Matix v Republican

[TheOriginalSE]

Matix v Republican vs Entertainment

All RP for the single elimination triple threat match between MARK MATIX, MR. ENTERTAINMENT and PHANTOM REPUBLICAN for International Intrigue should be posted in this thread.

RP and angles are due Sunday, June 20th, at 11:59pm PST. All angles should be sent to sedmunds@goucher.edu ... enjoy!

 

[TH]

"Of all the no-good, dirty rotten tricks Rabesque could have pulled..."

Fade in to a heavily guarded bunker, where armed guards stand by, watching over The Phantom Republican. Jeffords stands behind.

GOP: Because hostilities I've met here in this scum-sucking hellhole of a country known as Canada, I must lock myself deep inside this bunker until it comes time for me to demonstrate an exercise in wrestling dominance.

Yes, instead of a high-profile match, I am demeaned to jerking open the curtain on this stink-infested menagerie of low-lives and jobbers of an event that New ERA has put together. Why? I can only imagine that Jean Rabesque, so humiliated by my shaming of him in our debate, used his political powers to make sure I was out of here before he could go to war against the Red Army of DREDD.

Well, Rabesque, your plan has backfired. Instead of breaking my spirit, you have only doomed the careers of two otherwise promising if not morally brainwashed by the liberal left men.

You see, this Mark Matix and this Mister Entertainment... well, let me put to you in terms that you can understand, Rabesque.

In this match, I am the United States. They are Grenada. This will just be an exercise in my wrestling dominance just like the Grenada campaign was an exercise in military dominance.

It's good to have such exercises from time to time. At the very least, I will have broken a little sweat, and then I would come out of this match unscathed while you embroil yourself in unholy war against Communists. It only makes my job of taking the NEW World Championship that much easier.

So now, Rabesque, you count down the days that remain when you can hold onto your title. And try to keep your pants from getting soiled when I totally obliterate Matix and Entertainment.

Fade to the NEW logo.

 

[Mark Matix]

(Commercial ends as NEW logo appears and footage begins rolling)

(The Speed Channel logo is in the bottom left hand corner of the screen as a tape of the pre-race presentations role for the Canadian Grand Prix, on of the two most important races in north america.)

(Peter Windsor, announcer for Speed Channel is walking through the paddoc interviewing racers and celebrities, and stumbles upon Mark Matix.)

PW(strong brittish accent): Ahhh, Mark Matix! NEW superstar and honorary grand marshal of the fabulous Canadian Grand Prix! How are you on this fine day?

MM: Bonjour Peter! I must say, despite the heat, it is great to be in beutiful Montreal!
(scene slides over to Montreal Arena, displaying the canadian crowd erupting into cheers, and slides back to the grand prix interview)

PW: Well, Mark, its great to see you again, and I do understand that you have a PPV match against GOP also coming up. Could you tell us a little bit about that?

MM: Whats there to say? A man with a mental stick up his ass who is completely oblivious to the modern world is going to get owned by a revolutionary. (laughs) Dont you know boy, communism is where its at? (laughs again, slides over to crowd ounce again making "o" noise)
PW: Fantastic Mark. Well, with about twenty minutes untill race start, you should get over to the flag center. Mark, its always great to talk to you. (shake hands and depart as Mark grabs to French canadian girls and heads back up to the flag stand.)

 

[TH]

GOP is still in his bunker with the armored guards and Jeffords.

GOP: So this is what it's come to. My one opponent is more focused on a stupid car race than he is on his match.

A car race!

I bet he's one of those immoral degenerates who only goes to the race track to watch people crash and burn. One who takes delight in the death of people trying to earn their living instead of earning his own living.

Heh, I should be annoyed if it didn't mean this was going to be easier than defeating Walter Mondale for the Presidency.

Grenada? I overestimated this Matix chump. This is going to be more like Waco or Ruby Ridge.

I would give this idiot Democrat more time, but it's obvious he doesn't deserve it. I'll be lucky to break a sweat, whcih will be alright. I'll be all the more rested to take out Rabesque the next week on RAUCOUS.

Fade to the NEW logo.

 

[EpyonMarx]

Ye olde entertainment

[FADE IN. The scene is set like an old-fashioned hustings. I mean really old fashioned, as in British pre-1837 and the Great Reform act. You wouldn't think twice about seeing Lord North or William Pitt addressing the crowd and avoiding the assorted garbage that would undoubtedly be thrown at them.

