Steve
the EX-QUEEN of FW~!
[updated:LAST EDITED ON Feb-08-02 AT 09:37 PM (EDT)] The smell of the night is as vivid sixty miles from Greensboro, as it was in the bowels of the Merritt Auditorium. The remnants of blood, torment, and irony filter in through an open SUV window. Mark Windham’s window to be exact.
The distance has yet to bring fresh air, at least not in the amount that Mark will require to fully assess the lingering doubts. He sold himself back to Merritt with designs of giving the CSWA a soul. The best of plans are now threatened to become the worst of plans.
He heard the rabid cheers as he grabbed the moment. For as long as he can remember only dreams have given him any sort of satisfaction. His dreams were usually voices, soft and partly recognizable which knew what he needed to hear. The one he dreaded waking from was the voice of reason, a steady sleep that assured Mark it was okay to feel good.
The cheers were from the people, he saw as much from the corner of his eyes. The Lost Soul had found the dream and finally something else felt well.
Sunshine Del Payne drives Windham further in search of air, but it’s becoming too late. Windham wonders if his mind is playing tricks upon him again. It’s his hell, with no tease of a heaven. For as long as Windham has walked in life, his thoughts have betrayed him, as if trying to win a sick game.
The game could be afoot, Mark can’t remember but he swears the cheers turned to righteous laughter. The people waited for Windham’s faith to burn, and to their amusement it happened incredibly soon.
He wasn’t ready to come back no Sweetwater’s biggest puzzle should have stayed in the shadows. Its darkness he’s called home, not the light he used to return.
“Pull over.”
“What?” Sunshine waits for clarity, but in fact pulls the vehicle over when it never comes. “Mark what’s happening?”
Windham climbs out of the SUV and stares south. He searches for the truth, one he already knows. Now that he’s on the journey, safety can never be worn for a second time.
Sunshine pulls her leather coat tighter, fighting the bitter coldness from the weather and her man. “Mark? Greetings from planet Earth.”
“I’m sorry,” Windham slumps his broad shoulders cringing at the space he's laid between Sunshine. “I don’t know why I came back.”
“Great. Thirty degree weather is a perfect time to find out.”
“I can’t handle him too. GUNS, we killed each other once. I thought that was what it felt like to be alive,” Sunshine bodies up to Mark never letting her attention waver. “He’s strong. That’s what I found out. GUNS, Heat, Bonecrusher they took my body to the morgue. I didn’t know how to react, it was just one of the reasons I self-destructed.”
“Mark I want to help you here, but I can’t understand how.”
“I’ve fought for everybody in my life. For my parents, Troy, Hornet, that was the first time in my life when I realized I had no idea how to stand up for myself. So I ran,” Windham laughs at the irony. “And here I am running again.”
“You fought for me. Mark that’s a good thing, not to be alone, you’ve given yourself to...”
“Others, but not to me. When I needed something to fall back on there was nothing. I had no idea what I stood for. That’s what the search was about in theory. But...”
“What is it?” Sunshine takes Mark’s hand the confession is one she could make too.
“You can’t have convictions then not stand by them. I thought over these last few years I found God, but I really found, something that lets me sleep at night but disappears in the face of fear. Jeremy was right I am a bad father. I ignored the truth for the rhyme and reason. I have neither, that’s a hell of a thing to realize.”
“So we quit now? Go back in a cave and take turns hating you? Mark life doesn’t always give you a yellow brick road to walk down. I think you did find something, I see it in you. You have to trust what you’ve found, let it guide you as you’ve guided me. You’re not alone, but its time you did fight to become the man you want to be.”
“Why? To end up like Troy, or Eli? To wake up one sad morning and crave more blood spilt? I started that path, the kid follows it partly to be me.”
“Not to be Troy, to be another able body to enter the madness. You fight to be well. You need this. And when you’ve rebuilt what you lost, they’ll be there.”
“That’s a big laugh huh, the agent of change coming back for them. It’s just harder to grasp the reality that I came back to change the Lost Soul.”
“Can I tell you something else?” A playful smile warms Sunshine’s face.
“What...”
“It’s cold as hell out here. I’m getting back in the car. Do I get the pleasure of having you with me?”
