NWL Combat: Lars Magellan vs. Karl "The Dragon" Brown

[AUMedina]

Alright gentlemen. This match is for the WLS and counts towards earning that World Title. Good luck and have fun.

 

[stncldbigb]

Stillllll undefeated

CUTTO: Lars laying in a hammock hung between two trees out on the beach

Lars: Whoooo....smell that ocean air...feel that cool breeze..everything is right in the world. And of course... we can not forget, LARS MAGELLAN HAS YET AGAIN PROVEN... HE IS THE BEST DAMNED WRESTLER, IN THE WORLD! I am yet again, UNDEFEATED... I am yet again, on top of the ladder...and I am yet again, being placed in the ring with a complete LOSER! Listen here Gecko...or Dragon.. or whatever the hell your calling your self nowadays. Day in and Day out... for some damned reason, people always say the "odds" are against me. WHAT THE HELL!? When you step into the ring with lars Magellan... the odds are thrown out, because the bottom line is... when you jump in, you ass is being torn down. Youll be beaten to the very brink of the end of your life... and youll walk out how you walked in... a LOSER. First, after stepping out of retirement... I beat the hell out of the so called "fresh" and "upcoming" irish idiot Shammy... and I won! Than, I step into the ring with the Distributor of B.S himself..DOPPY, and even AFTER Shammy came back to get his revenge and try to help Doppy win... I WALKED OUT ON TOP! Continuing my UNDEFEATED streak here in the NWL.

Lars jumps out of the hammock and walks around the beach

Lars: At the last Combat Karla... you felt what a Venice Beach Beating is all about. You won your match... but you looked like a loser, laying there beaten at my hands... Looking like a comatose moron drooling and coughing.... its was disgusting! Then, you try to come at me after my VICTORIOUS and BEAUTIFUL Destruction of DOPPY, and try to ruin it for me. But I tell ya what Karla, if thats all you got... (laughing) Than I suggest you stay your ass home because youll be walking out of NWL Combat... no scratch that... youll be STRETCHERED OUT OF NWL COMBAT A BEATEN....DISGRACED....AND UTTERLY DISPICABLE FOOL YOU KNOW YOU ARE.....and it will be at that very moment... that youll finally understand, that you just got beaten by the BEST DAMNED WRESTLER.... IN THE WORLD!

Fade out

 

[EpyonMarx]

[FADE IN. Karl is sitting on a bench outside a pub in England, gazing out over the river Trent, watching the geese, swans and ducks chase the few people who walk by, almost begging to be fed]

Karl: And once again, people are trying to dictate how my career goes. I have Christian Sands saying HE made me the 'star' people see today. I have Rocko Daymon saying he's CONDEMNED me to the mid-card in Empire Pro by letting me fight for the IC title. And I have Lars Magellan, the self-professed best wrestler in the world, saying that he wants to fight me because in the brackets his only other opponent for this week would have been from Canada. When will people realise that I couldn't give a damn about what they think they're doing to me? When will the Sands', the Daymons, and the Magellan’s realise that my path is the one I choose, not the one they try to steer me on to?

But maybe I should feel honoured that the best-damned wrestler in the world has chosen me for his opponent. Maybe I should be proud to face a man who thinks he's funny to try insulting me in a half-assed promo? Maybe I should be thrilled at the prospect of facing a man who, like myself, is two for zero in their career here in the NWL. Or maybe I should be more pleased at the prospect of showing the world what I can do against a loud-mouthed, egotistical show-off who tries to hog the spotlight?

Let me clarify a few things, Lars. I'll even go slowly for you, so you have chance to appreciate being the 'best damned wrestler in the world.'

A complete loser? How very imaginative of you. I don't think I've heard anyone use that one... oh wait. People who can’t think of anything better to say commonly use it. People who like to try and sound big and impressive, but realise that they lack the intelligence, the skills, and the courage to be the best use it. They're always the pitiful, whining, scared little boys and girls who act tough, and may be feared by some, but no one respects them. No one comes to their aid as a friend when they need them. They crave attention, looking for it in every place they can think of, but in the end, all they find is a lonely, empty existence.

