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Stacy Jones

League Member
Joined
Feb 21, 2015
Messages
26
Points
0
Since I wrongly asked for some feedback on my RP in the RP Appreciation thread (dumb blonde moment...wait...I aint even blonde...okay, just me being me) I thought I would start my own thread and ask for feedback from anyone willing to give me any.

I feel as if it would be interesting to see the views and opinions of people from different feds from all over the place.

I'm fine with any kind of feedback, positive or negative, I'm always trying to better my RP's and learning about what people think works and what doesn't.

Thanks in advance to anyone who replies here.

Matt a.k.a Stacy Jones
 

User Poets

The Shadow Pope
Joined
Jan 6, 1995
Messages
2,192
Points
36
Age
44
Location
Top of the Pile
Website
www.valeriansgarden.com
I can't speak for anyone else but as a judge, I'm writing a little paragraph of my thoughts on each RP and will post the feedback once the match goes up, along with my official "How did I rank everyone?" list.
 

Megastory4

League Member
Joined
Dec 28, 2014
Messages
69
Points
6
Location
Knoxville, TN
I thought your RP was pretty good, but it took a little bit to get started. I enjoyed how Stacy and Emevlas have a mutual respect for each other, and how despite how far and away the two are as characters, they have strangely similar views. The bits about 9/11 didn't exactly sit well with me, and that's just personal preference on my end, but that's also why I say your RP starts slow. It's a slight problem running through a lot of these RPs, not just yours. Not many of them get straight to the point, which I think was "this is why I'm going to win Battlemania, and here are some people that I have prior history with, thus they are my rivals."

I could be wrong about that, but it's the point I went with for my RP.

Anywho, if you want to give me feedback on mine, you're welcome to.
 

Mike Best

League Member
Joined
Feb 21, 2015
Messages
58
Points
0
Location
Chicago, IL
Website
wrestleuta.com
Let's start with some pros.

Not many people have the first person style of writing down, but you're an exception. I think it was handled really well through the eyes of your character, without bogging too much down in the details. And that's another pro-- the description was on point throughout, without telling me all about a bunch of things that weren't at all relevant to the story. It's easy to skim description sometimes, and in your case it was a great balance. Though I will get to the description once I hit my cons, as well.

The dialogue felt pretty natural. One of my biggest pet peeves is forced, inhuman sounding dialogue, but Stacy comes across as a real person who is actually talking. So props for that. As far as the actual writing goes, this was a short but sweet piece that I can't find any real problems with.

Now, the constructive cons.

Content wise, I feel like this ended before it had a chance to really get started. Finding a correlation between 9/11 and Battlemania is a little lost on me-- it seems like you had an idea, and then went in a totally different direction with it. I also wish that you'd focused a little more on the overall match, and not just on a couple of people who were in it. That being said, the people you DID choose to address... you addressed very well.

I think this is a solid top ten contender, given some of the other entries. I'd be silly to try and place you more specifically than that, but I like the character and I thought this was a pretty good roleplay. I also appreciate you asking for feedback, because feedback is what makes us better writers. You don't have to agree with feedback you're given, but it's always great to throw that hook out there and see what you catch.

Best of luck to you at Battlemania!
 

User Poets

The Shadow Pope
Joined
Jan 6, 1995
Messages
2,192
Points
36
Age
44
Location
Top of the Pile
Website
www.valeriansgarden.com
I will say this before the match happens - I actually had a tie for my top pick. One didn't surprise me since I've read their work before, but the other was a first time read that definitely impressed.
 

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