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FEEDBACK - DEFtv44

Justin

Da BAWS
Staff member
Joined
Jun 26, 2009
Messages
2,466
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Age
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www.defiancewrestling.com
Alright, the show is up:

http://defiancewrestling.com/results/87

If your cache is still borked from the server move, try here:

http://defiance.halkum.com/results/87

Now, it's time for feedback.

Let's not take two fucking weeks, please?

Feel free to do the seg-by-seg style if you like, which I love, or fill out this short questionaire, which I also enjoy enough that I ripped it straight off from LoC.

---

What did we do right?

What did we do wrong?

Top Face of the Night?

Top Heel of the Night?

On the Bubble / Who is about to break out?

Favorite Quotes?

Mark-Out Moments?

How was the overall reading experience?

Last question, what can I do better? What information do you guys need from me in order to make things run smoother?
 

Justin

Da BAWS
Staff member
Joined
Jun 26, 2009
Messages
2,466
Points
36
Age
42
Website
www.defiancewrestling.com
Afkkhrx.gif

Feedback, motherfuckers, write it.
 

CraigM

Member
Joined
Jan 24, 2007
Messages
351
Points
16
Age
38
The List, and Yous ain’t on it - Nice. Simple. To the point. Leaves you wanting more. Dane/White is the story that is tying everything together in the entire fed and you have to feel as if it is about to explode all over everything. Dane not being allowed in should make for some interesting events and the added intrigue is there with Kelly meeting with White.

Masato vs. Suicidal Youth - Really quick match. Not sure as to why there was a double DQ. Unless Carla counts really fast. Interesting debut for Masato and I like the idea of the match on defiancewrestling.com prior to the start of the show.

The Rundown - Nice segue into the upcoming card and the fallout of Executive Decision, even if it gave away a match that was being booked in the next segment ;-)

A New Chapter - Wrote this with Ken and Evan. Fun. Fun. Fun!

Setting the Date - Really solid writing here to set up the main event at not WarGames, but DEFTV47. What?! I like the idea of having Ryan push off the match. Already he is taking control of things and putting Dusty at a disadvantage. Should be interesting to see how Ryan continues to play his Machiavellian games.

Sons of the Soil vs. CDC - Squash match. Goodbye CDC. It was… fun?… having you around.

White Knights… Ready for Action! - I love the interaction between the World Champ and the FIST. I’m always surprised that stuff doesn’t happen more often, especially with Edward White messing with both of them. Still, solid seg to build to the main event later on in the evening with a good writing!

To Feed a Beast - Loved this segment. This is what Mushi should be doing. Demanding shit. He should be the Brock Lesnar of DEFIANCE. Eddie Dante is the perfect mouthpiece here. The Paul Heyman to Mushi’s Lesnar. Really good segment that should build the story of Mushi throughout this arc.

STT vs. Rich Mahogany - Helped write this with Chris. Loved writing this line - "Listen, Rich is my boy and all. Still, when I want to watch oiled up people having their ass pummeled, I just go to pornhub.com.”

Wrath of the God-Beast - And perfect follow-up to ‘To Feed a Beast’. The rampage that Mushi is on is going to be so glorious and I can’t wait to see it unfold.

Broken Freaking Wrist - I thought this segment fit Penn’s character quite well. I loved the breakdown of the footage, the allegations that Slater is in GA and had a bet on the match, and that Slater furthered the injury that Penn sustained. Perfect heel shit. Not sure what Penn will do next, but can’t wait to see what it is.

Henry Keyes vs. Jake Donovan - Really enjoyed this match. Loved the finish as it was out of nowhere. The fact that Keyes did not bust out the BELL CLAP is a massive disappointment. Loved that it was played up during the commentary. Kudos to both.

Do Something - HOSS + BDH? Yeah, sign me up. The only way this could get better is if VIAGRA was thrown into the mess as well. I loved that Troy went off for the reason that she did. Obviously that story means something to me, but it was such a poignant moment to see that can carry so much weight in my opinion.

