Welcome to FWrestling.com!

You've come to the longest running fantasy wrestling website. Since 1994, we've been hosting top quality fantasy wrestling and e-wrestling content.

FEEDBACK - MAXIMUM DEFIANCE

SenorJames

DEFIANT Grandpa
Joined
Jan 11, 2013
Messages
1,098
Points
0
Location
The Land of Cheese

Now lets try to get as much feedback done for this show as we can. You do not need to do a full show review, but come on, if you're part of the group, please don't look for validation/criticism from your peers and then not have the decency to do the same for everyone else.

What did we do right?

What did we do wrong?

Match of the Night?

Segment of the Night?

Top Face of the Night?

Top Heel of the Night?

On the Bubble / Who is about to break out?

Favorite Quotes?

Mark-Out Moments?

How was the overall reading experience?


 

Evan H.

DEF Director of Fun & Good Humor
Joined
May 7, 2012
Messages
1,263
Points
0
Location
South Tejas
Website
myundertaking.tumblr.com
Squad Goals
Did you fall into a cave when you were a kid like Bruce Wayne, only instead of a big scary bat inspiring you to fight crime you saw a bearded lady, a strongman, and a clown playing a calliope and you were moved to fight good taste with black and white special effects, ragtime music, and a disturbing and strange desire to roll back women’s rights?

LOL Goddamn you Brunk. :p Great promo from two of our biggest baddest promo cannons. The sort of fire you want to kick things off. Good job guys.

Run-Down
It ran things down. When we use "voice over" guy, does everyone else have the TNA black guy voice over guy in their heads? ... I do.

Penn vs. Holiday
Love the start, that was all Jon. Really creative way to lead into a match. Wasn't overdone, Penn looked strong in defeat. Good heels know how to go out on their ass in style. Good job guys.

The Only Entrance That Matters / The Main Event Arrives
Blame this on Damien and I's semi-lack of hooking up and brainstorming harder on this show, these two segs not being one... but hey! Look! We did virtually the exact same seg, down to the GD placement. Even with an ocean and several time zones between us Damien and I are riiiightere, man. LOL So if mine reads a little odd it was meant to go right after Penn/Holiday... LOL Anyway, good stuff all around.

Gearing Up
I am goddamn fascinated with Keyes. Dude has the balls I didn't to go full on with a real "gimmick"... there was a time when I had an idea to go full on Westboro Baptist with Box and dive into the weird religious cult leader thing full steam and never had the bollocks... so to speak. "Alien-arm juju"... just goddamn love Keyes so much lol.

Now, some criticism. The Airship... I have zero problem with it... but that shit needed to REVERBERATE through the rest of the card. Not get no sold in the next segment. Imagine you're at Raw and Finn Balor debuted by landing on Drogon from Game of Thrones out in the goddamn parking lot. We can get away with that shit because ewrestling is fucking awesome, but do your own imagination justice. It needed to be sold way more from this point forward throughout the card. I'd have been more than happy to make mention of it in my segs. Other than that little gripe this was gold.

Freeman vs. Donovan
Good match, kept me reading.

The Common Denominator
Dude, hit me up. I have some storyline idears.

Matthews vs. Matthews
This angle was well built, nice and simple. A heel with issues and a babyface with something to prove. Maaaaaaaaaaaybe a few less song lyrics in the entrances, fella's. lol Otherwise, GREAT brawl.


Preparation Is Key
All Dames.

Malachi vs. Harmony
Just like Keyes, and Mushi for that matter. I dig a big weird sort of "it can only happen in ewrestling" kinda gimmicks. So Malachi is right up my boulevard. The church being masked like creepy skeleton Villianos is just so killer. I'm interested in Malachi evolution... I think a few arcs down the road with a bunch of time behind the wheel of this character it could turn into a top flight main event heel. Easy. Like I made mention about Penn, a heel that knows his role and knows when to go out on his ass is a heel that's aaaaaaaa'ok in my book.

Time to Get Physical
I'm telling you right now... if you're not considering a massive card scorching heel turn with Noble you're out of your goddamn mind, sir. I want Noble to be the Janetty to Holiday's HBK but the story being Marty tossing Shawn's arrogant ass through the Barbershop Window. Frank starting his ascent, leaving Noble juuuust barely behind and WHAM... he goddamn can't take it anymore and takes Frankie's smug head off. #FantastyBooking

Noble vs. The God-Beast
Bah, you fuckers know how good you are at this. Suck a duck. :p


Words and Doors
Like I said above. Troy's a promo cannon. Didn't overstay it's welcome and had a clear concise target. Good shit, but that's be be expected from Lindz at this point. Everyone knows what a nerd for wrestling promos I am. I think more matches could do with a little one on one talk to the camera time as lead ins.

The First Time is the Best Time
Another short interstitial segment that just makes the card a breeze to read. That's a good indicator of a good segment, a lot of solid entertaining writing that fits on the screen all at once. Beginning middle and end. Good job guys.

Triple Threat
wvQImO8.gif


lol... yeah, Jesus guys. Not a lot of feedback you can give to writing this good.

All hail DA CHAMP!

Me, yada yada...

From this point on, all you mother fuckers just bow down to Ken and James, holy fuckballs.

Almost THIRTY PAGE MATCH followed up by nearly FIFTEEN PAGES of fire from James.



