopes of being a ‘hero’, or seeing his ‘destiny’, or to sum it up- ‘if you work hard… you can be anything’. And as you stand over your defeated opponent it’s that moment when you’ve ‘robbed him of everything’.

“And you lumped me in with the rest of those opponents.

“This coming from a guy who has already mentioned himself as a former World Champion in his last promo, just like he did a couple weeks ago against Copycat. You talk about how you’ve ‘seen men… LEGENDS… come and go’, but I’m the one who’s just like everyone else, dropping names and yapping about accolades; counting titles. All the things you supposedly intend to rid every wrestler of because each of your foes lose ‘everything he had been promised… all the lies that had been heaped upon him… as they whispered in his ear… if you work hard, you can be anything…’

“Keep it up Anarky. I ripped apart everything you said in your first promo because you hadn’t done your homework on me and you respond by emulating exactly what you hate most.

“You’re kidding yourself and don’t even see it.

“Then again you’re so f*cked up Courtney Love could be your shrink. Like I said before and you so conveniently pretended to ignore, you’re not fighting for your own satisfaction. There’s no growth or inner peace that comes from why you fight.

“You do it because you’re f*cked in the head. You want to stop others from witnessing the emptiness that comes from seeking the pinnacle of the sport and the glory it represents.

“You want to stop people from becoming like you. You don’t have to be Freud to see the problem with that.

“So go ahead and saying that EVERYONE says they fight for competition and spirit…

“if that’s the case, you just made a complete fool of yourself.

“Because if everyone fights for the same reasons I do and everyone prefers an uber-competitive match where their spirit is tested, then everyone would be fully satisfied with trying their best and losing to you.

“You wouldn’t get to see the light go out in their eyes Anarky.

“And I told you I don’t fight because of some dreams I can’t wait to accomplish. So in your very first line you said ‘every single man’ about five times, and then proceed to use spirit and competition as your summary of everything I said, but the real joke was when you say ‘They talked about dreams worth fighting for.’

“Or… they talk about exactly the opposite of what I talk about.

“So I guess I should thank you for proving my point. You’ll get the opposite reaction from me if you manage to win this thing. I’m not motivated by dreams. Just ask if you need me to clarify that statement further.

“Then again I should’ve realized you’re clueless when you uttered ‘You’ll keep fighting. To reach your limits. Whatever the f*ck that is.’

“You’ll figure it out at Black Dawn.”

Fade out, then a quick fade back in.

Fusenshoff: “Oh, and one last thing- put a damn sentence together. It’s only considered a dramatic pause if you use it to occasionally emphasize what you’re saying. The level you take it to makes it seem like you’re struggling with early symptoms of narcolepsy.”

Fade out once again, this time for good as Fusenshoff steps off the stool he’s been sitting on and walk off.
 

JLevinson

Diva Tree
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Jan 1, 2000
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(FADEIN to what appears to be a small, empty church on some afternoon. Stained-glass windows let colored light spill onto the empty pews. Anarky stands at the pulpit, dressed as a minister. He’s holding a Bible. His skull facepaint is on.)

ANARKY: “I have come here today, for you, Fusenshoff… for I have found salvation. I have found the way. I have seen the light.

“And it is because of you. You have shown it to me. It’s all about inner peace and growth. Which is why we beat the sh*t out of each other. To grow. On the inside.”

(He cackles and laughs and puts the Bible down, stepping forward, as if addressing the church’s nonexistent occupants.)

ANARKY: “My children… surely you see the error of my ways. Fusenshoff has shown us. For if I fight only to see the light extinguished from a young hopeful man’s eyes, and everyone is like Fusenshoff… then, ipso facto, I can never be happy!

“Wow. You got me, man. Totally. It’s like.. it’s like you see THROUGH ME. Like you have some… some Gift. A young phenom, that’s what YOU are. That’s right, Fusenshoff!

“Me… I’m just a lowly peasant… but you.. you actually spend your time quoting ME back TO ME to PROVE TO ME how wrong I am.

“Congratulations, Fusenshoff, you’re the new head of the EPW Debate Team. Hopefully, if enough fans vote for you at home, Simon won’t kick you off the Island.

