NWL Combat: The Distributor of Pain vs. Lars Magellan

[AUMedina]

Okay gentlemen, all RP for this match goes in here. Have fun and good luck.

 

[stncldbigb]

Rusty my ass

CUTTO: The Venice Beach home of Lars Magellan. The camera pans around to the back of the house where you see a rusty old car sunken into the sand. Obviously not being touched in years. You then see Lars walk out his back door with a cold brew in hand of course, and he walks up to the car

Lars: It is hard to imagine the word "Rusty" ever being used to describe one Lars Magellan! Unlike this rusty ol piece of crap... which for its credit.. I have enjoyed many a backseat fling with more than one female in my day... I DO NOT..And I repeat.. DO NOT GET RUSTY! The first mistake ol' Shammy Shamrock made was thinking that two years outta the ring was gonna wipe away the years of triumph... the years of victory... the years of kicking lil punk asses around the ring and he paid for that. I am now undefeated here in NWL... and unlike you MR Distributer of Pain... I didnt have to CHEAT!! I mean really... a table? I remember a time when I could count on jumping in a match.. beat the living hell out of them... win the match and go on about my day. Now I have to worry about pathetic cowards like yourself MR DOP... after getting your ass beat taking the wussy route and bringing in illegal objects. Its realllllly sad.

Lars walks away from the car and makes his way over to an open part of the beach and sits down as the camera focus' in on him

Lars: But dont for one second Mr DOP think that I am worried for my own health buddy. No no no. Im just worried youll bring in that damned table... and than ill kinda, sorta, maybe BREAK YOUR FREAKING NECK ON IT. Because when you step in the ring with me... your names no longer "Distributer of paaaaain!" Naa... youll have to change that up... to "Receiver of pain" because the minute you step your lil toes into that ring... its over. You will be smashed post to post... rope to rope...from the freaking ring to the freaking parking lot.. IT DONT MATTER. YOU WILL BE BEAT. And once you hear the refs hand hit the ring for the third time as your clinging to conciousness... and you're hoping that it is just a dream, remember ONE THING! I Warned you.... I told you not to show up... I TOLD you that you would end up looking at a hospital ceiling looking like a damned crippled fool and it will be right then that you realize that I, Lars Magellan, am the best damned wrestler in the whole damned world!

fade out

 

[DoP]

It's sad, really...

Oh joy...yet another "ladies man" I have to put up with. You know, I really hope this isn't a reoccuring theme. It was old when D-Dumbass used it, and it's just being burried now. I don't care about your little "flings" you've had in the past, little man. I hope you banged the most beautiful women in the world. I'll let you in on a little secret...No one gives a ****. This isn't about being smooth, or being "rusty," or whatever. This is about one thing, and one thing only: The World Title. That, my friend, is what I plan on walking home with in the following weeks. And I see you have allready taken notice of my strategy, that being winning by any means nessicary. You can go ahead and worry about the tables. That's fine by me. I can bring much worse. And you can try to "break my neck." It's been done. I've broken 9/10 of the bones in my body over the years. You are nothing new to me. Just some young ***** trying to make a name for himself. Well, I've allready made a name for myself in several organizations. If I don't win the title this turn around, it's ok. I'm a patient man. Even if, and that's a big IF, I lose to your punk ass, I'll wait. Everyone has their day coming. D-Dumbass was sure he was going to beat me, and win the title for himself. Where is he now? In the hospital, picking table shards out of his back. Don't think for a second that you are any more special than him. Give me one opening, and I'll force your ass through that damned ring. That's all I need. I will, sooner or later, get my hands on that title, and it won't leave my hands for a very long time. You are just the second stepping stone I get to use. Just bring your ass to my ring, and I'll be sure to let you know why they call me the Distributor of Pain...

 

[stncldbigb]

Oh Pity

Cutto: A view of some trees on the beach. As the camera pans down you see Lars Magellan laying in a hammock

Lars: Have you ever heard of the term, ahh, one tracked mind? Because Doppy... out of every little thing I said to you... all you heard was one sentence about a few broads Ive been with in my back seat. Bro, are you lonely or something? Do you need a friend, a female companion! Or maybe your ass needs a damned puppy, I dont know, but whatever it is you need, you better find it quickly because I tell ya what. Those hospital rooms can get quite lonely when you dont have a pal. And its a Lars Magellan garan'damn'tee, that your ass isnt going anywhere without the words Emergency Room planted on its wall after your match with me.

I will give you credit though, unlike some of the pathetic fools here in the NWL, you at least 'fess up. You at least admit your ass is a coward and wouldnt know how to win a straight match if your life depended on it. And thats just against a regular man, but your not facing a "regular" opponent this time around. Your facing man who has been through more in this wrestling business in one day, than you have your whole life. Yet you have the nerve to call me a young anything... BOY, After Im done kicking your ass all over that damned ring, youll know the REAL meaning of Distributing Pain, youll know what its really like to get your damned ass beat. You say youve had 9/10 of your bones broken, huh pal? Well once Im done with your sorry soul, your whole body is gonna be broken over again and again, and whether your bring tables, or chairs, or cans of spam, it wont matter because in the end, you are just another notch on my belt, and yet another reason that I, Lars Magellan, am the best damn wrestler in the world.

