Heel to the Chief

[EastPrez]

(FADEIN: To an Internet Cafe' inside an unnamed hotel, and more specifically, a cubicle wired for the Internet. 'Hot Property' EDDIE MAYFIELD stands in front of it with a shoulder bag, pulling out a orange Alienware laptop computer with flames licking all over it, and connects it to some wires on the table. He sits down, pulling some headphones out of his bag. MAYFIELD is wearing a 'Konami Code' T-shirt and green running pants.)

MAYFIELD: "What's up everybody? Your favorite technophile, the cool cat guys wish they could diss, and their ladies want to kiss, Hot Property, the HEADLINER, and marquee attraction of CSWA, and not only am I a client, I'm also the GOD-D[BLEEEEP!] PRESIDENT, Eddie Mayfield, here and accounted for. (Smiles and puts the headphones on, and turns on the laptop. a loud hum emits from the machine.)

"And I'm here in this hotel, about to do a little multiplayer online real quick on my Farenheit 451 custom jobby-job, to make a point. You see, if you were paying attention, you idiots out there would know that I'm a gamer. Video Games, etc. that's my s[BLEEEP!]. Tech TV, G4, I'm on it, whatever. And in multiplayer games, you're dealing with a squad of people with one objective: Beat their opponents. Either it's the other people around you, or as a team. In my case, at the second show of E! TV, (Not PRIMETIME, silly) Chad Merritt, the soggy in milk owner of this company, has decided that he's gonna teach me a lesson by putting 3 people in this match that want to gang bang me in screwjobs. Well Merritt, if you have a thing with watching someone get screwed by a bunch of doods, I suggest you head down to your local West Coast Video, go through those little double doors in the back and rent you a flick that you could get off on. But no, you decide that you'll give Eddie Mayfield the silent treatment, and put these three ass[BLEEEEP!]s in a maze to try and steal my cheese. Well I'm not going for it, and there's nothing you can do about it.

"JJ Deville - the guy who this company gets a kick out of watching him kick me in the freaking face, over and over again. YOU DON'T THINK I REMEMBER THAT?! JJ, I TOLD YOU to stay out of my business, dood. I FREAKING TOLD YOU. now you're gonna pay, my man. You're not worthy of my AIR, and your sure as hell ain't no special referee, unless the special they meant was like, short-bus, chinstrap helmet special. You know what I mean. All I know is this: JJ, I don't even expect you to call this down the middle, after I showed the world how an exemplary ref like myself handles business, and you're just gonna come out here and BITE, just like the old grafitti guys used to say, I know you're not gonna get it right. I EXPECT you to screw me, JJ, so in that theorem, you CAN'T. You can't EVEN begin to be like Eddie Mayfield, so don't even try. (Thinks, then snaps his fingers) OH! I almost forgot. When this match is over, I'm gonna dump you on your fu[BLEEEP!] head for General Purpose. Sorry, that almost slipped my mind.

"And THEN we have my favorite character of all time, Steel Viper, the green guy who busts out of the wall in the 5th stage of Double Dragon. Well I've been whipping your ass and embarassing you for months, Viper, and if you want me to do it again, I love nothing more than to please the constituants in the audience who pay to see me make fun of dumb people, so I'll just have to do it again. If I have to drop YOU on your head to do it, so be it. I can easily just use the aluminum bat on you or hit you with that boulder until you fall off the edge of the screen, but I think you get more points if you do it the other way. (Smirks) Let's be dangerous.

"And lastly Camshaft Cruise. Crammypants. Ferris Buhelers schizophrentic pal. Dood, I don't even have anything to say to you, because at least with Viper, I enjoyed asphyxiating him and dropping him off of a loading dock like a kid throwing a puppy into the river tied in a GLAD bag, but you? Man, I don't even remember if you're worth being in this match, if just to give Merritt another body to make this a 'Screw Eddie Mayfield Gala Event'. Cruise - you REALLY think you can represent? You REALLY think you can be the CSWA President? I don't think so, and 30,000 registered ticketholders know you can't and frankly don't care to see you try. You're a non-factor, Cruise. Prove me wrong, or sit the f[BLEEEP!] down. I'll be waiting to see which one you come up with, because frankly, as I see it? They might as well put Henderson Bramble in this match and try to put him over as actually having a snowballs chance in beating me for the Presidential title. Yeah, I think THAT little of you. Boo, Hiss. I'm a stinker. Sue me. (Flips the camera the pixelated bird)

"I could say more, but the servers loading. I'm about to get into some UNREAL 2004 real quick. Hey Viper! maybe I'll see you in the game, you freak. Just remember this guys, E! TV is MY SHOW, and I'M THE ALPHA, and the F[BLEEEEP!] OMEGA, and whatever you wanna bring, ain't gonna be enough. Go complain to Merritt now before the match even happens - it'll give you a leg up on the line thats' forming to the left of people who can't deal with that ass[BLEEEEP!] Eddie Mayfield. Love it or lump it, doods. I'm out."