“I mean, nobody’s EVER made fun of me for talkin’ real slow before. First time, I swear. Fourteen years, you just popped my cherry. How does it feel? Do you feel… strong?”

(He shakes his head and pulls out a cigarette. He lights it with a blank Zippo. He takes a few drags and smiles before he leans against a pew.)

ANARKY: “I hate to break it to ya, Fuse… but no matter how much of my tape you watch, no matter how many times you catch me saying sh*t I probably didn’t even say, it ain’t gonna PROVE anything.

“See, that’s your problem. That’s what you don’t get. You and me ain’t even playin’ the same game. You still think if you prove you’re right, if you prove you have some valid point over me, that it means something.

“It doesn’t mean sh*t. Don’t you get it. I ain’t flawless, mother*cker, and despite whatever sh*t you might say, I never claimed to be.

“See… it’s real easy to talk about inner peace when you ain’t been doin’ this so long. When you still got that lil’ shine in your eyes.

“I’m not sayin’ I ain’t ever been there, brother. Oh I’ve been there. Sh*t, you should’ve seen the sh*t that was comin’ outta my mouth back in the day… I thought I was God’s GIFT to wrestling. I was the mother*cking pinnacle. In my head.

“But see… in the end… it don’t even matter. Win or lose, everyone’s the same, everyone thinks the same sh*t.. when you lose, it’s cause someone cheated you, or cause you were off that night, it ain’t ever cause you ain’t good…

“But when you win, oh yeah, you’re a big man, it’s all about you, f*ck yeah. I played the game. The game played me.

“You think it matters what I do? You think after our last match, Copycat is gonna come out here and talk about how f*cking great and clever I am? Hell f*cking no. He’s gonna talk about old sh*t cause that’s what makes him feel like a big man, just like you’re gonna come out here and try and find some contradiction in my words and make you feel real clever cause you got tape of me saying something inconsistent… I mean… f*ck… I’m lucky ANY of this sh*t makes even the slightest bit of sense.

“I’m just tryin’ to help you see what I see, brother. But you can’t f*cking see.

“You’re too busy verbally jerking yourself off to prove how f*cking smart you are. Just… like… everyone… f*cking… else.

“Oh, and Fuse… if you don’t like the way I talk… too f*cking bad. You can go critique it at a poetry festival with your best buddy Copycat.

“You’re just like him. You’re soo f*cking concerned. You have nothing to say. Nothing to contribute. You might as well not even show up. You’re just here to say, ‘OH Anarky, you said X, but really, Y, so I’m gonna win equals Z!

“Sad f*cking truth for you, though… all those little mental gymnastics you’re doin’… well, they ain’t gonna mean sh*t…

“In the ring. That’s where I’ll be. That’s who I am.

“I thought I’d introduce myself, Fuse. Thought maybe we could be pals. Guess not. That’s okay, though.

“I like to play with my enemies, too.”

(FADEOUT)
 

Fusenshoff

League Member
Joined
Feb 6, 2007
Messages
317
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Age
39
Location
East Lansing, MI
Fade in to Fusenshoff in front of an EPW banner. His face is sort of clean-shaven and he seems to be pretty upbeat. Maybe it’s because the Canucks won yesterday or maybe he just feels good having the time to cut back-to-back promos on consecutive nights. Either way he seems more enthusiastic than usual.

Fusenshoff: “That was a pretty pretentious little piss parade you threw Anarky. I get the impression I might have hurt your feelings, or at least raised your temperature a degree or two.

“But I could’ve told you this wouldn’t be friendly. You could’ve figured it out for yourself if you’d paid attention to anything I’ve said in a promo over the last two years in EPW.

“Instead you started our promo period somber, preaching about your motivation for being a wrestler and then expected… what, exactly? Did you want me to watch your promo and then shoot my own while running off on a tangent entirely unrelated to anything you said?

“I guess the fifteen decades you’ve been in this sport hasn’t enlightened you to the fact that you talk, I listen and then talk too, and we have some type of conflict along the way. We’re not supposed to see eye-to-eye and we’re not supposed to stare off in two entirely different directions while waiting for the bell to ring in a week.

