EPICENTER: TiT '08 London and Los Angeles Recaps

[TH]

[Fade into a shot of Tom Holzerman standing in front of the big screen, which is showing The Wraith and The Sergeant locked in a test of strength.]

TH: The TEAM Invitational Tournament ’08 kicks off, and there were a lot of laughers. But there were a few classic match ups in the first round too. No matter what the outcome, we’ve got all the highlights for you, so stay tuned. EPICENTER is next!

[Cue up "Down" by Stone Temple Pilots.
Cut to JASON PAYNE, shouting out in primal fury with a man's blood as his war paint.
Cut to ROCKO DAYMON whipping ULYSIS SOLIAN off the ropes.
Cut to RAVAGER rolling out of the way of a ROB FRANKLIN top rope headbutt.
Cut to MUNSON MONSOON tossing HIGH FLYER out of the FREE FOR ALL~! ring.

Cut to DAN RYAN hoisting the Merrit Trophy, then flash cut to NOVA with the Harvard Avalon Memorial Trophy held by his side, then flash cut to The A-List hoisting the Dupree Cup.

Cut to: The Epicenter logo once more, fading into Tom Holzerman and Steve Murray at the EPICENTER desk.]

TH: Hello everybody, and welcome to TEAM EPICENTER for the Los Angeles and London brackets of this tournament. I’m Tom Holzerman...

SM: And I’m Steve Murray.

[Cut to a close up of Murray with a Sergeant/Wraith inset behind him.]

SM: This is London’s fifth-seeded Sergeant’s third TEAM Invitational Tournament. In the last two, he was ousted in the first round, two years ago in a ring classic against James Irish, and last year in a laugher against Hoyt Williams. He’s looking to get off the schneid this year, but standing in his way is the twelfth seed, a 320 pound monster named The Wraith.

[Cut to the ring at Patrick Gym in Burlington, VT.]

SM V/O: Let’s take you to Vermont for the action, and Wraith overpowering the smaller Sarge early on in this match. Sarge initiates the test of strength, but this proves to be a bad idea. The A1E superstar clamps down and just forces the EPW Intercontinental Champion onto his back forcefully.

[Cut to Wraith with the Sergeant over his shoulder.]

SM V/O: Wraith continues to work that upper body, this time, pummeling Sarge with that shoulderbreaker. Absolutely devastating.

[Cut to Sarge running the ropes.]

SM V/O: Sarge makes a short-lived comeback in the early going, nailing Wraith with that big lariat. Giving away 100 pounds, you have to get some momentum behind that to send a man that size to the canvas.

[Cut to Wraith with Sarge corralled in a front facelock.]

SM V/O: Wraith coming right back though, haranguing Sarge here. Vertical suplex, and wait for it, wait for it, wait for it... impact! Delayed vertical with all the blood going to Sarge’s head.

[Cut to Sarge running the ropes again.]

SM V/O: Sarge with the late surge, making the comeback. Here he is with the flying cross-body, bringing the big man down off his feet.

[Cut to Sarge on the top rope.]

SM V/O: And here’s something you don’t see every day from the IC Champ. On the top rope and he wrangles the beastly Wraith with a swinging tornado DDT.

[Cut to Sarge behind Wraith.]

SM V/O: Sarge going for some Corrective Training, but Wraith POWERS out of it. A boot to the gut later, and Sarge is visiting Hell’s Pit (jackhammer). Wraith makes the cover, and he scores the upset victory over Sarge. The EPW IC Champ will have to wait another year to make it out of the first round. Tom?

[Cut to the same ring, Jonathan Marx and Eric Thompson grappling.]

TH V/O: Thanks Steve. Let’s stay in Vermont and go with the four/thirteen match in the London bracket, The Gentleman and the Richest SOB on the Planet. Thompson gets the upper hand early getting behind the NEW World Champion with the rear hammerlock and shoving him face first into the turnbuckle.

[Cut to Marx behind Thompson.]

TH V/O: Marx fires right back, back suplex and a beaut.

[Cut to Thompson grappling Marx.]

TH V/O: This was a real see-saw match. Thompson rolled out with the Northern Lights suplex that Marx needs two and three-quarters to kick out of.

