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MAIN EVENT: New ERA Championship - Chaos v Hart (c)


Jan 1, 2000
San Francisco, CA
Unhappily Me

* Chaos RP for C02.

((OORP: Sorry would have liked to have done more, but I've been sick for the last week. So not my best work))

(The camera opens inside an empty Agganis Arena. Center stage sits the spotlight shining down on the empty ring. The tall shadow of Chaos nearly covers the canvas and he leans back on the ring ropes looking around at the empty seats)

Chaos: You know you'd think I'd be a happy man, but I'm not. Sure I got a shot at the champ, Yet I've had them before, but alas no World Title. That's just one of the things I loved about being PCX CHampion the freedom it allowed. As champion I coudn't hide behind the belt. couldn't rely on somebody running down to the ring and getting me a quick DQ. No I had the freedom of ANYTHING goes. Somebody stuck they're nose in my business....well I could smash it with whatever weapon I could find handy. Don't have that luxury do you Shawn?

(He lowers his head and shakes it in sullen defeat)

Chaos: That's why I'm not as happy as I should be. My past title shots with Suicide and Larry Tact turned into more of a handicap match then anything else, two, three, even four pepple showing up and none looking to help me out.

(He shrugs his shoulders and again shakes his head)

Chaos: Even during you Cyberstrike 1 it wasn't long before the title match quickly turned into it's usual visitation program. I'm not sure whom the blame should fall on, but I do know one man who shoulders some of that responsibility

(He stares coldly into the camera)

Chaos: and that's you Shawn Hart...you've had that belt for awhile, but now think it's time to FREE you of that burden. FREE the New Era title just like I did with the PCX and set a NEW Standard for what that belt should mean.

(He points his finger down at the ring)

Chaos: and this is were it will happen. In this ring TONIGHT Shawn Hart. No Rhymes....No Rapping....No Cliches....NO MORE!!!!

(He points that finger at his chest and then back at the camera)

Chaos: See we've done this dance before. Me and you have faced off and I've walked away the winner,. I KNOW I can beat you and finally given the chance I WILL. Yet when I'm Champion things are going to change around here. I'm going to defend that title man to man, face to face, Nobody is going to help me out...NOBODY!!!

(He takes a step back and leans a shoulder on the top turnbuckle)

Chaos: So Shawn come to the ring....and come alone, but when you do....it comes with this warning. I'm not a happy man. IF anybody and I mean ANYBODY interfers in this match tonight. Then I will cut a bloody path of revenge that NEW ERA has never seen before.

(He smiles coldly)

Chaos: I'm going to put you down for the count tonight Shawn....I'm going to do what I've waited far too long to be....HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!

(He snaps his fingers)

Chaos: It's just going to be that quick too. A Chaos Bomb followed by an even faster 1...2...3!!! NEW CHAMPION!!!! Then and only then will you see me finally be a happy man...well MAYBE.

(The camera pans back s he laughs coldly and the spotlight lowers)



Jan 1, 2000
San Francisco, CA
Shawn Jessica Hart, PhD. (C) presents his "Chaos Theory"

* Shawn Hart RP for C02.


The STUDY at Le Chateau du Phenom, the swanky Orlando estate of the New Era Champion PRO WRESTLING'S SJH.

Decked out in a lab coat and some killer bifocals, the Phenom is busy brushing the dust off of his prized collection of Cobra action figures. All the major players are there, from Cobra Commander and Serpentor right on down the list to tertiary Dreadnok lieutenants Zandar and Zaran.

Just as Shawn finishes the cleaning of his collectibles and begins to arrange them into a series of sweet battle poses, he takes notice of the cameras, chuckles heartily, then grabs a long pointer off of a nearby desk and trudges toward a chalkboard on the wall behind him.

SJH: "Helllooooo class. THIS is Phenomology 1-0-1, I'm Professor Schlong.... and for today's lesson, we will explore the ins n' outs, the ups and downs, the STEAK n' EGGS of a little something I like to call the Chaos Theory."

He pauses, then peers upward with a look of whimsy.

SJH: "Heh. Schlong...."

Hart nods the nod of self-approval.

SJH: "SO... astronomers will tell us that black holes are these bad-ass masses that basically crush all matter, time and energy, leaving NARY a light particle to escape... or some such business. Errrrr...... ..Right?"

He peers to somebody off camera. The shot pans, revealing said individual as an elderly man with horseshoe hair, a goatee, a monocle over his left eye and a lab coat of his own.

BRAINY GUY: "Ehhh... close enough."

CUT TO: SJH, nodding once more.

SJH: "RIGHT!! So with that being the case in space, we need only to apply Einstein's Theory of Relativity that what goes up, must come down, yin and yang, for every apple... there's an orange, and so on and so forth to arrive at the UNDENIABLE conclusion that if black holes exist in outer space, so too must some ungodly, unholy, life-sucking equivalent exist down here on the Gaea..."

He turns to a second cameraman.

SJH: "That's Earth... Right?"

CUT TO: The elderly fellow in the lab coat, this time speaking inexplicably in a bad German accent.

BRAINY GUY: "That is correct."

The Camera pans back to SJH who concludes the explanation of his theory.

SJH: "Therefore it is MY hypothesis that this soulless, atom-crushing void is none other than my endlessly underwhelming opponent, he who REFUSES to see the writing on the wall to march off into obscurity where he belongs, the NEFARIOUS jaybird known as CHAOS!!"


SJH: "I know, right? But the facts are undeniable. For years on end, Chaos has been ensnared in and perpetrating upon any and all unfortunate enough to stray onto his path an unending, invincible quagmire of SUCK that would consume every last ounce of positive energy it encounters! And hand to my heart, with GOD as my witness, if somebody doesn't stop him... our very EXISTENCE is at stake!"

More unidentified GASPing... but Shawn is there to reassure us.

SJH: "Which is why the lot of you are so damned lucky I'm here! Because when Big Daddy TOOL and I meet in the squared circle, his reign anti-matter, anti-AWESOME CHAOS will inevitably come to an end!! Cry as he might about shenanigans, Backyardigans, Bob Balabans, or my buddies busting down the ramp, barreling into the ring, and bashing him on the head to seal the deal for yours truly, and whatever the hell else he was BABBLING about during his Whine-a-thon, the fact of the matter is that I've NEVER needed such devices to destroy him...

And the same holds true today."

SJH's Scientist friend concurs.

SJH: "Call it a mockery, call it an OUTRAGE, I call it the truth!! And the TRUTH of the matter here is that THIS is one black hole that ain't gonna crush my light or anyone elses NO MO!"

He licks his lips in a manner most salivatory.

SJH: "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go reconfigure Destro's hands so he's grabbing the Baroness's BOOBS!

The PHENOM has left the building!"


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