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Ford

UTA Hall of Famer and All-Around Nice Guy
Staff member
Joined
Jan 6, 2005
Messages
1,076
Points
36
Age
39
Location
Los Angeles, CA, formerly PA
Website
www.genlmnop.com
(CUTTO: A VIDEO PHONE being held at waist level. We see the hallway of the terminal ward at a local hospital in Philadelphia, PA.
SFX: THREE BEEPS IN SUCCESSION.
SFX: PA SYSTEM "Paging Dr. Orton, Dr. Orton to pediatrics, paging Dr. Orton."
TEXT GFX: "Shortly after losing the Everette Memorial Tag Team Titles & losing his Heavyweight title match with Impulse")

BOY: Hey Mom, when is he gonna get here?

MOM: Be patient sweetie.

(Rounding the corner, lead by a brunette doctor holding a clipboard, is none other then NFW star Jack Harmen. He is completely shaven, bald as a cucumber. He has a few bags under his eyes, and wears black slacks and a solid red shirt. The two walk closer to the camera until stopping in front of it.)

DOCTOR: ... really great of you to do this.

JACK HARMEN: No sweat. This is the hospital I was born in anyway. Good to see some old digs. And I wanna punch that doctor who slapped me on my butt.

DOCTOR: I don't think that's possible. But this here is Billy. Billy, say hi to Jack Harmen.

JACK HARMEN: Billy! What's the happy haps... happy haps? God I'm not cool.

(Billy slips behind his other's leg, obscuring the lens slightly.)

DOCTOR: Ms. Anders? This, is Jack Harmen.

JACK HARMEN: Pleasure's all mine.

(Jack reaches shakes the mother's hand. He leans in to Billy, who steps out from his mom's protection.)

JACK HARMEN: Listen, Billy. This is your time. I can grant you one wish. And if I'm in a generous mood, I may grant wishes you don't even ask for.

BILLY: Okay, find a way for me to live forever.

JACK HARMEN: Hm. Tough task. Science hasn't cracked it. And would you really want to live forever? If everyone did that we wouldn't have enough food cause we'd be overpopulated, and we'd enact rules like China where you can't have kids and then there wouldn't be a next generation of kids dying from canc.... errrr. Tell you what, I get lucky enough to meet God, I'll kick 'em in the taint, just for you.

BILLY: What's a taint?

JACK HARMEN: You'll find... it's the area between your genitals and your anus.

(Harmen looks at the doctor. She shifts her eyes nervously and nods.)

JACK HARMEN: I'm being scientific!

MS. ANDERS: No point in hiding anything, holding anything back. I want my son to experience everything he can before...

JACK HARMEN: Say no more! Would you like to meet Superman!

BILLY: REALLY!?

JACK HARMEN: It is the Brandon Routh Superman.

BILLY: PASS.

JACK HARMEN: Sucky Superman is still Superman!

BILLY: I said pass.

JACK HARMEN: Alright. Don't tell anyone, but I have a scientist friend who genetically breeded a TonTon. It's too bad he locked himself up by accident in it's Alaskian environment and had to slice it's guts open and climb inside to survive. Now he can't remember the formula because it got corrupted, so the DNA's all wonky. But he's close! I can now get you to ride on top of what looks to be a mutated camel dolphin hybrid.

BILLY: PASS.

JACK HARMEN: Only me and Justin Timberlake have rode it! (no reaction) Hm. What about if you and I ate the biggest pie in the world?

BILLY: Desert or pizza?

JACK HARMEN: It's dessert. And your choice.

BILLY: PASS.

JACK HARMEN: Then why even-- Hmmm. Alright. How about this. You tell me my next move.

BILLY: What?

JACK HARMEN: You tell me what I have to do next. And I'll do it. Whatever you want kid. You want me to torch the ring? BEEN THERE DONE THAT. You want me to wrestle with dynamite strapped to my chest? DYN-O-MYTE! (frowns) Neither of you get that do you. (Back) If you're gay, I'll wrestle a match naked, just for you. Kid, the world is at your finger tips. What do you want?

BILLY: Hmmm... I want you to win the World Championship.

JACK HARMEN: Re... Really? I thought you people all loved Impulse?

BILLY: We do. We do. But he's not MY champion. You are.

JACK HARMEN: You won't like me if I go for the gold. Trust me, it's happened before.

BILLY: You won't stop at anything, like me. Why I'm going to beat cancer. Why you're going to win the title. I aspire to be you Mr. Harmen. It's why I like you so. You're just like me. What I could be.

(A beat.)

JACK HARMEN: More than you know. HEY! Do you want THINGS with my SCRIBBLES on them?

BILLY: DO I!

(Jack Harmen produces a wheelbarrow of signed t-shirts and wrestling memorabilia. The kid drops the phone, cracking the lens and landing camera first on the ground, leaving nothing but a black screen.)
 
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