Holiday/Noble vs. Katze/Corozzo - Wrote this with Ken and Evan. Good times.

Still Alive - Hilarious. I feel like this was only something that Eugene could pull off.

When a Quick Bite to Eat Goes Wrong - Wrote this with Seth. Love writing with Seth.

Dan Ryan vs. Troy Matthews - Wow, I did not expect the match to go like this. I totally thought Ryan was going to absolutely dominate Troy throughout the match, but this had some nice back and forth action that built up the drama. I almost thought Troy would pull off the surprise victory, but the end of the match came and what I thought would happen throughout the entire match… happened. Nice intensity throughout though.

The Art of the Deal - Really liked watching White here. Having only been around for one arc, I may have missed this, but this is not just about business for White and his animosity against Eugene. This is personal and I think it adds a whole new, interesting element. This is definitely one of the better segments of the evening as the writing was top notch.

White Knights vs. Team HOSS - Match of the night by far. This was great back and forth action. HOSS has been built up perfectly so it is not only believable, but almost expected that they would take it to two of the best in DEFIANCE. The action here was great and that ending I think is perfect to allow all parties to save face and push the overall story forward.

Handees and Blowjees - Wow. Wow. Wow. Perfect cap to the story. WarGames is set and things are about to get serious. This is up there for seg of the night, honestly.

Match of the Night - Knights vs. HOSS
Seg of the Night - The Art of the Deal

Overall, one hell of a card top to bottom. Obviously, this is the setup show for the entire arc and people just getting back into the swing of things after the holidays. Still, a good show, nice, brisk read, and lots of good things seem about to be set off.
 

Evan H.

DEF Director of Fun & Good Humor
Joined
May 7, 2012
Messages
1,263
Points
0
Location
South Tejas
Website
myundertaking.tumblr.com
What did we do right?
I like the pre-show / dark / preliminary match, we honestly could do a few more of those. On time card, always good. Felt like everyone was engaged and involved and had segments. The news this go round was stellar. I love all the dirt and background info. I hope that trend continues.


What did we do wrong?
The Jane / Nicky tag match was mentioned in the rundown then "booked on the fly" by Ed later on. A few cases of "teleportation" but honestly? I can excuse most of that shit, we're always way to hard on ourselves in that regard when we do feedback. We're always striving to correct stuff like that, and that's enough. There wasn't a lot wrong with this card at all some closer proof reading wouldn't fix.


Top Face of the Night?
No one babyface stood out for me on this one?


Top Heel of the Night?
Team HOSS had some really strong segments. Mushigihara and Eddie's segment with White was super solid. Dan Ryan also, as usual, lurking around like a smarter crueler Brock Lesnar. I want like WAY more Sons of the Soil stuff. I want to know more about their characters, they're background. I'd love to see some news or propaganda board stuff from them just to "flesh out" their universe a little bit.


On the Bubble / Who is about to break out?
Holiday. He'd be a welcome addition to the main event babyface rotation. Super strong sense of character, funny but sincere promos. Good shit. Mushigihara and Eddie Dante are doing some strong stuff, the right writing partner and the write story the God Beast could be top tier heel material.


Favorite Quotes?

DPS Goon: [nodding to Kelly]
Yous can come in. Mr. White wants ta see yous.


[Her eyebrow shoots up.]


DPS Goon: [nodding to Dane]
Yous can go fuck yaself.

Mark-Out Moments?
WarGames. 'Nuff said.


How was the overall reading experience?
Good, transitions could be a little smoother, but good.