[/i] fade out[/i]

 

[DoP]

Ok, this is irritating. I'm getting sick of hearing everyone spout off how they're going to be the "next world champion." It seems that no one believes in the Step Process. Let's all think about this. In this tournament, a number of things are possible. You can either win the World, International, or TV title. Now, with everyone so focused on the World title, it makes the other two titles easy pickin's. And what people don't realize is that it's a known rule that if you win the International title, or the equivilant, that's basically one step away from winning the World title. So let's say that I lose this match, I'll then be placed in a match for the International title. Since everyone else will be so dissapointed that they didn't have what it takes to advance, they'll be quickly disposed of, and the title is mine, thus basically making me the Number One contender for the World. It is very easy to set your mind on the big goal, but there are many other goals that will eventually lead to the title. The rest of you can break your damn backs going for a goal that only one can win, I'm willing to take my time, and work up the ranks to get the World title, thus making it all the sweeter when I am at the top of that mountain.

As for you Lars, I highly suggest you, also, take into consideration a few things. My first match here was with a punk ass by the name of D-Dawg. Where is he at now? Home, for GOOD. I put him out in the first event. I'm just getting started, boy. If you **** up once, I'll break your damn back. Keep that in the back of your mind. Also, you claim to have been through more than me? Oh, I'm sure you've had your share of street fights, and cage matches, and whatnot. I'll just let you live in your deluded little world, thinking you're all "hard" or whatever. So how about this? Let's make our match a little something special. I'll even let you pick the stipulations, because I'm so damn nice. I'll beat you at your own little game, boy. You don't have a clue what you're up against.

 

[stncldbigb]

you already made your first mistake

CUTTO: A window showing the beach in the backdrop. As the camera pans back and around into the building, it appears to be the humble abode of Lars Magellan as you see him rocking back and forth in a chair

Lars: Doppy, Doppy, Doppy. Is that irritation I hear in your voice? You really need to chill or something or your gonna have a heart attack pal. But I guess your dead either way once you step into tha' ring with me, huh? HA! This is really great, for a moment I was actually wondering if I was getting into the ring with a true professional, a man whose true passion is to win and thought just MAYBE I might have a fight on my hand.... BUT NAA! Im getting into the ring with a stupid little punk who is ALREADY PLANNING ON LOSING! Already thinking about trying to fight for a title that will be on the line for a bunch of LOOOOOSERS! You go ahead and plan on fighting for your International and Television Titles, Ill just go and win the whole damned thing.... how about that!?

Lars gets up from his chair and walks over to the refrigerator and after looking in he slams it in frustration

Lars: GOSH DAMN IT, ran outta drink again. Its so hard to keep track of my brew nowadays, now that Im back into the ring, back to being undefeated, back on my track to being the best the NWL has to offer. And whether its Shammy, or Doppy, or any other of these so called "wrestlers" here in NWL that steps into the ring with me, I will CONTINUE to walk in a winner, and walk out as such. At NWL Combat, the second time will be a charm and you Mr. D will unfortunately be the one who faces my boot in thow ass. You will be the one who will go one on one with the most Magnificent, powerful, and ahh... umm... AWESOME damned man in the world, and in addition to that, you will also be the one, who at NWL's COMBAT, will find out why I, Lars Magellan, am the Best Damned Wrestler in the World!

fade out

 

[DoP]

DOP: Boy, you just don't get it, do you? It's all about strategy. Of course, I don't expect you, or anyone else here to know what strategy is. You see, any brain dead moron can have their mind set on the biggest, best prize. While I admit, being the first to hold the World title would be nice, I am also realistic. I don't subscribe to everyone else's fantasy reality. I fully realize my chances of winning, along with my strengths and weaknesses, and I know that I might not win. You, too, have to realize your chances, which as of now are less than mine, because I don't plan on losing to you, boy. You're just another young punk, believing himself to be immortal, capable of anything, Hell bent on winning it all. I have won it all in the past. It was glorious. I was at the top of the world. That was then. I've been champion, I've lost championships, and I kept on going. After a few years, I realized that physical glory is not what it seems. It looks pretty on paper, but the nostalgia wears off. Now I have a more personal, greater goal. It started with D-Dawg, who is no longer here. It will continue with you, Lars. And after I put you on the shelf, it will continue. While it is very cliche to say that a new era is here, this time, it's very true. My goal is simple. I will destroy everyone here. I won't win every match, but everyone will feel my awesome wrath. So enjoy your drinks, beaches, cars, women, and all that. When we meet, I WILL slaughter you. I promise.

