Poor magic isn't... ENTERTAINMENT!
* Mr. Entertainment RP for C04.
(((FADE IN. Mr Entertainment is standing in the middle of the New ERA ring. The arena is empty and eerily quiet, with a slight echo as the man from Oregon speaks)))
ME: What did I say, eh? Not abou’ ME
Mister Entertainment
Becomin’ the first man in the new New ERA ta pick up three consecutive wins – tha’ was never in any doubt despite what the Malignant one thought. Nah, what I said, an’ ya may have missed it, was this.
ME: (((over the PA speakers as a recording))) Tha’ whiney lil’ punk is the prime example o’ what’s wrong with this business, this company, an’ the whole entertainment industry in this country! No talent, no style, no understandin’ o’ what makes a true ENTERTAINER, an’ he thinks he deserves ta just waltz on up ta th’ top. He strode inta New ERA, buddied up ta the champ, an’ thinks tha’ people don’t see tha’ he’s tryin’ ta milk it fer all it’s worth.
ME: (((the one in the ring))) Now he’s the New ERA champion… I almost feel sorry fer Shawn. He couldn’t see tha’ the Justin Bieber o’ wrestlin’ was gonna take every advantage he could, steal the belt, an’ dump poor, poor Pawn Hart like a bad habit. But ME?
Mister Entertainment?
I saw it comin’. Ya know why? Because First’s the kind o’ guy who’s selfish. He wants ta be New ERA champion because he wants ta be New ERA champion. He likes the feel o’ gold around his scrawny lil’ waist almost as much as a certain couple o’
Pole-on-a-Pole match participants enjoyed each other. He thinks tha’ if he’s the champ it somehow makes him important, tha’ being champ is the be all an’ end all. He don’t realise tha’ whether he’s got the belt or not, he was always destined ta be a whiny lil’ nobody; an’ the fact he decided ta blindside Shawn when the guy’s hurt, rather than challengin’ fer the belt straight up an’ bein’ a man, only cements his destiny ta be a loser.
Hell, I’ve been sayin’ tha’ abou’ him since Cyberstrike oh-one. If the losers in the crowd were too dumb ta see wha’ was happenin’, well, it just goes ta show their brains have been turned ta pulp by the crap comin’ out of Hollywood. But fear not, because the new New ERA has a champion-in-waiting ready ta take the belt from the Wrestling Bieber an’ show the whole WORLD why New ERA is the best wrestling there is, was or ever will be.
An’ tha’ means, before I take the belt, I need ta take out someone who, somehow, is an even bigger coward than the reignin’ chump. The Druid. Not tha’ that’s gonna be difficult, I mean the guy’s an old wizened man… no, wait, that’s
Getafix...
Seriously, what kinda man calls himself The Druid? What is he, five?
(((The Entertainer laughs, as slowly… smoke starts to rise from the ring apron. He doesn’t notice it just yet, but you do at home, don’t you? Yes, you do)))
ME: Are we meant ta take the guy seriously? He runs around with his “pagan cult” talking abou’ the Elder Gods, with special effects tha’ were passé in the 1950s – an’ expects us ta take him seriously?
Nu-huh, Druid, tha’ ain’t gonna cut it. Because while yer lil’ parlour tricks may confuse nobodies like Jason Payne an’
(((static covers the words from Mr. Entertainment, as the smoke rises, taking on a sinister blue and purple tint. Mr Entertainment continues speaking, although we can’t hear anything other than static, before the smoke catches his attention. He looks around, trying to find the source of the smoke, but it’s permeating from the canvas. The sounds of Nox Arcana starts to mix with the smoke. Mr Entertainment shouts, picked up as loud static, until suddenly a flash of lighting strikes the wrestler and incinerates him instantly!
A vile, evil laugh hits our ears.
The smoke clears, showing a pair of monogrammed boots in the centre of the ring.
Darkness envelopes the scene, as slowly, the thumping of a heartbeat starts up. After several long, agonising seconds, a ring of candles starts to light, one candle for every beat, in the sign of a pentagram with a curious “ME” symbol. The flames dance, pulsing with the beat of the heart.
CUE UP: “Ritual of Summoning” followed by “Cthulu Rising”, both by Nox Arcana. During “Ritual of Summoning” the flames start to glow through smoke, while during “Cthulu Rising”, a green light pulses with the beat. We become aware of a low murmur, almost of an audience it sounds like.
Suddenly, in the centre of the candles, a figure starts to take shape. A horrible, twisted shape, slowly becoming more and more human, until…
CUE UP: “That’s Entertainment” by The Jam! The crowd give a canned cheer as the lights come on, showing Mr. Entertainment in a black and green cloak standing unharmed in the centre of the candle ring. The crowd cheer as he throws the cloak off and steps out of the circle, making his way over to the desk on the “That’s Entertainment!” stage. When he reaches the desk he takes up a microphone, spins on his heel, and non-chalantly leans back against the edge of the desk to speak)))
ME: Ya didn’t really think The Druid had done somethin’ ta ME
Mister Entertainment
Did ya?
Crowd: No!
ME: Good! Because all tha’ hocus pocus, all tha’ nonsense he spouts, it’s just like him. Nothin’ ta be scared of! But before I continue I just wanna thank Nox Arcana fer helpin’ out! Give ‘em a hand, folks!
