Welcome to FWrestling.com!

You've come to the longest running fantasy wrestling website. Since 1994, we've been hosting top quality fantasy wrestling and e-wrestling content.

Hey Joe

LQJT86C

Where's my money, Chad?
Joined
Jul 3, 1997
Messages
2,073
Points
36
Age
40
Location
The Silk Road
(FADEIN: LOWELL, MA - A crowd has formed around the ESEN camera crew filming CASTOR STRIFE, the NFW World Heavyweight Champion who now paces back and forth before the city's pale yellow trolley, stopped dead in it's tracks. The gold plated belt is slung over his shoulder, and a gas mask strapped around his mouth only - sharp green eyes are splitting time between a survey of the crowd and a skyward gaze, like waiting for a gunman or a constellation, whichever draws first. A white guy in a McHale Celtics jersey pops his head into view, monotonously chanting "CAAAASSSTOOOR F*CCKIIINNNGG STRIIIIFE! CAAASTOR F*CCCCKINNNG STRIIIIFEEEEE MOTHER F*CKKKKEEEERRRRR CAAAAAAAASSSSSSS-")

CASTOR: "THE MESSAGE... (stops, lifts mask over head, throws it aside) ...was written, in gold, read to millions around the world. The Director's dream was realized, and the people knew right away he was indeed the American Original he claimed to be; the artist of the infamous and fatherless style, who couldn't be bargained with, bought out, or held down by smalltime dreamstealers."

"You could watch it on your television, on the silver screen in technicolor, or up close with the naked eye...across the New Frontier (SCREEN FLASH: Castor hitting Impulse with the Director's Cut), in the A1E (FLASH: Castor hooking Rocko Daymon for the three), in PRIME...(FLASH: Holding the Universal Title over Vangelus Olsig's fallen body)"

"...and you would see a WORLD CHAMPION forged in iron, bathed in silver, strapped with gold."

"INFAMY. What do you know about infamy? What the f*ck do you about infamy? Not a thing, unless you were with it from the beginning. This place, Lowell, was with me from the beginning. They witnessed the birth of the fastest rising star in the world. Call it a polluted womb, but it was my polluted womb. Tell me the milk had barbiturates in the stream - (laughs, shakes head) it was Mother's milk for me."

"The people here? They don't always get me. But they love me. (CROWD CHEERS) Love the fact that I went into North Carolina and ripped Eddie Mayfield's belt from the jaws of defeat...BROUGHT IT BACK HERE!"

CROWD PERSON: "HELLLL FAWKIN' YEAAAAAHHHHH!"

CASTOR: "They love that a champion the world over still lists Lowell as one of his three favorite places to perform - and I've been EVERYWHERE!" (CROWD CHEERS)

"So you could imagine what it was like for me, returning here for the first time in eight years, since NFW ran it's last show at the Tsongas Arena...to walk into a local establishment, greeted, yes, as the returning champion...but hearing the same question again and again. It wasn't about when NFW was coming back to Lowell - Reloaded 11, April 21st, YOU'RE WELCOME."

"It wasn't about the ESEN docu-series, following my road with the title..."

(cracks neck)

"It was: (accent) WHEN YA GAWNA FACE THE PLUMBA!"

(BIG CHEERS FROM THE CROWD!)

"YA NEVA BEAT THE PLUMBA! WHAT ABOUT THE PLUMBA!"

CROWD PERSON: "FAWK THE PLUMBA!"

(Castor grits teeth, nods head and looks at the plate on his belt)

CASTOR: "You know what I think, Joe? I think you spent your capital. I think the hourglass ran out. I think you abandoned this belt - (violently turns to crowd) AND I DON'T THINK I NEED TO BEAT YOU TO PROVE SH[BLEEP]! Hell, you know that. You have to. These people, it's hard for them to understand, they just want to see a match. But you know you lost the claim on this belt a while ago. Don't you?"