Tappin' out. Fuckin' great PPV guys and gals.



Oh, and James...














t8XsQ1H.gif



YOU READY BRO. YOU READY.

 

RyanMatthews

League Member
Joined
May 19, 2013
Messages
38
Points
0
What did we do right? The entire card top to bottom seemed to flow really well. Despite all the entrance segments it did make sense and it flowed well.

What did we do wrong? The run-down. Most specifically the part where Angus seems to like Ryan Matthews over Troy Matthews when every single segment I've done from the beginning of the angle (please go back and read, the amount of times I have Angus call Ryan Matthews a "jerkweed/jagoff/etc is prevalent throughout all of it) is completely the opposite. Made me realize somebody doesn't read what I do or didn't care, dealer's choice.

Match of the Night? DEF*Max Final - Box/Holiday was magic. I enjoyed the read totally.

Segment of the Night? The entire segment with Keyes and the brace from hell. Solid Gold

Top Face of the Night? Dusty Griffith

Top Heel of the Night? Bronson Box

On the Bubble / Who is about to break out? Mushi

Favorite Quotes?
DDK:
That very well might be true. We are going to get a good idea of the heart that Harmony has tonight.

Angus:
See, this is your problem. Looking further than skin deep. Do you NOT notice the boobs in front of her heart?!

DDK:
I'm going to need a LOT more money in my next contract.


Mark-Out Moments? Dusty's return to DEFIANCE

How was the overall reading experience? It was good overall, better than about 99% of cards I've read. I hate to say it but the entire thing with the run-down kept it from being an awesome card. It may be my ego coming through, but that's just me.

And to let you know Evan, about the entrance for Ryan in particular, I used the fact that more of the song played than normally would to show that Ryan was tuning up the mind games, truly making Troy WAIT where he wouldn't have normally. And I'll get with you on the doc you linked me to.
 

PositivelyKen

League Member
Joined
Aug 19, 2013
Messages
207
Points
0
Location
Winnipeg, MB
SQUAD GOALS
This was a really good seg for a cold open -- Dan Ryan and Lindsay Troy not only bringing their promo A-games to bear against Eugene Dewey, but making their motivations crystal clear in defining exactly how Mr. Nerd Rage screwed them out of their DEF*MAX tournament spots. The beauty of how all of this transpired over the last few shows is, you can do all sorts of rematches to settle many scores. Also, that Batman bit that Evan quoted was truly inspired. Great stuff.


RUN-DOWN
Good hype piece as always.


DEF*MAX TOURNAMENT PLAY-IN MATCH - CURTIS PENN vs. FRANK HOLIDAY
Jon did a fantastic job writing this, and I did a few tweaks to the match. The Penn and Jane Katze promo leading into the match was effective, laying out Penn's objection to having to wrestle a second time against someone he already beat once, and adding to the intrigue of whether Jane can recruit him into her stable. Again, just like I commented in the opening segment, the outcome here puts Penn and Holiday in a tie, which leaves things wide open to pick this up again in the future.


THE ONLY ENTRANCE THAT MATTERS
Another "just arriving to the venue" segment, short and to the point. Eugene Dewey switching to comic book villain T-shirts was a clever touch.


GEARING UP
I already told Ben how much I loved this, and I'll repeat it here too. Anything this beautifully random gets my seal of approval any day. What, exactly, IS Henry Keyes? A time traveler? A cyborg? And does he ACTUALLY have an HONEST-TO-GOD AIRSHIP parked outside the Wrestle-Plex? I smiled through this whole segment and imagined it as a scene from Full Metal Alchemist or something. My favorite segment of the card by far. WANT MOAR!


KENNY FREEMAN vs. JAKE DONOVAN
Donovan's turn to the dark side has been an interesting change for the character, especially as Blue has been supplementing on-card segments with RPs for character development. Nicely done! Kenny Freeman has been a little tougher to quite nail down as a character up to now, but in terms of being a good babyface foil for the newly converted Malachite to play off of, it's been coming along well enough. Pretty intense match from start to finish, doing a good job of demonstrating how much more vicious Jake has become of late.


THE MAIN EVENT ARRIVES
The third "just arriving to the venue" segment, which comes two matches into the card! I guess when you've got Jane "As Seen In Sexy Secretaries IV" Katze repping you, who gives a shit about being on time? Technically, only HALF of the main event arrives in this segment, nawmean? Frank got there early to take a good, long crap and enjoy the craft services. There just weren't live cameras around at the time. ;)


THE COMMON DENOMINATOR
One of the things I've enjoyed about Ryan Matthews's campaign against Troy Matthews is how he ONLY refers to him as his real name, David Troy. (It's in his bio.) Really strong promo here establishing, 1) that Ryan Matthews is an incorrigible asshole, 2) that his fixation on Matt Troyhews is not going to end without significant mayhem ensuing, and 3) that he's a sharp-as-a-tack tactician about maneuvering the situation the way he wants it to go. I also loved the confrontation with Ty Walker, calling back to the breakup of Hookers 'N' Blow. Intrigue...


TROY MATTHEWS vs. RYAN MATTHEWS
Really good match here. I fully bought into the false finish involving Kelly Evans and the medics, and the comeback of Troy Matthews. But of course, Ryan Matthews comes out on top, gets his contract, and roars back into DEFIANCE on a roll.