“What the hell do you want Anarky? Do you want to have arm wrestling contest before the match? How about we play darts or race remote control cars until our music cues up?

“I just don’t get it. You say it all comes down to wrestling when the time comes for us to meet face-to-face. Thanks for the hot tip, really. In the meantime let’s play patty cake. I know you don’t want to play me in beer pong.

“So what I did was look at what you said, saw how stupid it was—something you even indirectly admit to—and repeated it back, not just TO YOU, but to the people who pay Comcast way too much money to watch us entertain them.

“Making you look stupid entertains them. I didn’t sit you down on the couch and ask you about your relationship with your mother while I played psychiatrist. I didn’t dig deep enough in your history to find you used to torture puppies or anything else equally morbid, but probably not to far from the mark.

“I just watched you make an ass of yourself over and over again, and then brought it to everyone’s attention. Now I just watched you tongue in cheek while you threw a hissy fit.


“And I made fun of the way you drone on when you speak, you’re right, just like everyone else. It’s glaringly obvious and makes your promos little mini caricatures of your career… mediocre. Just because you stubbornly keep it up doesn’t mean you’re immune to criticism and its some kind of faux pas when people mention it.

“You want to talk about what’s actually meaningless? It’s your blatant ostentation as you keep bringing up your veteran status in the sport like it’s going to make our match a cakewalk for you. Guess what bud, you and I are fighting for the same shot at the same title at Black Dawn. The only difference is that it took you a hell of a lot longer to get to this point than it did me.

“But I’m not allowed to point out all the stupid sh*t you say because that’s what’s meaningless apparently. All that matters is that you’ve watched LEGENDS come and go and I’m just a youngster, which makes you better than me. And it’s the wrestling that matters.

“My path is short and yours is long as hell, but we’re meeting next week in the same place. This isn’t a union Anarky—seniority doesn’t necessarily rule. There’s Lebron James’ and Vince Carter’s, but not everybody can win MVP.

“I don’t get it and you’ve got it all figured out. What you say before the match doesn’t really matter because it’s all about the wrestling. If I listen to you I’ve got no shot because when it comes to the wrestling part you’re just better than I am, plain and simple.

“Keep it up Anarky. Talk about your whole reason for wrestling and then abandon those thoughts when I show everyone how you’ve crossed yourself up. Tell the world I’m just like every wrestler you’ve faced because you repeat the same flaw in all your promos and everyone gives you sh*t for it.

“You’ve been really hamming up that approach. Go ahead and look at me like I’m just like everyone else you’ve fought. That’s a great mentality going into a match. I’ll just be a wrestling practice dummy when we meet according to you. You won’t see anything new from me so just go through the routine and pencil in the W before this thing even begins.

“I’m going to come out and treat you like the formerly dominating Champion you claim to be. I’ll prepare for the hype machine you’re rollin’ in on… just like everyone else… (whispers) OOooohhhh two can play that game.

“At Black Dawn I’ll come out fully focused on a war while you prattle on that the words don’t matter and it’s the wrestling that’s the bottom line.

“But you may find that I’ve taught myself to wrestle too. And I’m almost as good at that as I am at burying you in my promos.”

Fade out as Fusenshoff hops up off his stool in front of the EPW banner. He can’t help but grin a little as he takes a swig of a flask in his pocket while walking away.
 

JLevinson

Diva Tree
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
707
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0
Age
43
(FADEIN to a news studio of some kind. A chalkboard sits in the background with inane scribbling all over it. Anarky is dressed in a faux anchor outfit with a full suit on, sitting behind the fake News Channel 4 desk. He holds a stack of papers. His skull facepaint is even more out of whack than usual.)

ANARKY: “Tonight, ladies and gentlemen… is there something in YOUR kitchen which could eat your BABY? Tune in later to find out.

“But first, in our Truth Seeker segment tonight, we highlight a man who, despite great odds, continues to persevere in the face of undaunting reality… making his own as he goes along.