(FADEOUT as MAYFIELD starts manipulating a mouse and pulling out a cigarette. Right above his head is a sign that reads: "No Smoking")

 

[TSiegel]

~"....Eddie's a big kid now!!"~

(Fadein', Cameron's home in Jacksonville, NC, Cruise sit's back on the front porch, legs stretched out and crossed over the bench. He let's the afternoon breeze hit him, as he sees the sky as overcast, a storm-watch for the next few days. Dressed in a sleeveless, dark blue shirt with the CSWA logo imprinted on the upper corner of the shirt, and blue-jeans, Cruise leans back and stretches his muscles, yawning.)

CC: I gotta give you one thing Eddie, you never cease to amaze me, you really don't.

Who else can actually say that they've gotten more than just a couple surprises over on Merritt and still have a grin on his face? I mean, you're not only proud of yourself and what you do....despite your pal Guns and Miles taking off on ya.....you still manage to be a pain in the ass by keeping the man who pays your salary outta the building not to mention his mind.

But to glorify the icing on the cake....You're still the Presidential Champion of the CSWA!!

But before I continue, please remember: Keep your pants on and listen to your mother when she tells you to eat your veggies. It's good for you and you'd make your mother oh so proud...even if you fake it and give it to the dog.

You see Eddie, I could give a rat's left tooth about what you think of me or if you even think of me at all. Because even with that, no matter what ANYONE says, I'm always going to be the underdog, even when I reach forty.

Because that's the mentality everyone has for me and I'll be damned if it hasn't worked successfully to my advantage at least sixty-to-seventy percent of the time.

No one expects me to win, plain and simple.

Not you, not Cobra Kai, not hardly ANYONE in that lockerroom.

But you see that's okay Eddie, because it's something I've finally been able to embrace and accept. Do I think I can....what was it you said...."represent"?? Whatever it is you punk kids are saying these days about homies, "b*tches", and whatever else....

Absolutely Eddie.

Not only think I can bring it, I've taken it BEFORE YOU!

You see, maybe it was my own fault I didn't take advantage of the possibilities I had like you did, but I've BEEN Presidential Champion BEFORE.

I'll be it, quite abit of time has passed since I've held that strap....and I still really don't think I fairly lost it....but I've been where you are before.

But at least you've got a temper. I'm not even sure if Viper knows what that is.

But as far as PRIMETIME goes....you need not worry about me, I'll give you the fight you're looking for. The fight that according to you, the likes of Shane Southern, Hornet, Dan Ryan and the EASTER BUNNY HIMSELF couldn't provide.

Perhaps maybe afterward I may just sue you anyway, you never know. But I'll tell you one thing:

This is going to be a reality check, that you won't like....but first finish your veggies like a good litte bastard or you get no dessert.

(Cruise stands up from the bench and runs a hand through his hair, brushing hair outta his face. With both hands, Cruise produces invisible quotation marks...)

CC: "Sucka."

(Cruise then turns and walks back into house, the door slamming shut behind him. Fadout.)

 

[EastPrez]

(FADEIN: "Hot Property" EDDIE MAYFIELD, CSWA Presidential Title slung over the shoulder, shritless, Running pants, and a nice sized herringbone necklace (Not a 'chain' - come on ya'll, he's not a gangsta) around his neck. On his head is a t-shirt-as-a-bandanna, made out of his new 'WWED?' Tee, and the everpresent Camel smoldering on his bottom lip. He's standing in front of a frosted door that reads 'Hotel Weight Room')

MAYFIELD: "Don't get it twisted, I wasn't actually in there training for my 'Screw Eddie out of his Belt' match at the next E! TV - I mean, that would actually mean I thought it was necessary. (Smirks)