PREPARATION IS KEY
Evan and Damien have done a really impressive job of balancing out the fact that Dewey and Box are "associates" working for the same cause, against the truth that they still aren't 100% on the same page. Loved Eugene talking tough to Bronson only to back off as soon as he realized he pushed it juuuust a bit too far for Box's liking. This is a very interesting dynamic, and I always enjoy these segs. Great work.


MALACHI vs. HARMONY
Angus going boob-crazy over Harmony every time out is creepy as hell, but that's good ol' Angus, DEFIANCE's pervy uncle. Now, judging by the fact that Malachi kept Abigail and ditched Joseph, one can only assume what he REALLY wants when he insists on recruiting Harmony. That's right: WOMBS TO BEAR HIS OFFSPRING. I'm also assuming that's NOT his plan for Jake Donovan. I could be wrong. Anyway. Good match, fun miscommunication at the end leading to a big win for Harmony in her PPV debut. I shudder to think how many shades of grey Malachi is going to put Abigail through for ruining the match.


TIME TO GET PHYSICAL
Craig killing it as usual with this David Noble promo. Only thing I could criticize is... No Olivia Newton John? Boo. Just kidding. ;) With consistently strong "mission statement" style segs like these, Craig has quickly brought Noble to the fore as one of the top characters in DEFIANCE right now.


SOHER TITLE MATCH: DAVID NOBLE vs. MUSHIGIHARA
After weeks and months of Mushigihara running roughshod over DEFIANCE and, in particular, David Noble and Frank Holiday in a campaign to become the SoHer Champion, THIS is the kind of blowoff match you want and need. The Japanese monster dominating for huge swaths of the match. The babyface champion rising up through sheer will, busting through Mushi's seemingly unbreakable armor, overcoming the odds, and getting the win to retain the belt. This is a tremendous match, all the way back from the build, through the development of the feud, and finally to the execution. Both characters still look extremely strong coming out of it. Loved it.


WORDS AND DOORS
Another powerful LT promo. What else is there to say? She's a main event level player and she's staking her claim. Great work.


THE FIRST TIME IS THE BEST TIME
The SoHer Champion... The FIST of DEFIANCE... Pure electricity.


FIST TITLE MATCH: EUGENE DEWEY vs LINDSAY TROY vs DAN RYAN
I really envy folks who can write a really good, cluserfucky kind of multi-person match like this, where the pacing and flow are well-thought out and keep building toward the finish. This was awesome stuff. The concept of the heel champion being outnumbered by two babyfaces is a good one but it was smartly subverted by Troy and Ryan not hesitating to go at each other, too, as each of them is highly ambitious in their own right, and definitely wouldn't hold back when the top belt is on the line. Damn you, Bronson Box! Like he WOULDN'T show his mustachioed face and back up his associate? I liked how Dan Ryan, despite treating Lindsay Troy like any other competitor while the match was in full force, dropped everything and went back to brother-in-law mode as soon as he saw she was in serious trouble after Box's interference. (I was going to say "after she got Box-cocked" but that sounded dirty.) Good character moment there. The champ's record-setting title run continues, as it should, and you know there'll be hell to pay in the near future!


THE WARGOD COMETH
Good pre-main event hype segment with Jane Katze and Bronson Box. But why you gotta abuse poor Christie? She's a beautiful woman of average intelligence who's only trying to do her job! Still, as if we needed more reasons to dislike Jane & Co., here you go.


DO IT
Craig and I wrote this.


DEF*MAX TOURNAMENT FINALS: BRONSON BOX vs. FRANK HOLIDAY
Evan and I wrote this. We had a blast conceiving this showdown and I hope people enjoy it. :)


SO YOU THOUGHT IT WAS OVER?
WHOOOOOOOOAAAAAA DUSTY GRIFFITH RETURNS! This was a markout moment from start to finish, from Eugene and Box punking out Holiday, to Ryan and LT running in for the save, to the HYOOJ REVEAL and the baddies getting run off. A quick but notable moment between Ryan and Holiday, calling back to their tournament match. Oh, and Billy Pepper manning up and trying to take down Eugene on his own? Are you KIDDING me? Totally awesome. There's so much here to build on, the future looks mega bright. A fabulous finale to an epic PPV. Excellent work by all involved.
 
Last edited:

Chris King

League Member
Joined
Apr 17, 2012
Messages
440
Points
0
What did we do right? A lot.

What did we do wrong?
Not much.

Match of the Night?
Box/Holiday

Segment of the Night? Time to get Physical

Top Face of the Night?
Dusty Griffith returns to the DEFARENA!

Top Heel of the Night?
Bronson Box, how could it not be.

On the Bubble / Who is about to break out?
I guess Mushi or Penn (again).

Favorite Quotes?
DDK:Oh you have got to be FREAKING KIDDING ME. Where did he come from?!
Angus:
When whores and politicians look up and shout, “Can’t we have nice things?” Bronson Box will look down and whisper, “No.”
DDK:
Now look at him. Slinking away as quick as he appeared. What a coward.
Angus:
Watch yourself. He’ll probably be waiting for you in your hotel room with a machete and a cardboard box to put your head in.

