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Doe vs. Storms

JABolich

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I Quit Match
Matt Johansson Barred From Ringside
John Doe vs. "The New Icon" Bryan Storms

The grudge between John Doe and Bryan Storms has escalated over the past few weeks. It comes to a head at Unleashed, as these two rivals do battle in a match in which the victor must force his opponent to surrender in front of the world!
 

John Doe

The Anorexic Ethiopian
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My Move...

[Fade in as an empty room with a backdrop that flashes between the words “I Am Not Just Anyone…I Am John Doe” and John’s entrance video. The backdrop cuts from different scenes. CUT TO: John Doe doing a Coast to Coast to Bryan Storms, CUT TO: Bryan Storms nailing the Ride Tide Rising on John Doe. Finally CUT TO: Bryan Storms bleeding from his head. Cameras catch John walking in from the left side of the room as the backdrop switches back to an Unleashed backdrop.]

Doe: Beautiful isn’t it Bryan? This whole Pay Per View is probably the highlight of my life. First Pay Per View was quite fun also, that cage match was quite intriguing. So Storms you wish to have a “I Quit” match with me. Well I have designed a new move, a new finisher a Technical finisher, wish to see it Storms I call it “The Muzzle”, hold on.

[John Stands away from the backdrop as it switches to John in the ring with a sparing partner. John kicks the stomach of the man and clubs him in neck, the man falls as John locks a hard Crippler Cross Face on the man, the man taps after a couple seconds as john is ripping the neck back like a mad man. John’s legs are wrapped around the guy squeezing the ribcage instead of locking his legs around the arms. John releases “The Muzzle” as the man gasps for air his nose dripping with blood. The backdrop switches back to John’s entrance video]

Doe: Like it? I do, it should work very well on you. I believe you will have much fun having that across your face. An “I Quit” I can’t wait. Storms you will suffer, I am the best you will come across in your career, I will destroy every bit of you at Unleashed, it is unavoidable you will say those words. I know what is ahead of us a match that will end one of us that will destroy our bodies, I have ended careers look at Brain Watson I ended him as well, he knew it was coming, and I will make a pure example out of you. There is nowhere to run any more. I am coming full out on you.

[John nods as he starts to get into what he is saying.]

Doe: I am sick of you, you cost me a match, you cost me a win, and you will suffer. I am ready for you storms, I am set to annihilate, be ready the time is ticking away at you, eating slowly past yourself, and I am in control. I am a full aspect of everything you should be fearing, because come our time in that ring no one will be there to save you, you are my prey and I am the predator. Are you ready Storms; are you ready for your end? The time is slowly come towards us, like a fire I engulf everything in my path, I destroy I end, I kill whatever I can get my hands on.

[John turns to a different camera has his face shows anger. John cracks his knuckle for a second]

Doe: Storms I am ready for this match are you? I mean this my chance to prove myself, your blood is already on my hands, the blood has already stained the ring and you have seen what I can do first hand to your body. Storms there are no pins, there are no tap outs, there is nothing stopping me from bringing you and myself past that line between death and living. Understand what you have just got your self into a match with a man that is a beast in the ring a man that wants your head on a stick, a man that is on the brink of insanity once again. It is time for me to rise to my ultimate level of ability; it is time to end you for the sake of others and myself. Storms I will make sure you go through pain you have never felt before. Do you see what I have become, I came into this federation ignorant unknowing of what I was doing. Now, I rise upon the many who wish to have a dream that they will see through. That dream is a superstar, and that’s what I am a superstar the one people cheer on in the ring that they want to see win. You my friend are in the process of a match that in my mind will end your career one way or another.

[John grabs a chair that is dented in with a bit of bloodstains on it. John smiles as he holds it in one hand. ]

Doe: Hey Bryan, look familiar? It’s the chair I kicked into your stupid head at Aggression this last week; you can almost make out your face in it. It’s quite funny if you ask me that I still have it, don’t worry I won’t use this on at Unleashed but a different on that will look the same. The point is your doom is almost here in full force, I am prepared to step in the ring with you I have nothing to lose, nothing to fear. I am John Doe and I will prove to you how dam n good I am. Storms do you see what is set on you, do you see what you are about to do? You are stepping toe to toe with John Doe, you are going head to head with me, not even your friend Matt can help you anymore, and it has been set forth by me. Bryan Storms you will be destroyed simple and clear as that.

