ShawnHartXXX
The Phenom
FADE IN:
From behind, a man who looks suspiciously like 'THE PHENOM' SHAWN HART is seen kicking back in a La-Z-Boy recliner, apparently watching the television. On screen, we see the beginning of the NWL's 5th installment of Combat.
The letter N starts to come into view from the left side of the screen, as more letters fade in next to it spelling the word 'National'. The word fades out and the letter W comes into view from the top right corner of the screen. More letters fade in next to it spelling the word 'Wrestling'. The word fades out and the letter L comes into view from the bottom of the screen. More letters fade in next to it spelling the world 'League'.
The Phenom reaches for a remote controller and proceeds to fast forward through the entire opening sequence. At first sight of Emanuel Gonzago, he resumes play.
CUE UP: "California Love" by Dr. Dre and Tupac. The fans, in a loud chorus of boos, lay into LARS MAGELLAN and SHAMROCK FINNEGAN, who both walk out from the back. Leaning forward in his chair, Hart scratches his head.
The Phenom fast forwards a bit more, then resumes near the end of Magellan's speech.
Hart chuckles to himself.
More fast-fowarding. STOP. Play resumes.
More fast-forwarding... and a STOP. Play resumes.
Fast-forward. STOP. Play resumes.
The Phenom pushes for the ol' FF once again. While the tape is skipping merrily ahead, he grabs a can of Barq's Root Beer from off-camera, takes a sip, then lets out a sigh of contentment. Realizing the tape is still fast-forwarding, he fumbles around for the remote, finds it, then resumes play once again.
1....
2....
3!!! THE DISTRIBUTOR OF PAIN GETS THE WIN OVER HACKER!!!
Hart GASPS, then FF's.
STOP. Play resumes.
The Phenom sits upright in his chair as THE PHENOM appears on-screen!
With a CLICK of his remote, the VCR is stopped.
Hart ponders momentarily.
The Phenom fumbles around for a second remote. After a pushing a couple buttons, the channel changes and JEOPARDY! comes on-screen.
FADE OUT.
From behind, a man who looks suspiciously like 'THE PHENOM' SHAWN HART is seen kicking back in a La-Z-Boy recliner, apparently watching the television. On screen, we see the beginning of the NWL's 5th installment of Combat.
HART:
Well what do we have here...The letter N starts to come into view from the left side of the screen, as more letters fade in next to it spelling the word 'National'. The word fades out and the letter W comes into view from the top right corner of the screen. More letters fade in next to it spelling the word 'Wrestling'. The word fades out and the letter L comes into view from the bottom of the screen. More letters fade in next to it spelling the world 'League'.
HART:
Oh right. This is the EDUCATIONAL part of the show, see? Where they remind us ig-nernt fans just what NWL stands for...The Phenom reaches for a remote controller and proceeds to fast forward through the entire opening sequence. At first sight of Emanuel Gonzago, he resumes play.
HART:
Oh Manny, nice duds. You're one HOT cup of fresh Colombian brew, aren't ya!CUE UP: "California Love" by Dr. Dre and Tupac. The fans, in a loud chorus of boos, lay into LARS MAGELLAN and SHAMROCK FINNEGAN, who both walk out from the back. Leaning forward in his chair, Hart scratches his head.
HART:
What?! Who are these guys??The Phenom fast forwards a bit more, then resumes near the end of Magellan's speech.
MAGELLAN:
You guys go ahead and cheer...BECAUSE WE WILL BE BACK AT THE NEXT CARD, and THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE CANT STAY BUSY HERE TONIGHT!! In fact, Shammy... how about we get going and go take care of some business...."Hart chuckles to himself.
HART:
Heh, RISKY business... And they'll be BUSY aaaaaaaall night loooooong...More fast-fowarding. STOP. Play resumes.
HART:
Ahh, Manny and the guy who's named after that chick from Law & Order are HYPING some MATCHES!! Whooo-WHEEE!!More fast-forwarding... and a STOP. Play resumes.
HART:
What's this? Jill Hennessy and Suave Suit Man are still talking? More HYPE I suppose...Fast-forward. STOP. Play resumes.
HART:
Wow, are they STILL talking?! Oh wait... No... This is a match I think. The American wins. I know I'M feeling patriotic.The Phenom pushes for the ol' FF once again. While the tape is skipping merrily ahead, he grabs a can of Barq's Root Beer from off-camera, takes a sip, then lets out a sigh of contentment. Realizing the tape is still fast-forwarding, he fumbles around for the remote, finds it, then resumes play once again.
GONZAGO:
......DEVIL'S CROSS! THAT MID-AIR SPINEBUSTER JUST ANNIHILATED HACKER! The Distributor of Pain makes the cover....1....
2....
3!!! THE DISTRIBUTOR OF PAIN GETS THE WIN OVER HACKER!!!
HART:
And there goes HACKER, off to collect his ten dollars! Coming next week, DATA is KIDNAPPED!!Hart GASPS, then FF's.
HART:
I think I'm all out of NyQuil. And Ovaltine... GOTS ta have my OVALTINE!STOP. Play resumes.
HART:
Ohh man, it's the WATCHER!! What's he watching?! Nobody knows!! It could be you, it could be ME... on this night, it's the house lights, baby! Let's see now, yadda, yadda, yadda... Georgia Smith is celebrating, Tomax and Xamot come out and argue, another in a long line of spots with run-ins by police and security and EMT's and lawyers, and I think there were some clowns in the too, but WHOA...The Phenom sits upright in his chair as THE PHENOM appears on-screen!
HART:
Now THIS is good television! Heh, it's like ROSE RED, the CHEVY CHASE SHOW and HARDBALL with CHRIS MATHEWS all rolled into ONE!! Thank god for the Phenom!! He comes out, makes a couple clever little remarks, and before ya know it, it's MASTERPIECE THEATRE!With a CLICK of his remote, the VCR is stopped.
HART:
Ugh... what a show. One good segment and that's it?! There has to be more than that, RIGHT?!Hart ponders momentarily.
HART:
Ah well, it's probably just another Mild Dust Storm.The Phenom fumbles around for a second remote. After a pushing a couple buttons, the channel changes and JEOPARDY! comes on-screen.
HART
Ahhhhhhhh... there we go.FADE OUT.
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