Bracket 3 Round 2

[User Poets]

Thoughts? Surprises? Hatemail for us to make fun of?

 

[TH]

I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO THE CHARLATANS WERE WHO VOTED FOR THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN OVER... err, wait, that's my character, isn't it? Nevermind.

 

[Seymour Almasy]

I was actually more or less on board with all of the results here, go figure. xD

 

[Deacon]

Here was my notes to Chad. Take it for what it's worth and I hope it's helpful.

Oh, and Pete... you suck (hey, you asked for it)

wf

Round 2 - Bracket 3
• Cancer Jiles vs. Sean Edmunds
o Jiles1 – The opening description had me a bit lost. Golden Ticket? What Golden Ticket? Most of the asides are driving me nuts, breaking the flow, but you got me on “Cool” having a Napoleon Complex. THAT was funny! Overall, It wasn’t bad, but I kept getting distracted by the lengthy asides. I want to like them, but the choppiness of the dialogue gets in the way.
o Edmunds1 – Solid opening that made the characters pretty real – I can see lots of people doing what Karla did and loved the ongoing F’d up eggs joke. Don’t forget to use dialogue tags if you’re changing the speaker. One part didn’t have one and I thought it was Sean talking, then had an errant “she” tossed out that threw me for a loop and forced several re-reads. If you read this to yourself before posting (out loud if possible), it’ll fix most of those issues. Oh, and I don’t get why Karla is holding the banner. Is she really that unimportant to Sean? Seems like she had a mind of her own and would kick him in the balls for making her a piece of tape (which is better than boring arm-candy) except after she looked into his eyes, it all went away? I DON’T THINK SO! My wife would sensationally kick my garbanzos… ok, not really, but you get the idea. It’s making Karla look like a patsy and Edmunds a jerk, not to his opponents, but to his “lady”. And that’s boring.
o Edmunds2 – OH. MY. GOODNESS. You win. That is all. I could probably gripe a bit about some of the exaggerated actions of Sean, but that’s only nitpicking. I don’t like Karla’s character as she’s developing, so that costs a point, but after finding that video, I don’t think it would matter.
 Winner: 6-4 Edmunds because I could see a wrestler pulling that video out and using it during Raw or Impact, and it would go over just as well.

• Eric Dane vs. Matt Caje
o Dane 1 – Didn’t like the “bug eyes” response and rolling eyes. Given they were supposed to be off-camera, it was WAY over the top. Being picky, what would “he dealt with everyone on the other end of the camera with the practiced ease of a 20 yr. veteran” entail? Some excellent trash-talk (as expected) from one of the best. The top line? “You see, history dictates that I am the very vision of your hatred brought to flesh. I’ve lied and cheated my way through my time in this business, I’ve just recently stolen Castor Strife’s production company out from under him as a means to an end. I am that backstage politicking cancer of the locker room that idiots on the internet squabble about for months on end. I am the very living breathing embodiment of the brass ring in this business, Matt, and I defy you to cure me in the middle of the ring. Cure me of my wicked ways!” However, I didn’t like the closing line.
o Caje 1 – Excellent opening description, though the “THERE YOU ARE” line was followed by some poor description that slowed down the flow. OK, I see absolutely NO point in this reporter other than getting a microphone and cameraman to Caje. THAT is what I hate about use of reporters. Their questions are stupid and don’t add anything to the scene except maybe that the wrestler is a “bad guy”, something that can be done just as easily in a multitude of ways, and done more creatively. Decent trash talk that was actually hurt by the over the top description of his actions – “::Caje's eyes roll back in ecstasy, his mind enjoying the thought almost more than his cigar.” That was…too much. But the closing line of dialogue – perfect! “Oh, and thank you for your spelling lesson. I'll have to take your word on the 'g' thing – after all, you spelled 'loser' 'D-A-N-E', and that sounds about right to me.”
o Dane 2 – Given the timeframe, it seems Justin was taking the tact of putting up a 2nd RP “just in case” and was interrupted midway through writing his to see Caje’s late response. It was a decent idea, but I really didn’t like the replay of Defiance characters. I didn’t care, but in that spot, it wasn’t a bad tactic to take. The Zero line though, wonderful use of the “real” into “on screen”. One description was “3 minutes passed”… that didn’t make a lot of sense, but otherwise, classic Eric Dane.
 Score: Dane 6-4. He gave more, went first, played the clock well, and did what he does in ways that make him the “Only Star”. (as irritating as that might be!) When I look at the overall, Dane gave more and only had a few mistakes, mostly in his exposition. Caje’s was solid, though some of his description went over the top. He could’ve hanged, but when I weigh one against the other, the scales tip to Dane’s side.


