[5]
[4]
[3]
[2]
[1]
[...]
# fuck you i won’t do what ya tell me!
[The Memorial Coliseum in Portland is stacked to the brim with ravenous DEFIANCE wrestling fans, over 13,000 strong, hooting and hollaring and yelling their little hearts out as the DEFtheme plays on over the P.A.]
# Fuck You I Won’t Do What Ya Tell Me!
[The DEFIAtron roars to life, running through the clip-reel of all things Defiant, including but not limited to Christian Light grabbing the briefcase above the ring at the ESEN Primetime Special, Cancer Jiles in a wheelchair on the same show, Jack Bryant spitting in Mike Sloan’s face, Claira St. Sure submitting Heidi Christenson, Elijah Goldman firing Heidi, and Pete Whealdon gyrating inappropriately.]
# FUCK YOU I WON’T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!
[The camera pans the crowd, the signs are there, along with the replica title belts and the crazy wrestling CosPlay guys, I swear to Christ there are four Diamond Shazam’s in the front row. Finally the camera swivels around and comes to a rest on the red and black stylized logo in the center of the gunmetal grey ring-mat before it fades into Jeff Andrews and Angus Skaaland live inside the Commentation Station.]
Angus Skaaland:
Fuck you, we won’t do what you tell us.
Jeff Andrews:
Motherfuckerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr~
[That thumping sound you heard was the sponsors fleeing in the opposite direction.]
Angus:
Well HELLO boys and girls and defiants worldwide, welcome back to another stacked and jampacked edition of Evolution TV, brought to you by ESEN and DEFIANCE!
Jeff:
Aren’t we supposed to be against Evolution?
Angus: [shrugs]
Gotta pay the bills, man.
Jeff:
Fair enough. NEWAYZ! We’ve got a lot to go over tonight, not the LEAST of which is how I knocked hell out of Dr. Curiosity to move on to Round Two of the vaunted ULTRATITLE tournament!
Angus:
You ain’t the only one from the mighty DEFIANCE gracing the ULTRATITLE, either! Do you wanna cover this or should I?
[Jeff tries to hold back a snicker.]
Jeff:
Dan Ryan lost to Cobra. Fucking Cobra.
Angus:
That same Cobra? The one that used to lead The Hydra?
Jeff:
Yep. Basically, Dan Ryan got egotistical and lazy and Cobra flash pinned him. Also, the baws messed up some girl named Go-Go, Pete Whealdon’s took advantage of an Asperger’s patient named gideon, and Cancer Jiles is in the thing to but I hope he fucking dies and I don’t know who he’s wrestling.
Angus:
Hater.
Jeff:
Got every right to be a hater. He’s a fagtard.
Angus:
What about Eugene and Vagabond?
Jeff:
I like Eugene, Vagabond I haven’t had the chance to meet yet, but I know he got a hell of a draw in round one with Eli Flair!
Angus:
That’s the same Eli Flair that Eric Dane has been salivating to get his hands on? The one that won forty-seven World Titles and now kind of sort of owns a blown out hole in the wall in New York?
Jeff:
That’s the one.
Angus:
Vagabond got the bone.
[Cut.]
=-=-=
[Backstage.]
[Elijah Goldman’s office.]
[Kevin “Satan” Alloy is nowhere to be found.]
[Yet.]
[Goldman sits behind his desk, almost perched over his desk. He runs through some paperwork before the inevitable knock comes to the door.]
E-Gold:
Who is it?
[The door opens. Alceo Dentari is the first one into the office, followed quickly by Yoshikazu YAZ and Lisa Loeh. Dentari’s got that kind of look on his face that says he’s happy to see you, even though you can tell that clearly he is not.]
E-Gold:
I believe I said “who is it,” not “come in.”
[Alceo falls into the chair opposite of Goldman. Lisa plants both hands on the desk and leans forward. YAZ steps back, folds his arms and glares. YAZ is dressed as usual, all mask and scary empty eyes and such, while Lisa is dressed in that “Kelly Evans-ized” quipao.]
Alceo Dentari:
I thought we had ourselves an agreement.
E-Gold:
Did we now?
Dentari:
And then yous go an’ yous disrespec’ me like this.
[Goldman’s angular features visibly scrunch, as if in displeasure.]
E-Gold:
I see. And how is it that I’ve disrespected you?
Dentari:
By takin’ my match with Kevin Cage outta the main event and stuffin’ it right smack in da middle of da card, that’s how.
Lisa Loeh:
I believe that also substantially reduces Mr. Dentari’s earning potential for the evening.
[Goldman rolls his eyes blatantly.]
E-Gold:
And I suppose what, you want compensation? Who are you, Cancer Jiles?
[Alceo smiles, his eyes filled with malicious intent.]
