NWL Combat: Lars Magellan vs. Shamrock Finnegan

[AUMedina]

All RP goes in here. Good luck and have fun.

 

[stncldbigb]

a new beginning indeed

(the camera pans into a scene of the beach. As the camera pans around it focus' onto a beach house with a screen door and wooden deck. Before you realize what happened, a deeply tanned man kicks open the door and walks out with a big beer cooler)

Lars: Well hello there. Didnt expect to see the likes of you guys for quite a while... but what can ya do, eh!? ((sits down on the beer keg after pulling out a cold one))) It has been an awfully long time since Ive sat in front of a damned camera and cant say that Ive missed it much. Not saying that I havent missed wrestling... Im just saying having a technological piece of crap camera record me talking crap to which ever 'trollep' is standing in my way... compares NOTHING to what I actually do to them in the ring! But before I get too far ahead of myself... many of you may be asking WHO I am!? Well.. the name is Lars Magellan. It has been over 2 years since I stepped foot in that squared circle... and I guess you can say Ive been getting kinda antsy!

Lars jumps off the cooler and walks into the sand camera struggling to catch up

lars: As I sat at home, enjoying the humble lifestyle of retirement at age 24... things ended up being not how they used to be. First the fan mail started to dissipate from my mail box till the closest thing I got asking for an autograph was signing my damned phone bill! Then the daily knocks on the door from very beautiful women asking for my time dissipated into an overweight senior citizen broad named Helga asking to sip from my hose... OH I LET HER SIP FROM MY HOSE ALRIGHT! Ahh,, nevermind. Anyway, I realized that I could sit at home... age into nothing before I even turned 30... and die away. But naaaa,, thats just not a reasonable thought! I mean come on,, IM LARS MAGELLAN! Ive wrestled the best in the world, and Im sure many would say I AM the best in the world.... and my return to the ring to prove that points.. is against some fruitcake named Shamrock Finnegan! You know with this being a new company... I havent had much resources to check out my opponents... but damn it Shamrock.. if you come to the ring in a damned skirt and a bag pipe... IM GONNA STICK IT STRAIGHT UP YOUR.....well no need to be vulgar here. Shammy... you are but the first notch on my belt... to what will take me to whats called the FINALS! The finals of this lil ol Tourny we got going here in the NWL... and I do plan on winning. So if you want... and I do actually recommend.. that you just put away any hope of walking out of this match with anything less than a broken back... and just let me get the easy win. And as for the rest of you morons trying to fight your way to the top here... do yourselves a favor...when you hear the waves stop... and see Magellan coming 'roun... you best run your ass away... cuz Im 'bouts to beat your ass DOWN!

fades out

 

[Shamrock]

Limerick for Lars

In a small pub in Boston, we find the great Gordon, and his

student, the Shamrock named Finnegan. Now, Gordon's become

McGee, but as we can see, the crowd is still lively to see them.

With Guinness in their hands, and no need for bands, they all

sing the song of the hooligans..


Crowd: Ay O, ay O, ay O- AY O!


Glasses clink, and their Guinness they drink, before slamming

the pints on the table. Shamrock Finnegan, they think, will beat

that fink, for Lars Magellan is no more than a fable.


Pat McGee: Lars Magellan, you enjoy your little beach life

while you can, because you'll soon realize life is something else

that sounds like beach when you have to fight Shamrock

Finnegan. Believe me, this monster of a man has been through

more than just a wrestling school. When you step into the ring

with an Irish freedom fighter, the name of the game is changed;

it becomes a question of survival, not winning, but I'll let him tell

you about that.


Shamrock Finnegan: Ay O, Boyo! You think ye can beat

me, mate? Well, I'd like to see ye try. I' had bullets whizzing past

me ears, cars blowin' up in me face, and buildin's fallin' doon

aroond me. But that's life, ye see, when a bloke like me has got

to take a stand and fight for the freedom of his country. Not too

much different than America did in the eighteenth century, ay,

Mate? We' even fightin' the same people, ay.


Ye see, Lars, the thing of it is, if ye care to take a look at what's

in front o' ye, not only am I a physical specimen, ay, but I' survived

the war in British Occupied Ireland so far, and I' been trained by a

man who has a LEGITIMATE claim to bein' the best in wrestlin'. Not

a bad way to look at things, ay?


Now, ye lay around at your beach, run your little mouth, and call

a kilt a skirt, but what it all comes doon to, Mate, is that ye' been

oot o' wrestlin' a bit long, am I right? The question here is, "Can

ye back up the talk, Mate?" The answer is that a bloke like ye ain't

got a chance when it comes to me, Mate! For years I' been

strugglin' for the unification of Ireland, me homeland, so I know

what it's like to be fightin' for me home, for me religion, and for me

rights, and I'm goin' to teach ye the meanin' of "Twenty Six plus

Six equals One"!