[Cut to Marx whipping Thompson into the ropes.]

TH V/O: And Marx replied with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.

[Cut to Marx with Thompson in an STF.]

TH V/O: In the end though, there would be no upset in this match. The Gentleman applies Marxism to Thompson, and the Richest SOB on the Planet will have to submit his monies to the proletariat as he taps out.

SM V/O: Did you think of that one by yourself?

TH V/O: Of course not.

[Cue up Led Zeppelin, “No Quarter.” Cut to Bryan Dawkins chopping Ice Tre and Tre selling it like he’s being shot.]

SM V/O: Coming up after the break, more action. Can the Flyin’ Hawaiian take out the only man in this tournament more blinged out than Flava Flav? We’ll find out next.

[Cut to a commercial for the Nintendo Wii, featuring those creepy looking Miis people make up.]

 

[TH]

[Fade back into the TEAM studios, Tom Holzerman with an Ice Tre/Bryan Dawkins inset behind him.]

TH: Ice Tre is the eighth seed in the Los Angeles bracket. To many who observe him wrestle, this is a mystery, but he does get results, even if by accident sometimes. Cue Bryan Dawkins, the Flyin’ Hawaiian. Can he solve the enigma that is the King o’ tha Streetz?

[Cut to the McCarthy Athletic Center ring.]

TH V/O: This match was all Dawkins for the most part, here throwing Tre across the ring like he’s a Frisbee with this series of arm drags.

[Cut to Dawkins running the ropes.]

TH V/O: Dawk charges in here with a rolling heel kick...

[Cut to Dawkins over a fallen Tre.]

TH V/O: ...and here rolling with a big Wipeout! (handspring to a moonsault)

[Cut to Dawkins on the top rope sizing up a staggered Tre.]

TH V/O: Dawkins looking to put a few more nails in Tre’s coffin, but as he goes for the double axehandle, Tre flails with his Ice Pick superkick that nails Dawkins right in the face in what I can only describe as “accidental.” Tre looks at Dawk, who is almost unconscious and scoops up the pin, despite being dominated the entire match.

[Cut to the Liacouras Center ring, Ace Mason battling James Varga.]

SM V/O: Alright, your first mystery wrestler, the ninth seed in London, turns out to be “Evil” James Varga, formerly of the recently-closed GLOBAL, taking on the eighth seeded Ace Mason, who made that run to the final eight last year. It starts out with Varga spraying Mason with knife-edge chops, fitting, since Varga claimed he was going to murder Mason during the build-up to the match.

[Cut to Mason with Varga in a rear hammerlock.]

SM V/O: Mason fires back with Varga in that hammerlock. Then, the former baseball prospect starts clubbing Varga in the back of the head with forearms. You know, he probably picked that skill up learning to bunt.

TH V/O: You’re probably right there Steve.

[Cut to Varga walking the ropes.]

SM V/O: Varga comes right back, walking the ropes and showing off his sheer athleticism, nailing Mason with a move he calls Jambi. (ropewalk springboard dropkick) Must be a big Tool fan.

[Cut to Mason running the ropes, Varga on the outside of the ring.]

SM V/O: Mason showing more of his prowess in the national pastime with a baseball slide right into the grill of the Evil One.

[Cut to Mason with Varga in a camel clutch.]

SM V/O: But at the end of the day, Evil couldn’t overcome, as Mason Iced Vargas Gavones pretty good there. Varga taps and Ace Mason continues his winning ways when it comes to the TEAM Invitational.

[Cut to the same ring, Spike Saunders and The American Idol grappling.]

TH V/O: Back in Philly, and it’s London’s six/eleven match up. Spike Saunders, the higher seed, taking on Phenomenal Frankie Scott, who I can only assume was seeded eleventh because no one knew it was him. Scott taking hold of the match early on, whipping Saunders around with a snapmare, followed up by a STIFF soccer kick to the back.

[Cut to Idol whipping Saunders into the ropes.]

TH V/O: The newly christened Idol whips Saunders into the ropes and on the rebound just dumps him on his head with the back body drop, an impressive feat to do on someone that much larger than the user of the move.

[Cut to Saunders with Idol in a double underhook.]

