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La Cocina Con El Gordo Grande

John Doe

The Anorexic Ethiopian
Feb 2, 2004
Chicago, IL



[We are in a hut and not a pleasant one. It looks pretty much run down the foliage around is almost decayed and there is one single kitchen set up that looks like it hasn't been washed in ages. IN the center stands El Gordo Grande his trademarked lucha mask on and a chef's hat dawned on his head. An apron around him and different clearly not maintained pots boiling on the stove.]

“¡Hola y bienvenido a cocinando con El Gordo Grande! ¡Esta noche! ¡Le muestro en de mis comidas características!”
(Hello and welcome to cooking with El Gordo Grade! Tonight! I show you one of my trademark meals!)

[He spins in a circle and then points at the camera, so f-cking flashy!]

“Esto es mi comida predilecta, pero viene de una antigua receta azteca en las selvas distantes de Ixtapa. ..which es aproximadamente una hora fuera de Cancun.”
(This is my favorite meal, it comes from an ancient Aztec recipe in the far jungles of Ixtapa...which is about an hour outside of Cancun..)

[The camera goes to an over head shot looking down at the stove, mainly a pan with ground beef in it]

“¡Primero, somos cacerolas que cocina la carne de res grande, el más gordo el mejor! ¡Yo no hago el normal ochenta cinco flaco, deseo ese sabor, que pincha y el sonido chirriante, yo deseo que las arterias para sentirse como si estallarán como un condón dentro de Ivy! ”
(First, we are pan cooking the grand beef, the more fat the better! I don't do the normal eighty five lean, I want that flavor, that pop and sizzle, I want my arteries to feel like they are going to explode like a condom inside of Ivy!)

[Quick shot at El Gordo who is stirring the meat, then back to the overhead shot.]

“¡Cocínelo caja es café como el agua de Tijuana!”
(Cook it till it is brown like the water of Tijuana! )

[Close up of perfectly browned meat]


[Overhead shot still active we move over to a deep sauce pan.]

“Ahora, fundimos algún queso cheddar, lo consigue tan es grueso y vibrante...”
(Now, we melt down some cheddar cheese, get it so it is thick and vibrant...)

“Mire ese queso...”
(Look at that cheese...)

[Front shot as he pulls cheese up with a spoon and lets it drip back into the pan]

“Ahora, la parte más importante de este plato mexicano.”
(Now, the most important part of this Mexican dish.)

[A long pauses as he bends down to get the last portion of the dish.]



[ARISE EL GORDO GRANDE! With your amazing Fritos that you have found! You sir are a true champion!]

“¡Agregue los ingredientes en la bolsa de Fritos, denle una sacudida pequeña! ¡Y allí usted lo tiene damas y caballeros!”
(Add the ingredients in the bag of Fritos, give it a little shake! And there you have it ladies and gentlemen!)

[He dumps the ground beef and cheese in the bag and begins to shake it vigorously.]

El Gordo Frito's Grande!

[A fork and a big healthy bite]

“Ah mi dios que es tan bueno.”
(Oh my god that is so good.)

“¡Hasta próximos amigos de tiempo!”
(Until next time friends!)

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