[Doe looks at the middle camera.]

Doe: It is almost time Bryan it is almost time for our match I bring to you a word of advice. Be Prepared, Say Your Prayers, The Time is Upon Us. Out match is set in stone no way to get out of it, no place to hide, no place to run. In three days I will step in the ring with you in three days I will fight you, in three days I will destroy you. It is unavoidable. I am unstoppable, I am a machine, I am John Doe. Bryan I leave you with word I have left many with and words you should never forget, don’t forget this match, don’t forget what will happen because “ I Am Not Just Anyone…I Am John Doe!”

[Fade To: Black]
 

CuseTroy

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Laughable

FADE IN...

Open on a swanky downtown Atlanta hotel room. Expensive furnishings, ridiculously elaborate entertainment system, gold absolutely everywhere, that kind of place. Sitting on an imported chaise is a man, about 24 years old, raven black hair cut short, emerald eyes, and a light goatee. This is BRYAN STORMS. STORMS is in his usual attire, dark slacks, expensive shirt with the top two buttons undone, and a pair of $600 sunglasses rest on the coffee table next to him. On the TV, a still shot from JOHN DOE's latest promo, which shows DOE holding a steel chair lightly stained with something that resembles blood.

STORMS:

Johnny, my good boy, I really do believe you should get that chair cleaned and sanitized before waving it around like a complete fool on national television. It's just not sanitary.

By the way, that chair, which you bludgeoned my supposedly "stupid" head with in that Lynyrd Sknyrd-loving hick paradise a couple of days ago? I'm not feeling any after effects. You surprised my, John, with your little sneak attack. I didn't picture you for one who would try and cheat your way to a victory at Unleashed. I didn't figure you as a boy who would intentionally try and put his opponent away before an event so he wouldn't have to face him.

That's what you did in 'Bama, Doe. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. But, because you always have been a stupid, foolhardy little p*ssy, you failed just like always.

But, maybe I should've expected you to do something like this. I mean, you ARE the "escaped mental patient", right, John? The guy who broke out of a sanitarium using nothing but wrestling moves, right? The guy with multiple personality disorder and a whole sh*tload of other mental problems, right, John? That's your gimmick, isn't it? That's what you tell the world you are. Of course, as soon as you signed your first professional contract, you regained your lucidity and none of the other "John Does" have popped up, have they? There were those vignettes with you talking to your supposed doctors, but why would you be doing that if you escaped a mental institution?

MY stupid head. Right, Johnny.

Of course, following your logic, I'm supposed to be quaking in my expensive boots about your body scissors crossface submission, "The Muzzle".

The Muzzle. Isn't that what they put on stupid little dogs who won't shut their god forsaken mouths?

You see, a normal man might be intimidated, John. They MIGHT be. Me? I've seen much worse than an amateur hack telling his 14 year old, 118 pound, pimple-faced sparring partner to be nice and tap out for the camera. I'm REAL impressed by that, kid. At Unleashed, try that if you get the opportunity. You'll see what happens when something's on the line.

Plus, kid, one move? That's all? Again, REAL impressive. But now, look at the guy on your TV screen. See me real good, Johnny? You're looking at a MASTER. I spent my high school and college years putting up these rings for pocket money because my damned father didn't want a part of me if I didn't want to go into his law firm. I studied this sport day in and day out, John. Puro, lucha, Greco-Roman, Japanese hardcore, American hardcore, freestyle, all of 'em, I watched on tape for hours on end, perfecting each of those styles in a tiny apartment in New York City.

Then, it all turned around. The old jackass kicked the bucket and, as his only son and heir, I got the big money. But, I still have the urge to prove to that dead bastard that I can be a success, that it wasn't just his name that got me through life.