"See something, Cruise - man, I'm glad you don't care I don't care about you not caring yahyahyahyah, whatever. The fact of the matter is this - ONE: You ain't beating me for this strap. (Slaps the PREZ title) TWO: You ain't beating me for this strap. (Slaps the PREZ title) THREE: (Pauses) Well, there is no three, but you get the idea. (snorts) Listen, man. I don't have anything personal against you - it's par the course for CSWA to be AYY OH EE - Afraid of Eddie. You're just the Sheep of the Week that Merritt has led out here to slaughter, and I can't blame you, underdog - it's not your fault. But while you get your ass kicked all over North Carolina by yours truly, Merritt will be in the back (If I let him in the building) twirling his moustache and rubbing his hands like a cartoon villain over his plot. But you know what happens? THEN you get dumped on your head, courtesy of your Presidential Champion, AND YOUR BETTER, Eddie Mayfield, and Snidely Whiplash looks at the camera deadpan and says 'CURSES! FOILED AGAIN!' and goes back to the drawing board.

"It's nothing different, Camshaft. Don't think your special. And don't think I'm underestimating you. I KNOW you can't beat me, so if you wanna prove something, pound on Viper while I'll take a smoke break, and maybe I'll give you some pointers. Yunno... since I'm so damned good at beating Vipers ass, maybe I can help you out with that. I know one thing tho - it ain't gonna be me you're doing JACK S[BLEEP!] to in that ring. So rub your hands through your hair and blow a kiss at that, dood.

You freaking sissy."

(FADEOUT)

 

[TSiegel]

(Fadein, Cruise on the porch again, this time with his guitar with him as he stares off into space, every once in a while strumming the guitar.)

CC: Tsk, tsk, tsk...sighs...oh Edward, if you you only knew what the devil you were talking about.

You see, I don't care if you sit in the sauna, lift weights, go on a crash diet, or even just sit on the toilet and sh*t all day until it's time to head to the arena for all I care, because what you do to get ready....means exactly SQUAT to me!!

As a matter of fact your whole schtick about not caring about this person and that person is all great and whatnot....but come on Egghead....do you really think I can give a rat's ass about whether or not you even step in against me or Viper in the ring?? Of course not, because once that bell rings, to me just one thing matters....and that's to be the man with his hand raised.

But there's something else that you may or maynot understand about me, Ed. I could give a rat's left tooth about what Cobra Kai brings to the ring, because I've already proven myself to him, especially when something of dire need to him is on the line. If ya don't believe me, just check the tapes. If he's gotten one over me then that's because he's too CHICKENSH*T to do it face to face, which case in point, makes him the nastiest, ugliest looking coward I've ever met!

But believe me, based on recent events, I REALLY don't think we have to worry about him...(Cruise smacks his chest) he's got better things to worry about than to even LOOK at you, Champ.

I've proved myself the first time I ever had a shot at the Presidential Title....I'll do it again. Whether or not I'm taking on Bruce Banner's number one fan or Mister Butts, the proof of my being able to become the new Presidential Champion is MOST DEFINATELY there....it's just in the form of a reality check....YOU Mister President....just won't like.

(Fadeout)

 

[EastPrez]

(FADEIN: EDDIE MAYFIELD, balcony of his hotel room, 'WWED?' tee on, Running pants. 30% Player shades and socks. He lights a Camel, takes a few test puffs then blows a line of smoke out into the air, shaking his head.)

MAYFIELD: "Yunno, if I was Cameron Cruise, I'd be trying as hard as I could, too to make an impression on Eddie Mayfield - because it's not every day you get to hold court with the president. You don't get to get Joe Quesada AND Kevin Smith to sign your Daredevil graphic novels every day, and you don't get a chance to see a shooting star every day either - they're all special, so kudos, Canmmy - (Wrings his hands) YOU TRY, DAMMIT! AND YOU MAKE YOUR POINT! (Fakes a tear) That's right, you make that ass[BLEEEP!]e Eddie Mayfield WANT TO CARE about your simple ass.

You don't care what I do to train? You don't care if I'm ever in that ring at E! TV? Good, man. Keep up that line of thinking, because you'll still be laying on your back much like that rat of yours who ate a 16 boot Medium from Viper a few weeks ago, trying to stop the bells from ringing long enopugh for you to figure out which drycleaner you left your heavy starched shirts at, and Voodoo Chile will be playing over your head as I'm on my way outta the ring with the Presidential title on my shoulder, and another kibosh in Snidely Chad Merritts plans. (Takes a deep breath) WHOO! Man, that was a mouthful. I'm fulla all KINDS of spite. (Smiles)

Like I said, I don't blame you, man. I mean, I don't know how it is to actually get PINNED for a belt of mine, because honestly, it's never happened. Check the stats, Cam, but I don't job belts every day, and you ain't got the Motts to get that job done, nevermind the fact that the BEST you can do is be in MY face, after a belt you had YEARS ago. How come you ain't in the main event? (Snaps fingers) AH! I remember - BECAUSE YOU WERE NEVER OVER, CAMERON. That's why you're getting fed to Eddie Mayfield by Merritt, because nobody else back there wants to step to me, but they all sure as hell wish they could find the sac to try.