"When you left, I was the one who cleaned up your mess. I took on every challenge you ran from. Dorchester blinded you, and I MADE HIM QUIT in the ring. Impulse was the consensus pick to dethrone you, and I broke his neck - SUH-NAP! Dan Ryan brutalized you at Crash 50, and though we have unfinished business, it took him 90 minutes to realize HE COULDN'T BEAT ME. The fans all counted on YOU to hold Troy Windham in check, but I was the one who damn near broke his neck and, in doing so, helped drive a wedge between him and JJ Deville."

"You thought winning a Pentagram match made you a legend, but the real challenge was waiting, and YOU HEADED FOR THE EXIT."

"All those things make you NOT THE CHAMPION. But I have a real problem right now, Joe - a real dilemma. Because I can't shake those words from my head..."

"You never beat the Plumber."

"My agent told me to forget about you, because I'm the World Champion, the undisputed #1 wrestler in the world today. The New Frontier said to stay away, because you were a medical liability waiting to happen. Almost nobody outside of these fans thinks I need to step in the ring with you..."

"Except me. I want it to happen, Joe. Not to justify my legacy, but as a testament to the very thing I preach: that I am absolutely, indisputably, UNBEATABLE. That there isn't a man on this planet who can pin my shoulders to the mat for three seconds. In fact, it hasn't happened in singles competition in the New Frontier since I returned four years ago. Hasn't happened in almost eight years, come to think."

"I signed Chad Merritt's contract just to showcase that on the biggest stage ever assembled. ULTRATITLE - 64 men, the very best of the best. The chances that I draw you in this tournament are slim unless we meet in the final, and guess what? I don't think it's going to happen for you. I think one of these guys is going to finally blemish your record; turn that ZERO into a ONE."

"Thing is, friend, I won't let it happen that way. I want to be the one who kills your legend off. You're not going to roll out of bed and drop a bout to Kenny from Burger King. You are going to show up like you did for Crash 50, ready for war, and you will face me in the very first round." (BIG CHEERS!)

(Castor looks around)

"You like that, Lowell? Am I not the deliverer? Am I not YOUR BELOVED SON? (smiles) The son has returned bearing gifts of gold, and of glory. I came to Ultratitle looking for a trophy and a supernova. No telling when the latter is going to turn up. But it looks like fate did me one better."

"The time to find out who's champion is ended. And while countless retreads challenge each other to see who was the best in a time long gone, I'm laying down the gauntlet at your feet, Joe, to find out who the best is RIGHT NOW. FIRST ROUND. F*CK IT. While Troy Windham and co. are getting their dicks hard padding wins off Go-Go Spectacular and Spooky Doom, I want a baptism in fire."

"What do you say, Joe The Plumber? You, me, first round. Winner cuts a hot sword through the rest of the bracket."

(FADEOUT)
 

DWoods

League Member
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
211
Points
16
Location
Mexico
“You never beat the plumber...”

(The scene opens with darkness – the camera is still. A lavalamp lights up, illuminating the small, cramped, poorly decorated space. The rarely seen rec room of former NFW World Heavyweight Champion Joe the Plumber. Joe sits in his favourite rocking chair, reupholstered in dusty red-and-green plaid from the 60s. He’s smoking a glass pipe amidst a cloud of lingering dank, with a picked-at plate of cold pasta ‘n roach joints resting on the arm of the chair.)

JTP: “Well, in your defense, you ain’t never got a real crack at him. That right, Strife? Yeah, that’s it. See, I know. I hear ya. Loud ‘n clear, bud. Joe’s got you.

“You want the Streets talkin’! Sayin’, ‘Damn! My man Strife – he just stabbed a faggot to death on TV!’

“No, no,” Joe says, shaking his head, “that ain’t it, that ain’t it. Sh-t, that’s my dream! In it, I murder the f-ck out of Dorchester Cheese and drown his whole crew in a vat of his blood.

“I bet that sh-t tastes like strawberry kiwi and AIDS.