Mark retakes Sunshine’s hand. He brushes the hair out of her eyes and slowly enjoys a kiss. The bitter wind whips at the pair at last clearing to allow the Lost Soul to breathe in the idea of a revolution, a firm hand Mark Windham sorely needs.
The distance has yet to bring fresh air, at least not in the amount that Mark will require to fully assess the lingering doubts. He sold himself back to Merritt with designs of giving the CSWA a soul. The best of plans are now threatened to become the worst of plans.
He heard the rabid cheers as he grabbed the moment. For as long as he can remember only dreams have given him any sort of satisfaction. His dreams were usually voices, soft and partly recognizable which knew what he needed to hear. The one he dreaded waking from was the voice of reason, a steady sleep that assured Mark it was okay to feel good.
The cheers were from the people, he saw as much from the corner of his eyes. The Lost Soul had found the dream and finally something else felt well.
Sunshine Del Payne drives Windham further in search of air, but it’s becoming too late. Windham wonders if his mind is playing tricks upon him again. It’s his hell, with no tease of a heaven. For as long as Windham has walked in life, his thoughts have betrayed him, as if trying to win a sick game.
The game could be afoot, Mark can’t remember but he swears the cheers turned to righteous laughter. The people waited for Windham’s faith to burn, and to their amusement it happened incredibly soon.
He wasn’t ready to come back no Sweetwater’s biggest puzzle should have stayed in the shadows. Its darkness he’s called home, not the light he used to return.
“Pull over.”
“What?” Sunshine waits for clarity, but in fact pulls the vehicle over when it never comes. “Mark what’s happening?”
Windham climbs out of the SUV and stares south. He searches for the truth, one he already knows. Now that he’s on the journey, safety can never be worn for a second time.
Sunshine pulls her leather coat tighter, fighting the bitter coldness from the weather and her man. “Mark? Greetings from planet Earth.”
“I’m sorry,” Windham slumps his broad shoulders cringing at the space he's laid between Sunshine. “I don’t know why I came back.”
“Great. Thirty degree weather is a perfect time to find out.”
“I can’t handle him too. GUNS, we killed each other once. I thought that was what it felt like to be alive,” Sunshine bodies up to Mark never letting her attention waver. “He’s strong. That’s what I found out. GUNS, Heat, Bonecrusher they took my body to the morgue. I didn’t know how to react, it was just one of the reasons I self-destructed.”
“Mark I want to help you here, but I can’t understand how.”
“I’ve fought for everybody in my life. For my parents, Troy, Hornet, that was the first time in my life when I realized I had no idea how to stand up for myself. So I ran,” Windham laughs at the irony. “And here I am running again.”
“You fought for me. Mark that’s a good thing, not to be alone, you’ve given yourself to...”
“Others, but not to me. When I needed something to fall back on there was nothing. I had no idea what I stood for. That’s what the search was about in theory. But...”
“What is it?” Sunshine takes Mark’s hand the confession is one she could make too.
“You can’t have convictions then not stand by them. I thought over these last few years I found God, but I really found, something that lets me sleep at night but disappears in the face of fear. Jeremy was right I am a bad father. I ignored the truth for the rhyme and reason. I have neither, that’s a hell of a thing to realize.”
“So we quit now? Go back in a cave and take turns hating you? Mark life doesn’t always give you a yellow brick road to walk down. I think you did find something, I see it in you. You have to trust what you’ve found, let it guide you as you’ve guided me. You’re not alone, but its time you did fight to become the man you want to be.”
“Why? To end up like Troy, or Eli? To wake up one sad morning and crave more blood spilt? I started that path, the kid follows it partly to be me.”
“Not to be Troy, to be another able body to enter the madness. You fight to be well. You need this. And when you’ve rebuilt what you lost, they’ll be there.”
“That’s a big laugh huh, the agent of change coming back for them. It’s just harder to grasp the reality that I came back to change the Lost Soul.”
“Can I tell you something else?” A playful smile warms Sunshine’s face.
“What...”
“It’s cold as hell out here. I’m getting back in the car. Do I get the pleasure of having you with me?”
Mark retakes Sunshine’s hand. He brushes the hair out of her eyes and slowly enjoys a kiss. The bitter wind whips at the pair at last clearing to allow the Lost Soul to breathe in the idea of a revolution, a firm hand Mark Windham sorely needs.