Colin
The best handler ever since 2012: He is a gem
Re: Members Only Jacket
We find Phil Atken pacing around his luxurious 2 star bed room accommodation further away from Sydney than would be convenient during an Australian tour. Such is the life that Phil Atken leads. People often wonder if he's just really cheap or has the worst travel agent, either is valid.
The reason for his pacing around? Why he was on his mobile phone and looked to be in a rather tense and frustrating conversation.
Atken: Yeah... I know it's going well but... yeah... I know... yeah... but Roops... I know how important Australia is to you. No... yes... no... okay. Teddy's just... right, fine, I get it. Yes, I got the robe, yes, it's very shiny. I like it... no I like it... that was my sincere voice. Look, it's just that Teddy likes to use me as a prop... no, I like winning... Roop, I got to go. The cameras are here. No... they just like to show up whenever. I think Dirk books them as some kind of cruel joke... yes, I know, he has an economy.
Atken flips his phone closed (he still has THAT kind of phone) and gives a weary smile to the camera crew that have apparently just barged into his very hotel room without any level of permission. Such is his life.
Atken: I suppose you're here for my thoughts on something? Did someone insult me again? Anyone imply the whorish tendency of my mother? Perhaps someone through around the j-word?
Phil breathes in and then back in again to produce a deep, heavy, sigh. He waits for a response that doesn't appear to be coming.
Atken: Really? No one took a giant dump on my head and then tried to convince me that it was ice-cream? The times, they really must be a-changin', just like the Vengaboys said in their ill-fated album dedicated to covers of Bob Dylan songs. Turns out people didn't appreciate a reworking of The Hurricane to the phat beats on late 1990s techno dance boy girl bands. Still, I suppose that album was slightly better than Aqua's tribute to Bob Marley. I'm surprised no one revolted the minute "I'm a Marley girl, in a Marley world" fired up.
Atken begins to tap his toes and hum the beat to "Barbie Girl" before he quickly snaps out of it.
Atken: Still, I'm here in almost Sydney. I'm here on NFW's dime. It's nice, I saw several hundred kangaroos the other day. Turns out they're like Australia's pigeons. Well, almost I suppose, I didn't see any of the kangaroos shit on anyone's head. My partner, a great man, a spirit and energetic young talent with an undying passion for this industry, dear Teddy Alexander, he has things on his mind and soon he will have hands around throats. Teddy wants Jack Harmen and who could blame them, The Superfly Express have already ruined their stellar reputation for fair play and common decency in wrestling by choosing to associate with a low level miscreant like Calvin Carlton and worse than that, to allow such a miscreant to ruin the true EMT champion's crowning achievement, finally taking the belts off the smell and unrealistically sweaty waists of the Superfly Express. Calvin Carlton took the crown away from the Atken and Alexander Express and I won't forget that. Why, if my mother was here right now, I'd set her on him. Sadly she has an economy.
Still, who could blame Teddy for wanting to throttle old smuggy pants himself, Jack Harmen. No doubt the man who convinced Carlton to join the Express, he just seems like the sort. He gives of that kind of air, I've spent a lot of time around Harmen recently and his just seems like the most skeezy guy who has ever skeezed. Clearly the guys just aren't comfortable enough in their own ability, need a tennis racket wielding megalomaniac to aid them to defeat NFW's best and brightest. So with Teddy no doubt about to ensure that this is one flight the former High Flyer doesn't return from, where does that leave his adorable and charismatic tag team partner? Where does that leave a man who is the champion of at least two galaxies? Well it leaves him doing a bit of Sydney based tourism but I'm sure that NFW wouldn't be too happy if I didn't do a tad of that wrestling business as well because god knows I don't want to spend hours sitting in a booth signing autographs to Australia's most inbred. I mean, this is where we sent our criminals after all. They'll all be Superfly Express fans.
Phil shudders at the mere though of sitting at an autograph table and interacting with other normal human beings.
Atken: So NFW opens it doors to the world and attracts a man called Fappity, the second of the great Orange Dragon clan, whatever the hell that means and Jesse Ramey, alternative dimension expert. Real great stuff, real great idea Eddie. You know, I'm starting to think August has a point, we need a violent overthrow of our Mayfield oppressor. That last election was a sham and democracy is broken into teeny tiny pieces!
Still, I remember Jesse Ramey, that young plucky man who would become a dimensional traveler, constructing walls just to break them. He was there many years ago, when I worked in one of those places with three letters, it began in an A if I remember correctly... ABC?... ACC? AWC?... ACW! That's the one. I don't really remember Jesse too well because I was too busy MAIN EVENTING. SCORCH! Finally, someone I can shit on! The day has finally come, release the confetti! RELEASE IT! Oh... yeah... I didn't buy any. Sorry guys.
Atken kind of shrugs and kicks the ground at his feet.
Atken: Still, I entered this Grand Prix many months ago with a purpose in mind, not to prove that I'm a superior cruiserweight because that is already established fact printing in the recent publication "Superior Cruiserweights Monthly", a News International publication. I've been the cover boy... cover man... cover person... three months running.
No, I entered the Grand Prix to ensure that me and Teddy got ourselves a shot at the EMT titles, now sure, when I first entered it was so my great partner, Teddy Alexander, would not kill him with his bear like bare hands but now, now I want that damn shot. Now that A&A have come so close, only for the opportunity to be scuppered by a small African man with sports goods, I see the potential in the team. I see the future in it, I see that we are brother... perhaps even brothers in arms and if I have to face down the world to get there, if I have to clip the knees of those who enter the NFW gate to ensure that me and Teddy get our rightful re-match... well then I'm just doing my duty as a tag team partner. I also won't get murdered by Christmas, so that's an added bonus.