Everything I feel about my father, my past life, that gets focused upon YOU at Unleashed. The world has yet to see just what I can do when I pull out all the stops. For you, John, it's not gonna be pretty. Expect nothing but a trip through Hell that you will never forget. When it's done, you'll be damn lucky if you can even say the words "I Quit".

Best be gettin' some books on American Sign Language from the "mental institution" library, right John?

Until next time, you'll always be a victim of MY scathing wit.

Stupid head, that's f*cking priceless. What an a**.

...FADE OUT
 

John Doe

The Anorexic Ethiopian
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Ignorance by Storms...

[Fade in with John letting out a bit of laughter. Cameras show an EPW backdrop as John continues to snicker. He finally stops looking at the camera.]

Doe: Tear, Tear (Fake sad face). You make me want to cry Storms, you really do. All that talk about your dad, it breaks my little heart. Not really, I can care less about your damn father and your little sad piece of sh*t story. Your little daddies law firm that he wanted you to have, oh how sweet. This isn’t the Dr. Phil Show where we shed tears for stupid useless stories like the one you just tolled me. So you and your daddy had a really good relationship, bet he made you bend over a lot didn’t he Storms, maybe “dropped the soap” like a good little rich boy such as yourself would do? It would explain a lot about your self Storms if that was the case, which it probably is. You think I care? You want me to quiver in fear from the so-called “master” Bryan Storms, don’t forget that is self proclaimed. Like I fear you, you want to see a real master look at Beast or Sands, they are true masters of the ring, not a pitiful little worm as your self.

Doe: Oh you studied all the forms of so called wrestling? You think you’re special, yes Bryan you probably were special…in Special Education. That makes more sense for every little stupid word that exits your lips.

Doe: My name is Bryan Storms and I am a loser, and um, I think I am God’s little gift to the world. But honestly I’m a loser with no life that will be shown how to wrestle face to face.

Doe: Sound familiar Bryan? IT’S YOU! Man don’t I do good impressions? Maybe I could do you better if I knew you that well. It’s ok Storms, I will beat some sense into you. I really am not scared of you, I fear my toothbrush more than you. Those are some tight glasses you have there Storms, I wish I had a pair, to bad I am not a seal out such as your self. Maybe some of us take our jobs as a dream they never thought they would have, instead of others like you that take everything for granted. It is fine though Storms maybe you will see what it is like to face off with someone who takes their job seriously. God Storms you really irritate me, maybe I should break every bone in your body come our match, and maybe it will show you a lesson on how to shut your mouth. You want to talk sh*t about me, how I escaped the Mental Institution, well Storms get the story straight before you talk, maybe it won’t make you look like a complete idiot on live air.

Doe: See Storms, I didn’t pull off any wrestling moves to get out of Black Water. I never escaped, see want me to put it straight out for you. I remember my days in that hell hole, everything before that is a blur. You want to see hell go over to Black Water, ever have Shock Treatment Therapy Storms? Well your little rich spoiled ass sat watching his life be a little heaven, I sat in that place in those closed padded rooms, no light, no one to talk to. Instead of making you better that place made you worse. I was released because I was giving a choice stay in that damn god forsaken place or get a job. So, Mr. Paul Freeman is driving by in his stretch limo offers me a job and I took it. Now here I am, ready for a match with you Bryan nobody Storms, I stand forth ready to take you on. You talk to me about a gimmick? What gimmick? I have no gimmick Storms, this is who I really am, John Doe. You will have to accept that fact sooner or later, the fact of the matter is I am better than you get that through your dense skull.

[Doe picks up the chair he showed before this time the blood cleaned from it]

Doe: Looks like we see eye to eye on one thing, look Storms I gave the chair a good clean. See it will be stained with your blood again at Unleashed. It’s it your doom that will come at Unleashed, not mine. Not feeling the after affects of my little chair shot I gave you? Maybe you should not even show up for Unleashed save yourself the embarrassment. Bryan think about what you have caused, you brought this upon yourself. If you would have never attacked me at Aggression and cost me a match, this would have never happened, maybe if you were not a stupid ignorant fool and did that I wouldn’t have made this match up happen. You are just like Brian Watson, that dumb moron. You are a stupid ignorant fool that will be ended as soon as you step in that ring, I will make sure of that.