“I speak, of course, of Mr. Fusenshoff. As you know, over the past decade, FOX News has had a stranglehold on bizarre narratives and conspiracies without any sort of evidence or facts or logic. But today, that ten-year streak has come to an end, because Fusenshoff has raised the bar for us all.

“Not content to merely nitpick his deranged opponent, Mr. Fusenshoff resorted to desperate tactics, not only slandering his adversary, but creating an entirely new reality in which his opponent not only refers to himself as a dominant World Champion, but also claims that his veteran status and superior in-ring skills make victory all but assured.

“Now, even a small child with mild Down Syndrome or Cameron Cruise could probably watch the promos shown and realize how utterly dishonest and ridiculous such accusations are, but Fusenshoff, like many great TV personalities, will not be bothered with pesky reality or silly facts.

“Now, for the reaction to Fusenshoff’s promo, let’s get the opinion of a completely irrelevant bystander with absolutely no qualifications.”

(CUTTO: A 14-year old Hispanic boy standing outside a park.)

BOY: “Did he just claim to entertain the audience by pointing out flaws in someone’s argument? What is this, the Internet?”

(CUTTO: Back to the studio with Anarky.)

ANARKY: “Indeed. What is this... the Internet?

“Not to be swayed by simple facts and figures, or even my own words, Fusenshoff has systematically DESTROYED ME in his promos, according to his very own truthy words, which, as we all know, are fairly infallible. Citation not necessary.

“Not only has this man… this, no, not a man, this HERO… not only has he stood up in the face of all semblance of reality, but he has even managed to entertain everyone at home with his witty banter, successful barbs, and hilarious observations!

“Now, we cut to a completely unsourced and unverified infographic showing his unbelievable promo skills for the fans at home.”

(CUTTO: The infographic.)

91X82.png


(CUTTO: Back to the studio with Anarky.)

ANARKY: “Indeed. In fact, the polls I have just made up at this very moment all seem to indicate that Fusenshoff is totally ‘pwning’ me and will soon be paraded through the streets as not just a hero and a slayer of men, but as a defender of truth, justice, and brilliant critiques of other people’s wrestling promos.

“How can one man possibly absorb so much truth and still find time to cut such wildly entertaining promos, sometimes sitting, sometimes standing, sometimes pointing out several grammatical errors IN THE SAME SENTENCE?!?

“The world may never know. This is Anarky for the Anarky News Network, thank you.”

(He smiles and puts down the papers and stands up, revealing that he’s not wearing any pants and seems to have on some Guns n’ Roses boxer shorts on. He walks around the front of the desk and lights a cigarette before he begins again.)

ANARKY: “Truth is, Fuse.. ain’t much point arguing with you. You wanna believe what you wanna believe.

“I try to help you understand context… how the motivations of a man who has been in this as long as I am can change and evolve over time, and all you hear is me telling you how great I am. I tell you that I have seen glory, and you think I’m calling myself a dominant champion. I tell you that you aren’t actually LISTENING to me, and you think you got under my skin and made me angry?

“Sh*t, Fuse.. the mailman makes me angry. The sun makes me angry. People driving in the left-hand lane less than 80 miles an hour make me angry. I wake up angry. I make my eggs angry. You wanna take credit for makin’ the sun shine, too?

“I mean, f*ck… what’s the point? Why even bother? I really don’t even need to be here. You might as well be fighting someone else, because we’re going to have to listen to the same generic sh*t spilling out of your mouth about how great I think I am and how I am gonna just turn you into a practice dummy.

“I have to admit, Fuse… I’m a little disappointed. I was under the impression that you were supposed to be some kind of phenom. I asked around, y’know, and people said you were pretty good. Said you had a good head on your shoulders. Great potential.

“But instead, I have to come out here, and listen to you argue. I have to listen to yet another so-called superstar jerk himself off on TV and pretend to make a soufflé. And you call this entertainment.

“Entertainment? Really? You think people wanna hear you argue about how I talk?

“Tell you what, Fuse. You keep on keepin’ on. You tell the world how mediocre my career is. How I’m looking past you. How I think I’m some dominant Champion and Veteran who is gonna wipe the ring with you. You keep telling everyone how I think and how I am.