[Karl stands, walking across the road. Some geese start towards him, but, seeing he has no food, turn their attention to preening themselves]

Karl: The odds are stacked against you? Well, the same is almost invariably said about me. When I entered MCW, no one thought I could defeat Andrew Dalton. No one thought in only my second match that I could defeat Christian Sands. In Empire, no one thought I'd survive against Jonathan Marx and Christian Sands, and almost everyone thought Sands would annihilate me in the second round. I've made a habit of proving myself against the odds. So, whine and complain that people keep saying the odds are against you, because it means nothing to me. It'll just fill up a few seconds of meaningless drivel for you. I'm gonna get my ass torn down? Think that all you wish. Vaunt yourself as high as you wish. I won't claim victory until the referee calls for the bell to ring, and the announcer says my name.

Now, you came out after my match, and attacked me. Rather cowardly of you, wasn't it? Surely, the 'best damned wrestler in the world' wouldn't need to attack their next opponent the show before? An attack from behind, no less. Not even man enough to attack me head on. I'd been through a match, and surely, if you were as you claim to be, 'the best', then you wouldn't have had any difficulty in defeating me in a short confrontation head on?

But you could turn around and say my attack was cowardly. Well, maybe it was a little. But at least I let you see me when I struck. I waited for you to turn around... and I delivered a relatively weak super-kick. Be assured, that was NOWHERE near the best I have. You think you'd be conscious after a full force kick from a third degree black belt in Taekwondo? Had I wanted to, I could have put you back out of action for a few weeks and forgone this match. But that is the cowards’ way. That's not my way, Lars. All I did was give you a small taste of retribution for your attack earlier that night. Now that the score is evened, I can concentrate on proving to the world and to myself that I can go higher than anyone thought. Even if I don't defeat you, so long as I do my best, I can still raise my head high and be proud. How is that I being disgraced in defeat? Defeat is an inevitability in any career. I always work on the basis that my opponent is a hundred times better than me in every way. I have that mentality as my driving force, my reasoning for exceeding my own limits. The wins, they're nice. The NWL heavyweight title? That would be nice. But that's not for this match to decide. That's not the forefront of my thoughts. I take each match at a time.

You may beat me. You may very well be better than me. It won't bother me if I lose. How can I be disappointed by something I know full well might happen? As for you being the best; even the best can lose.

And they don't need to tell the world they're the best.

[Karl walks along the river a way, being followed by some noisily honking geese. FADE OUT]

 

[stncldbigb]

The long booooore

Fade into Lars Magellan sitting in a chair with a hat over his eyes as he is seemingly sleeping and as the camera pans forward he sits forward awake and rubs his eyes

Lars: Oh Im sorry, did yall fall asleep too? Whenever I get caught listening to the boring, rambling non stop jabber of some idiot who thinks people care what they think... I get a little woozy! Gecko ol pal...to start with..."Christian sands...Rocko Damon?" No offense to these guys... BUT WHO THE HELL ARE THEY? When the first words out of your mouth are the names of unknown pieces of crap like them... you already know we're in for a long and boring speech by a boring and long breathed wrestler. Gosh man... I know not everyone can hail from the beautiful sands of Venice Beach... so I cant expect you to be ALL that entertaining whether in the ring or just jabbering away like you do, but you could at least TRY! You say that Im trying to dictate your life... but that your the one who chooses your path... well, if the path youd like to take involves you living a long and fruitful life, let me give you some well needed advice... DONT SHOW UP TO THE DAMNED MATCH! Because if you just happen to make it to the ring at Combat, it will be the last steps you ever take in your entire life, because I will break you down, I will tear you limb-from-limb, just like I said before, and quite frankly their aint much you can do 'bout that.

