Desert Death Match: Wells v Cane

[TheOriginalSE]

All RP for the JARED WELLS / TREVOR CANE P©X division match at New ERA BANNED in the US should be posted in this thread.

*This is a DESERT DEATH match .. the ring will be surrounded by cacti, and there will sand and other desert-esque objects around.

RP and angles are due Sunday, August 12th at 11:59pm PST. All angles should be sent to secandido@san.rr.com ... enjoy!

 

[BarryClarkJr]

Just a bunch of ????????

(FADEIN to Jared Wells getting ready to pass out from a night of drinking. Laid back in his chair mad, confused)

JARED WELLS: I don't get it. I really don't F(BLEEP)KING get it. I'm going to cut to the bull(BLEEP). I look up and down in NEW and what do I see? A sausage party. DO YOU KNOW WHO THE F(BLEEP)K I AM? I mean, what the F(BLEEP)K do I have to do around here to make my balls dangle even further in the eyes of the NEW F(BLEEP)KS?

I don't give a F(BLEEP)K about a division match. So I get set up in this little match called the Desert Death Match? DO YOU KNOW WHO THE F(BLEEP)K I AM?

(Confused look on JW's face)

You might as well make a fruit cake, invite the wives, and martinis for this one. Are you F(BLEEP)ING serious?! Where is the beer? Who the F(BLEEP)K is Trevor Cane? What do I do? Should I pack a lunch? Maybe I'll stay in on a Saturday night, go to bed early and wake up early Sunday to plant trees. Read books to senior citizens. Stay sober. Maybe next time I have sex with some random B(BLEEP)CH I'll wear a condom? Do me a favor and jab pins in me and wake me up.

The Desert Death Match? Sounds like a jobber contract on a pole match. Daddy is not gonna deal with it. In fact, after Trevor SUCK ASS Cane is done, I'm gonna make my visit around the rest of the (BLEEP)holes.

Too many questions tonight......just don't know.

Bunch of cacti and sand for our friend Trevor here. Sand to rub against his ass and cacti to stick in his mouth. It's your show bro, you call the shots. DO YOU KNOW WHO THE F(BLEEP)K I AM?

Trevor Candy Cane, thanks for making your order, please drive through. Thanks for being a nobody.

(fadeout)

 

[TrevorCane]

"I know who the f*ck you are, Jared Wells. I just don't give a f*ck who you are."

Trevor Cane's bruised body stands before the camera.

"I don't think anyone out there gives a f*ck who you are anymore, Wells. You've done outstayed your welcome in NEW. I'm going to be the one to send you packing, too."

Cane rubs his hands together while smirking to himself.

"This could be good. Real good. They call this a Desert Death match? Cacti around the ring? Hot damn, Jared. I think I'm going to have to give you the name of my physical trainer. You're going to need it after I'm done shoving a cactus up your ass."

He huffs.

"Right next to my foot, that is."

Cane flexes his arm and stares at the bulging muscle.

"I've trained for this. I might be black and blue. I might be a little bit sore from Wrestlestock. But I'm here. I'm still coming to Banned in the US and I'm still coming for you."

Cane grabs a bottled water off a stool next to him. He twists the top off and takes a chug.

"You've disappointed me. I half expected you to come out here and actually give a damn. Stupid me."

Cane slaps his forehead with the palm of his hand.

"Instead I get cracked out Jared Wells. Are the pressures of being a has been already taknig their toll? I mean, here you are going into NEW's next pay per view and you're asking people if they know who you are. Like you're anything special these days, Jared?"

Cane snarls.

"Your biggest claim to fame is holding on to a dead title."

The snarl fades and is replaced by a raised lip.

"And even then you dropped that title in your first match in a year.""

Cane looks directly into the lens.

"So yea, Jared. I think we know who the f*ck you are."

He takes another gulp of the water before placing it back on the stool.

"And that's the problem."

 

[BarryClarkJr]

Got it all figured out...

(FADEIN: Hotel room of JARED WELLS who is sitting down resting on the couch wearing jeans, cut off tee shirt that has a picture of Uncle Sam pointing saying on the top "I WANT YOU", on the bottom "TO SPEAK ENGLISH". Jared very laid back having a beer)

JARED WELLS: So go ahead! Stuff your underwear full of socks to make your crotch look big. Drink that bottle of water until your pee isn't tainted anymore. Practice rubbing cacti on your ass. Flex your arms in front of the camera until somebody says "HEY, STEROIDS!"

Whatever you do or say will not prove anything.

(Jared repeats Trevor Cane)

"Hot damn, Jared. I think I'm going to have to give you the name of my physical trainer. You're going to need it after I'm done shoving a cactus up your ass."

What? Did you just say hot damn? I'm going to need the name of your physical trainer? Why the name? Why can't you give me just the number? Maybe the directions of the building? Why are you going to shove cactus up my ass? I dunno dude, your kinda creepy.

In fact you sit there with a bruised body. Wrestle what? Wrestlestock? Boringstock? Let's face it, your mommy and daddy still beat your ass for being just you. Ever since your mom yelled at you for crusty socks behind the bed and porn DVDS, your relationship hasn't been right since. Mean while your dad gives you high five but still beats you because he's just a mean drunk son of a B(BLEEP)H!!

Maybe I should take this match a bit more serious. Maybe I should give you credit. But if I do that, then I have to give all the mexicans out there that don't speak english respect. It won't happen. I know your not mexican but you get the picture right F(BLEEP)KER?

'Ol Uncle Jared will determine your night. My lifestyle might just determine your death style of your career.

Special? Special? You got it. And I will use you to get the job done got it? NEW World Title is something that will be on my mind. You on the other hand will just have to watch me put on the greatest display you've ever seen. It's just a shame its starts with a nice young F(BLEEP)K like yourself. Fun and games for now, come the match, you'll know why I'm Jared Wells and I'm great.

(FADEOUT)