"You keep explaining to me how this business works. How seniority doesn’t buy you sh*t. How I’m such a hype machine.

“I’ve spent my whole career listening to people tell me what kind of person I am. You ain’t the first. You won’t be the last. Just the nature of the game.

“Maybe if you keep repeatin’ that sh*t, maybe you can convince everyone at home that you really ARE entertaining and not some boring halfwit who spends his entire promo time going through my videos line-by-line to prove what a great debater he is.

“Or maybe you’re right and I’m just a mediocre fraud who makes the same mistakes every time and is gonna get his ass handed to him.

“Such is the beauty of our sport, my friend… in the end, the truth shall set us free.

“We'll find it together, won't we, brother.”

(FADEOUT as he winks to the camera.)
 

Fusenshoff

League Member
Joined
Feb 6, 2007
Messages
317
Points
0
Age
39
Location
East Lansing, MI
Fade in to Fusenshoff sitting, not standing, but sitting on a stool in front of an EPW backdrop. One should get the impression that he’ll probably be mostly talking in this promo. He heard somewhere that in promo periods you talk about the match coming up, then you actually fight the night of the match. Lord knows where he heard that from.

Fusenshoff: “I’ll give you credit Anarky, you waited until the 11th hour to resort to full-on no-sell tactics. Some guys make a living off of it. They lose more matches than they win, but one can scrounge out a living in this business if they’re willing to blow out every limb on their body and make a few bucks after proving time and again they can’t form a decent retort under a barrage of berating.

“I’ll make it real simple Anarky. You talked in your first promo about crushing the dreams of those who seek glory. Citation was necessary, so I quoted that fact from your previous promo. I replied informing you that a loss doesn’t crush me, it fuels me and fully satisfies me. Because if it’s a clean win and you out-survive me in that ring, that is my ultimate fulfillment short of me fighting until my last breath under the bright lights.

“In fact I’ve been saying it since fighting our current IC Champion in my first match in EPW. Ignoring it and moving on might have worked. You could’ve simply taken your licks and said something else. Instead you proceed to pretend like none of what I say makes any sense, even after I quoted you.

“What did you do in that last promo? All you did was mention every single thing I’ve used against you at this point and said it doesn’t make sense, or it doesn’t matter, and then talk about how you expected so much more from a guy with a reputation like mine.

Prove some of it man!!! Say something of substance that might back up all this garbage you’re spewing saying I don’t do this, and I can’t do that—all the while just throwing out your opinion on everything we’ve talked about, but not actually helping yourself by making a valid point why.

“It doesn’t take a communications major to deduce the fact that your little spoof news broadcast was meant to be sarcastic. While the graph was cute and probably took you at least five minutes, I don’t get how it’s okay to say your opponent is slandering you without proving it somehow.

“Like for instance, you say I’m slandering you, then you turn around and no-sell the fact that I quoted you, quoted you Anarky, in my promos? Are you the only one in EPW that gets it both ways? That wasn’t mentioned in my contract.

“Sorry buddy…. Wait, we’re enemies now right? Sorry enemy, but just because you think that everything I’ve said and done so far is a load of crap doesn’t mean everyone else automatically feels the same way. You don’t get to change the minds of the masses with a single broken sentence or two. Wrestling doesn’t work that way. Life doesn’t work that way. People like to at least hear reasons why you feel the way you do.

“I’ve argued against what you’ve said and I’ve debated what you’ve said all throughout this promo period. You’ve done nothing but belittle this fact over the course of several days. Here’s the situation. Before this match I talk a lot and so do you. That’s what happens for the week before we meet in the ring. We’re fighting each other, but can’t use fists yet. We’re not supposed to see eye-to-eye.

“Guess what? Damn near every promo period people argue. They don’t pick a topic and do impromptu skits. We’re not singing a duet here Anarky. How do you complain that I’m ‘debating’ with you and pretend that’s some kind of burn?

“We’ve already come to the conclusion that neither one of us makes sense to the other guy. I confound you, and it doesn’t make sense to me why you think making blanket statements without giving any specifics proves anything. I’m at least glad that after you talked about how our wrestling should do the talking, you didn’t stop completely. I get the feeling you want these promo periods to be either removed completely from the wrestling scene, or replaced with a week’s worth of interpretive dance.