The crowd bursts into cheers, and Megellan's name they all jeer,

as they slam down another pint of Guinness. McGee and Finnegan

leave. For Shamrock has training to receive, so he can dish out a

punishment most heinous.

 

[stncldbigb]

Insert translation here

((( Camera pans to the beach where you see Lars Magellan running back and forth between trash cans placed on the beach. After finishing the run he stops in front of the camera catching his breath)))

Lars: You know Shammy. When I need a translator just to understand one damned word that comes out of your mouth... maybe it means you should just shut the hell up and let your "dress up in skirt" buddy Pat do all your jabbering. Now, Im very, verrrry {sounding sarcastic} interested in your little freedom fighting over in Ireland... but Shammy... no matter how much fighting you put up, you wont be able to join the army AND enjoy your Richard Simmons "Sweatin with the Oldies" tapes with a container of Vasoline and tissue by your side. However if you stick with it here in the U.S.A... you might be able to join our army and jump out of your closet at the same time.... YOULL BE ALL GOOD BUDDY! But anyway... besides all that... how long is it gonna take you to just realize that if you want to be a breathing, eating, drinking member of society after our match... youll have to basically NOT show up. Because the minute you step into that ring... there are no stops. There will be no mercy. No amount of dancing around and blowing on my bagpipes are gonna help you... oops, that was naughty wasnt it! HA!!!

Lars walks away from the trashcans and makes his way over to his beach house close by

Lars: Now in between all your incomprehendable crap coming out of your mouth. I was able to hear you braggin bout' your great physique. Listen dog... when you brag or talk highly about something of yours... maybe it should be something BETTER than your opponents. I mean LOOK AT ME! My streamline abs... My perfectly tanned body. Not to mention my charming good looks. I mean, look at you, you have the skin complection of an albino rhino. The word beer gut would be an understatement for you... and as far as good looks. YOU HAVE TO GO A FREAKING BAR AND INTOXICATE YOUNG VULNERABLE FEMALES TO GET SOME LOVIN'! ITS HORRIBLE! But all I can really say now is I hope you show up to your match sober bro,,, because I dont want ANY excuses after I tear your apart rope to rope... turnbuckle to turnbuckle... Ring to the freaking Parking lot. I hope that I made myself clear, which leaves me only one more thing to say. Once your time of demise is here... dont show up... show some class... because if you show up to the match... Im gonna have to pin your ass!

bye bye camera

 

[stncldbigb]

Ahh such sweet silence

camera pans onto the beach where you see Lars Magellan laying in a beach chair talking on his cell phone

Lars: Do you know what Michael Jackson likes about 28 year olds?.... THERES TWENTY OF THEM!! Get it... Theres twenty 8 year olds.... ooooh nevermind... the camera crew is here...

hangs up phone and looks at the camera in his suave sunglasses

Lars: Shammy, Shammy, Shammy. Im quite dissapointed bro! I mean, I know quite a bit of Irish people.... umm okay, maybe thats not true,,, but I know a lot of people who drink Irish brew.... and they can NEVER SHUT UP! But you, your as quiet as a mouse. Not a peep, not a whimper, not a damn thing. Now listen pal, I know its a very scary and new world your entering as you get set to enter the ring with the most enlightening performer in the world.... but you cant go hiding in the bushes, with your tail in between your legs forever! The bottom line is, yes, Im gonna beat the living daylights out of you and pin you for the 1...2.....3! But you can at least show a little pride and at least talk a little crap to me. Give me something to want to destroy you even more than Im gonna! COME ON MAN! OPEN YOUR DAMN MOUTH. I dont care WHAT your sticking in it... take it out and let these people know HOW SCARED YOU ARE! How your shivering at nights gets worse and worse with each passing day, how you know that every bone in your body feels like a five ton brick bringing you down to the ground. I AM what many call the epitome of the BEST. I am what a lot of people consider the best of all time! This is my first match for a couple years,,, and thats just because I was bored with kicking everyone freaking ass! COME ON MAN! NWL Combat is slooooowly approaching, and with the knowledge that your walking out a loser in your head... thats one load off your shoulders.... you dont have to WORRY about beating me..... you just have to worry about HOW BAD Im gonna beat you! So before I head out, and begin the trip to beat the first of what is sure to be ALL the NWL Roster... I give you one thing to ponder.... DO YOU FEEL LUCKY!

Lars tries to stare hard into the camera but starts cracking up

Lars" IM SORRY! I couldnt help myself.... seemed like a great line! Ive been ending off lately with little raps and poems lately... because Ive heard that for a lot of people slow in the brain, putting things in rhythm can help make things easier for their dumb selves.... so in thinking of what to say now,,, I could only come up with this..... your time on this earth is gonna end soon.... you better look in the sky at your very last moon... because come the Combat Card.... your gonna wish you stayed your ass home... ahh... HARD! YEAH! Ahh GET OUT OF HERE CAMERA!

lars pushes the cameraman away and walks away in a fit..