[Doe turns to a different camera as he cracks up in laughter.]

Doe: Don’t like my move? It think it’s kind of cool, not like you. I think that you will tap quite easily, mainly cause you are a low scum of the earth. You act like you are the savior of the wrestling industry like you are the best damn to happen to EPW! What is going on in that little pathetic brain of yours that obviously does not have any common sense what so ever. It is ok though, I will kick you skull inside out, don’t think it is possible? Anything is possible Storms! Man you should know that by now. I mean Storms you are facing off a one of a kind wrestler John Doe! Oh yes, every likes to make fun of name, John Doe, ha, ha, ha. Not funny, here let me quote you for a second.

Direct Quote from Bryan Storms

“…You regained your lucidity and none of the other "John Does" have popped up, have they?” (Storms, Bryan. “Laughable.” EPW Administration Offices and Television Promotions. May 17, 2004.)

Doe: No Bryan other John Doe’s have not popped up, you know why? Because there are no other John Doe’s! I am one of a kind, like I told you before! I regained my insanity? Whoever said it left!?! ******* it Storms, you have to learn more about people before you can talk sh*t! Let’s think about it, John Doe versus Bryan Storms, damn that should be the main event at Unleashed! Our match is the highlight, that is the match everyone is out to see! They want to see me, John Doe, kick the living crap out of you! Bryan why do you hate me so much, don’t stop talking to me, BRYAN WHERE ARE YOU!! WOULD YOU MAKE A PROMOTION ALREADY FOR I CAN MAKE MORE FUN OF YOU!! I’m just kidding you pal! Sorry, you are not my friend. Now let me prove to you that you are a spoiled little brat.

Taken from Bryan Storms Promotion

[Fade in as the screen shows an Atlanta hotel room. Expensive furnishings ridiculously elaborate entertainment system, gold absolutely everywhere, that kind of place. Sitting on an imported chaise is a man, about 24 years old, raven black hair cut short, emerald eyes, and a light goatee. This is BRYAN STORMS. STORMS is in his usual attire, dark slacks, expensive shirt with the top two buttons undone, and a pair of $600 sunglasses rest on the coffee table next to him.]

Doe: See look at all that crap? What you need all that crap to feel so damn good about yourself? What is with all the gold, all that junk? Like I said spoiled, the only way you get your kicks is by spending money, you think you are so great with all your cash, I think you mean sh*t, no chance in hell of you taken on someone with more class, a person such as myself. Let me tell you this once Storms and once only, I am great, I am good, I am better than you will EVER be. I know are intimated by me I can see it, I can feel it. So Storms are you ready? Are you ready for your end? I ask you this once, because it is coming close to the end, time is ticking slowly away.

[Doe looks at a different camera]

Doe: You some how lost the point that I am not just an wrestler, that I am not an ordinary man, that I am supreme compared to you. I want to remind you again, of who I am, I want you to take it in and think about it. I want you to ponder upon this till our match and you will see what I mean when I say these words I leave many with. I tell you Storms do not forget “I AM NOT JUST ANYONE…I AM JOHN DOE!”

[Fade To: Black]




\
 
Last edited:

CuseTroy

League Member
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FADE IN...

Open on a dimly lit wrestling gym on the outskirts of Atlanta. The equipment looks so old and worn that to the unaware observer, you might think the place had been abandoned. It's not. Leaning against the far left ringpost, face to the camera, is a man, 24 years old, black hair and green eyes. He wears a blue Columbia University wrestling singlet, the shoulder straps down, and an old sleeveless Orlando Magic t-shirt. This is EPW wrestler BRYAN STORMS. The man known round the world as "The New Icon" looks all business today, his face slightly soaked in sweat, the collar of his shirt touched with a ring of dampness, his wrists secured with black athletic tape. Storms positions himself comfortably against the turnbuckles and starts clapping, very slowly and deliberately

[SFX: CLAP...CLAP...CLAP...CLAP...CLAP]

STORMS:

Bravo, Johnny Doe. That was a marvelous acting performance in that last little skit of yours. Why, I almost believed I was looking in a mirror!

