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Christmas Wish


Jan 1, 2000
(CUE UP: A synth, non-vocal version of 'DECK THE HALLS' plays. CUT TO: A freeze-frame shot of a fireplace/mantle setting. Sitting in the foreground are DORCHESTER STRATTON and VERONICA ABRAMS RUMSFELD, both wearing Santa hats along with clothing fineries. Dorchester's NFW TV Title sits on the mantel above the fire. And nailed above the mantel are several blood red stockings with names in gold glitter in cursive -- WildStar, Joe The Plumber, Troy Windham, Mike Randalls, Jack Bryant and Akita Hoshi.)

(V/O: Veronica Abrams Rumsfeld. The picture of the front flips over to reveal some handwriting in prep-school penmanship.)

To Whom It May Concern:

If you are reading this postcard, it means that you are currently or at one time were a member of New Frontier Wrestling. Dorchester Stratton and I, Veronica Abrams Rumsfeld, wish to offer you all a Merry Christmas! We hope that you can somehow have a happy holiday despite the want in both your eyes and your hearts and the shiver of fear down your spine anytime you think of the name Dorchester Stratton and his NFW TV Title, a championship none of you will ever, ever hold!

For you see, Dorchester Stratton, under my charge, has cemented himself as the most cunning, ruthless and ambitious man in the history of professional wrestling. He doesn't just get his hand raised in victory. He puts people under his Cole Haan wrestling boots -- custom made, naturally -- and makes them kneel in total defeat. Because Dorchester Stratton ENDS CAREERS. As you can see on the front of our lovely and picturesque Christmas Card, he has assembled many trophies that we proudly showcase at my family's Vail winter estate. There's the NFW TV Title, again, a championship none of you will ever, ever hold, front-and-center! And there's an empty stocking, each for the many men who Dorchester Stratton has sent out of the glamor of the world's number one professional wrestling league and into the drudgery of real life. And that's not even counting the physical rehabilitation and medical facilities of the men whose careers he's ruined! Why, even Jack Bryant has to now wince in direct sunlight and pull over to the side of the road due to the loud ringing in his ears directly caused by Dorchester Stratton's cruel, unfeeling hands.

Hope all is well! And remember as we enter the new year -- don't think of trying to defeat Dorchester Stratton. We've got plenty of room on our luxurious, oak-tinted paneled walls for more trophies. Ta!

P.S. - Also included in this is a $15 gift certificate for use at Jos. A. Bank Men's Clothier for any purchase of the DORCHESTER SATIN line of casual business wear!


Pressure Chief
Jan 1, 2000
GG - we're still in NOVEMBER IRP, but I'm sure rich folks like them do things EARLY :)

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