THEN You come out here and call me an egghead, (Smirks) OOOH BIG MAN. (Yells off the balcony) GUESS WHAT, AMERICA! CAMERON CRUISE THINKS I'M NOT COOL! (Pauses and waits for an echo or something, but nothing happens) Heh. Guess what? being smart ain't a bad thing anymore. I guess you were too stupid to get the memo, nevertheless comprehend what it said because it wasn't written in crayon. See, being smart and all? See, that helps me count all my money with Quicken, or how to finish Ninja Gaiden without a cheatbook, or even whip your ass without breaking a GOD-D[BLEEEP!] sweat, or fingernail. Reading IS fundemental, man, look into it when you get a chance.

Lessee, what else.... Right. THEN you say Viper's not even in the equasion in this match, and he's too shook to even deal with me from all the hurt you bring? Awesome, but don't forget that just because you're out here making your girl wet because you actually get to speak to me and I have to respond, (much unlike in the arena hallways or the hotel after a show) that I don't remember the fact that there's TWO MORE DOODS willing to make themselves famous by trying to take me out in this match, engineered by Merritt to try to make me fail. Like I told JJ Deville, like I told Sagat, like I'm telling you again - f[BLEEEEp!] it, you ain't got the sand to roll with Eddie Mayfield, and you can't deal with that. Smokescreens and audibles ain't gonna help you, because it still won't make me think you ain't even worth going down to the Walmart and getting me a carton of smokes, because I'm sure you'd f[BLEEEP!] that up, too.

Like I said, Cam, you're a non-factor. While you're here trying to win back a belt that I made WORTH SOMETHING in this company, when you had it, freaking years ago, s[BLEEEP!], you were probably buried on the C-show on CSWA TV, and having Merritt wonder when they should just disolve the title due to lack of interest. I'm sure you weren't Main Eventing S[BLEEEEP!], Cruise, so save the yap about 'you've been where I've been'. You've NEVER been a HEADLINER, unlike like myself, Bonnie Mayfield's only son, who gets more pops from a crowd than Jenna Jameson in a Gang Bang flick. (Smirks) You ain't NEVER been nice like me, Cam, so save it. Save your lame promos, your home on the range location shots with you on the porch sipping Country Time and plucking your banjo. I don't give a s[BLEEP!], and neither do those millions of registered voters that cast their ballot for ME (Points at self) Eddie Mayfield, your PRESIDENT FOR LIFE. I'm kinda like Edie Amin, or Noreaga or one of those cats - I'm President until I say so, or someone puts a bullet in my head, and I don't think you got it in you to pull the trigger, Cam. S[BLEEEP!], I don't think you got the grip to even pick up the gun. (Snorts)

So you can run back to your camp and tell your 3 fans and your cousin that I said bad words and made fun of you, and maybe you can all get together, get your momma to drive you to the arena, and you can take turns blowing spitballs at me, but you don't have the ordnance to dent my s[BLEEEP!], fella. You better come better then that if you wanna shake this tree. I'm out - go take a nap."

(FADEOUT as MAYFIELD pulls his Camel into a long ash and flicks it off the balcony, blowing smoke out his nose like a dragon)

 

[TSiegel]

(Fadein, Cruise dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a grey-colored shirt, complete with Charlotte Bobcats ballcap and Anarchy-shades in front of a white and black CSWA backdrop.)

CC: Outside this business, you really ought to have more recognition than you do Ed-o. I mean, smoking that cigarrete has got to be at least your first attraction since having your foot in your mouth has got you smoking out of the corner of it.

You stand there, dressed in some kinda shirt that most people would wipe their *** with than to even consider for a second wearing, talking about how it is I'm not really worth crap and you're yet to experience losing a belt at your own expense (not to mention puberty), blah, blah, blah.

Let's get something straight right now, Egghead, and yes I'm calling you "Egghead" because not only have you NEVER been cool, but you actually believe that in your own twisted world...people LIKE you and actually VOTED you President!!!

