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Llévame a la pelota

TH

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wallsofjerichoholic.blogspot.com
Llévame a la pelota

Translated from Spanish

UMPIRO: Ah yes, the ULTRATITLE tournament, the pinnacle of wrestling. Its lore has reached as far south as Acapulco and east as the Yucatan. Even in the lands where lucha libre reigns supreme, the ultimate gold of the trophy casts out a siren call. That is why I, Umpiro, have decided to venture north of the border to ply my trade and wrestle for a chance to hoist it above my head.

Of course wrestling is not my only profession. Ah yes, I was once the finest umpire in the Mexican League, plying my craft in cities from Mexico City to Tijiuana! I tried applying for a job in the Major League Baseball, but apparently, there is a requirement to work day games, and mister, I am not equipped to handle the sunlight. They don't make a SPF high enough for that.

But why, why am I, the best umpire in the Mexican League, wrestling on the side? Well, I was wrestling on the side until an incident where I, in a regrettable moment of rage, drained a belligerent manager of all his bodily fluids. So now I wrestle as my only profession. But make no question about. Because it was not my first career doesn't mean that I don't' dedicate my heart and immortal soul to it now. As accurately as I called every game is as spectacularly as I will wrestle in every match.

I have also promised Ms. McGinnis and the rest of the ULTRATITLE committee that I will not feast upon any of the competitors during the tournament. Even if they piss me off something fierce, I do not want to have a criminal record in the United States. I hear it's a lot different than having one in Mexico. That being said, if you piss me off, I will come at you like a coked up designated hitter trying to take the head off the pitcher that just beaned him. Luckily, my lucha training was able to help me restrain him. Yes, I do talk from experience.

127 other men will be in this tournament, including a reactionary masked wrestler known as the Phantom Republican, whom I will have great pleasure in making look like a donkey trying to pull a plough through the mud. These 127 men will try valiantly, but in the end, it will be I, UMPIRO, calling them OUT at the plate, one at a time, until I am the only one left standing!
 

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