Mark-Out Moments?
Dusy Griffith's return.

How was the overall reading experience?
It was ok, white text hurts my eyes, but it was good.
 

DBrunkGXW

Consigliere
Joined
Sep 11, 1997
Messages
4,815
Points
36
Age
48
Location
Katy, TX
SQUAD GOALS
I wrote this with Lindsay. I was fired up writing this. Ask Lindsay. Several times at the end of a Dan Ryan part I wanted to yell out "TELL EM, HAWK!!"

RUN-DOWN
Solid enough. Can't complain. I guess Craig missed a tiny detail in the Angus/Ryan Matthews alignment? But that shouldn't be made a major issue. Simple mistake.


DEF*MAX TOURNAMENT PLAY-IN MATCH - CURTIS PENN vs. FRANK HOLIDAY
Good storytelling, which is really what I care about, as well as leaving somewhere to go for Curtis Penn after the match. Also, I'd like to note that I almost type "Curtis Peen", and it made me laugh.


THE ONLY ENTRANCE THAT MATTERS
Good on the details, and a good arrival seg.


GEARING UP
I was torn between thinking this was really awesome and really stupid. I think I've settled on awesome, but there's definitely a line. I dig this direction for now.


KENNY FREEMAN vs. JAKE DONOVAN
I like Jake Donovan so much more this way. He's much more interesting.


THE MAIN EVENT ARRIVES
So funny, it's like each main eventer was given a slot time to arrive at the arena. But what do I care? The writing was excellent.


THE COMMON DENOMINATOR
Smart segment, I think. It hit the right notes for this story and I was really engaged when reading it. I do have to say though, the name "Troy" in both first and last names is way too prevalent around here.


TROY MATTHEWS vs. RYAN MATTHEWS
Too many Troys and Matthews'!! GAHHH. Good match. I was into the flow of the story and I like the direction post-match.

PREPARATION IS KEY
I always love the insights into the ways characters relate to each other. It doesn't have to be about big moments and "wow!" spots all the time. These segments are important to understanding these guys and knowing who they are.

MALACHI vs. HARMONY
I get who Angus is. I really do. But he's SEEN boobs before, hasn't he?


TIME TO GET PHYSICAL
Can't complain about a thing to do with this one.

SOHER TITLE MATCH: DAVID NOBLE vs. MUSHIGIHARA
Good blowoff match and solid logic. I like how this left both guys. Mushi looking strong, Noble coasting until Dan Ryan ultimately gets his revenge and murders him dead. Wait....what?


WORDS AND DOORS
If you still don't know that Lindsay can bring it....


THE FIRST TIME IS THE BEST TIME
Yeah man, great bit here. No complaints whatsoever.


FIST TITLE MATCH: EUGENE DEWEY vs LINDSAY TROY vs DAN RYAN
I didn't really write any of this, but I did plan the finish. Damien did such an amazing job executing the vision for this match and the finish/post-match. Everything tied together so well in practice and it came out great. Just really really good writing.


THE WARGOD COMETH
Classic Bronson. So easy to read this, because I see it in my head so vividly.


DO IT
This is the kind of shit Ken and Craig like to write? Jesus. Just kidding. It was good stuff. Babyface hotness, written super well.


DEF*MAX TOURNAMENT FINALS: BRONSON BOX vs. FRANK HOLIDAY
What can I say? So good, and the end was perfect.


SO YOU THOUGHT IT WAS OVER?
I did put my two cents into how this was arranged, but the writing was ALL James. James is of course, consistently great at these segments, keeping what works well and discarding what doesn't. It's a really tight piece of writing and it set everything up exactly how it needs to be. There were multiple "moments" and it really felt like the climax to a great show.
 

QueenOfTheRing

AKA Mom
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
2,625
Points
36
How was the overall reading experience? It was ok, white text hurts my eyes, but it was good.

I started compiling my thoughts last night in a separate document, to hopefully be finished up by the end of the weekend, but I will echo this now. I never used have a problem with webpages that had white text on a black background until I needed surgery in 2012. Now it's a strain on my eyes.

I've tried to soldier on through but, yeah, it's difficult.
 

SenorJames

DEFIANT Grandpa
Joined
Jan 11, 2013
Messages
1,098
Points
0
Location
The Land of Cheese
SQUAD GOALS
Lindz and Brunk doing what they do, talking about serious business. Dan Ryan cut loose something fierce on the Original DEFIANTS and it was awesome. And Lindsay Troy bringing all of the true facts and logic to the table. Excellent work.

RUNDOWN
Craig did a real good job on this one with the call back on what happened at AFTERSHOCK. And covered a lot of what’s up in the voice over part, really dig the detail you put into it, dude.

DEF*MAX - CURTIS PENN v FRANK HOLIDAY
This match takes a little longer than it needs to get itself going… Penn doing good heel work in this, stomping the hand makes sense considering Penn’s cast gimmick. You should keep doing that with Penn… Good comeback, quick, violent… Liked how Penn missed the rope to save himself, gives him something to claim as a conspiracy against him in the future… It’s solid effort, nobody ends up looking bad, can’t ask for much more than that with this match.

THE ONLY ENTRANCE THAT MATTERS
Another short scene, let the commentators tell the story. A little odd with this and Boxer’s being back to back.