'Course that's how you'd like to believe things then that's you're M.O. and that's okay. Just like it's all Mile's fault you lost the Tag straps, just like it's Mama Cass's fault you got the courage to finagle (OOC: sp?) your way into the match that got you that title, and how it was Billy and Jimmy's song and dance that gave you the strength to stand up to the Boogie Man when you were just a wee-little bastard as well.

But then again, you probably still sign contracts in Red crayon yourself every time you get new one's in front of you too, so go figure.

It's interesting though how you don't seem to give a damn about what you do and play video games all day. Now, because that's what my cousin's kid does, you'd think the boy might as well have found old tapes of Doogie Howser for inspiration, because while I see it as just an 80s-90s TV show...he sees as possibilities. Call me crazy (lord knows I envied Doogie's relationship with Wanda), but he's got himself halfway through college and the kid's barely able to vote!!

So if he's doin' the same thing you're doin' now....but with somewhere near a degree in the damn educational system....what the f*ck are you doin' besides annoy the piss outta me?? I mean, you two of you may have similar hobby interests (which by the look of you is almost disturbing), but at least he's got something accomplished and made of himself knowing that he didn't need the help of some "gamer's guide" to help him. Yes, you ignorant crackhead, reading IS fundamental, but it works even BETTER when you try it WITHOUT it having anything to do with a game.

Now, I'll agree with you on one thing that Merritt did that didn't agree with me, and that's that he allowed his prized possession Hornet to come in that ring as an UNOFFICIAL REFEREE and make the three count to close the door on my defense of the Presidential title. He allowed it and didn't even really blink an eye about it.

That night I lost to a legitamate wrestler by virtue of a legitamate wrestler. But you see all that's done and behind me and I've gotten over it. So with that I've got to ask you one thing, Ed-o.

How does it feel to lose to someone who USE to be a SLACKER and his former sidekick? Not only that, but how does it feel to know that you weren't even the one being pinned and that lost you those belts? Something like that would almost make a man go BESERK wouldn't it?

(Cruise smiles)

You're right though Egghead, I've not yet Main Evented in CSWA, but then again, how many chances have I even received from Merritt to do so?

(Cruise forms a circle with his thumb and index finger on his right hand.)

Zero. But then again I haven't even yet tried have I? I mean, you don't see me goin' 'round barring the men from buildings that pay my salary on dates that I'm scheduled to wrestle either.

Call it playin' with fire, biting the hand that feeds you, talkin' back to Big Daddy, whatever you want.

But sooner or later it's all gonna come back to haunt you, once you lose that strap. Now, whether it's to me...whether it's to Viper....Adler....Hornet...it doesn't matter.

You're gonna get burned, you're gonna get put on time out, and knowing the wrath I've seen in my time here, you're gonna get spanked.

God forbid you lose it to me Eddie, because I guarantee you that I'm gonna stand and just LAUGH at what Merritt does to you next, oh what a glory day it'll be.

Because then and ONLY then, will you realize that it has been a reality check courtesy of yours truly, that you just WON'T like.

Fade.

 

[EastPrez]

(FADEIN: To 'Hot Property' EDDIE MAYFIELD, still in this hotel, now walking down the hall towards an elevator, same 'WWED?' Tee, running pants, Stan Smith Adidas with the checkerboard fatlaces on his feet. On left shoulder? CSWA Presidential Championship. On Right? Shoulder bag. In hands? 3 Orange gamefly.com envelopes, prepped for mailing.)

MAYFIELD: "Cam, Cam, Cam... (shakes head) Dood, you must have NO idea who you're talking to, do you? You have the gall to come out here and spit my OWN lines at me and think you've got me? (Clears throat) "Um, no... YOU sign contracts with a crayon! So THERE!" (Laughs) Man, like I said, you gotta come better than that if you wanna take my title. You gotta come better than getting all huffy and telling me I'm not cool and nobody wants this What Would Eddie Do? shirt, because last time I checked, they can't keep these things in stock on CSWAshopzone. But I guess I ran out and ran up my Paypal card buying my own merch, right? (snickers) Try again, fella.