“Those mornings, I wake up hard.

“No, Strife.

“You want this for you.

“For your legacy.

“Now, I ain’t dry snitchin’ – you’d own that sh-t, I know it. But you want to beat the names and win the tourney and then take a celebratory sh-t on some b-tch’s chest like the true undisputed champion.

“I respect your affinity for the down-and-dirty scrap. First round? Sh-t plays into my favour. I’ve got the cardio of a retired fire dog with lung cancer. I get that this ain’t no one-nighter ‘er nuthin’, but Ol’ Joe needs his time off. Reminder: I smoke crack every day. And it’s a f-ckin’ problem. For everyone but me. `Cuz I can’t f-ckin’ be killed by conventional methods, and my c-ck, though it may be gangrenous, is pretty f-ckin’ large.

“First round?” Joe repeats, this time cracking a smirk. “Done. Shoot the contract over, I’ll give it my chicken-scratch, then send it back by carrier pigeon. But before you do, before you start this whole chain-reaction, think on this: Can you really step into the ring with the true linear possessor of your beloved title belt and not do it proper and put the b-tch on the line? It’s marked by an asterick, Castor. Ol’ Joe ain’t much for reading, but that’s a f-ckin’ asterick, son. I seen’z it!

“But Eddie probably won’t allow it, huh? YO NAME IS TOBY! ... Naw, he won’t giveyouthatmuchslack. Remember, youonlygetthismuchslack. You get to havin’ some fun, daggerin’ with some fat sl-t on Ritalin, and then up walks that c-nt with his dusty-ass cologne and everything goes t’sh-t. Doesn’t matter anyway. Win, lose, or draw, JTP is done after this. I’m hangin’ ‘em up for good. I’ve got a business to run, crappers to fix, illegimate children to support. The Plummer Clan grows with every barren vessel I get paid to knock up with my miracle seed. Try as they might, those kids’ parents won’t be able to ‘nurture’ the ‘nature’ outta them sh-ts. Little f-ckers should be put in a burlap sack with a dozen or so bricks, then beaten with a truck bumper and finally thrown in a river.

“And sh-t, I ain’t even mad yet! That will come. Oh, that will come. But you’re right – this is the only match that makes sense. Let the senior citizens have their squash. Their teeth are false and so is their food. Weak b-tches. CVS and JTP eat bone for breakfast.

“I’m gonna f-ckin’... gah... start sockin’ myself in the teeth t’ get ready for this violent c-cksucker of a match! I hope every last one of ‘em falls the f-ck out and I’m left a grinning, toothless mess! ...I hope my skull gets cracked like an egg and my brain is electrocuted by a shoddily dealt microphone-shot to the dome!

“And that’s just what I want to happen to me, Castor. Unfortunately for you, the motto I've always gone by, in life and in wrastlin’, is ‘Come away from the scrap a little less f-cked up than the the other guy, or at least take his gold.’ When I was growing up, that meant generally chains and teeth. Sold the chains, kept the teeth. I collect `em now.

“I just don’t think ya know how much Joe needs this nut, Strife.” The Plumber’s calloused hand closed into a fist, his knuckles turning white, accentuating his scars. “I DON’T THINK YA KNOW!”

JTP jumps to his feet, beginning to pace. “SEE, I WANT TO LOSE AS MUCH AS YOU WANT TO WIN, STRIFE! I WANNA GIVE THIS F-CKIN’ LIFE UP FOR GOOD! MY MIND IS F-CKIN’ GONE ‘ER SUM’THIN, AND OL’ JOE JUST WANTS TO HANG UP HIS GRAPPLIN’ OVERALLS AND BE DONE WITH IT!

“But I also want to lose with dignity... I haven’t done a single gaddam dignified thing in my sh-t-storm of a life since I beat the f-ckin’ piss out m’ Pa back in ’01, burned his throat-dangle with the end of a lit cigarette, and hit him with his own truck!