GEARING UP
Henry Keyes doesn’t even need to wrestle, he just needs to be a man out of place in modern times. Hilarious. CODSWALLOP! I wanna see more, there’s got to be a follow up to this, just awesome stuff.

JAKE DONOVAN v KENNY FREEMAN
Are you gonna keep doing the torch gimmick like Ricky Steamboat? Because that’d be a’ight… Something else I wanna point out, should he not fit in more with being a Malachite?... Kind of a quick spotfest, no real plus or minus in my opinion.

THE MAIN EVENT ARRIVES
Nifty little short scene here, like that you kept it ambiguous on “who won” so it fit regardless who won the Penn/Holiday match. Okay, so as I said, thought it a little odd that this and the Eugene arrival were back to back, so I moved this one to this spot. I think it works well and makes sure that nothing wonky within the flow.

COMMON DENOMINATOR
Ryan always good for a promo and we get the first little bit of what’s up between him and Ty. Should be fun, I look forward to it.

RYAN MATTHEWS v TROY MATTHEWS
Ryan busted this thing out in three hours, I watched him write like half or more of it. I believe Rob said it was good, better than he expected (because drama), so that’s honestly good enough for me. Like I said, it didn’t need to be 20 pages and clocked in around 15ish. Good pace, good flow, both got highspots, both ended up looking good in the end and for the right reasons.

PREPARATION IS THE KEY
Like the bit of tension that gets shown between these two, highlighting that they’re partners in crime, but that’s about all they are. Means there are directions this situation could lean in the future, while still both remaining heel long term, just not on the same page long term. Or maybe I’m reading too much into it, hah.

MALACHI v HARMONY
Keebs cussing (shame)... Good use of heel frustration tactics in the face of Harmony being ready to get her fight on… Malachi dominating… False hope spots… Harmony getting a good run there before Malachi stops it cold… Back and forth, round and round they go… REF BUMP!... Hah, heel comeuppance spot with one his followers to not only protect the heel, but give the babyface a win. Good stuff.

TIME TO GET PHYSICAL
Craig bringing the heat here with David Noble. It was the right kind of promo to precede this match, the whole David and Goliath thing and the brutal history between the two for the last couple of arcs.

SOHER TITLE - DAVID NOBLE © v MUSHIGIHARA
First note, when Noble gets this comeback with the Bell Clap. Rather than have him explode up with a flurry of forearms, have Mushi grab him and whip him to the ropes. Miss something, Noble ducks, comes flying back with a forearm. Doesn’t knock Mushi down, but he tries a second time, no dice. Then have him blitz Mushi with more forearms, Mushi tries to swing with a haymaker, Noble ducks, hits the ropes or just flat out hits the dropkick to the knee… Keep in mind this isn’t even nitpicking, you write stuff so well, that I start thinking of other ways to do what you did while reading your work… Absolutely love the pacing of this and the fact that you kept referring to the fans rallying behind Noble to find the will to fight against Mushi… Jayzuss… Just imagine what Craig is gonna do when David Noble is the FIST of DEFIANCE one of these days. Gonna out do me AND Damien combined, I look forward to it too. Absolutely stellar match that is basically a main event match.

WORDS AND DOORS
First it was gonna happen, then it wasn’t, then Lindz got inspired fixing up the opening promo spot with Dan Ryan. Might have actually took longer to decide on the closing line the rest of the actual bit itself, hah. Still, good fire from Troy.

THE FIRST TIME IS THE BEST TIME
I like the run of wordless (no talking) segments we’ve been doing. Sometimes it’s just better to have a silent reaction between two characters. Not everything needs a long, drawn out diatribe to make the same impression. Good stuff and an even better first (ish?) meeting between Euge and Noble.

FIST TITLE - EUGENE DEWEY © v LINDSAY TROY v DAN RYAN
Like the heel shenanigans to start with Euge not even wanting to participate in the match to the point of forcing the bell to be rung without him even getting in the ring… Damn right Angus would root for Ty to be the champ, haha… Also, dug the little opening sequence between LT and DR, and the Euge run in, good stuff… Hah, DR and LT playing ping pong with Euge, that’s funny… Hah! Good team work there by DR & LT, and the obligatory ONOUDINNIT! breaking up of pin attempts… and yep, here we go, no more family here… YES! YES! PA-PA-PA-PA-POUNCE MOTHAFUCKA! LOLOLOLOLOL… Really like how you disabled one to make it a one on one situation to help make the action easy to follow (Euge and then Troy)... Really good, though I would say Boxer’s inclusion should have immediately lead right to the finish. Having it drag out with him getting involved multiple times kind of dulled the edge of his interference… Overall, stellar none-the-less.

I had a hand in the Kelly stuff, Lindz wrote it, but I think it covers Kels’ growing annoyance with the Original DEFIANTS exactly how it should have been.

THE WARGOD COMETH
This show has been good for tons of great promo material. Between Boxer, LT & DR, and David Noble, this show has had a lot of good direct heat type promos.