Two cardboard cutouts stand either side of a man dressed in seventeenth century dress. To the right stands a masked cutout, the Republican emblem adorning the mask of this 6'5" piece of card. It's well dressed as you would expect from a Whig politician, perfect for the Phantom Republican. The other is less well dressed, more like an early twentieth century Labor party MP in Britain, and bares a striking resemblence to Mad Mark Matis]

Man: Ye hath heard from these gentlemen, yet this is not a two candidate contest. We ask that the floor abide a while and hear from the third and final candidate, representing the people of America whose only wish is that they be entertained, Master Entertainment.

[Mr Entertainment takes to the stage. He’s in a very authentic looking… leather jacket? Yes, the most entertaining man today is dressed for the here, the now, in leather jacket and jeans, his hair tied back. The crowd are going wild as he approaches the front of the stage, riling the crowd up. After about… a minute or two of this, he calms them down and prepares to talk. A hushed silence fills the air in anticipation]

ME: Hello wherever-the-hell I am!!

[The crowd cheers]

ME: It’s great ta be here, wherever it is, because after hearin’ these two dumasses talkin’ about how they’re gonna annihilate the competition on their way to the top, I know YOU guys need some ENTERTAINMENT!!

[The crowd hoot, holla, the usual stuff]

ME: Ya see, this ain’t a fair contest, is it? After all, either we got a Michael Schumacher wannabe gonna be running us all over, or we got a ghostly, mask-wearin’ yawnfest gonna bore us all ta death before he and Jean MY GOD THE BOREDOM Rabesque put a sleeper-hold on us and put this great company under. What chance do I have against a car and a man who’d rather debate politics than get it on in the ring?

[A few of the crowd shout out “WHAT CHANCE?”]

ME: I don’t rightly know. Ya see, I’m a Republican, I voted Bush. I don’t mind a little politics. Heck, some of those car-crashes at the Grand Prix races can be mildly entertainin’. Politics can be fun. I saw a nice little set o’ flash movies on albinoblacksheep around the time of the election which showed that. Bush dancing with Ricey whilst singin’ ‘bout his fuzzy-math skills? Priceless.

[Some of the crowd start singing the song. Mr Entertainment lets it go on for a few, before motioning the crowd to calm again]

ME: What chance do I, the most entertainin’ man on the planet, have against these two? I mean, how the hell am I gonna carry them to a match which will lift the buy-rates for the PPV, lift the ratings ta a level where the company won’t go under? You see who I’ve got ta work with? They both claim greatness, but lookin’ at the figures from matches they’ve had, the crowds have dwindled faster than a speeding car, further than John Kerry’s personality.

Let me put this in language you guys can understand. I’ll take it one at a time, because me bein’ on screen always boost ratings.

Mark Matix…this ain’t a grand prix. The biggest prize you’ll be gettin’ from this match is your pay-cheque. You want fast action? You’ll get it. From the guy you didn’t address. That’s fine, though. I mean, you borde yerself ta sleep trying ta read the card, that’s OK. I understand. Just try and keep yerself from borin’ yerself at the pay per view, k? Give the fans a small bit of enjoyment? I can carry ya if yer asleep if I really have ta, but watching that amount of total dominance isn’t gonna inspire the fans ta watch yer ass when I’m not around. You’ll still go down like this.

[He quickly turns, snapping off a sick-looking super-kick to the head of the Mark Matix cutout. The head flies off, as the cutout falls backwards off the stage. Some smoke rises from where he fell as the crowd cheers, a small section chanting N-E-W, N-E-W]

ME: Actually, that cut-out probably gave more of a fight than you will anyways. But don’t despair. You might be lucky and I’ll let ya get some licks in on the G O P man.

Now, Phantom… hell, sorry, that makes me think o’ that ol’ cartoon, Defenders of the Earth. Mind if I call you Boozy Boris? We all know you and good ol’ Yeltsin see eye ta eye on most things, so it ain’t too bad? Give the commentators somethin’ better ta call you as you stare at the lights anyways.

Boozy, this ain’t a political debate. I sure as hell ain’t Grenada, and you, my friend, ain’t the great U S of A. When our boys go out an’ fight, the fireworks fly, an’ the enemy know they’re getting a show whilst getting their asses whooped. You may be a Republican, but so was Napoleon. He was a boring f[expletive deleted] too. And he had a few years in the sun, but in the end he died a tired old coot, forgotten by most people except the Brits, and that’s just because it gave them somethin’ good after we whooped their ass. Same thing’s gonna happen with YOU, my drunken amigo. You’re Napoleon, Matix over there is Britain, and I’m the most entertainin’ nation on this earth, the United States.

