OOC: Read slowly, as some words are misspelled intentionally for effect.
Oakland, CA- Suffering from their loss at the hands of UCW World Champion The First and his sometimes partner and more often enemy Cameron Cruise, both Jean Claude and Pierre of the French Commandos decide that there is more to this whole "American thing" than they originally believed.
Their quest to figure it all out continues...
The camera fades into a football stadium. Because of copywrite infringement issues, the teams are not depicted as National Football League teams, but if they were then the two teams playing would be the Oakland Raiders and the San Francisco 49ers. It's a God-awful game, with more fumbles than a juggler juggling on a freshly waxed floor while doing the "Running Man" MC Hammer style.
As the camera pans around the stadium, it zooms into our two anti-heroes, Jean Claude and Pierre. They are badly beaten and bruised, and look to be doing well just to be able to see straight.
Jean Claude: Do not fret, dear part'nair. Zose two men who we fought two days ago were zee two best in zis company. We did well.
Pierre: Jean Claude, I know we did well. I just can't help myself, zo. My back aches a tremendously great deal.
An audible hard-hitting crunching sound is heard over their conversation.
Jean Claude: Sacrableu! Why did zat cheerleader tackle zat football man in his black jairzee (jersey)?
Pierre: I z'ink (think) zat he was running from from zee man in zee gold helmet, but he ran into zee cheerlee'dair.
Jean Claude: Ah! Zat would explain why he was screaming as he was running... and why zee cheerlee'dair didn't move.
Pierre: My head may be hurting from our recent match, but I do not z'ink that zeez men are so good at 'zair sport.
After saying these words, Pierre ponders for a moment before continuing.
Pierre: Jean Claude, what are we doing here?
Jean Claude: It is simple, Pierre. We are here to understand zee Americans. We came to zis country to show them what being French is all about, but in order to do zis we need to understand what it is to be zee Americans.
Pierre: I am not so sure zat I am following zee logic, monsieur.
Jean: It is like zis... take our opponents for zee pay'pair'view. Zay call zemselves FATE, or (speaks a whole bunch of French jibberish that sounds like the Chef from the Muppets), if you will. Zay are an in'tair'esting combination, with delusions of grandeur. Zay are strange, to be sure, but zay are American. Zee one believes herself to be a dee'mon from zee hellmouth or zome'sing to zat effect.
Pierre: Ooh! Like zee ones from Buffy zee Vampire Slay'air?
Jean Claude: Very similar, my simple friend.
Pierre: I like zee Buffy. She is so in touch wiss her feelings.
Jean Claude annoyedly shakes his head.
Jean Claude: As I was saying, zees two are American. If we are to show zem what true tag team wrestling is all about, zen we must und'air'stand where zee Americans are coming from.
Pierre scratches his head before a figurative light bulb turns on above his head and he suddenly appears like he understands.
Pierre: So what you are saying is zat to und'air'stand zee strange men we are fighting next week and we must first und'air'stand zis strange game zat zee Americans mistakenly call football?
Jean Claude: Precisely.
Pierre smiles the smile of somebody who rarely gets anything right, but has finally managed figure something out.
Pierre: Zat makes it so much easy'air to watch this strange football game even though zare is no Zidane.
"Clarify something for me Latham. How in the name of all that is...ME do you expect us to be taken seriously if we're fighting two French-Kissing dumbasses? Who's side are you on. Don't make me second guess and reconsider our alliance because if I have to sever all ties with our partnership I will sever you clean in half."
(The scene opens inside a locker room as "The Dark Phenom" Nakita Dahaka paces back and forth speaking on a cellphone apparently talking to Jalan Lathan on the other end. She listens quietly seething with anger breathing through her nose. Her manager, Delilah Demonik sits quietly on a bench listening intently as much as possible at the same time watching the latest promo of The French Commandos on a nearby television moniter. After a few moments of listening, Nakita responds again.)