• Boogie Smallz vs. Jessie Ramey
o Smallz1 – Solid opening. Not stellar, but not bad. He took it to Ramey right out of the gate, used an original opening to the segment, though the break and then doing another promo seemed a bit odd – I would’ve preferred seeing him roll w/ what’s handed him from the cameraman.
o Smallz2 – Liked the humor in this one. COME ON, JESSE!!!
 Winner: Smallz 10-0 cause Ramey disappeared.

• Mikey Massacre vs. Alias
o Mikey1 – I really liked how Mikey didn’t remember how he won and was washing his non-existent hair, but didn’t like the description of “Rob Blushes.” It was unnecessary and you did a nice enough job w/ the dialogue to put that across w/o telling us. Now, to everyone who read my comments about reporters doing an interview and how badly I hate it – READ THIS FIRST RP! With it, I didn’t need the reporter’s name OR his history… in reading his questions, he just seemed real. They played off one another and both came alive, the reporter adding to Mikey’s schtick. THAT is what you do, even if you don’t have a name.
 Winner: Mikey Massacre 10-0. Another no show?!!!

• Troy Franklin vs. Kendall Codine
o Codine1 – Love the opening, much like I did for Smallz. Nice use of the tournament to move things along. And after reading - there you go, Kendall! You did what you do, but you turned it up about 20 notches so it was blaring in my ears. You took his history and threw it in his face, not like a business lawyer but like JOHNNY $&*#(&@ COCHRAN! OK, that last bit was a bit much, but if the glove fits, you must acquit… or something.
o Baller1 – Didn’t like it. Didn’t like RGIII being added. Didn’t like the dialogue reading like 3 robots going off cue-cards. It was repetitive and dull w/ little to get excited about. I’m hoping for a stronger closing RP to make this more of a match.
o Codine2 – The 2nd one wasn’t as strong, the opening on the phone a bit slower, but it maintains Blade’s storyline so as long as Franklin doesn’t do something amazing in his 2nd one, Codine should be safe. Which is a challenge in and of itself – playing it safe in this tourney has frequently not been… safe.
o Baller2 – It was definitely better than the initial RP, but it seemed disjointed. You setup an interview for ESPN (or something, I guess), but then we never see that interview. I did like the section where you first setup that interview and had some hope you’d pull of a reporter, but w/o seeing it, got disappointed.
 Winner: 7-3 Kendall Codine – Great first RP that outclassed Baller’s initial offering and even w/ a drop in the 2nd one and improvement from Baller, it wasn’t enough.

• Phantom Republican vs. Shane Rothenstein
o Phantom1 – That… was well done. I’m not sure it was promo, and seemed odd given that we’re already in the tournament, but it was well-done. My only gripe is that I’d like to see it have a break where we’re in the “here and now” so I can see what’s up w/ the match.
o Shane1 – Solid RP. Not as well-written as Phantom’s, but stayed on point and pushed his goals, even if they’re not original (but let’s face it – that’s EVERYONE’S goal!) Acceptable RP w/ no major weaknesses.
o Phantom2 – Home run! This Phantom Republic is going to be DANGEROUS in this tournament.
 Winner: Phantom Republican 7-3. Remarkable use of your opponent’s work in a way that fits your character!

I MISSED SOME - EVIDENTLY, I SENT TWO DIFFERENT SETS TO CHAD. SAD PART? I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER... AND I'VE NEVER DONE DRUGS!!!