[The crowd cheers again, one of them throwing an American flag onto the stage. Mr Entertainment picks up the flags, showing it off to the crowd]

ME: In the end, Boris, you are gonna be remembered as a sad, pathetic figure with a one inch pecker that got sold at auction. Sure, you got a shot at Rabesque. But damn, you two are gonna suck the wills outta each and every person in the audience that night. You two would be puttin’ a death-grip on this company worse than the US put on the Bolshies in the nineteen eighties. Well, at least if I weren’t here ta save yer pay.

In Canada, at International Intrigue, you, Boozy Boris, and you, Mark Matix, are getting a lesson in entertainment. And at Raucous, when Boozy is fightin’ fer the title, I’ll be sure ta have the crowd warmed up enough so they don’t all fall asleep.

[Mr Entertainment walks off the stage to a rapturous applause. After he’s gone, the Phantom Republican cutout bursts into flames as “America” by the Nice starts up. The camera zooms out during the applause, and we see that the whole thing has been on a TV screen. The camera zooms out further, to show Mr Entertainment sitting in a leather chair. He turns to the camera]

ME: Now THAT’S….entertainment.

[FADE OUT]

 

[EpyonMarx]

Re: Ye olde entertainment

OoC: bump to show the fact it exists ^_^

 

[Mark Matix]

[Scene fades in to the back drop of backstage, to the relatively humble dressing room of "Mad" Mark Matix. Very few items adorn the room. However, a medium sized poster hangs on the wall which reads, "There is no substitute for strength, and there is no excuse for lacking it." The camera pans down to show Matix watching the television, which displays Mr. Entertainment giving a drolling speech. Matix is wearing his sun glasses, but appears a little dumbfounded]

MM: Well well well... hmmm... now, I have a question for you. Who are you again? Well you claim to have been dragged into this match, to bring up the ratings of an overall doomed match, but... see the thing is, untill you came out tonight, I didn't even know you were involved in this match. Now if youd bring the camera down to this...

[Its the card schedule]
MM: Now, focus right here

[That particular part of the schedule reads, " 'Mad' Mark Matix vs. The Phantom Republican"]

MM: Now to be completely honest with you, I had to call the GM to A) Find out who this dude with the incredibly un-original name is and B) if you are really in this match.

[Ooooos from the crowd]

MM: So if you are so important, why did it take a call to the GM to determine if you are really on the card, or just some rookie rambeling off trying to make a name for yourself... speaking of that... what kind of name is Mr Entertainment? That sounds a lot more like a kareoke machine then a wrestler.

[Crowd laughs and cheers]

MM: Ok generic name, games over now. The republican, well he is a nut, and it would be a miracle if he comes out of his mole hole to even fight. Man, thats emberrasing, to thing that the man representing america in this league is a sissie in a hole

[crowd ooooos]

MM: GM, could you find me a match worth while? (sighs) Seriously, this is getting ridiculous.

[Matix looks like hes about to leave the room, and then seems to change his mind]

MM: And THATS entertainment.

[Spitfire by motorhead plays as Matix gets up and leaves as the scene fades to black]

 

[TH]

Same scene... underground bunker, armed guards, Jeffords on his flank...

GOP: You two fools are making it much too easy for me.

Annoying, but easy.

Let us start with Mr. Entertainment. I'm glad to hear that you're a part of the good guys' party, but let's get one thing straight here. I'm not here to debate politics. I'm here to implement my politics through forceful means. A great Prussian statesman once said, "War is the continuation of politics by other means."

This is no less than war. An easy war, maybe even a routine police action, but war nonetheless.

It shames me that I have completely eradicate a promising young member of the party, although misguided as you are, but you have forced me to do so, especially after your heinous and egregious crime of comparign me to a...

GOP shudders violently

GOP: ...Frenchman. I won't even look at anything made in that sorry cesspool that thinks it's a nation without being sanitized.

Although you are right, Entertainment, you do represent what the United States is now. Weak, flabby and preoccupied with the flavor-of-the-week reality television shows and devising quick fix schemes like they're trying to with this stem cell research.

But what you fail to realize is that I am not... representative of that... that... ugh... I can't even call it a country. I am representative of the United States, only of what the United States should be. A strong, moral country. And I plan on doing that not by debating politics with you or with Mr. Matix, but by destroying those like you and Mr. Matix.

And speaking of Mr. Matix... my mother once told me that if I didn't have anything nice to say, not to say it at all. Well, my mother was a registered Democrat so while I love her, I can't bear to listen to her at all in matters of anything, so I might as well fix that saying to go with what you should do. If you don't have anything relevant or intelligent to say, you might as well not say it at all.