"Yunno, I'll give you an ounce of credit - while you figured out that you wouldn't get ANYWHERE by not showing up and at least TRYING to look tough enough to stand to me, Apparently Steel Viper decided that he'd rather be spending his time breaking through brick walls with Roper, Williams and Abobo then finding a camera and cutting a promo on me to get his stupid ass over. Well I'll give you a clap for that, Cam - to THAT, I believe you've succeeded at giving me someone to talk at. (Smirks) But that's about it, because your tired s[BLEEEP!] about what I do in my spare time doesn't mean a sh[BLEEEP!] to me. I play video games, hold belt upon belt upon belt, and walk red carpets and get spots on Jay Leno when I'm not in front of a CSWA camera. What do you do? (Laughs) You try to scrounge up cash between your seats to get to your next match at some Hole in the Wall Bingo Hall league so you don't get stuck at a tollbooth because you spent your last .75 on Chicosticks, Ginseng packets and Diet Coke. Don't fault me because you're not over, Cam - those millions of registered ticketholders who look for the exits when you're in the ring explain your whole deal.

"Hey, what do I know, right? I mean to hear you say it, you're gonna shut me up, take the Prez belt, and laugh over my carcass as the world gets in line to kick me in the ribs and steal my wallet. Yunno what? I'M FU[BLEEEEP!]G WAITING FOR IT. Wanna know WHY Merritt ain't said jack bone to me? Because he knows who puts asses in his seats, Cam. NOT you, but (Points at self) little old me. EYE EVEN GET MERRITT OVER. Not only am I your rats' favorite wrestler, I'm also Mr. and Mrs. Nielsons' as well. E! TV - BUY RATE HOOGE, DOOD. More people tune in to watch me on the stick or in the ring every time Merritt figures out where the lightswitch is and throws a card, then if Frasier, Friends, MASH and Cosby Show had their series finales EVERY GOD-D[BLEEEP!] WEEK. There's a REASON I call myself MUST-SEE TV, Cameron. There's a REASON I call myself the HEADLINER, and there's a REASON I keep a f[BLEEEP!] title around my waist, or slung over my shoulder - BECAUSE I CAN DO THAT. What can YOU do? (Shakes head) Apparently, not much, except moan about the Haves, while you, unfortunately stay firmly entrenched in the Have Nots. (Walks to the end of the hallway and stops in front of the elevator)

"Merritt knows exactly what he's doing. You don't run a company for damn near 20 years by being stupid. And he knows that even if he hates every inch of my black soul, that you can't find THIS anywhere else, and he's got it. Hot Property Eddie Mayfield, man. Catch the wave. Franchise player - you won't find my ass wrestling all over the world to pay my Baby Mama bills. I've always been a one-league guy, which makes me THAT much more appealing. I don't NEED to bite the hand that feeds me. You think that I'm at a point where I need to wait on a paycheck from CHAD MERRITT to get through the week? Man, I don't roll that way, and haven't for years. If you wanna think that you have to play the game to get somewhere in this company, Cam, to hold the door for Chad when he steps out of his limo, and hold your hand out so he can flick his ash in it, and smile like an idiot thinking you're gonna get rub, then you're sadly mistaken. GUNS showed me that. Miles showed me that. Getting f[BLEEEEEP!] in the ASS by this company time and time again showed me that. So what do MEN do? They don't wait for someone to throw them a bone, man. They CREATE their own destiny. That's why this unover, uncared for loser with until just recently had THREE F[BLEEEEP!] BELTS on his person has his own TV show, planted in the A-LIST time slot of CSWA Programming, and you're nipping at my heel like a freaking puppy, waiting to get some of my scraps.

"Well let's just say this, Cam - you wanna keep trying to nibble on my ankle - I'm gonna smack the sh[BLEEEP!] out of you with a rolled up newspaper, then I'm gonna drop you on your fu[BLEEEP!] head like I said I would. And when you wake up, I'll be long gone, and you'll be back to your rightly earned spot as "Guy Who Sets Up The Ring and Occassionaly Wrestles on Weekends."

"And if you wanna know how I feel about not getting pinned for the World Tag belts? I feel peachy. Doesn't bother me a bit. I guess I could ask you how you feel about never HAVING a fu[BLEEEP!] world tag title reign, Or Heat... or... Fans... or... MAN, I could go on for days! So you just make sure you bring your Underdog long johns and cape to the ring in Jacksonville, and try your Little Engine that Could rap on the 3 and a half fans and 2 retarded kids in in the audience that like you and get them to pop, then after thats' over with, you'll be face to face with the cold harsh reality that for all of your pretzel logic promos and wardrobe changes, you ain't beating Eddie Mayfield... EVER. Deal with it."

(FADEOUT as MAYFIELD pushes the 'down' button on the elevator and waits, looking through his mail)

MAYFIELD: "Wow, maybe I should just BUY Freedom Fighters..."