Dentari:
Nah, boss, I don’t want no compensation. What I want is your word that you’re gonna make good on this, and that an accident like this won’t happen again.
[Alceo winks. Lisa smirks. YAZ stares.]
E-Gold:
And then what?
Dentari:
And then we go on about our merry little lives, and our previous agreement holds in good standing. That, and more importantly, nobody gets hurt.
[Goldman considers this.]
E-Gold:
Tell you what I can do. We’ve got the All-Star Game coming up sooner than later, and with that comes WarGames. It’s worth a lot of points on the table, and it’s worth a lot of InterLeague points, and unlike the last ESEN show where you didn’t win the TLC, I can’t have Cito and his Heritage League running off with all of the points.
So.
You win your match tonight, you’ll be in a Qualifier next week, this goes for both of you, and if you then win that Qualifier, you’ll go on to WarGames and you’ll represent Evolution to the fullest of your capacity.
You have my word.
[Alceo smiles again.]
Dentari:
WarGames, eh? Lots of heads to kick in a WarGames...
E-Gold:
Satisfied?
[Alceo looks to his partners in “crime,” they nod.]
Dentari:
For now.
[The vertically challenged grappler stands and the trio make to leave.]
E-Gold:
Oh, and Alceo...
[Dentari and crew turn back.]
E-Gold:
The next time any of you walk into my office and threaten me, I’ll take that as your immediate resignation. Capice?
[Dentari snarls.]
Dentari:
Fuhgheddabahddit.
[Fade.]
=-=-=
Jeff: [deadpan]
So, DEFIANCE has a mafia.
Angus:
Not if I have anything to say about it!
Jeff:
Well, do you?
[Skaaland ponders for a moment.]
Angus:
Not really.
Jeff:
Now, if only we could get some actors to come in and play our wrestlers-
Angus: [interupting]
WHO ARE ALSO ILLEGAL ARMS DEALERS!
Jeff:
Xander Youngsteen?
Angus:
More like Jack Eastwood.
[Jeff shudders.]
=-=-=
Things were a little bit mis-timed, and on fade-up Whealdon was already in the ring and YAZ was just taking off his entrance robe and handing it to Lisa Loeh, rocking the hawtness as always in her stripper-modified quipao.
The two men locked up, YAZ quickly hit a spinning back kick to drop Whealdon to one knee, and then turned and raised his arms like he’d accomplished something significant. And this opened up an opportunity for Whealdon to grab YAZ from behind and.... hook on a headlock.
YAZ tried to back drop his way out of it, but Whealdon’s low center of gravity was too much for him from this angle. Then he tried to push Whealdon to the ropes, but Whealdon grabbed a handful of hair and hung onto the headlock. YAZ turned a bit, drove a couple of elbow strikes into Whealdon’s ribcage, knocked the headlock loose, and just turned on the fury. Slap, slap, shoot kick, elbow, elbow, spinning elbow, take a step backwards, Whealdon ducked the bicycle kick and grabbed another headlock, this time dragging both men down to the ground with it!
YAZ tried countering out with a headscissor. Whealdon grabbed YAZ’s hair again to block it, Mark Shields was completely ignoring the match because fuck restholds. YAZ got his body underneath him, powered up, and unleashed some shin kicks from hell to Whealdon’s face.
Whealdon lost the headlock and reeled backwards, YAZ followed him laying in chops and elbows, backing him into the corner, and then used a boot to the throat choke. Shields glanced, yelled the count at them across the ring. YAZ ignored it. Shields walked across the ring and broke the choke manually, yelling at YAZ, more than likely more pissed about having to do a something than the rule breach.
Nonetheless, Whealdon was ready. He caught YAZ by the collar, dropped backwards and slung him headfirst into the buckle, then quickly schoolboyed him. One... two... kickout. But with YAZ trying a little too hard to avoid another headlock and get the match moving faster, Whealdon easily countered YAZ with a scoopslam, and a measured knee drop to the head. Then he got another chinlock, the kind with the knee in the back and both forearms under the chin.
Again, YAZ began working to his feet. He broke the chinlock by kicking out a leg, rose to his feet twisting Whealdon’s arm in an arm wrench, and Whealdon countered with his own arm wrench. He turned it into an abdominal stretch, cleverly reaching behind him to hold onto the rope. And Lisa got up on the ring apron, put her leg up on the middle rope and did a little shimmy in place.
Whealdon, of course, was distracted, and YAZ hip-tossed him over. Lisa slid the hem of her skirt a little further up her leg, and Whealdon noticed.
And that second or two he was noticing gave YAZ time to get his arm in position.
THWACK!
SHOTEI!!
ONE! TWO! THREE!
Yoshikazu YAZ (+5) def. Pete Whealdon via Shotei
[4]
[3]
[2]
[1]
[...]
