with all erased...
[updated:LAST EDITED ON May-22-03 AT 05:44 PM (EST)](FADEIN: Some awful yuppie scum is sitting behind his desk in his office. Streamers ummm..stream from a little rotating table fan. our subject sweats like a hog, Dressed in 90$ ray bans, an Evanescence
T-shirt, and a blue sports jacket. He spouts buzz word after buzz word into a cell phone...)
BOSTWICK B. MAXIMIZED: It's time to power glide on the downshot. Bacon, my bra. I wanna send a message. An extreme message, to these righteous doods. Kick out the jams. I'm coming up, so you better get this party started. Baby was a black sheep. Baby was a whore. baby's getting big, but she's gonna get bigger. Baby want something? Baby want more?!?! baby! baby! baby! I'm a rock 'n roll-
(SFX: Buzz...)
BOSTWICK: Hold up a sec, (hits a button) Yeah?
SECRETARY: It's your One o’clock, sir.
BOSTWICK: Sexcelent, to the max. Send him in, Miss Tytfwok...
(Bostwick continues his phone conversation, as M.W. Grossard wanders into the room, in dress pants, suspenders, and a white work shirt...)
BOSTWICK: Call you back, babe. (clicks cell away...) Ah, M.W. m'man. Please have a seat.
MWG: (giggles) Mkay. (plots himself on a leather chair and begins loading a cigarette into his filter...)
BOSTWICK: No smoking in here, if you don't mind, man.
MWG: Oh, right. Sure thing.
BOSTWICK: So how have you enjoyed your GLCW Tenure thus far?
MWG: For real? Like, I haven't had to fight SQUAT yet, and I'm getting paid just for showing up and doing whatever once or twice a week. This job is easier than prostitution...
BOSTWICK: (laughs awkwardly) there y'go, buddy. However, well, lemmie explain why we decided it was necessary to have a discussion with you. We realize that you're new here, and not entirely adjusted to how things at GLCW operate. To acclimatize you to this, We thought we could discuss the direction of your "character."
MWG: Yeah, well, y'know. Way back when I was trying too hard to ah...y'know. (makes quote marks with fingers) "Fit in,"with the whole standard psycho goth monster thing. Now I figure I should just ah, be myself with the volume tuned up. I'm sensationalizing myself, you could say...
BOSTWICK: Yeah, um...It's odd that you feel this way. It was explained to you on the occasion of your contract signing that you were to be pushed as a "baby face." You do understand what a "babyface" is, correct?
MWG: Um...of course. But what King Krusher explained to me was that all I really had to do for that is not insult the fans, and they'd ah..y'know, respect me for being entertaining. Which as I said at the time, isn't a problem for me. Wrestling fans are a quaint little subculture, I've always thought.
BOSTWICK: um...yes. (jots something down on a notebook) Well, We at GLCW feel that perhaps what you don't yet grasp is that a part of your new role is not to augment yourself, but to market yourself to our target audience.
MWG:...I'm not sure if I follow you.
BOSTWICK: Well, take all the fag stuff-
MWG: Excuse me?
BOSTWICK: Er ah, gender confusion that is to say. You see, most wrestling fans are not culturally enlightened like you and I are. They have virtually no tolerance or understanding of minority issues, and are for the most part quite uncomfortable with anything less than the classic ideal of masculinity. So we have to ask that you dispose of the cross dressing gimmick in favor of something more befitting you, dig?
MWG: I see...and what kind of outfits would you prefer?
BOSTWICK: Well, as you certainly are a "hardcore" one, we have decided that a leather jacket, a Metalica T-shirt, and torn up blue jeans would fit your personality best.
MWG: Metalica sucks.
BOSTWICK: Take a chill pill, amigo. Now, We also need to talk about all the perverse and drug related humor...
MWG: Well, gee, isn't that sort of thing ah...y'know, like, more or less accepted by mainstream culture at this point? Even in wrestling, just look at Beau Michaels and R(bleeep)am...