And you are relentless in bringing up the funny jab I made at the way you pause four times in every one of the few full sentences spoken in our promos. Get sensitive much, Anarky? If you’re sick of people bringing it up, just stop doing it. I ripped on you one time about it and you’ve made it one of your number one sticking points. I teased you and I’m going to continue to tease you. If you can’t handle it, I’ll get you a University of Phoenix online brochure. I recommend English 101 for starters.

Thanks for calling me a hero tongue-in-cheek, by the way, in all seriousness. I think it’s frankly funny that I’m a drunk who drinks on-camera, curses, makes fun of people then beats them up and still come off looking like I think I’m some kind of hero.

“Anyway, I’m ready to wrap up all this talk. It’s been real, Anarky. I recommend putting forth some kind of attempt in your next promo to point out why everyone should feel the way you do. Wearing a pound of makeup only hides your face, not your bullsh*t.”

Fade out as Fusenshoff boringly leaves after only talking throughout his entire promo. No guest appearances or exhibits, just a man stating his case and as his opponent complains about him making a case in the first place.
 

JLevinson

Diva Tree
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
707
Points
0
Age
43
(FADEIN to an Empire Pro Wrestling backdrop. Standing in front of it is Anarky, wearing a Pantera t-shirt and jeans.)

ANARKY: “You got me, man. I admit it. You flat-out got me. Let’s concede the point you won. I do, in fact, walk around wearing my WFW World Heavyweight Title that I took from Copycat, and my IWC World Heavyweight Title that I took from Shane Southern, and my CSWA EN World Heavyweight Title that I took from Mark Windham.

“All I ever do is talk about how f*cking awesome I am and who I beat. So let me ask you a question, Fusenshoff?

“Do you REALLY think it’ll matter when you’re choking on your own blood, passing in and out of consciousness? Will you be thinking, ‘Man, I really showed him in my last promo, and even though I may never walk again, that’s gotta be worth something.’

“Well maybe you and your physical therapist can laugh about it as she tries to get you to take a couple of steps without her support… and you are gonna tell her how you totally outwitted me the week before Black Dawn right before I broke you for annoying me.

“I mean… I don’t really get it. Are you trying to be clever? Is that what you’re doing?

“Cause I just got through listening to a man acknowledge that my reference to him as a hero was tongue-in-cheek, and then EXPLAINED HOW IT WAS AN INACCURATE TERM ANYWAY.

“Do you even know what tongue-in-cheek MEANS? I mean… for f*ck’s sake, man, I deserve a f*cking medal for dealing with this sh*t.

“So let me all explain this to you real slow-like so you can understand. I’m done debating. I’m done comparing d*cks. If I wanted to argue with children about what’s appropriate, I’d become a priest. I’m not. I’m a motherf*cking wrestler.

“You think I owe it to you to debate how great I am? Why? Who the f*ck are you? And why the f*ck should I care? Have you explained that one to me yet?

“Here’s the thing. I’ve learned a thing or two. Shocking, I know. See, guys like you are a dime a dozen. You come out here and you tell me that you don’t really care if you win or lose, because if you pushed yourself to the limits and lost, then that’s fine.

“But see, guys who actually don’t give a sh*t about winning and losing generally don’t spend the entire time before a match trying to prove how right they are. Do you see how that doesn’t make sense? How being right is kinda like winning? How, y’know, despite all that… you really just wanna whip it out and compare?

“So guess what. I’m not gonna do it. I don’t give a f*ck. It’s my time and I can do whatever the f*ck I want with it. If I want to spend 20 minutes beating the sh*t out of diseased clowns, then you’re gonna sit there and watch that sh*t and it’ll STILL be better entertainment than the drivel that comes out of your mouth.

“I mean, let’s face it.. I’m the kinda guy that started wearing makeup in 1996 and never stopped cause it still looks pretty when it’s running with sweat and blood. You’re the kinda guy who wants to debate that kinda guy.

“And they say I’M crazy.”

(FADEOUT.)
 

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