I am in this bunker to make sure that no one takes me out before I get to wipe the mat with Rabesque and take his title. I have enemies, Matix. Luckily, you're nowhere near as skilled as they are. In fact, your ineptness is a blessing, seeing that I can dispose of you and Entertainment easily and be no worse for wear when I get my long awaited shot at the NEW World Heavyweight Championship.

Fade to the NEW logo.

 

[EpyonMarx]

[FADE IN. The sounds of Metallica's "The Memory Remains" can be heard as the screen fades in, showing a dark, storm-filled scene. As the camera pans in, we see it's a graveyard. Passing through the gravestones, the camera picks up the occasional fork of lightning, illuminating such phrases on the stones as "Hearing", "Balls", and "The Audience at a typical event" Eventually, we come to rest, looking straight at a black, defaced, heavily damaged and aged headstone. The writing is illegible. All of a sudden, a fork of lightning strikes the headstone, causing the engraving to flame.]

HERE LIES THE TALENT OF THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN AND MAD MARK MATIX. REST IN PEACE.

[After a few seconds, as the song begins to reach an end, the headstone disintegrates. As the final "la"s play, the screen fades again. All we can hear is some slow, regular clapping. The camera pans round, and there, dressed as always, is the man himself, Mr Entertainment, with a message to wow the masses]

ME: Now, ain't this sad? We got two grown men cryin' over some words. One of them hasn't got any ears, the other has no balls. One of them bored his postman so badly he fell asleep before he could deliver a memo, and the other is still wonderin' how the HELL George Bush Senior lost to Bill Clinton. Please, guys, make this a little challenging fer me?

Marky Madix... sorry, but that makes ya sound like one a them guys in a mime-act, aka a boy band. Mind if I call ya Sparky? After all, only reason you are still in this match is ta plug a gap. You complain that you didn't know I was added to the bout? I mean, Boozy Emperor over there did mention the fact he was goin' up against us, and the head office did send memos, e-mails, and at least made a call ta me ta tell me my scheduled opponent couldn't provide the WOW factor they need on a P P V with MWG and Jean Rabesque on. Rumor goin' round is your ass was gonna get canned too, but I'm a fair guy. I told them, no, leave him in. After all, the fans want a match longer than the five minutes it'll take me ta wipe the floor with Boris the Bunkered Borebug.

Yer poor postman. Havin' ta listen ta you go on and on and on and on and on in that dull, monotonous voice day after day... talkin' about car racing, Macho Madness, an' how you need ta call the local escort girls ta find yer way to the action. He probably gave yer house a miss that day. Either way, the card's been changed on the website a while. Assuming you can actually stop yer computer bein' asleep.

But enough about you, Sparky. I see the fans are startin' ta snooze at the mere mention of you. So let's move on ta Boozy Boris. He of little stature. He from Corsica. He with ambitions that he's gonna win it all, when he's gonna forget ta take winter clothing with him ta Russia.

How ya doin', Boozer? Figured you'd take offence ta bein' compared to Napoleon. Thought you'd know better about his birthin' though. I mean, and I don't normally like ta quibble with a party man like yerself, France had occupied his birthplace fer less than a generation, and his parents were both locals... Corsicans, actually. Did you get taught by yer mother? That is not the kind of mistake a hard workin' Republican like you should be makin'.

Then again, you don't watch TV much, do ya? You can't if ya think that people need savin' from Entertainment. Sure, the crapolla on the tube most of the time, yeah. That stuff needs shipping ta Africa ta be used in fires. But this is the twenty first century, my friend. The people DEMAND and NEED to be entertained. You ever wonder why the people voted for the Sexocrat in the nineties? Ever wonder why the American people voted themselves rid of Bush Senior? Because that guy... he was almost as boring as you. Clinton, meanwhile, played to the crowd, gave them something to watch on TV. Kiddy Bush was lucky both times he was up against Al Bore and JF Snorey, 'cause he ain't much better than daddy. Politics today isn't about what you wanna do. Leave that to the boys in the back. Policy should be kept behind the scenes. Give the folks a show, somethin' ta smile about... that's how to win an election. Give people a figure head, not someone who should be used as one, capiche?

Let's wrap this up quick, shall we? Get straight to the point? You two... Sparky Plugger and Boozy Boris, ain't got a chance in hell. You two will take one look in the mirror and fall asleep lookin' at yer own reflections. Security is gonna have ta drag yer asses out there. Give me two planks of wood and they'd give me more of a fight. They'd be a helluva lot more entertainin' than the two of you left to yer own devices.

Good job the most entertainin' man on the PLANET is gonna be there. Because at the end of the day, doesn't matter if it's Boozy, Sparky, Snorey, or Freaky, it's all about ME.

Mister Entertainment.

[FADE OUT]