Than of all the sins youve committed beyond just blabbin' your gums away not shutting you damned mouth and seeming more and more of the fool you are, you have the nerve to question my grammar, or more-so my originality of describing your sorry soul. Well bro, if you see those there geese that were following your ass around all day walking down the street, your not gonna say "Oh look, its a cat!" Your gonna call them freaking GEESE.. or a late night sexual toy depending on what mood your in. BUT When I look at you, in fact, when anyone in the NWL looks at you, they see a LOOOOOOOOOSER...so why would I call you anything but? You are a loser, so I will call you a.... come on kids... lets all say it together.... LOOOOOOOSER! Loooooser! Looooser! This is quite fun wouldnt you say Gecko... I mean, out of everything you jabbered about, you did make one comment that almost made you seem like an intelligible human being. And that being you "SHOULD" be honoured to step into the ring with the BEST this sport has to offer. Not the NWL... THE SPORT! You mention your damned MCW's and Empires... #1 NOBODY CARES ABOUT ANYTHING BUT THE NWL in the NWL. Andrew Medina didnt put all this money into creating this federation to have idiots like you make anything you did in any other two-bit piece of crap wrestling organization make a difference. The NWL is where Lars has decided to come back and end his long run retirement, beyond just the fact I was getting antsy, but because I saw something in this league that I saw in none other.... TALENT! But I guess that was until I met your ass. DAMN it man, I mean, I am totally shook up right now realizing that I picked the biggest moron as my next opponent, I mean sure, it will be fun to Beach Bomb your ass through the mat and make you tap and all but Im sure there are laws against the assault of the Mentally Challenged, or retarded folk or whatever you like to be called Karla, and I almost have a little hesitation to the beating Im gonna bestow upon you, but you know what... it doesnt matter. Because we all know the minute you step into that ring, the hesitation will dissipate, the bell will ring, and than while it is MY HAND being raised in the air, youll realize just why I, Lars Magellan, am the BEST DAMNED WRESTLER IN THE WORLD!


LOOOSER!

FADE OUT SON

 

[EpyonMarx]

[FADE IN. Karl is sitting in his hotel room in New York, the lights on low, with an incense stick burning in the corner. He has his eyes closed, and is wearing jeans and an Empire Pro t-shirt, having given a promo for that company an hour or so ago. The camera zooms in a little closer, and Karl breaths deeply]

Karl: It seems to me I’ve made a little man upset. A small boy is throwing a tantrum because I happen to disagree with him and mention some people I’ve faced in another promotion. He reminds me very much of the two he mentioned, Sands and Daymon. Both like to spout nonsense, and both think they’re better than they are, deserve more respect than they do, think that everything revolves around whatever they happen to sneeze out of their nose. Not me, Lars. Not me.

[Karl opens his eyes, a small smile on his face]

Karl: You think I’m a loser, don’t you? You like to take your little childish pot shots, don’t you? My, haven’t we got a lot of growing up to do, Lars. With insults like that, you’re doing nothing more than exposing the poor little boy, starving for attention from his peers, only to find that they totally ignore him. So what does he do? He goes around calling people losers, declaring himself the best on the block, and trying his damndest to get some attention. Odd. They also always seem to end up contradicting themselves. More on that in a minute.

First, I think I’m going to need to slow down a little, to let the World’s greatest ‘loser’ spouter keep up. I thought I’d gone slowly enough the last time. But obviously I used too many words of more than one syllable.

There isn’t much I can do about you tearing me limb from limb? Ever hear of a little thing called a two-way fight? Where one man fights, the other fights back? You know, very basic? And also, ever hear of a little thing called the law? You tear me limb from limb, you kill me, you’re the one whose tan is going to have some lines where the bars are. So, I haven’t got a worry about what you’ll do to me. It’s just the ramblings of a small, insignificant mentality. Congratulations, Lars, you’ve effectively made yourself look an idiot in one statement. One you had designed to make yourself look like a real man. Same thing always happens with someone who tries to be a bully.