Or...not.

Sorry, Johnson, but as much as you obviously desire to be, there is no way in heaven, hell, or on Earth that you will EVER come close to being me. That's just the stark reality of your predicament, buddy. So, you compensate with a lot of yelling and screaming and in general making a complete ass of yourself while I do what's really important. I prepare for this match.

Yes, John, shocking as it may seem, I do consider you a threat. Hell, I even consider you a somewhat, SOMEWHAT, talented wrestler. That's why I'm here, in this gym, 6 hours a day, working up my endurance, my strength, and my technique. If I wasn't doing this, Johnny, you MIGHT have a chance at the Georgia Dome. When I'm on top of my game, there's only a handful of men in this sport that can come close to touching me.

You, my blissfully ignorant little friend, are CERTAINLY not one of those men.

You see, while you may have some semblance of grappling skill, the reason I can't stand you, the reason I singled you out, is because I think you're nothing but a complete and total moron whose got his head so far up his own ass that he can't see the light of day.

Take, for example, any time you open your mouth. Now, I won't see this part, but boys, cut to the tape I sent along with this film.

CUT TO: An excerpt from John Doe's latest promo. DOE stands in front of an EPW Unleashed backdrop, unleashing a diatribe at the camera.

DOE:

See look at all that crap? What you need all that crap to feel so damn good about yourself? What is with all the gold, all that junk? Like I said spoiled, the only way you get your kicks is by spending money, you think you are so great with all your cash, I think you mean sh*t, no chance in hell of you taken on someone with more class, a person such as myself. Let me tell you this once Storms and once only, I am great, I am good, I am better than you will EVER be. I know are intimated by me I can see it, I can feel it. So Storms are you ready? Are you ready for your end? I ask you this once, because it is coming close to the end, time is ticking slowly away.

The scene fades from DOE and opens back on STORMS, now leaning against the ropes at the back of the ring.

STORMS:

Does ANYBODY know what that means? Hello, McFly!

I guess I was wrong about you, John. Maybe you ARE still insane. Because, who in their right mind would be able to put forth a string of words so UTTERLY incomprehensible, so BLATANTLY cliched and backwards. You are great, you are good, you are better than I ever will be? Please, John, go back to grammar school and have them reteach you basic skills like public speaking and sentence structure.

Oh yeah, I forgot. You CAN'T REMEMBER what happened before you left the "mental institution".

Watching your latest little rant, maybe you didn't regain your lucidity after you left Black Water. Lucidity, by the way, meaning the ability to think and speak with clarity. Which, incidentally, is the exact opposite of insanity. Believe me, John, because I know what I'm talking about.

I'm not some Special Ed kid, Johnny, who got by because of his rich daddy. No, I EARNED what I got. I didn't get a god damned thing from Dad while he was alive. It was ME who graduated Magna cum Laude from Columbia University in three years. It was ME who got the highest cumulative GPA at Northwestern Law School in the last quarter century. It was ME who revolutionized this sport with a style and flair unseen for years. At Unleashed, Johnathan, it will most certainly be ME who lays the boots into your pitiful little career.

So, John, like always, you can try to beat me. Come with your fury, your insanity. Hell, I don't give a damn if you try and set me on FIRE to win this match. Those two little words that'll end this match just aren't a part of my extensive vocabulary. I haven't given in yet, John. Not to the pressure of my father's demands, not to any wrestler on this damn planet. Certainly not to some Mick Foley wannabe who can barely put two words together to form a cogent sentence.

At Unleashed, you'll be wishing you were still in that padded room that I highly doubt you ever occupied. You're just some guy who ran headlong into a street lamp, got amnesia, and made up a story so you didn't feel like the pathetic nobody that you are. Either way, you'll be the one squealing in pain at the end of the night, victim of yet another unfortunate incident that may leave you in one more hospital bedroom.

When we meet, you're not just anybody, John. You're right abuot that. At Unleashed, you're not John Doe, you're a man with no life ahead of him. Sorry, but that's what I've got to do. Guess you've got **** for luck.