 

[stncldbigb]

empty promises

Cutto: Lars sitting at a table in his beach house playing a game of chess against himself

Lars: Do you know one of the biggest forms of disrespect is to hold a conversation that begins and ends with stupidity and lies Doppy! First, you claim that I dont know my chances of going straight to the top as I claim I will, then you go and end your time-consuming rambling saying you will slaughter me! Okay let me take this step by step for ya, so you can keep up....

Lars moves one of his pieces down the chess board

Lars: First off scrappy, unlike yourself, I happen to KNOW what I HAVE, and I know what I HAVE is what it TAKES, so instead of being like you, and going for the mere left over scraps of this here NWL, Im reaching for the very damned top! I have gone one on one with the best, and sorry pal, just adding your name to the list of opponents Ive faced in my career is kind of an insult to me, because your pretty much,,, in very light terms.... WHACK! Your a disgrace to the NWL, your a disgrace to me, Hell Your a damned disgrace to your own freaking mother, and thats just sad. SECONDLY!

lars moves another piece from the other side of the chess board and makes another move on his side

Lars: You...slaughter... me? Are you kidding me or is it April Fools day a few months early, because unless Im mistooken, your a piece of trash! The only thing youd be caught slaughtering is a damn cow down in the farm your inbred ass was probably raised in and that aint nothing to brag about kid.

Moves another chess piece

Lars: This match is going to be quite like my chess match here... its gonna be me making all the moves, you just sitting back along for the ride... or the beating I should say. I will destroy you MOVE BY MOVE,,, PIECE BY PIECE, BEACH BOMB BY BEACH BOMB, till when Its all said and done, and the dust is settled you'll realize why I, Lars Magellan am the BEST DAMNED WRESTLER.....

Lars moves his queen down up and knocks out a castle making the other sides King stuck

Lar: In the WORRRRLD! CHECKMATE..

Lars throws the chess board off the table as he laughs and walks out of the house

 

[DoP]

DoP: Ok, I guess I'm going to have to go at it from a different approach now. I was going to try to be nice to you, since you're obviously a "special needs" kid. I'm sure that your mommy and daddy kept telling you that you could be anything you wanted to be when you grew up. I'm sure that images of Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior made you dizzy with anticipation. I'm sure you ate your vitamins, said your prayers, and worked out. I'm very proud of you. But allow me to give you a heavy dose of reality. All of your dreams are never going to come true. You just don't have what it takes. You seem to me to be the kind of guy who likes to act tough, but when it comes down to it, you're just another ***** with high hopes. I, on the other hand, have no need for friends, and will do anything to accomplish my goal. I would set your little beach house on fire if I knew where it was, with you in it or not. I've allready tried to warn you, you have no idea what you are up against. I'm telling you that you won't win. Even if you do, who's going to stop me from pummeling you after the match? You might win, but I will be the one left standing, while you lay in your semi-catatonic state, choking on your own blood. I leave you with this thought: You have trained so hard for this tournament, but you will have it all ripped away from you. That is a promise.

 

[stncldbigb]

You assume too much

CUTTO: a view of the beach and as the camera pans onto the water you see Lars Magellan laying back in a boat taking in the rays

Lars: For someone who seems to have the brain capacity of Ozzy Ozborne on a GOOD day, Id advise you to use your brain more on figuring out how to walk out of this match alive, and less on making the most absurb assumptions Ive heard in my life. My mom and dad giving me positive feedback? Me taking vitamins...ME! Me praying? And the most crazy of them all...ME TRAINING FOR THIS MATCH! HA! Bro, Ive lived here on the beautiful shores of Venice Beach ON MY OWN since I was a young Lars Magellan... And as far as vitamins...dude, those little pills you take to make your arms big and your manhood the size of a grape ARNT VITAMINS!! Their called steroids and as for me...IVE NEVER NEEDED THEM! And if ANYONE is gonna need prayer or some outworldly and miraculous being to help them...That would be you. Because your stepping into the ring with a GOD among men. A man whose very presence sends fear down the backs of every man in that NWL locker room...thats Me Lars Magellan for you slow kids out there. And then the most absurb assumption of all. DOPPY, have you looked in a mirror lately? I mean honestly. why in the hell would I have to train for ANYBODY when Im stepping into the ring with a NOBODY!!?? Doppy, this isnt any "could go anyway" scenario. This is a "your gonna be demolished" scenario. This is gonna be a "YOUR FINAL MATCH" scenario. You can show up for this match if you want, and frankly I need the work out, but dont tease yourself....dont let yourself even REMOTELY believe you have a shot in this match...because when its all done... when everyone has gone home... when your ass is laying on the brink of extinction on your hospital bed... you will than realize why I, Lars Magellan, am the BEST DAMNED WRESTLER IN THE WORLD!

OUTTRO BIYAAAA"