Next, you say that when you see geese, you call them geese. You’re quite right. And when I see someone trying to act tough, I say so. Actually, those geese reminded me of something. Or someone. They reminded me of you. All talk, noisy, raucous. When the cameras were off, you know what happened? I turned round, stepped towards them, and they flew off. They got scared. All their little noise, their honking, their attempts to get my attention, and when they got it, they got scared. That reminded me of you, Lars. When we meet, it won’t be me who’s got all the work to do, because you don’t scare me; your attempts to put me down show that you fear me. Your little attempts at being the schoolyard bully are going to end up with you flat on your back, staring up at the lights.

[Karl breathes deeply again, focusing his thoughts and mind before continuing]

Karl: You make the claim that no one cares what we do in other promotions, that what matters in the NWL is the NWL. I agree. So, how come you like to say you’re the greatest in the world? Surely your past accomplishments are just as meaningless now as mine are? So, in effect, you’ve had two matches now. And two matches make you the greatest, do they? Yeah, right. It’s that mentality which is prevalent amongst those who run their mouths, acting tough. Vaunting aloud, though wracked with deep despair is how Milton described Satan in the first book of Paradise Lost. The same can be said of you, Lars. Your boasts, and all about you, have already been rendered meaningless by your own words. How does it feel to have had your argument defeated before your opponent even had the chance to respond, Lars? How does it feel to defeat yourself?

Not that you’ll have to worry about that at Combat. You’ll not lose to yourself, Lars.

You’ll be losing to me. “The Dragon.” OK, Lars? I know you may have trouble hearing with that bronzer splashed all over, but do try and keep up.

Or you’ll find yourself out like a light, imaging that you’ve won the match and are really “the greatest,” only to find that it was all a dream. A waft of smoke on the breeze.

See you in the ring, Lars. Good luck to you. You’ll need it if you don’t shape up.

[Karl closes his eyes again, going back to his thoughts. FADE OUT]

 

[stncldbigb]

should I be impressed

Cutto: Lars Magellan walking down the beach kicking the sand along looking around amusingly

Lars: Pardon me if I cant take you seriously Mr Kimodo when every damned sentence out of your mouth sounds like its coming from a long and boring lecture in metaphors and similies. This aint no college lecture buddy, but it does help establish you as the boring Loosa' you are! And than your ill attempts of insulting me, calling me a "little man" and assuming you could upset me in the slightest. Karla, I know using the word "little" towards other men may up your confidence on things that may be a little TOO "little" on your part. We dont need to bring performance in the bedroom to the ring pal... Taking care of it in the ring and taking care of it in the bed are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS... but I happen to excel at both, as you will soon find out.. in the ring of course.

AND YET AGAIN, you sit here and bring up other halfassed workers you face or have faced elsewhere and think anyone cares. You know, I may despise the other lowlifes here in the NWL... DOPPY, Shammy, and all the other trollups here, but at least they all have the nerve to stick to whats on hand here in the N...W....L!

Lars stops walking and looks at the camera shaking his head

Lars: I mean COME ON Karla, you already have the disadvantage walking into this match just being the no-talent LOOOSER you are! But now your walking into this match with a small glimpse of hope you might actually win!? HA! The only thing you can hope to WIN is the respect of the fools in the locker room by not showing up for the beating you are sure to endure. Because Kimodo...I aint no goose. Why you chase geese like a little five year old brat is beyond me. I mean I am really impressed. A grown assed rugby player chasing birds around and having them FLY AWAY IN FEAR! Whoo! You go bro! I've known you were a loser all along...but a damned goose molesting loser.... thats taking it to a new low. You can go ahead though and run at me... but I wont be flying away... Ill be knocking you down on your pathetic ass and continuing on to tearing you apart, and getting the win. I better watch out though...WHOAAA HOO HOOO dont want to "break" the law, tearing you apart would be illegal man,, that damned law breaking. Guess that means I cant also slam your ass with a chair.... thatd be assault with a weapon... or call you a dumb **** on the mic... cuz id be using improper language in front of minors... or bring any geese to the ring.... cuz your ass would get arrested for sexual assault to an animal.... and we cant have that happen. So Combats right around the corner... go ahead and bring your metaphors... bring your deep thoughts and geese chasing endurance... but when its all said and done.. and YOUR ass is laying down the LOOOOOOSER... you will than realize why I, Lars Magellan, AM THE BEST DAMNED WRESTLER IN THE WORLD!