• Max Blackshire vs. Kiyomori (Winner: Kiyomori 6-4)
o Kiyomori1 – I went into this not expecting to like it, but I was pleasantly surprised. The blog-style opening was different. The dialogue defined Kiyomori while denigrating the opponent and trying to put him into your chosen box. Excellent opening RP.
o Max1 – Wow… Excellent response on every level. This is shaping up to be a tough battle!
o Kiyomori2 – Another nice response. Please do a read-thru of your work. I’m going your way, but as you move forward, it’ll be imperative that you give your absolute best. I’m liking the character. I’m enjoying the style. If you bump into someone else close, this may be the only reason I can lean the other way.
 Winner: Kiyomori (6-4). He put more into it and that was my deciding factor. Max’s RP was solid and another RP might’ve put me his way, but all things being equal – Kiyomori went first and did more. That was enough to put him over.

----------------------------------------------------------
• Jacob McKail vs. Eli Flair (Flair wins in a squeaker 5-5)
o Eli1 – I liked the opening. Simple, quick, and effective, especially hard in a tourney full of old men *GRIN*. I would suggest reading through your work aloud. Overall, this was great, but I found a few mistakes that I would pounce on in my writer’s group. YOU WROTE: Her tiny bare feet made no sound as she walked up behind her husband and hugged him from behind. ME: That was a touch clunky. That *may* not hurt you this early in the tournament, but later, it may be the only thing I can find between who wins and who loses. The actual promo was a step backwards. I’m not sure why that is, but it wasn’t as powerful as the initial opening. The words were there… maybe it was too short or just a reality since you went first and had less to say.
o McKail1 – As w/ Eli’s opening, I like Jacob’s initial offering. Well written and strong characterization w/ a relatable problem presented to the reader. However, If I busted Pete’s gonads for some simple word choices, I’ll certainly have to hit yours with some word omissions. Read this before posting it. You have ALL the tools here, but you’re leaving out a nail that might screw you out of a win. I liked MOST of scene 2 up until the end where the lady turned on him so abruptly. Given the guy was drunk, I might’ve had him not even realize what was happening, and therefore the reader not getting it fully either. And still w/ missing words. I’m sensing a VERY tough matchup here and I’ve not even made it full through your initial RP – everything is probably going to have to count! The 3rd section is excellent also but…
o McKail2 – WHAT?!!! How’d we go to him getting in the ring against Flair to…a flashback. A bit of a letdown, but an amazingly well-written one giving Jacob a guilt-laden reason to be in this thing. It was a touch forced, but w/ flash fiction, sometimes you have to go that route. Final segment is finally on camera, though it seems odd given how you ended the last one. It was pretty strong, only hurt by a non-impressive ending (and it wasn’t bad, just didn’t have that OOMPH that most of your other work had).
o Eli2 – Some weaknesses in the promo IMO – primarily revolving around the knowledge of McKail’s reasoning for the tourney. I’m not opposed to using it, but make it less than a tack-on, which is what it felt to me. You already had an angle, all that did was mutter up the message. The closing prose w/ Ivy was solid if not excellent and made a nice closer to everything.
 Winner: Eli Flair 5-5. This was incredibly close, and as I’d said above, if I have to make a choice of two guys who are both putting out great work, I’m going to nitpick. In this case, the “flow” of McKail’s back and forth didn’t work for me and the word omissions were more problematic than Flair’s few poor word choices.

THERE - NOW I CAN FULLY SAY... PETE, YOU STILL SUCK.

 

[Mad Dog]

Warren, thanks for the notes. It gives me something to try to improve on. Just curious, what about the other matches in Bracket 3? Did you have notes on all of them? Thanks again.

 

[Zezu]

ACW no longer unbeaten Glad Russ and Jesse are over their difficulties though.

 

[Justin]

How many does ACW still have, Ben?

 

[Chad]

I show 5 of the original 8 that I had assigned as "primary" ACW (in other words they listed it as the "first" league in their profiles when they signed up), including Spike Saunders who I actually have under the "Judge" category. ACW's got the best "win" percentage in the tournament through Round 3.