# fuck you i won’t do what ya tell me!
[The Memorial Coliseum in Portland is stacked to the brim with ravenous DEFIANCE wrestling fans, over 13,000 strong, hooting and hollaring and yelling their little hearts out as the DEFtheme plays on over the P.A.]
# Fuck You I Won’t Do What Ya Tell Me!
[The DEFIAtron roars to life, running through the clip-reel of all things Defiant, including but not limited to Christian Light grabbing the briefcase above the ring at the ESEN Primetime Special, Cancer Jiles in a wheelchair on the same show, Jack Bryant spitting in Mike Sloan’s face, Claira St. Sure submitting Heidi Christenson, Elijah Goldman firing Heidi, and Pete Whealdon gyrating inappropriately.]
# FUCK YOU I WON’T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!
[The camera pans the crowd, the signs are there, along with the replica title belts and the crazy wrestling CosPlay guys, I swear to Christ there are four Diamond Shazam’s in the front row. Finally the camera swivels around and comes to a rest on the red and black stylized logo in the center of the gunmetal grey ring-mat before it fades into Jeff Andrews and Angus Skaaland live inside the Commentation Station.]
Angus Skaaland:
Fuck you, we won’t do what you tell us.
Jeff Andrews:
Motherfuckerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr~
[That thumping sound you heard was the sponsors fleeing in the opposite direction.]
Angus:
Well HELLO boys and girls and defiants worldwide, welcome back to another stacked and jampacked edition of Evolution TV, brought to you by ESEN and DEFIANCE!
Jeff:
Aren’t we supposed to be against Evolution?
Angus: [shrugs]
Gotta pay the bills, man.
Jeff:
Fair enough. NEWAYZ! We’ve got a lot to go over tonight, not the LEAST of which is how I knocked hell out of Dr. Curiosity to move on to Round Two of the vaunted ULTRATITLE tournament!
Angus:
You ain’t the only one from the mighty DEFIANCE gracing the ULTRATITLE, either! Do you wanna cover this or should I?
[Jeff tries to hold back a snicker.]
Jeff:
Dan Ryan lost to Cobra. Fucking Cobra.
Angus:
That same Cobra? The one that used to lead The Hydra?
Jeff:
Yep. Basically, Dan Ryan got egotistical and lazy and Cobra flash pinned him. Also, the baws messed up some girl named Go-Go, Pete Whealdon’s took advantage of an Asperger’s patient named gideon, and Cancer Jiles is in the thing to but I hope he fucking dies and I don’t know who he’s wrestling.
Angus:
Hater.
Jeff:
Got every right to be a hater. He’s a fagtard.
Angus:
What about Eugene and Vagabond?
Jeff:
I like Eugene, Vagabond I haven’t had the chance to meet yet, but I know he got a hell of a draw in round one with Eli Flair!
Angus:
That’s the same Eli Flair that Eric Dane has been salivating to get his hands on? The one that won forty-seven World Titles and now kind of sort of owns a blown out hole in the wall in New York?
Jeff:
That’s the one.
Angus:
Vagabond got the bone.
[Cut.]
=-=-=
[Backstage.]
[Elijah Goldman’s office.]
[Kevin “Satan” Alloy is nowhere to be found.]
[Yet.]
[Goldman sits behind his desk, almost perched over his desk. He runs through some paperwork before the inevitable knock comes to the door.]
E-Gold:
Who is it?
[The door opens. Alceo Dentari is the first one into the office, followed quickly by Yoshikazu YAZ and Lisa Loeh. Dentari’s got that kind of look on his face that says he’s happy to see you, even though you can tell that clearly he is not.]
E-Gold:
I believe I said “who is it,” not “come in.”
[Alceo falls into the chair opposite of Goldman. Lisa plants both hands on the desk and leans forward. YAZ steps back, folds his arms and glares. YAZ is dressed as usual, all mask and scary empty eyes and such, while Lisa is dressed in that “Kelly Evans-ized” quipao.]
Alceo Dentari:
I thought we had ourselves an agreement.
E-Gold:
Did we now?
Dentari:
And then yous go an’ yous disrespec’ me like this.
[Goldman’s angular features visibly scrunch, as if in displeasure.]
E-Gold:
I see. And how is it that I’ve disrespected you?
Dentari:
By takin’ my match with Kevin Cage outta the main event and stuffin’ it right smack in da middle of da card, that’s how.
Lisa Loeh:
I believe that also substantially reduces Mr. Dentari’s earning potential for the evening.
[Goldman rolls his eyes blatantly.]
E-Gold:
And I suppose what, you want compensation? Who are you, Cancer Jiles?
[Alceo smiles, his eyes filled with malicious intent.]