FADE OUT to scene of Brian Pillman pointing a gun at Steve Austin and getting arrested for holding a gun without a license, and Hulk hogan hitting an ambulance with a semi hurting The Rock and getting arrested for Attempted Vehicular Homicide, and Steve Austin beating up police and getting arrested for assault on an officer... because when you break the law in wrestling.. you get arrested,,, ahh yeah... oh nevermind its just a regular FAAAADE OUTTTT

 

[EpyonMarx]

A radio interview

[FADE IN. A daytime radio show, no camera’s allowed. Simon Williams and Iain Smith are the presenters]

SW: OK, that was Young Heart Attack there with “Tommy Shots.” Great little number, isn’t that right Iain?

IS: Yeah, I liked it. But, right now, we have a guest with us in the studio. Here to talk about wrestling, we have from the NWL, Karl “The Dragon” Brown.

Karl: Hi ya guys.

SW: So, Karl, you’re a wrestler. What’s that like?

Karl: It’s a lot of fun. Yeah, the travelling can be a pain, especially working in more than one company, but all in all it’s a lot of fun. The training can be hard, but at the end of the day, it keeps me from getting injured, and serves to help me improve my skills.

IS: You talk about working for more than one company. What specifically is there about that that you have to do?

Karl: I have to cut promo’s for both, and there’s a lot more travelling involved. Between tapings, some times I’ll have one for Empire followed by one for the NWL, or one for the NWL followed by one for Empire, often a long drive or flight away. So, travelling wise, even though the NWL is kept in one place, it takes it out of you. But, then again, I do have the obligations in my contracts, and I knew what I was getting into when I signed for the NWL, so I have no real reason to complain without sounding hypocritical.

IS: Now, speaking of the NWL, you’re in the WLS over there. What’s all that about?

Karl: There was recently a qualifying tournament to decide who on the roster would go after which belt. In the first round, there were twenty, then ten in the second, and now we’re left with five going for the heavyweight title. The people who lost in the first round, as well as some others who’ve signed for the NWL to make up the roster, since a lot of people have come in and gone away again, are in the Rumble in the Jungle match this Combat to decide who the first TV champion is. The people who lost in round two go on to face off in a gauntlet to decide the first IC champion, and the five who made it through those two rounds face each other in a round robin style league to decide the first heavyweight championship.

SW: Sounds like a good organisation.

Karl: Yeah, it is. Medina has his work cut out for him, with the number of people who’ve been coming and going lately, but I have faith in him. He’s assembled quite a deep roster, with the likes of Maelstrom and Dakota Smith bringing with them a lot of experience. Then there are guys like myself who haven’t got the in-ring experience but are proving themselves quickly, and there are those who maybe aren’t progressing too quickly, but are still strong guys. All in all, the NWL looks set to carry on for a long, long time.

IS: Now, you said you also work for Empire? How’s that fit in? You know, are there any animosities between the workers or the promoters towards you? I know you like to plug both companies.

Karl: Yeah, there’s a little heat from one guy, but I haven’t had any other problems. No one in Empire seems to mind that I plug the NWL in my promos, and I’ve never had any words from the management in NWL to ask me to stop plugging Empire Pro. Both are new leagues, and I happen to enjoy working with both rosters. I pull up names of people I’ve worked with from each company. But, most of the animosity I face from one guy is when I mention two guys I faced back in MCW.