"No I don't fear these broken english riddled dickwads. I'll do as I do. I will do as I always do. I will crush these two french pansies like stomping on grapes in a winery. I will drink on their blood and feast on their flesh as I always dictate. It's in my nature. Its on the only way that I know to do. I won't let you down and I will make them fear us and the name F.A.T.E. We won't fail you again Latham. See you at the pay-per-view."
(Nakita closes up her cellphone and puts it in her pocket.)
Delilah Demonik: Well that didn't sound like you, is "The Dark Phenom" Nakita Dahaka changing her tone and becoming a puppet?
Nakita: I am not a puppet. I never will be as such, but sometimes you must play the game. It is like a chess board. Let them have their time, but in the end we will prosper. I will get my payday. Jalan Latham has signed him name on the dotted line and when the time is right I will collect my reward or else Latham will be in breach of contract, and you know that I am one person that he should not double-cross.
Delilah: I'm sure that even Latham isn't that foolish to even consider such an act. But in the meantime, forget about him and the alliance. You need to focus on your oponants for the Pay-Per-View, these French Commandos. You and Robby must redeem yourselves and prepare for these bad accented french tarts. Honestly what harm can they do. I mean their from France they can't possibly stand up against MOTHER OF ALL MENDACITY and HARBENGER OF FATE Nakita Dahaka, let alone defeat her can they?
Nakita: Your right Delilah, they don't stand a chance. They can scout a pitiful, aweful football game in which two celler teams try to fight for some measure of pride and salvage what little dignity they can muster or they can take F.A.T.E. seriously. They think that we're nothing more than a dillusion drowning in grandure. Have they looked in the mirror lately. I mean, like you said Delilah, their french what can they possibly do against us?
Delilah: That's a rhetorical question right?
(Nakita smiles as she taps her right index finger on the side tip of her nose meaning that she is correct.)
Nakita: Buffy The Vampire Slayer? Hollywood really never could portray me right. Dumb asses, but then again how can I take them take them seriously...their french.
(Nakita and Delilah begin laughing myniacally at one another.)
Nakita: Oh well I guess it could be worse. At least I'm not wasting my time in the ring against someone like Big Gay Bruce. Although not that I would have a problem with him as much as Jean Claude and Pierre might.
Delilah: That's the optimism that I was wanting to hear Nakita.
Nakita: I just hope that Franklin has watched the tape and paid attention to his mistakes and learned from them well enough. I don't want a repeat of last week's Revolution match. See to it that he learns from his mistakes and that we are competing at top level even against Jean Claude and Pierre.
Delilah: I'll get right on that.
Nakita: See to it that you do. I will not lose again...
The quest to understand America continues. The honorable Jean Claude and Pierre of The French Commandos stand in line at a great American restaurant. The logo looks almost exactly like McDonalds but just as with the segment before at the football game, due to copywrite infringement issues the logo is upside down.
Jean Claude looks intently at the menu behind the counter while Pierre googly-eyes a buff dude in a wife beater who is sitting in a corner booth.
Jean Claude: Pierre! Pay attention! We do not have time for your attention deficit disor'dair to distract us from our goal.
Pierre is absolutely startled by the alpha male in their "relationship". While to Jean Claude it looks as if he has snapped Pierre back from a daydream, Pierre's face tells the tale of a man who is still in the closet and wishes to keep it that way.
Pierre: Wee Wee monsieur.
The words "Wee Wee" coming from an obviously homosexual man strike a profound chord with the viewing audience.
Jean Claude: No more "wee wee". Just pay attention to zis menu.
Jean Claude begins an angry rant in French that sounds like he has peanut butter stuck to the roof of his mouth. Once he finishes, Pierre nods his head subservantly.
Jean Claude: We have studied zee strangeness of zee femme fatale, Nakita Dahaka by watching zee Americans play 'zare form of zee football. We have learned of zee American fighting spirit through our match with zee two men who fight in zee Pay'Pair'View main event, Zee Fairst and Monsieur Cameron Cruise.
Pierre: Zee Crip'lair.
Jean Claude: Yes, Zee Crip'lair Cameron Cruise.