But hey, if you put up a good enough fight, I'll give you the shades.

See you soon, Johnny.

...FADE OUT
 

John Doe

The Anorexic Ethiopian
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The Adventures of John Doe!!!!

[Fade in as the cameras are facing a screen then out of the middle of the screen comes the words “The Adventures of John Doe”, from the side comes a clay animated figure of John Doe.]

Voice over: THE ADVENTURES OF JOHN DOE! Episode I, Fear the Storm. We join are hero as he is walking through a park, his fight with the evil enemy Bryan Storms has John on his toes at all time…

[CUT TO: The little animated clay figure of John Doe walking through a park, the figure is wearing a superman outfit instead of a big red S there is the letters JD. John halts in his path as the sky starts to turn black.]

Animated Doe: What is that? Looks like a storm is coming! Wait a minute it maybe my arch rival [zoom in on animated John Doe’s face]

SFX: Dah, Dah, Dah!!!

Doe :Bryan…Storms.

[From the sky drops down Aodhan Lorigan (animated) in a blue superhero suite with a big fist on the front, Lorigan is wearing a mask and all the superhero gear.]

Animated Lorigan: What is it Super Doe? Is it the idiotic Bryan “The New Icon” Storms?

Animated Doe: It may be, I can tell the sky is changing and our fight maybe under way. I must stop this foe before anyone becomes as stupid as him!

Animated Lorigan: I will help you fight Super Doe! I must stop this foe as well before he hurts many people with his stupid talking!

Animated Doe: No Super Lorigan I must fight by myself, this maybe one of the must dangerous matches I have come across.

Animated Lorigan: Ok Super Doe, I will leave [Aodhan jumps in the sky and disappears.]

Animated Doe: Where are you stupid foe! I think you are in the sky where are you! Appear in front of me because I must help this town.

[In the distance a women is heard screaming. CUT TO: Bryan Storms in an all black suite with a black cape, he is laughing as he talks to the women.]

Animated Storms: I will use you as bait to get John Doe over here and when he does I will make him say “I Quit”, ha, ha, ha!

[Doe jumps into the air and appears in front of his nemesis Bryan Storms. Storms drops the women as she flees. John stares down Storms, Storms does the same.]

Animated Doe: Storms….

Animated Storms: Doe…
Animated Doe: So, you must use innocent civilians to try and get me to find you? Proves you truly are the scum of the earth.

Animated Storms: You never learned did you Doe? I am better than you and I always will be.

Animated Doe: What do you want me to do say I’m sorry?

Animated Storms: No I expect you to say I Quit! Let’s get this over with Doe! I am ready!

[Doe lunges at Storms, Storms lunges at Doe, they tie up s the Cartoon does a freeze shot]

Voice over: Does Doe defeat Bryan Storms to make him say I quit? Or does Storms finally defeat our hero! Stay tuned for more stories of “THE ADVENTURES OF JOHN DOE!

[CUT TO: John Doe sitting in a leather seat clapping, mocking Bryan Storms.]

Doe: Well, what you think of it Bryan, I think it is very, very, very well done, better than your promotion! God I really honestly hate you guts Storms! I never felt this much hate, except for Jean Rabesque, god I hate that man. Well Storms well me tell you something I am not ignorant, if anyone is ignorant it is you my friend. Well, let me break it down for you easy and simple, I am a bit crazy, insane as you will, and no I didn’t run into a light pole and lost my memory. God d*mn it Storms I thought I tolled you crystal clear that to learn more about people before you talk sh*t. Well it’s ok Storms, it’s ok.

[The backdrop that was playing the animated cartoon now changes to John Doe’s entrance video.]