SW: When you say animosity, I assume you’re talking about Lars Magellan?

Karl: Yeah.

IS: Now, for those of you who don’t know, Magellan likes to call himself the greatest wrestler in the world. Now, Karl, he’s also called you up for advertising Empire. You said it seemed odd he’d call himself the best wrestler in the world. Why is that?

Karl: Because he said that the only thing that matters in the NWL is what’s happening and has happened in the NWL. His claim to be the best comes after only two matches. If you look at the win/loss records, he and I are tied at two wins and no losses. Just seemed odd to me that two wins makes you the greatest, that’s all.

SW: OK, we’ve gotta take a quick break. After the break, we’ll talk to Karl some more, but right now, before the ad’s, here’s Art Brut with “Formed A Band.”

[Art Brut’s “Formed a Band” plays, followed by an advert for NWL Combat, some double-glazed windows, and the radio jingle, “XFM”]

SW: OK, we’re back, and with us in the studio is Karl “The Dragon” Brown, who at the next NWL Combat is looking to move one win closer to the heavyweight championship. Now, I think we’ve spoken enough about wrestling for right now, so let’s talk a little about you. You used to work on the radio, right?

Karl: Yeah, at university I had a show on Sunday mornings on the student station. I got quite a few listeners online from the US, and most of campus would tune in too.

IS: You ever feel like you made the wrong career choice?

Karl: No, not really. I enjoyed working on the radio, and loved working on the music team there too, but I wanted to be a wrestler. I’m happy with the choice I’ve made. You can’t really test yourself both physically and mentally on the radio, can you?

SW: Touché, Karl. Now, you’re a fan of music, right? Who’re your favourite groups or artists?

Karl: Well, number one is Iron Maiden. I even use their “Rainmaker” track as my entrance theme, since it fits in with my personality and I really like the song. Then, you start moving into more obscure things, like Mick Softley or The McCalmans, which are both British folk, Mick being from Hemel Hempstead, and The McCalmans being from Scotland. I like quite a lot of music, though, from the sixties, seventies, eighties, and some early nineties pop. I’m not too keen on what came out later, especially a lot of the stuff I reviewed, but there was some decent stuff.

SW: OK. Moving on again, we’ve had an ask around, and gotten people to phone in with things for our association section. You want a go?

Karl: Sure, why not?

IS: OK, first one; Maelstrom.

Karl: Great worker. I’ve got him sooner or later in the WLS, and I’m really looking forward to testing myself against him. He’s widely regarded as the best, but I’d like to see first hand what he could do.

SW: Hacker.

Karl: I faced him my first week in the NWL, and he pushed me quite well. He’s a good talent, and now he’s getting married to Data, he’s considered quite lucky too. I wouldn’t mind facing him in the ring again some day.

IS: Christian Sands.

Karl: Can I say anything? [Laughs] He’s a good ring technician, and has been fairly unlucky, but then again, in this business, we make our own luck.

SW: Medina.

Karl: Great promoter, a great guy to work with. Has assembled a great roster, and if anyone can help the NWL move to the echelons of some of the leagues considered “the big time,” then it’s Medina.

IS: Finally, XFM.

Karl: [laughs] Good radio station. Not as good as the one I used to work on, mind you, but a good station.

[Simon and Iain laugh with Karl]

IS: OK. Anything you want to add, Karl?

Karl: Yeah. I want everyone who listens to XFM to tune in at the next Combat to watch some of the greatest in this sport go at it in the ring; the Rumble in the Jungle to decide the first TV champion, and two matches in the WLS. Great wrestling from great wrestlers. Check it out.

SW: You know Iain and I will be. Thanks for coming in the studio today Karl, it’s been a pleasure talking to you.

Karl: No problem.

IS: We have two tickets to Combat to give away, as well as a signed “The Dragon” t-shirt. The question is coming up after the break, so stay tuned to XFM after this track.

[Iron Maiden’s “Rainmaker” plays over the airwaves. FADE OUT]