(((The crowd cheer as Joseph Vargo and William Piotrowski stand up on the front row, bowing)))
ME: Now, to the matter a’ hand. A match against a certain Druid, ta decide just who gets ta end the DISASTER of a title reign the Wrestling Bieber’s havin’ an’ send him cryin’ back ta the silicone bosom of his Mutilated.
Since Cyberstrike oh-one, when history
really began in this New ERA of New ERA, I’ve watched ya. I’ve watched ya outwit Jason Payne – but we both know the guy never had much upstairs anyway. I’ve also seen ya get Chaos so damn mad… no, wait… Chaos is always so damn mad it’s amazing he ain’t torn the ring ta shreds with his bare hands. Oh, but on… nope… seriously, Druid, what’ve ya actually done? I heard ya say ta Chaos tha’ ya were the TV champion in the
old New ERA, but what’ve ya done here, while I’ve been raisin’ the ratin’s and beatin’ people so badly tha’ I not only became the first on the roster ta pick up three straight wins and guaran-damn-tee a New ERA title shot, but beat one o’ them so badly tha’ he’s
still goin’ on abou’ it?
Erm… at the last count, ya’ve done absolutely nothing o’ note. You’ve shown up with yer gang o’ hired thugs… used them ta help ya beat Jason Payne… an’ beat Chaos because he got arrested mid-match.
Yet ya think ya can somehow beat ME
Mister Entertainment
The centrepiece o’ New ERA. Cute. Real cute. But here’s the thing, Druid – yer lil’ gang o’ “acolytes”? Men in silly gowns. You? Guy who still lives in his mom’s basement an’ pays fer “friends.”
ME?
Mister Entertainment?
I’m the man who’s gettin’ calls from Hollywood, bein’ begged ta lend my name ta movies. I’m the man whose T-shirts sales are bigger than the rest o’ the New ERA roster’s combined. I’m the man who beat Cameron Cruise, beat the Tact Legacy, an’ beat Michael Montgomery, cleanly in the middle o’ the ring, withou’ outside interference. I am the man charged with bringing New ERA to the masses, out of the dump it calls home an’ into the big time!
What do ya think ya can do, hm? Bore everyone ta tears with tired philosophy? That’s not entertainment. That’s not relevant. That’s just… crap.
Ya may want ta become New ERA champion, or ya may not, but I can promise you tha’ you have absolutely no chance in this match. Not because yer useless – which ya are – but because New ERA needs ME
Mister Entertainment.
Guys like you, who ramble on an’ on abou’ nothin’, who hide behind crowds o’ hired thugs an’ act like yer great, are chokin’ New ERA. I showed Michael Montgomery the error of his ways, an’ now he’s ready ta be a true part o’ my edifice. I showed Cameron Cruise tha’ he’s the third most useless person on the roster… well, tha’s a bad example since he’s still makin’ excuses. But ya get the point. I am liftin’ the curtain and revealin’ the truth, sculpting New ERA into what it deserves. And ta do tha’, I need ta wrest the New ERA championship away from the Wrestling Bieber before he does too much damage.
(((He taps the desk with his heel)))
ME: But… I’m kinda torn. Ya see, I wanna end the Bieber’s reign as quick as I can, I really do. But there’s this instinct in ME
Mister Entertainment
Tha’ I’m fightin’. I instinctively wanna build the drama. I want ta increase the tension. I
need ta show ya’ll what true ENTERTAINMENT really is. Tha’ it ain’t instant gratification or reality TV shows, but suspense. An’ I don’t think I can do tha’ with the Wrestling Bieber. Not because he’s a dominant champ or somethin’, because anyone weak enough ta have ta pick on someone on a night they ain’t meant ta be wrestlin’ due ta injury just ain’t worth losin’ any sleep over. Nah, I don’t think the Wrestling Bieber would last five SECONDS in the ring with ME.
Mister Entertainment.
King Kong Bundy’s counts would still be too damn slow ta make the match, First losin’ the championship ta Mister Entertainment, worth buyin’. An’ as someone who understands ENTERTAINMENT better than anyone else, as the icon an’ pinnacle of New ERA, it’s my responsibility ta give you, the fans, what ya need. Great action. Great drama. Somethin’ ya help ya ferget tha’ dull dead-end job ya do nine ta five, if ya even have the energy ta do a job. The Wrestling Bieber is nowhere near my level, so it wouldn’t be a fair match. I could let you have yer shot first, Druid, but that’d mean I’d need ta lose… don’t misunderstand, you two freaks beatin’ each other up will be a great way ta demonstrate why neither of ya deserves ta be called champion, but it’d also kill the last few braincells the audience have tha’ cable TV hasn’t killed!
No, I can’t falter now. New ERA needs ME
Mister Entertainment
Ta tear through The Druid so I can give Season 2 the start it deserves! A New ERA Champion ta be proud of! Someone who doesn’t hide behind others, hide behind tricks, someone who actually puts his money where his mouth is an’ isn’t afraid ta call it like it is. Because New ERA isn’t abou’ First, or Druid. It’s abou’ creating true ENTERTAINMENT.
It’s about ME.
Mister… Entertainment.
So at Cyberstrike, I’m gonna go four and oh. I’m gonna make it quick. I’m gonna put Druid outta our misery, and then I’m going ta add another brick to the edifice that is… New ERA Wrestling.
(((FADE OUT)))