Dentari:
Nah, boss, I don’t want no compensation. What I want is your word that you’re gonna make good on this, and that an accident like this won’t happen again.
[Alceo winks. Lisa smirks. YAZ stares.]
E-Gold:
And then what?
Dentari:
And then we go on about our merry little lives, and our previous agreement holds in good standing. That, and more importantly, nobody gets hurt.
[Goldman considers this.]
E-Gold:
Tell you what I can do. We’ve got the All-Star Game coming up sooner than later, and with that comes WarGames. It’s worth a lot of points on the table, and it’s worth a lot of InterLeague points, and unlike the last ESEN show where you didn’t win the TLC, I can’t have Cito and his Heritage League running off with all of the points.
So.
You win your match tonight, you’ll be in a Qualifier next week, this goes for both of you, and if you then win that Qualifier, you’ll go on to WarGames and you’ll represent Evolution to the fullest of your capacity.
You have my word.
[Alceo smiles again.]
Dentari:
WarGames, eh? Lots of heads to kick in a WarGames...
E-Gold:
Satisfied?
[Alceo looks to his partners in “crime,” they nod.]
Dentari:
For now.
[The vertically challenged grappler stands and the trio make to leave.]
E-Gold:
Oh, and Alceo...
[Dentari and crew turn back.]
E-Gold:
The next time any of you walk into my office and threaten me, I’ll take that as your immediate resignation. Capice?
[Dentari snarls.]
Dentari:
Fuhgheddabahddit.
[Fade.]
=-=-=
Jeff: [deadpan]
So, DEFIANCE has a mafia.
Angus:
Not if I have anything to say about it!
Jeff:
Well, do you?
[Skaaland ponders for a moment.]
Angus:
Not really.
Jeff:
Now, if only we could get some actors to come in and play our wrestlers-
Angus: [interupting]
WHO ARE ALSO ILLEGAL ARMS DEALERS!
Jeff:
Xander Youngsteen?
Angus:
More like Jack Eastwood.
[Jeff shudders.]
=-=-=
Pete Whealdon vs Yoshikazu YAZ
Things were a little bit mis-timed, and on fade-up Whealdon was already in the ring and YAZ was just taking off his entrance robe and handing it to Lisa Loeh, rocking the hawtness as always in her stripper-modified quipao.
The two men locked up, YAZ quickly hit a spinning back kick to drop Whealdon to one knee, and then turned and raised his arms like he’d accomplished something significant. And this opened up an opportunity for Whealdon to grab YAZ from behind and.... hook on a headlock.
YAZ tried to back drop his way out of it, but Whealdon’s low center of gravity was too much for him from this angle. Then he tried to push Whealdon to the ropes, but Whealdon grabbed a handful of hair and hung onto the headlock. YAZ turned a bit, drove a couple of elbow strikes into Whealdon’s ribcage, knocked the headlock loose, and just turned on the fury. Slap, slap, shoot kick, elbow, elbow, spinning elbow, take a step backwards, Whealdon ducked the bicycle kick and grabbed another headlock, this time dragging both men down to the ground with it!
YAZ tried countering out with a headscissor. Whealdon grabbed YAZ’s hair again to block it, Mark Shields was completely ignoring the match because fuck restholds. YAZ got his body underneath him, powered up, and unleashed some shin kicks from hell to Whealdon’s face.
Whealdon lost the headlock and reeled backwards, YAZ followed him laying in chops and elbows, backing him into the corner, and then used a boot to the throat choke. Shields glanced, yelled the count at them across the ring. YAZ ignored it. Shields walked across the ring and broke the choke manually, yelling at YAZ, more than likely more pissed about having to do a something than the rule breach.
Nonetheless, Whealdon was ready. He caught YAZ by the collar, dropped backwards and slung him headfirst into the buckle, then quickly schoolboyed him. One... two... kickout. But with YAZ trying a little too hard to avoid another headlock and get the match moving faster, Whealdon easily countered YAZ with a scoopslam, and a measured knee drop to the head. Then he got another chinlock, the kind with the knee in the back and both forearms under the chin.
Again, YAZ began working to his feet. He broke the chinlock by kicking out a leg, rose to his feet twisting Whealdon’s arm in an arm wrench, and Whealdon countered with his own arm wrench. He turned it into an abdominal stretch, cleverly reaching behind him to hold onto the rope. And Lisa got up on the ring apron, put her leg up on the middle rope and did a little shimmy in place.
Whealdon, of course, was distracted, and YAZ hip-tossed him over. Lisa slid the hem of her skirt a little further up her leg, and Whealdon noticed.
And that second or two he was noticing gave YAZ time to get his arm in position.
THWACK!
SHOTEI!!
ONE! TWO! THREE!
Yoshikazu YAZ (+5) def. Pete Whealdon via Shotei
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