We find Phil Atken pacing around his luxurious 2 star bed room accommodation further away from Sydney than would be convenient during an Australian tour. Such is the life that Phil Atken leads. People often wonder if he's just really cheap or has the worst travel agent, either is valid.
The reason for his pacing around? Why he was on his mobile phone and looked to be in a rather tense and frustrating conversation.
Atken: Yeah... I know it's going well but... yeah... I know... yeah... but Roops... I know how important Australia is to you. No... yes... no... okay. Teddy's just... right, fine, I get it. Yes, I got the robe, yes, it's very shiny. I like it... no I like it... that was my sincere voice. Look, it's just that Teddy likes to use me as a prop... no, I like winning... Roop, I got to go. The cameras are here. No... they just like to show up whenever. I think Dirk books them as some kind of cruel joke... yes, I know, he has an economy.
Atken flips his phone closed (he still has THAT kind of phone) and gives a weary smile to the camera crew that have apparently just barged into his very hotel room without any level of permission. Such is his life.
Atken: I suppose you're here for my thoughts on something? Did someone insult me again? Anyone imply the whorish tendency of my mother? Perhaps someone through around the j-word?
Phil breathes in and then back in again to produce a deep, heavy, sigh. He waits for a response that doesn't appear to be coming.
Atken: Really? No one took a giant dump on my head and then tried to convince me that it was ice-cream? The times, they really must be a-changin', just like the Vengaboys said in their ill-fated album dedicated to covers of Bob Dylan songs. Turns out people didn't appreciate a reworking of The Hurricane to the phat beats on late 1990s techno dance boy girl bands. Still, I suppose that album was slightly better than Aqua's tribute to Bob Marley. I'm surprised no one revolted the minute "I'm a Marley girl, in a Marley world" fired up.
Atken begins to tap his toes and hum the beat to "Barbie Girl" before he quickly snaps out of it.
Atken: Still, I'm here in almost Sydney. I'm here on NFW's dime. It's nice, I saw several hundred kangaroos the other day. Turns out they're like Australia's pigeons. Well, almost I suppose, I didn't see any of the kangaroos shit on anyone's head. My partner, a great man, a spirit and energetic young talent with an undying passion for this industry, dear Teddy Alexander, he has things on his mind and soon he will have hands around throats. Teddy wants Jack Harmen and who could blame them, The Superfly Express have already ruined their stellar reputation for fair play and common decency in wrestling by choosing to associate with a low level miscreant like Calvin Carlton and worse than that, to allow such a miscreant to ruin the true EMT champion's crowning achievement, finally taking the belts off the smell and unrealistically sweaty waists of the Superfly Express. Calvin Carlton took the crown away from the Atken and Alexander Express and I won't forget that. Why, if my mother was here right now, I'd set her on him. Sadly she has an economy.
Still, who could blame Teddy for wanting to throttle old smuggy pants himself, Jack Harmen. No doubt the man who convinced Carlton to join the Express, he just seems like the sort. He gives of that kind of air, I've spent a lot of time around Harmen recently and his just seems like the most skeezy guy who has ever skeezed. Clearly the guys just aren't comfortable enough in their own ability, need a tennis racket wielding megalomaniac to aid them to defeat NFW's best and brightest. So with Teddy no doubt about to ensure that this is one flight the former High Flyer doesn't return from, where does that leave his adorable and charismatic tag team partner? Where does that leave a man who is the champion of at least two galaxies? Well it leaves him doing a bit of Sydney based tourism but I'm sure that NFW wouldn't be too happy if I didn't do a tad of that wrestling business as well because god knows I don't want to spend hours sitting in a booth signing autographs to Australia's most inbred. I mean, this is where we sent our criminals after all. They'll all be Superfly Express fans.
Phil shudders at the mere though of sitting at an autograph table and interacting with other normal human beings.
Atken: So NFW opens it doors to the world and attracts a man called Fappity, the second of the great Orange Dragon clan, whatever the hell that means and Jesse Ramey, alternative dimension expert. Real great stuff, real great idea Eddie. You know, I'm starting to think August has a point, we need a violent overthrow of our Mayfield oppressor. That last election was a sham and democracy is broken into teeny tiny pieces!
Still, I remember Jesse Ramey, that young plucky man who would become a dimensional traveler, constructing walls just to break them. He was there many years ago, when I worked in one of those places with three letters, it began in an A if I remember correctly... ABC?... ACC? AWC?... ACW! That's the one. I don't really remember Jesse too well because I was too busy MAIN EVENTING. SCORCH! Finally, someone I can shit on! The day has finally come, release the confetti! RELEASE IT! Oh... yeah... I didn't buy any. Sorry guys.
Atken kind of shrugs and kicks the ground at his feet.
Atken: Still, I entered this Grand Prix many months ago with a purpose in mind, not to prove that I'm a superior cruiserweight because that is already established fact printing in the recent publication "Superior Cruiserweights Monthly", a News International publication. I've been the cover boy... cover man... cover person... three months running.
No, I entered the Grand Prix to ensure that me and Teddy got ourselves a shot at the EMT titles, now sure, when I first entered it was so my great partner, Teddy Alexander, would not kill him with his bear like bare hands but now, now I want that damn shot. Now that A&A have come so close, only for the opportunity to be scuppered by a small African man with sports goods, I see the potential in the team. I see the future in it, I see that we are brother... perhaps even brothers in arms and if I have to face down the world to get there, if I have to clip the knees of those who enter the NFW gate to ensure that me and Teddy get our rightful re-match... well then I'm just doing my duty as a tag team partner. I also won't get murdered by Christmas, so that's an added bonus.