(FADEIN: Jeff Davis, standing in front of a FMLL banner, Davis is in his ring gear, looking at the camera with an angry glare.)
DAVIS: This world is all messed up...I turn on the TV and see Iranians...Friggin' terrorist maniacs, up in arms in the streets protesting an election...These savages have no clue what true democracy is or even means, yet they riot, they fight for their rights to vote and be heard, yet here in America, we elect a usurper...Someone not legally allowed to be President, and yet everyone laughs at those who try to bring forth the truth...We're called "Birthers" and scorned...Nobody protests the results of an election tainted by rampant voter fraud done by ACORN and others like it...We sit here like sheep and are supposed to be happy about everything...
And yet I'm not even truly 'here' as it were...I'm not in America...I'm in Mexico...This land of filth and crime, of poverty and failure, and I'm now being thrown into a 6 man tag match...But it's not even that, they don't even care about frigging tagging in a tag match...What a joke...And I gotta pin 2 guys to win 1 fall and it's 2 out of three falls? This sh*t is insane...
On top of all this, I know that this company has saddled me with two idiots just to make me look bad, so the Mexican crowd can cheer and jeer me when the big evil American who's only speaking THE TRUTH to this world, gets shown up...Well that's not happening...It doesn't matter who's on my team, and it doesn't matter who's on the other team...I'm going to beat the hell out of them...I'm going to do MY PART bringing AMERICA'S PAIN right back where it belongs...In this cesspool of a country.
(CUT TO: Las Tres Estrellas de Galaxico stand in front of a bluescreen blackdrop of a Mayan pyramid! To the left, wearing a mask with a rook pained on it, cape around his back, is CHECKMATE. To the right, black mullet w/ blonde streaks, black mustache, is CARLOS CORREJO. And in the middle, wearing a silver sparkling mask and a VIVA FMLL shirt is El Hijo del Rey. In El Hijo's arms is their mascot, Perrito!)
EL HIJO DEL REY: FMLL, the newest promotion in the world of lucha libre! A world I am all too familiar with. For you see, it is in my blood. It is in my HERITAGE. My father, El Rey... was a man who became a national hero! A man who won title after title, who took mask after mask. But through it all, he remained a proud Mexicano. He attended church every Sunday. He gave much of the money he earned to build schools in the rural lands of our nation. I... I seek to follow in his footsteps. It is hard work living forever in the shadow of a legend such as himself. But he is my father. He is my hero. I promise to honor his legend. To honor my family's code. And, most importantly, to defend the honor of MEXICO at all times!
CORREJO: Yo, Jeff Davis... el capitano of the team we face in just a few short weeks... I've heard you run down Mexico. Just to clarify, chico... I was born and raised in Laredo, Texas. I'm a native born American. But you see, unlike you... I'm not some narrowminded piece of trash. I know the BEAUTY of America. Because it's a place where many cultures exist all at once. But I love my heritage. And I don't like it one bit when some... when some ignorant piece of crap comes down here and says this place is a cesspool. THAT MAKES ME ANGRY, AMIGO. You don't want to do that, amigo. Because my blood boils with LATINO FURY. And I will ensure it that Las Tres Estrellas don't just defeat you and your teammates... but I am going to make sure that you walk away from this match hurt... and that you walk away showing the RESPECT Mexico deserves.
CHECKMATE: (With pure deadpan seriousness.) There is a great man beloved here in Mexico... but he is not from here. He is from England... and his name is Morrissey. The lead singer of The Smiths. And he once asked... "Why do I waste valuable time on people who don't care if I live or die?" Jeff Davis, I am wasting my time on you because you dared insult the traditions of lucha libre. By the time Las Tres Estrellas takes you down, you're never going to make light of our loose rules of tag team wrestling ever again.
PERRITO: Woof! Woof!
(The three make fists towards the middle of the camera.)
LAS TRES ESTRELLAS: VIVA LA MEXICO! VIVA LUCHA LIBRE! VIVA LAS TRES ESTRELLAS DE LA GALAXICO!
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