DO IT
Craig and Ken doing what they do. #bromance

DEF*MAX FINALS! - BRONSON BOX v FRANK HOLIDAY
See what Evan was talking about with Boxer’s intro, I dig the hell outta how you guys played that… This has been so good that I haven’t stopped for notes… Imagine if the match ended on the crowd surfing spot? That would be hilarious, like after a really long, intense battle, Frank tosses his opponent into the crowd and that’s that. Okay, maybe only I think that would cool… OUTSTANDING. This had everything. Box dominating in brutal fashion for half the match. Frank being the true babyface star that he is. Back and forth action at the end with both hitting almost everything… Stellar work.

SO YOU THOUGHT IT WAS OVER?
Wrote this with an assist from the Evanator, KENNAH, and Brunk. Hope it came off well for Dusty’s return.

And Evan. You gotdamn well know...

55591096.jpg

 

Jonathan Todd

New member
Joined
Apr 15, 2012
Messages
249
Points
0
chaotic...I'm still reading... Hopefully everything goes back to normal by Wednesday. This is after I get this new house stuff in order.
 

The God-Beast

Member
Joined
May 7, 2012
Messages
328
Points
16
Location
The City of Brotherly Shove
What did we do right?
Everything. This whole card was a treat from start to finish.

What did we do wrong?
Nada.

Match of the Night?
That honor will absolutely need to go to the main event; Ken and Evan absolutely brought it and made a classic where the right man won, and all the kerfuffle after the fact was the perfect epilogue to the show. Honorable mention goes to the Southern Heritage title match (not being biased; Craig wrote that sumbitch all by his lonesome, and he did a fantastic job.)

Segment of the Night?
I was very fond of the Henry Keyes segment with everyone freaking out about his arm.

Top Face of the Night?
Frank Holiday

Top Heel of the Night?
Eugene Dewey, of course

On the Bubble / Who is about to break out?
That would be Harmony and Ryan Matthews. Really great work on this card.

Favorite Quotes?
DDK:
Oh man, we saw this when they went one on one a couple of months ago!

Angus:
PA-PA-PA-PA-PA-PA-

DDK:
NO!


Mark-Out Moments?
The return of Dusty Griffith, obviously, and Frank Holiday winning DEF*MAX. Honorable mention, again, to David Noble coming out on top with the Southern Heritage title.

How was the overall reading experience?
It read very smoothly, with a solid flow throughout.

 

CraigM

Member
Joined
Jan 24, 2007
Messages
351
Points
16
Age
38
Squad Goals
Nice way to start the show off with both Troy and Ryan. The biggest question (outside of who was going to be in the finals of DEF*MAX) was how Ryan + Troy would handle being in the FIST of DEFIANCE match together. Clearly, there was one goal that superseded all (and I will touch on this later). Beating Dewey was all that mattered and that was the goal of this segment, to make that point clear. Also, pee pee? Is Dan Ryan against saying dick? :)

Run-Down
I made a mistake. I’m sorry. One of the things that I wish I had done/changed/made more clear is that it was really Dusty who was re-watching this over and over again.

Curtis Penn vs. Frank Holiday
Really solid opening match, highlighting that no matter who the winner is, that person would be at a huge disadvantage against Box later on in the evening. I liked the opening bit with Penn trying to get out of the match and it not happening. Jane Katze showing up had a nice feel to it too. Some interesting threads here that I imagine will be picked up. Holiday picking up the victory here sets up a nice match between Box and Holiday, who have been Twitter-feuding for some time now :)

The Only Entrance That Matters
Nice and short.

Gearing Up
Loved the first half of this segment, with Keyes gruesome injury, Troy coming in and telling Henry to go to the hospital and all of that stuff. If we had the DEFNetwork, I would root for a 30 minute show each week of Troy and Keyes just conversing with one another. The second half with the Plague doctors was interesting and then the Airship being there made me love it.

Freeman vs. Donovan
Another solid match here. I’ve enjoyed the Donovan/Freeman stuff with the contrasting experiences the two have had. Donovan picks up a much needed win here. The fireball was a nice touch I thought. But the styles of these two really allowed for a fast-paced match to happen.

The Main Event Arrives
Nice and quick segment here as well.

The Common Denominator
I particularly liked the ending with Ty Walker coming in. I think the Matthews/Matthews feud has been nice, but Walker/Matthews? I’m much more invested into that and want to see where it goes. Walker sticking up for Kelly everywhere has a nice touch to it and it seems that Walker actually likes Evans. For our resident Barney, it’s weird, but I like it a lot.

Ryan Matthews vs. Troy Matthews
Really violent match here. Ryan just took Troy to school here. Oh, and Angus really hates Ryan. I picked up on that here ;-) I think the victory by Ryan here was predictable because obviously Ryan wouldn’t have lost this match considering the stipulation. I think the more interesting story would be what happened if Ryan lost and to see how desperate he really was to get in. Tied in with the previous segment, that would have been truly something to see.

Preparation is Key
The ‘I scratch your back, you scratch my back’ idea works quite well between these two when you consider they hate one another from their past feuds. The question is what happens when one of their backs aren’t scratched and how the relationship changes. Well written from these two, which is no surprise.

Malachi vs. Harmony
Wrote with Tracey.

Time to Get Physical
Wrote.

Noble vs. Mushigihara
Wrote

Words and Doors
Lindz does single promos so well, it’s ridiculous. I enjoy it. I’ve enjoyed it for like the last 10 years though. Troy is on a mission and it will be interesting to see what happens regardless if she wins or loses, because there’s a certain fire there that I don’t remember from PRIME.