Doe: Let’s get this straight Storms, let’s get this straight right know> I don’t like you Storms, I hate your guts. It annoys me to see you on the TV wasting airtime, using that airtime for useless, stupid, nonsensical information. You wish to mock me because of my grammar? Well! Mr. English teaching Storms, you should watch what you are saying about me and look at yourself! I mean just look at yourself, you couldn’t even comprehend what I was saying about your rich ass. See what do you need all that gold and junk for? By junk I mean that entertainment set and everything that money bought you. Why can’t you just be happy with what you got? That’s why I am better than you are, I don’t need all that stuff to feel important. I am content with this, this ring, this federation, it gives me joy, and it is all I ever wanted. While you, you all of sudden earn that money and you spend it on what ever you want thinking about yourself trying to feel important by spending useless money, that is what makes you happy. I on the other hand enjoy everything I have so far, my job.

Doe: So, you ask why so happy with my job because it has just hit a drastic change, thinks have just changed in my job. I have a match that I want to win and I Ouit match with you Storms. You have ticked me off for the last time, and I will defeat you. See, this is the problem, you say that I have my head up my ass, well good old buddy you are the one that needs a good wake up call, you are the one with his head in his ass. You are the one who thinks he is the best of the world. You think you are god of the ring! Well come Unleashed everything you thought will be discovered to be a lie, you an icon, no, no, no my friend your mother dropped way too hard on the head when you where a young one. You will never, mark my words Bryan, you will never be an icon.

[John turns to a different camera]

Doe: Well, this is where I sit and wait for you to make your promotion, which I find a complete utter bore. See you are not exciting, I am exciting, if you were like me people would be like “YAY BRYAN STORMS!” and we wouldn’t be in this predicament where I want to kick your skull in and make you say “I Quit”. This is all fine though, I don’t mind fighting it out with you, and it will be VERY interesting to see who is better one on one. Now why should I waste my time to fight you, I mean this is a waste of time to do a promotion, and a lot of money is being used on my “Adventures of John Doe” cartoon series. Which while I have to opportunity will be on UPN Saturday mornings at 9:30 AM.

[Doe smiles and looks at a different camera once again]

Doe: So, are you done with all this nonsense you through at me everyday about how you are better, how you hate me, because frankly Storms this Is going no where. You want to scream and yell at my “ranting”? Well Bryan, I think you are the one who is ranting, about stupid junk, “oh you hit your head on a lamppost, you aren’t a John Doe, you are a fake.” GROW UP! You talk like the third grader I saw walking down to street today. But it is ok it is ok. Well Bryan, I think you are a complete utter, one of a kind, the only moron in this federation called EPW, and that you really need to get a life and reexamine yourself before you can even come to the idea of stepping in the ring with me.

Doe: So let’s take this nice in slow for you bud, since you are dumb and won’t understand me if I said it to fast. Well, I…am…going…to…beat…the…living…hell…out…of…you!

Doe: Was that good enough ofr you Storms? Well let us take it in for a second, think about it Storms you versus me, one on one, no one to stop me from breaking your head in with a chair. Well storms it should be quit fun, very fun to be exact. Think about us two trying to kill each other blood is going to flow out of our bodies SWEET JESUS I CAN SEE IT ALREADY!!

Doe: Well Storms it is time for me to leave, again, and since the message lost last time I was “talking to you” I will repeat it again, this time get it straight.. Ok let me tell you something, I am not a gimmick, I do not believe in those god forsaken things, I don’t play games, I tell the truth. If you do not like the truth then you have to deal with it! I am not a gimmick, I am not a fake, I am not a person who just was run and hit the lamp post, I am John Doe, I am a wrestler, I am insane, and I am that d*mn good! So Storms, “Be Prepared, Say Your Prayers, Because the Time Is Upon You!” and above all else, when you go to sleep, when you train to wrestle me, when you step into that ring with me, just remember “I Am Not just Anyone…I AM JOHN DOE!”

[Fade to: Black]
 

CuseTroy

League Member
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Jan 1, 2000
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Age
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Location
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The Other Day, When I Was Dead

FADE IN...

Open on an ice skating rink in downtown Atlanta. Yes, an unorthodox place to be on a beautiful 85 degree southern spring night. In the background on the ice is MATT JOHANSSON, tall and blonde, artfully moving a puck around the ice by himself. The camera pulls away from the ice and over to the man leaning against the plexiglass boards, BRYAN STORMS. The self-styled "New Icon" leans confidently against the surface. He wears a pair of tailored khaki pants, expensive shirt with the top two buttons undone, a Versace leather jacket, and the always present $600 sunglasses. He removes the glasses and sticks them in his pocket, adjusting his position for a better look at the camera.