TH V/O: Saunders takes control though, here driving Scott into the canvas with that big butterfly suplex.

[Cut to Saunders with Idol by the throat.]

TH V/O: And here, Saunders asserting his AUTHORI-TAY with a monstrous chokeslam. Surprising Scott didn’t disintegrate there.

[Cut to Saunders with Idol in the gorilla press.]

TH V/O: But the sneaky Idol finds a way. Saunders going for his signature finisher, SPIKED!, here but on the way down, Scott looses himself, turns around mid-fall and catches Saunders with a nasty spike inverted DDT. He makes the quick cover, and “The American Idol,” Frankie Scott, makes the second round.

[Cue up Led Zeppelin, “No Quarter,” cut to a shot of Ravager booting Ronaldodinho in the face.]

SM V/O: Coming up next, a look at all the squashes, including Ravager taking out an old friend from Rio.

[Cut to commercial for McDonalds McSkillet Burritos. Please refrain from shooting out the TV, Elvis style.]

 

[TH]

[Fade right back into highlights, first Lindsay Troy looking at Happy LSD Man, who is out of the ring.]

SM V/O: Alright, let’s dive right into the highlights for all the laughers, starting in Philly with the top-seeded Londoner Lindsay Troy taking on Happy LSD Man, and for some reason, the stoner got into the ring and then leaped out when the bell rang to start the match. He didn’t re-enter, and Lindsay Troy wins by countout.

[Cut to Ravager with Ronaldodinho in a front facelock.]

SM V/O: London’s second seed, Ravager, cruises to a victory over Rio de Janeiro Wrestling’s Ronaldodinho with this spike brainbuster...

[Cut to Sean Stevens lining up the hefty Crisco Kid.]

SM V/O: Cutting across the country to Gonzaga’s campus, where the top seed for LA’s bracket, Sean Stevens, make short work of the morbidly obese Crisco Kid, here nailing him with his patented X-Factor superkick.

[Cut to Shawn Hart setting up Hans the Incontinent Viking for a cutter of some sort.]

SM V/O: Down the coast in Stanford, the second seed Shawn Jessica Hart, PhD making short work of one Viking, Hans, with his Hard On diamond cutter.

[Cut to Olvir Arsvinnar awaiting a running Ethan Frost.]

SM V/O: And he’ll take on yet another Viking in the next round as Olvir Arsvinnar, wrestling’s ONLY pornographic Viking, makes short work of Ethan Frost, here nailing him with a big, furry boot.

[Cut to Hida Yakamo running at a seated Jay Frost.]

SM V/O: It wasn’t a good day for folks surnamed Frost, as back in Spokane, Hida Yakamo takes out Jay Frost with his Hida No Knee (running knee to the face of a seated opponent) and advances to take on...

[Cut to MDK awaiting a running Harley Douglas.]

SM V/O: ...MDK who upset former TEAM FREE FOR ALL~! Champion Harley Douglas with this Hellshot (modified STO).

[Cut to Kyle Roberts with the British Bomber over the shoulder.]

SM V/O: Back down to Stanford, Stylin’ Kyle Roberts gets into the second round, here spiking the British Bomber with Emerald Fusion and gaining the win.

[Cut to Dez Carter with Phil Atken in a fireman’s carry.]

SM V/O: He’s on a collision course with the former NAPW Pure Honor Champion as Dez Carter upsets current TEAM FREE FOR ALL~! Champion Phil Atken here, making him GOOOO 2 SLEEEEEP!

[Cut to Cameron Cruise with Bob DiLas in the STF.]

SM V/O: Back to Vermont, and the Swerve got served, as Cameron Cruise advances to the next round, making up for last year’s disappointing performance with the tap out victory.

[Cut to Larry Tact with Fire God in position for a fisherman’s suplex.]

SM V/O: And finally, back in Philly, Larry Tact taking out the Fire God here with his new finisher, the Starbreaker, a fisherman’s suplex into a neckbreaker. Vicious maneuver.

[Cut back to the studio.]

TH: That’s gonna do it for us. Be sure to catch us this time next week when we break down the first round results for Minneapolis and Orlando. Until then, I’m Tom Holzerman...

SM: ...and I’m Steve Murray. Goodnight, everyone.

[Fade to

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