The First Time is the Best Time
Wrote.

Dewey vs. Troy vs. Ryan
Really good match all around. I loved the opening with Dewey sitting in the chair and not getting in the ring. I loved when Troy and Ryan finally started going after one another. This felt like a traditional triple-threat match, which is not a bad thing. Triple-threat matches are hard to do and it’s tough to have a great twist to one. Still, this was a really good match. Box getting involved at the end ensures the ‘I scratch your back, you scratch my back’ thing continues. Of course, they keep pushing Kels buttons, which is going to be disastrous eventually. Dewey winning makes you wonder who really will be able to stop the 500+ day reign though.

The Wargod Cometh
Bronson Box has been killing it with heel promos since his return and this is no exception. Just ready to pounce and attack and maim and murder.

Do It
Wrote it with Ken. #bromance

Box vs. Holiday
Loved the opening with Box surprising Holiday with the German Suplex. Box was absolutely brutal throughout this match and made it so much fun to cheer on Frank. The crowd surfing bit I LOVED! Oh man, I laughed so hard. Then they were taking selfies. I mean man, that was an awesome bit. Frank walking away at the end with the victory was so good. I cheered. I loved it. This is the way to take a guy and bump him up to main-event status.

So You Thought It Was Over?
I marked hard. So sue me. Dusty is back and the Original DEFIANTS end the show on the run, which is how it should be after they destroyed Dusty last show. The Ryan/Holiday bit was interesting. Troy giving her props to Frank was nice. I told Ken the one bit that bothers me is that Noble didn’t come out since Noble + Holiday are boys.

Overall, PHENOMENAL show. Now to keep that momentum going :)
 

Damien

Member
Joined
Apr 6, 2012
Messages
515
Points
16
Excuses
Ok, so I’m gonna get some excuses out the way to start with because hopefully I’ll give you some reasons why my feedback might be different to others.

I’ve not done feedback for a while because I’ve simply not had the time. And when I say I’ve not had the time, I mean I’ve not had the time to read the shows. The last show I read in full was TV 49.

I’ve kept up to date on the things that I’m directly involved in, but I’m behind on a lot of stuff, so my feedback might mention stuff that could have been answered on the previous three shows. I know that’s not good on my part, but that’s the way it is I’m afraid.

Why am I three shows behind? Because I got promoted at work. Now usually I’d be able to check out a couple of segments and a match at work, or maybe do a little bit of writing or whatnot when I can, but I’ve been snowed under, so I can’t do that anymore, and I can’t read the shows because they get content filtered by our network (so if you guys could swear less then I could read at work). Any writing I’ve had to do has been done at home, and if I’ve not felt like efedding then I’ve not done it. Also, to be quite frank, this last arc has drained me. I’ve played my part in writing 5 matches over the last 6 shows, as well as segments, and I’ve not had the drive to read the shows cover to cover. Again, that’s pretty shitty on my part, I know, but it is how it is.

So anyway, if I’m confused by anything storyline wise that has been covered in the last three shows then I apologise, but also I’d like to point out that we should be catering to new readers, so maybe this perspective could help us out by pointing out any explanations that we need to be doing.

Or maybe I just need to read more shows and spend less time playing video games. I dunno.

ANYWAY, FEEDBACK!

Squad Goals
OK, this starts off with the exact thing that I wanted to see. Backstory gets told straight away. Please let there be more of this.

For a cold open there’s a LOT of talking. For an entrance segment there’s a LOT of talking. Maybe that could have been cut down a bit, but what’s there isn’t bad in the slightest. It’s just… there’s more than enough of it.

Run-Down
It does the job. I love the opening, even if the voice over parts didn’t spound like they’d be things a voice over guy would actually say in a voice over. Everything is run down, and everything is laid out.

Penn vs. Holiday
I’m not sold on the start of this. I think that would have been better served as a segment, but I guess it doesn’t really matter. It’s different, and I’m afraid of that. I’m also bitterly disappointed that all of Curtis Penn’s nicknames have been conglomerated into one ‘man of many monikers’.

This was a nice opener. Nicely paced, lots of nearfalls at the end, and neither man looked weak. Penn’s little cheap shot at the end was a nice touch as well, but I’d have liked to see him apply the Curtis Clutch instead of just suplexing Frank. That could have added a little more gravity to the situation and really made the detriment that Frank found against Box later even bigger.

The Only Entrance That Matters
Mine.

Gearing Up
Another long segment, which I’m really not keen on when we’re on a PPV show, but I love Henry Keyes so much that I’m willing to forgive it. I’m confused by the ending. Like, really damn confused.

Freeman vs. Donovan
It annoys me that there’s a typo in the very first line of this thing, and especially when it’s the city someone comes from. That should be the easiest thing to get right, surely? I mean, come on, you can copy and paste it from the Bio if it’s that difficult. But it also says to me that this hasn’t been proofed.

So Kenny gets a fireball to the face and then is perfectly fine to wrestle a match? Not only that, but the fireball only pissed him off? Damn, this kid’s a fuckin’ psycho!

I’m in agreement that Jake is a lot more intriguing like this. And he’s actually picked up a win. I can’t believe I’ve actually read that.