 

[TheHopper]

How many does ACW still have, Ben?

4

All in top half of the bracket and 3 of them in Bracket 2

 

[Chad]

"FW returnees" are 2nd at 47% (7 of 15).
DEFIANCE is next at 40% (2 of 5).
"Current FW" (6 of 18) and CWC (2 of 6) are both at 33%.

Again my numbers may be off as each wrestler got thrown into a "primary" group. For example, folks who entered a secondary character got that character thrown in my "2nd" category. Judges primary characters aren't included in the numbers above, so that would actually drop the "Current FW" number down as an example (Dan Ryan, Doc Silver, etc.)

 

[Deacon]

Warren, thanks for the notes. It gives me something to try to improve on. Just curious, what about the other matches in Bracket 3? Did you have notes on all of them? Thanks again.

I must've sent it to Chad in 2 emails. I've added the other two I wrote. Hope this helps!

wf

 

[TH]

Re: my narrative RP - it's meant to be part of a (hopefully) 6 part story that shows the lead up to GOP getting into the tournament despite some adversity/resistance. The rest of the RPs are meant to be classic wrestling promos that focus on the match, which will give me a mix of telling a good, wrestling/ULTRATITLE-centric story while having a lot of ammo against my opponents in the here and now.

 

[MikeyMassacre]

• Mikey Massacre vs. Alias
o Mikey1 – I really liked how Mikey didn’t remember how he won and was washing his non-existent hair, but didn’t like the description of “Rob Blushes.” It was unnecessary and you did a nice enough job w/ the dialogue to put that across w/o telling us. Now, to everyone who read my comments about reporters doing an interview and how badly I hate it – READ THIS FIRST RP! With it, I didn’t need the reporter’s name OR his history… in reading his questions, he just seemed real. They played off one another and both came alive, the reporter adding to Mikey’s schtick. THAT is what you do, even if you don’t have a name.
 Winner: Mikey Massacre 10-0. Another no show?!!!

Dude, thanks so much for the feedback. One of the things I was bummed about facing no-shows was that I wouldn't have any idea what anyone thought of my stuff. So thanks for the pleasant surprise.

I'm glad you liked the Mikey-Martinez dynamic (for the most part.) The bit about him blushing was a slight nod to an old angle I had with them where Mikey (as a heel) attacked Martinez because his DVD wasn't called Volume 1. The kind of a nod I only do to entertain myself, but would make minimal sense to anyone else. But, Mikey and Martinez always had a friendly retort that people liked, so I'm glad to see the dynamic is still viable.

 

[fugginVOSS]

I'm glad you liked the Mikey-Martinez dynamic (for the most part.) The bit about him blushing was a slight nod to an old angle I had with them where Mikey (as a heel) attacked Martinez because his DVD wasn't called Volume 1. The kind of a nod I only do to entertain myself, but would make minimal sense to anyone else. But, Mikey and Martinez always had a friendly retort that people liked, so I'm glad to see the dynamic is still viable.

I enjoyed your work, too, Mikey. I enjoyed your stuff when I handled in Rebel PRO for a little while, too. It's good to see you still kickin' around

 

[Ernie]

"FW returnees" are 2nd at 47% (7 of 15).
DEFIANCE is next at 40% (2 of 5).
"Current FW" (6 of 18) and CWC (2 of 6) are both at 33%.

Again my numbers may be off as each wrestler got thrown into a "primary" group. For example, folks who entered a secondary character got that character thrown in my "2nd" category. Judges primary characters aren't included in the numbers above, so that would actually drop the "Current FW" number down as an example (Dan Ryan, Doc Silver, etc.)

Which group am I in? One of my own?

 

[MikeyMassacre]

I enjoyed your work, too, Mikey. I enjoyed your stuff when I handled in Rebel PRO for a little while, too. It's good to see you still kickin' around

Who are you dude?? El Rey de Corazones/James is my guess.

 

[fugginVOSS]

I handled THE Sam Skull there for a few months.

 

[Justin]

As opposed to the OTHER Sam Skull that he handled in Death Row.