BOSTWICK: (Chuckles) Gross out, daddio, are you serious? Michaels’s promotional sports look like cinemax soft core porn. Good looking people with hardly any clothes on. Instant ratings. Cash money bank. YOU On the other hand talk about penetrating open wounds, if that's even possible...
MWG: oh you'd be surprised what-
BOSTWICK:-AND ejaculating on your opponents faces. That's not SEXY, that's deranged. People want VANILA SEX, Grossarama. Anything that deviates from standard intercourse is simply NOT to be discussed in an open forum. FURTHERMORE, R(bleeep)Dam makes a RARE marijuana reference, while you go on and on about Crystal meth. You honestly believe most of these wrestling fans have any idea what crystal meth even is? The common TV watching rube isn't educated about the real world, and they don't want to be. These people like humor like the kind they have on shows like "friends," or "7th Heaven..."
MWG: Oh sh(bleep), that reminds me, did you catch the serise finale of Gillmore Girls the other Night? Did Lorilie end up marrying that coffee shop owner guy, or what?
BOSTWICK: That's hardly the issue at hand. The point I'm trying to make here,(double thumb points) M-W-G, is our priority with you is to adjust your persona so as to ensure that we can make good
on the money we've invested in you. Do you realize your "Sex, Violence, whatever," T-shirts are currently our lowest selling merchandise item?
MWG: Well, jeezus, I've only been on one show. If you don't mind my asking, what is your official job title here?
BOSTWICK: Be that as it may, we think it's time you were repackaged.
MWG: Well, what if I disagree.
BOSTWICK: Then you're bumming, dood. Back on the streets selling your ass for speed, or whatever it is you were doing before we dug you up.
MWG: So I've been given a choice between material comfort and dignity...(makes his pondering face) Well, now that I think about it, that video with the quadriplegic guy banging his head in mores code was pretty cool...
BOSTWICK: Good to know you're such an open minded cat, Gross point blank. You've made the company very pleased. (laughs menacingly...MWG, confused, snickers right along. FTB)
(CUEUP: "To sell Angelina (wax ecstatic)" by Sponge...)
(FADEIN: To a GLCW logo backdrop, in front of which stands the formerly androgynous M.W. Grossard in ah...torn up blue jeans, a Metalica tour '85 T-shirt, and leather jacket. MWG sneers at the camera, cuz he's pissed off about something or other...)
MWG: Steven James, you think you're such a badass cuz your name is "Showtime." What kinda show is that supposed to be exactly? A dog show? A peep show? A show on Broadway, like cats?! What're you, gonna dress up in some frilly cat suit and try to cut me with plastic frickin' claws?!?! I'll give you show time! I'll give you a show right up your ass!!
BOSTWICK "off camera": NO SODONMY!!!
MWG: er ah...yeah, sorry 'bout that. So Steven James, I see you like to watch videos of me. You sick pervert!! What, have you got videos of me coming out of my house to get the newspaper in the morning, and in the shower, and eating cereal 'n all that? You kinda sweet on me, you queer? You all sweaty from pumping iron, or BEATING OFF to
my finely toned ass?!?!
BOSTWICK: NO MASTURBATION!!!
MWG: (whines) Aw, c'mon...
BOSTWICK: NO MENTION OF ANYTHING NON FOOD SUBSTANCE ENTERING OR EXITING ANY BODILLY ORIFICE, is that clear?!?!
MWG: (sighs) yes sir...anyway Stevie James, I'm glad to hear you've gotten accustomed to getting it handed to you. Cuz, due to your sucking, I'm gonna hand it to you again. I'm a hardcore crazy person. That's why I like Metalica, cuz they're hardcore and ceeerazy. You can try to fight back, but it'll do you no good at all!!! After I pin your shoulders to the mat, and do a little happy dance, you'll be able to say to yourself.."well, golly, MWG sure is a
b!tch..."...um...killer. Excuse me, MWG is a b!tch KILLER. Not at all an evil b!tch himself... (FTB)