“KICK MY DOG, F-GGOT? I’LL GET THE LIT CIGARETTE – AIN’T GOTTA LOOK FAR, SHE’S RIGHT THERE IN MY MOUTH! QUICKLY SNAG THAT B-TCH AND HAROON IT INTO YOUR FACE!

Strife...” Joe began, seeming to calm a bit, “I’ll do you one better – let’s put this in a cage. Big ol’ TRADITIONAL steel bars, MOTHERF-CKER! And NO ROPES! If I wanna, I can bash your f-ckin’ brains out against the cage! OH, and I want barbed – NO! RAZOR WIRE! RAZOR WIRE! SPOOLS OF RAZOR WIRE to prevent would-be intruders!

“Give me these things and I’ll not only sign on the dotted line, I’ll toss a rock or two in there, scribble a happy message to my biggest fan (no, not Impulse), and, AGAIN, ship ‘er on back to ya via the old-world pigeon method! Only this time, I put in some work, y’know? I poke and prod and spit on this pigeon I’ve raised in captivity since it was a little birdy, and I give him short, excruciating time-outs in the microwave! And I teach him to RESENT mankind… And then I sic him on you, STRIFE! WITH A MESSAGE!

“See!? NOW I am getting mad. NOW I’m getting angry. I’M THINKIN’ THE KINDA THOUGHTS THAT PUT A PLUMBER ON A PEDESTAL AND MADE HIM A BIGGER NAME THAN THE ENTIRE WINDHAM FAMILY COMBINED! THAT KEPT ME ENCASED IN WROUGHT IRON AND BRASSED UP!

“...And then as the days go by and I get more and more offended by the thought of someone actually thinking they can beat me... my intentions for my opponent grow ever more disturbing and macabre! PLUS, ABOUT THEN I BEGIN CYCLING ASSORTED PSYCHOTIC MEDS AND CRACK ROCK! NO MORE F-CKIN’ AROUND! JUST THE ESSENTIALS! BEER GIVES YOU HEADACHES – MAKE CIGARETTE BUTT TEA AND ENJOY YOUR ROCK INSTEAD!

“It’s a process.”

(Joe leans forward in his rocker to snarl into the camera lens, as a single shred of chicken skin dangles precariously from his scruffy beer.

Fade-to-black.)
 
Last edited:

LQJT86C

Where's my money, Chad?
Joined
Jul 3, 1997
Messages
2,073
Points
36
Age
40
Location
The Silk Road
JTP jumps to his feet, beginning to pace. “SEE, I WANT TO LOSE AS MUCH AS YOU WANT TO WIN, STRIFE! I WANNA GIVE THIS F-CKIN’ LIFE UP FOR GOOD! MY MIND IS F-CKIN’ GONE ‘ER SUM’THIN, AND OL’ JOE JUST WANTS TO HANG UP HIS GRAPPLIN’ OVERALLS AND BE DONE WITH IT!

(CUTTO: Night time - CASTOR STRIFE leans forward on a park bench in Lowell, rubbing his hands together and looking straight into the camera)

CASTOR: No...you're not done until I say you're done. You leave this industry over my fallen body, or chained to my chariot like Hector. Looks like our first round match isn't happening, due to circumstances beyond our control. I plan on competing for that trophy on the supercard later this year. Perhaps I'll meet you there...

Perhaps not. But know this - we will meet, even if I have to finance it myself.

All your stipulations? Granted. I can make it happen, like a jinni from the bottle, except more like a Monkey's Paw - the way I make dreams? (smiles) Joe, friend - for every wish upon my star, I take one back three-fold.

You know what kind of man I am. I KNOW what kind of man you are. Save a sick day for me - we're going to settle this before year's end.

(FADEOUT)
 

Justin

Da BAWS
Staff member
Joined
Jun 26, 2009
Messages
2,466
Points
36
Age
42
Website
www.defiancewrestling.com
[Eric Dane clears his throat.]