Pierre smiles whole heartedly.
Jean Claude: All of zis will be for not if we do not un'dair'stand zee obesity of F.A.T.E.'s best kept secret.
Pierre: Oh, oh! I am good at keeping zee secrets.
Jean Claude: I'm sure zat you are, my limp wristed friend. Nonetheless, zee French Commandos must learn about what makes Pieske function.
Pierre: Is zat why we are here, monsieur Jean Claude?
Jean Claude shakes his head in annoyance due to Pierre's statement of the obvious.
Jean Claude: We have a win'air, as zee Americans like to say. Yes Pierre, zat is why we are here. We must learn about zee thing zat makes Pieske so gargantuan. We must educate our minds to the mysteries of fast food.
The person immediately in front of The French Commandos moves to the side. Jean Claude steps forward to the counter.
Fast Food Guy: Welcome to WacDonalds. Can I take your order?
(The scene opens on two of the four member of F.A.T.E. as "The Dark Phenom" Nakita Dahaka and her manager Delilah Demonik stand in front of a television moniter watching the latest promo of The French Commandos. They look at each other and just kind of shake their heads letting out a loud collective sigh.)
Nakita Dahaka: Well I think that it is safe to say that we know who's the butch and who's the b**** of this relationship.
Delilah Demonik:(Points to Jean Claude) He's the butch. (Points to Pierre) and he's the b****! Honestly Nakita, F.A.T.E. has nothing to worry about because afterall what could they possibly do to us? Their...Ambigiously...FRENCH!
Nakita: You and I have nothing to worry about. I think that its Pieske and Rob Franklin that have more to worry. Not that I really care about Pieske, but Franklin has more than his work cut out for him. If I were you Delilah, I'd do whatever you can to protect Franklin's sweet virgin ass if I were you
Delilah:(Mockingly but almost serious in sincere in nature spoken like Sally from The Peanuts comics) Oh my sweet baboon. Don't worry I will protect you.
(Nakita trying not to crack a smile as she attempts to keep a straight face and stay within her usual character.)
Delilah: As usual Nakita, you and your dry sense of humor never cease to surprise me. You really do have a funny bone to tickle afterall.
Nakita: But of course. What did you expect?
Nakita: Anyway, I am more than ready, willing, and able to step up to the task of taking on and destroy these French Pop-tart farts from now until Sunday. But one has to wonder about Rob Franklin and Pieske. I just hope that his heart is still in this or if he is trying to give up on me. Say Delilah, has it been a month that I have Franklin under my services or is it dangerously close to expiring.
(Delilah pulls out a peice of paper from her dress top/cleavage area and unfolds it to read it.)
Delilah: According to this, we've still got them both.
Nakita: If he tries to leave me during this time or screw me. I can sue him right?
Delilah: According to this, yeah you could. But I'll take care of him. But if you must, I think that you could just as easily take on Jean-Claude and Pierre by yourself. I mean what could they do to you of all people? Their two french girls with pigtails. They should be wearing Catholic school girl uniforms, and your...well your the DARK PHENOM! Your The Harbenger of Fate! Your the Mother of Mendacity. What can they do to you. I mean its not like your facing Jecht and Max of Blitz. Its not like their two superstar legends in the making like Cameron Cruise or The First. Their french p*ssies. Their more woman than well...me and I'm as woman as you're gonna get. I have big boobs, I have a nice ass, long godlike lucious legs. I'm a sexy a b*tch, and they've got disgusting manboobs. There is no way that they can you on.
Nakita: Perhaps your right Delilah. Still I must be ready for anything and everything. I must be ready to pick up the slack for Rob Franklin if he does in fact decide to fail me. I must be ready to them. They may be french. They may be annoying. They may swing...that way, but in everything that are, even the sun could shine on a dogs ass if I am not ready and they could steal this match and this win from me. I won't let it happen Delilah. Rob better not let it happen. If I have to personally take over and dominate this match by myself I will make sure that The French Commandos fall at my feet when it is all said and done. Now with that said its time to break it down...
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