Last question, what can I do better? What information do you guys need from me in order to make things run smoother?
Honestly? This card slid out no problems bud. Lets just do this a bunch of times in a row, not yell at each other and we've got ourselves an efad. ;)
 

SenorJames

DEFIANT Grandpa
Joined
Jan 11, 2013
Messages
1,098
Points
0
Location
The Land of Cheese
THE LIST AND HOW YOUS AINT ON IT
Justin asked me if it was good enough, and I told him that this bit does what it needs to do, which is exactly all it should be doing. I’ve seen a few feedbacks for random segments that say there should be more to them or whatever, but I disagree. Watch a WWE show, then compare some of their bits to what we’re doing. Some of our segments can drag on longer than they have any right to, because I think we all still have a bit of the roleplay mentality in us. What I mean is, not every segment needs a big hook or funny line or clever dialogue or big promo being cut or whatever it is you may or may not be thinking is missing from any random segment. Most of the time, just getting to the point and being done with it is all that you ever really need.

MASATO ISHIMARU v. SUICIDAL YOUTH
Welcome back, Aaron… And that didn’t take long, hah… Why would it be a double DQ? SY got no offense to be DQ’d on. Just saying, details to be nitpicked about is all.

THE RUNDOWN
Jeff gotter done.

A NEW CHAPTER
I love the mic spot, never leave that out of Frank’s promos where a mic is involved… Awkward, indeed, HAAAAAH… David Noble starting to become a thing that matters around here… Dag, Edward White going full Justin on this, hah… Good stuff, I dig.

SETTING THE DATE
Mr. Brunk and I wrote this, with an assist from El Justino on the backend.

SONS OF THE SOIL v. CRIMSON DRAGON CLAN
Short and brutal. So long CDC, you were here, I guess.

WHITE KNIGHTS… READY FOR ACTION!
Dames and I wrote this.

TO FEED A BEAST
Dug the promo by Dante, really dug White telling him to STFU and basically calling Mushi a dime a dozen monster. This was really good.

SAMUEL T. TURNER II v. RICH MAHOGANY
Didn’t go how I expected it to, but it didn’t ruin either guy, so it’s a success in my book. Kudos to Craig for jumping in last minute to handle this business.

WRATH OF THE GOD-BEAST
Mushi is so fun loving and carefree… So long Zongetthefuckoutzu.

BROKEN FREAKING WRIST
This started off really good, then kind of fell flat at the end, then Justin and I fixed up how it ended and it’s exactly what it needs to be, w00t. It should also lead to some nifty segments going forward.

HENRY KEYES v. JAKE DONOVAN
HAAAAAAAAAH, Donovan twice… Angus wants dat BELL CLAP, gawdaymit!... Donovan getting all agro because of angry feels after the Sons match is a good touch… An interesting twist there, haven’t seen a double pinfall finish since foreverago, good job… Both dudes come away from this with some shine and could always set something up down the way.

DO SOMETHING
Junior being awkwardly pervy is awful, haaaah, so it’s perfect… That punk kid Angel is gonna get his and those voiceover comments, nice touch… LULZ Alecz being so offended by a “stupid question” that he’s only like 75% DTF with Christie… FIREFLY REFERENCE TO START THE HEROES ENTRANCE TO THIS SEGMENT FOR THE WIN!... Things got real fast, here we go again, Heroes vs HOSS, lessdoit!

HOLIDAY & NOBLE v. COROZZO & JANE
Frank calling for the tag, I imagine this leading to some kind of heat later on… Hah, good bit of Angus & Keebs there about thinking about Holiday… Dig the bit here with Frank not being able to take down Nicky, then tagging in Noble to employ some double team action to get the job done… Hmm, not sure I dig Corozzo just being allowed to tag out there, I’d have had Noble and Holiday try one more spot, have Corozzo monster out of it, then tag out. TWO CENTS!... SOMEBODY SUPLEX ANGUS’ WEINER INTO JANES HOOHAH, STAT!... Hmm, odd, I was sure there’d be some kind of miscommunication leading to DRAMA~!... Good stuff though.

STILL ALIVE
Derp placement of this segment because of Corozzo’s inclusion in it, would have been to have some nameless DPS random guy… Eugene Dewey and Natalie Dormer, not the kind of comparison I would have made, but I get what you mean, lulz, shes so hawt and she’s gonna turn Joffery’s lil’ bro out something fierce soon, haha.