ERIC DANE:
*ahem*

Last I checked, the only thing you could finance was a bus ticket, champ.

[Smirk.]

ERIC DANE:
Care to sign that contract yet, so you can have your big, bad, blowoff match with the plumber? Or you want to keep playing this game where I spend all of your money on little glass unicorns for my niece?

[F2B]
 

LQJT86C

Where's my money, Chad?
Joined
Jul 3, 1997
Messages
2,073
Points
36
Age
40
Location
The Silk Road
CASTOR: You'll get my signature when I'm good and ready to produce it. Remember Eric, you may own everything I call mine, except for the one thing you really need.

Now if you can manage not to be paralyzed from the waist down by Dan Ryan in Philly, I might consider a bargain. Until then, my answer is still NO. Investors would line up to provide me the capital to organize a match with The Plumber. You on the other hand...you're nothing but a thief. A gnat. A worm.

Think on this: I sacrificed everything to get what I wanted. What are YOU willing to give up?
 

DWoods

League Member
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
211
Points
16
Location
Mexico
(Fade into the same exact camerashot of JTP slumped in his rocker like a boss. An ashray overflows with cigarette butts and roach joints.)

JTP: “Ah, there goes ol’ motor-mouth Dane again, spoutin’ his weak-ass fibs ‘n fake-ass tales.

Ain’ nuthin’ but a b-tch.

“But I’ll leave that with fate. And if fate should have it, you’ll have the honour of being tucked into a bodybag by y’ars truly! Naw, I’ll probably just dump ya into the open grave with all the others…

“But I ain’t gettin’ into the back-and-forth with you. Sh-t’s a waste of time. Plus, Ol’ Joe’s so faded right now, he’ll probably have forgotten ya by tomorrow anyway!

Strife –

“`Guess the Greasy Goblin lockin’ horns wit’ yer spidery ass didn’t rouse the c-cks of the suits in charge.” Joe shrugs. “Dudn’t matter! I’ll come find ya when the time’s right. Rest assured. You’ll smell me comin’ – fresh off the job. I clean sh-tters and don't wear gloves – remember that.

“That there belt at the end of this whole clusterf-ck? A parting gift I’ll likely pawn five years from now when money’s tight and that fat wh-re with the lazy eye down the way refuses to extend Ol’ Joe’s credit any further! When I need ass, I get ass.

“I haven’t saved a f-ckin’ dime and I need some f-ckin’ collateral.

“F-GGOT, I NEED THIS TO SURVIVE! THIS SH-T…? MY PENSION!

“And you don’t ever… ever… f-ck with a blue-collar man’s pension.”

(Fade-to-black.)
 

Justin

Da BAWS
Staff member
Joined
Jun 26, 2009
Messages
2,466
Points
36
Age
42
Website
www.defiancewrestling.com
DANE: Didn't I slap you in the back of the head with a shovel in Monaco? Jesus Christ, Joe, you've went from 'undefeated champion' to 'guy everyone hits with stuff' with almost zero adjustment time.

Oh, but I forget, you smoke crack and eat fetuses, you don't care.

I hope and I pray that I end up in a bracket with you so that I can end your miserable excuse for a career before Castor gets the chance. Wouldn't that just be the feather in my cap, eh?

[Fade to deez.]
 

About FWrestling

FWrestling.com was founded in 1994 to promote a community of fantasy wrestling fans and leagues. Since then, we've hosted dozens of leagues and special events, and thousands of users. Come join and prove you're "Even Better Than The Real Thing."

Add Your League

If you want to help grow the community of fantasy wrestling creators, consider hosting your league here on FW. You gain access to message boards, Discord, your own web space and the ability to post pages here on FW. To discuss, message "Chad" here on FW Central.

What Is FW?

Take a look at some old articles that are still relevant regarding what fantasy wrestling is and where it came from.
  • Link: "What is FW?"
  • Top