STORMS:

Yeah, I know. Last place you expected the Icon to be, right? But, my damned puckhead tag partner doesn't drive and has a cab driver phobia. So, I get dragged along AGAIN. Hell of a wrestler, Johansson, and funny as anything, but when you've got a Swedish/French-Canadian whose spent most of his life on ponds in Minnesota, you know there's something missing in the old coconut.

Speaking of being a few fish short of a combination platter, I now turn my attention to my little buddy John Doe and his claymation pals. First of all, Johnny, claymation went out of fashion in the mid-90's with stuff like Tonya Harding and polo shirts with alligators on the lapel. This ain't "The Nightmare Before Christmas", Johnny! This is a WRESTLING MATCH that you seem to be paying little actual attention to.

Instead, Johnson, you seem content to plug various products, pour the eighteen dollars and thiry eight cents you have into a cartoon that makes the first episode of "South Park" look like a Rembrandt masterpiece, ridicule my impeccable fashion sense, and make grandiose claims about how you're going to bash in my skull at Unleashed.

Which, of course, is highly improbable.

J.D., I don't give a damn if the kiddies like the "escaped mental patient". The man you're facing in an "I Quit" match at Unleashed doesn't need commercials and Saturday morning cartoons to get over with the fans. I won't shill, Johnny. I'd rather just go out EVERY SINGLE NIGHT and wow these bumpkins with a mix of technical acumen, high flying grace, and sensational panache not seen in this business in a number of years.

If I've got to endure some blood and pain to rid the wrestling scene of your utter lunacy and idiocy, so be it. That'll just be one more idiot out of the way, one more guy who couldn't measure up to the prowess of the Icon.

Oh, and about my attire, Johnny Mac. I like expensive clothing, and I can afford it. Is that a CRIME, J.D.? I didn't know. Hell, the only crime I can think of would be involuntary manslaughter, because when the ladies take a look at THIS package, they just drop dead. Hey, it isn't my fault that I was born with the ability to pull this look off. So don't be jealous of the rich and famous, Johnny. Like I said, I'll get you a pair of shades of your very own. Call it a "lovely parting gift" for our dear, departed Mr. Doe, in place of the gold watch they usually give to those going into retirement.

Oops, I just made a big assumption of my own!

Only difference, kid, is that I'M the one with the ability, the desire, and the werewithal to back it up. You, you're just some never will be punk sh*t who thinks he can get the rub by stealing some of the thunder from the man who will soon become part of the greatest tag team in the HISTORY of this industry, Second Coming.

Now, John, if you didn't understand that due to the big words and the abstract concepts, I'll spell it out for you in language you MAY be able to understand.

You...John...Doe...is...not...good. You...lose...bad...to...better...guy.
Talk...no...you...good.
Head...you...bashed...get...Unleashed...at...in...me...by.

Get that, monkey boy?

And now, Johnboy, time for a final little vocabulary lesson.

Comprehensible: Understandable, possessing cogent information, the exact opposite of a John Doe promo.

Nutter, not UTTER: British colloquialism for insanity.

Sh*tfaced moron: John Doe.

You pick all of that up, Johnny? Be prepared for the final exam at Unleashed. To paraphrase the Bard, "methinks thou wilst necessitate repeating of this course." Sorry, Johnny. Those are just the facts. You won't EVER have what I've got, and after Unleashed, you'll just have to wallow in your sorrow for the rest of your pathetic little career. I pity you and your inability to think and act your age, John. BUT, that doesn't mean you'll get it any easier.

Prepare for a life changing night, John. You'll find out that I'm not just about the hype. I AM the New Icon, and you'll find out why at the Georgia Dome. Sucks for you, Johnny.

By the way, the Bard, that's William Shakespeare. Figured you'd need the explanation.

...FADE OUT
 

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