WHEN A QUICK BITE TO EAT GOES WRONG
Aleczander segment, this gon’ b gud… Not as amusing as I was hoping… Still good… SETUP FOR A MATCH LATER IN THE ARC FOR THE WIN?

DAN RYAN v. TROY MATTHEWS
I was digging this all the way until Dan Ryan went Hulk Hogan / Undertaker on Matthews here… It’s not that Ryan kicked out or suddenly went James Roper on him “Great White Hype” style, it’s more a thing where Matthews should have tried for some more offense and then had Ryan EXPLODE back to life and just level Matthews… Do that and the finish sequence is perfect, again, TWO CENTS and other than that, it was good stuff.

THE ART OF THE DEAL
Ace is short joke!... Good on you Dames for putting in a call back to previous segments you wrote, nice little details like that make things better… Loving the backstory here and how it plays into what Edward wants with Ace and the LBC… Ooooh schnap, son, Moneybags done kicked Ace in the BAWLS with that bit about using him to “soften” Euge up for someone else to win the FIST. That’s cold, fucking blooded dude, so good.

THE WHITE KNIGHTS v. TEAM HOSS
Big ups to Sethrow and Dames for running the train on this bitch with me, glad everyone seems to like what we did with it.

HANDEES AND BLOWJEES
The thing I love about Kelly is that she is literally cruder than most guys, she just don’t give a fuck and isn’t going to pretend to be something she’s not, no matter the situation she may find herself. And now the fun begins as we build our way to WarGames. Good stuff to “close” the show.

==========

AFTERTHOUGHTS
ON TIME MUDDERFUGGAHS WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!... YAY TEAMWORK (thx Seth/Dames)... DOUBLE YAY for a show that didn't take FOR-FUCKING-EVER to read, this should be the target every time out for DEFtv... People getting on the ball and not dragging ass before getting their work done on time, kudos friends... Uhm, YAY!?
 

Damien

Member
Joined
Apr 6, 2012
Messages
515
Points
16
The List, and Yous ain’t on it
I get the feeling this is here to set up one of two things. Number 1, Eric Dane buys a ticket to get in, or number 2, Eric Dane dresses in drag ala Bobby Heenan to get in.

Secretly I’m hoping for number 2.

Decent seg to open to show. The fact that I’m hoping for one of the above to happen makes up for the fact that Dane seemed to take not being let in on the chin rather than dropping the DPS goon (however big he might be) to the concrete with a stardriver.

Masato vs. Suicidal Youth
A damn short match with with a very abrupt ending. I think I get what was intended here. Masato wrestles hardcore style and he’s got to adapt to the DEFIANCE way of doing things, but I think (if this was the intention) that could have been displayed better by simply not having the match start. Maybe Masato dives on Suicidal Youth before the bell, hits his moves on the outside then puts him through a table rather than having the double count out.

The Rundown
Thanks for the catch up on the Eric Dane situation. Muddied waters from the end of ED have been cleared.

Job done with the rest of the run down.

A New Chapter
A 3 part segment that felt incredibly choppy and, honestly, could really have done with being cut down. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of Frank Holiday, but the whole part with his girlfriend just felt unncessesary. You needed to embarass him so that Noble had something to joke with him about? Fine, but I’d rather have seen that bit with Lexi somewhere else. Maybe a news post during a press conference or something.

Then part 2 starts and David Noble comes out. I’m feeling something of an uneasy alliance here, and definitely get the feeling David is heading in the direction of Eddie Guerrero in his final storyline.

Part 3 with Edward White could have done with coming a lot sooner. This felt like the main point of the seg, but it took so long to get here, then when it comes everything before just turns into filler.

I’m expecting to see Noble walk out on Holiday in the tag match later as well. That’s the vibe I’m getting from Noble in this seg.