The Main Event Arrives
This is what I like to see. Short, to the point segments. We’re going overboard on the arrivals, but it’s not a huge deal there.

The Common Denominator
Ok, so this would be where I’m now lost. This is going to be a bloodbath? Ok, if you guys say so, but my understanding of these characters (and these must have been changed over the last 3 shows) is that there’s very little bloodbathyness between them, and if there is then dang that escalated quickly.

Also, who’s David Troy?

Because all I can think of when I read that is Dave Matthews, and he’s not in DEFIANCE.

Matthews vs. Matthews
Man I hope Matthews wins.

Ok, this is where I could really do with some backstory being explained. And if I’m not sure what’s going on then new readers sure aren’t either. Just a little something from DDK and Angus explaining how all this came about, you know?

Also I could really do without all the Matthewses being thrown around. In this situation just Troy and Ryan would have done.

Preparation Is Key
Mine.

Malachi vs. Harmony
I really like the slow start to this match. It’s very realistic while not being over the top or drawn out. A good match, but then I wouldn’t expect any less from Craig, although the ending wasn’t quite what I’d have done. I’d have had Harmony allow Malachi to get up after the missed brass knuckle shot, hit a big move of hers and then get the pin. The way it’s written is more of a heel way to take advantage of a miss hit rather than a face way.

Time To Get Physical
Another good segment. Decent length, not wall of texty, not trying to be more than it needs to be either.

I’m bitterly disappointed that when Noble said ‘Time as old as time’ he didn’t go on to sing the song from Beauty and the Beast.

Noble vs. Mushi
The bell clap spot bothers me a little, maybe because I’m of the opinion that people shouldn’t be using moves other people use as a finisher mid match. That’s maybe a little harsh for a move like the bell clap, but there are other ways to escape a bear hug that people don’t use as finishers in DEF.

That’s my only gripe in an otherwise great match.

Words And Doors
More good words from the Queen. This is much more compact and concise than the cold open, so this gets the nod as the better segment of the two from me.

The First Time Is The Best Time
Just a little something that Craig wrote and I couldn’t do anything to improve.

FIST Match
This was, and I hope I’m not tooting my own horn too much here, but 95% mine. Brunk came up with the ending and Lindz nailed it. I’m very happy with how this turned out.

The Wargod Cometh
One of the more overused segment titles in DEFIANCE history :p

You want a heel promo then go to Evan. Dude’s a machine when it comes to heeling it up.

Do It
See, this is where (If Frank had taken the Curtis Clutch earlier in the evening) he could really be selling it. As it is there’s very few references to the earlier match. I hope that plays a part in the main event, because that should have been Frank’s big story through the night. There should have been question marks over whether he could make it to the final. Or what sort of condition he’d be in when he goes out there. There should have been a segment earlier where Frank was being tended to by Iris. One where Jane went to visit Billy to antagonise him. Know what I mean? As it is, Frank seems fine in this segment, so any adverse effects the earlier match had on him aren’t fresh in my mind as the ring bell goes, and if there are any then they’re going to seem disjointed with how this segment went.

Box vs. Holiday
Match of the night, hands down. Just a clinic of how to write an important main event. False finishes, near falls, almost countouts… it has it all.

This is the great thing about DEF. We have a stable of ever growing quality match writers that could easily write a main event at any point. Burnout simply shouldn’t be a problem for us as long as we can keep an ever rotating core in the main event scene.

So You Thought It Was Over
Best. Pop-slosion. Ever.

That genuinely sent a shiver down my spine, for realsies. The way that was written was just perfect. Heels are getting the better of someone. A couple of people try to make the save. The heels stay in control. HUGE markout moment return and the heels are on the backfoot. Everyone rallies and the heels get sent packing. That’s how you really end a PPV, and it’s perfectly done. Bravo.

Oh, and Frank gets the rub right at the end, and that should by all rights solidify him as a major force in DEFIANCE going forwards.
 

CraigM

Member
Joined
Jan 24, 2007
Messages
351
Points
16
Age
38
Noble vs. Mushi
The bell clap spot bothers me a little, maybe because I’m of the opinion that people shouldn’t be using moves other people use as a finisher mid match. That’s maybe a little harsh for a move like the bell clap, but there are other ways to escape a bear hug that people don’t use as finishers in DEF.

That’s my only gripe in an otherwise great match.

That was me actually giving Ben some massive props for taking a move and making it HUGE.
 

brusch

Main Event Caliber
Joined
Apr 16, 2012
Messages
836
Points
18
Location
St. Louis, MO
That was me actually giving Ben some massive props for taking a move and making it HUGE.

I take it as an homage - and the idea that "other people can use it, but only Keyes can REALLY use it to finish a match".
 

About FWrestling

FWrestling.com was founded in 1994 to promote a community of fantasy wrestling fans and leagues. Since then, we've hosted dozens of leagues and special events, and thousands of users. Come join and prove you're "Even Better Than The Real Thing."

Add Your League

If you want to help grow the community of fantasy wrestling creators, consider hosting your league here on FW. You gain access to message boards, Discord, your own web space and the ability to post pages here on FW. To discuss, message "Chad" here on FW Central.

What Is FW?

Take a look at some old articles that are still relevant regarding what fantasy wrestling is and where it came from.
  • Link: "What is FW?"
  • Top