So we’re gonna see Noble/Holiday next week? Ok, but that should be it until wargames. I want a reason for these two to finally get it on at WarGames, not to have to read Noble/Holiday V.

Setting the Date
Maybe White suddenly being at his desk with Dusty and Ryan in front of his is a continuity error, maybe not. Either way it wasn’t as slick as it could have been.

Aside from that, the segment was good. I like Dusty’s moxy, but I like Dan’s determination as well. He wants Dusty at 100% to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that he’s the best and he’s working on behalf of the best, Dusty wants to go now because that’s just who he is.

Sons of the Soil vs. CDC
I know this was a squash because James P has been fired, but the length was perfect for a first TV match for the trio. I’d have been happy to see a match like this even if the CDC weren’t new enhancement talent because I already think that the Sons are so far above them in interestingness.

White Knights… Ready for Action!
James and I wroted dis.

To Feed a Beast
I like this. I’m clamouring for something substantial for Mushi, and I like the fact that White has pointed out he’s done nothing of note since losing to Troy Matthews.

Personally I’d have had Eddie request a match for the FIST over the SoHer title because I think that would show that his sights are set a little higher, only to have that shot down with the insult of “Mushi isn’t even going to get a SoHer title shot”.

Either way, I’m glad something looks like it’s in the pipework for Mushi.

STT vs. Rich Mahogany
Damn, Sam, this heel turn is solid af now. Definitely didn’t expect Sam to get DQed, but then that’s him now. He’s a cheating jerk.

We HAVE to address the heel turn as white knights soon. I know for a fact that Eugene hasn’t said a word about it, and that’s just not realistic.

Wrath of the God-Beast
CDC getting shit on now. Mushi getting more time = good.

Broken Freaking Wrist
Oh PLEASE tell me Penn is going for a Cowboy Bob Orton gimmick here. The perpetual cast on the not actually broken body part is something done so rarely, but it’s always awesome.

When I wrote the finish to the Submission match I didn’t expect Jon to do this with it, but it’s beautiful. It’s more than I could ever imagine.

Keep up the excellent work, Jon!

Henry Keyes vs. Jake Donovan
A fun little match with an unexpected outcome. I thought Keyes was gonna take that one for sure. I hope this goes somewhere, otherwise the double pinfall is pretty much a waste and would mean this didn’t need to happen.

Do Something
This is the feud I’ve been waiting for. With Lindz (officially) handling all of the Heroes now I’m sure this will progress nicely. I want to say this seg started the feud nicely, but it started during the last arc. I’m so looking forward to seeing where this goes.

Holiday/Noble vs. Katze/Corozzo
Ok, I totally expected some shenanigans to go down. A clean win for Noble and Holiday was literally the last think I thought was going to happen.

I want to see where this goes, but I definitely feel like there was a quintessential storyline starter missed there.

Still Alive
I wroted dis.

When a Quick Bite to Eat Goes Wrong
A bit of cross feud segging, just what we’ve been talking about. Are we gonna see some cross feud matches? I hope so.

Dan Ryan vs. Troy Matthews
Matthews and Donovan have looked good on this show, yet they can’t get it done as a team. That needs fixing. I agree totally with James, Dan Ryan suddenly no selling everything up to that point and wiping Matthews the fuck out didn’t set quite right with me.

The Art of the Deal
I wroted dis.

White Knights vs. Team HOSS
Seth, James and I wroted dis.

We set out to write a good match, get everyone some shine, touch on the storylines that we’re all trying to tell, and do it all in under 15 pages.

We succeeded and I think we did very well with it. This was such as easy match to write, so thanks to Seth and James for making it so.

Handees and Blowjees
I love it. The WarGames match is announced and it’s already more than half set up. This is gonna be good.
 

DBrunkGXW

Consigliere
Joined
Sep 11, 1997
Messages
4,815
Points
36
Age
48
Location
Katy, TX
I actually edited the match to have Matthews try a couple moves before Ryan raged on him, because that detail was bugging me. Refresh browser if you don't see it.
 

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