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Ode to Joe the Plumber while defending the New Frontier, our collective home.


Angry Johnny
Jun 7, 2006
New Frontier Wrestling
(FADEIN: Studio Z.

Otherwise known as my fire escape. See how easy it is, Castor? And I'm not spending any money to do it.

But we're zoomed in on the fire escape from the kitchen window of my Washington Heights apartment, on my replica belt of the 1995 era Unified World Heavyweight Championship. My pops got this for me for my birthday when I turned eleven - the last one he remembered.

Lots of good memories in this one.

And away we go, in three... two... one...)

"Purely as a wrestling fan, I'm looking forward to Crash 50 more than any other event I've wrestled at so far.

"If for nothing else, the prospect of seeing two of the greatest wrestlers of my lifetime, if not of all time, wrestling in the same ring against the undefeated champion."

"I won't lie, I've grown up watching Hornet and Sean Stevens, and would have loved to wrestle either of them at some point. Unfortunately, Hornet and I never crossed paths, and Triple X and I were only in the same company together at the very beginning of my New Frontier Wrestling run, so it was just one of those things that I filed away in back of my head."

There's the FWO, too, but that doesn't apply here.

"Triple X's record in Empire Pro Wrestling is impressive. I've heard talk over the past few years that he's overrated and puffed up - how can the man who talks himself up to the point where he has all but said nobody in the company can beat him - before he does what he says he will do - be overrated? Triple X is the pinnacle of professional wrestling in Empire Pro Wrestling, moreso than I think anyone has been since Lindsay Troy revealed herself under the Dis mask."

Of course, considering how handily Sean Stevens dispatched Lindsay Troy, and how easily he's seemed to take on everyone since then, it might still be an unfair comparison.

"Beyond that, I've had a chance to get to know Sean Stevens on a personal level, and he's a decent, stand - up guy. He gets heat for having attitude, but all he has is an obsessive desire to be the best and remain the best."

"I'd say Sean Stevens has achieved what everyone tries to, but few accomplish - and that is, he is exactly what he set out to be."

"Hornet. Hornet was my hero growing up. Like Hulk Hogan, he fought the battles that needed fighting and stood up for what was right."

"Unlike Hogan, Hornet was a real person while doing it. Hornet got angry, Hornet had no problem with bending his ethics if the cause was noble, and Hornet even realized the need to take time away from his championship caliber career to settles some scores."

"While I don't quite believe in the use of an electrified steel cage, I think it's safe to say that if it wasnt' for Hornet, my career would probably have gone the path of any number of generic cruiserweights. He made it okay for me to fight for what I believe in and what's right - and maintain a sense of humor through it all."

Which of course, brings me to the point of the belt on the fire escape.

"That was your title, Hornet. The Unified Champion. What was the old saying, that when you called someone 'Champ,' you were talking to someone who held an actual title belt, or you were talking to Hornet? I would certainly never even attempt to trivialize any of your championships or accomplishments, nor your legacy."

You are a legend, Hornet - and even though you yourself reminded everyone that this is your first match in two years, I'm sure you still possess the skills to win this match.

Wow, two years. That's longer than my career.

"Likewise, Triple X - the Emperor, if I can be corny for a moment. Why not, you do lord over the Empire with an iron fist. The world is smaller now, and I don't think it's possible for a single wrestler to achieve a total dominance in any space of time the way Hornet did in his day, but, I think Triple X has done that on a promotion-wide scale."

Well, Dan Ryan did it. But that's not exactly the same.

And Joe the Plumber is doing it.

Isn't that the point?

"That's the point of it. Hornet, the certifiable legend, and Triple X Sean Stevens, the Emperor, have both come back to New Frontier Wrestling in an attempt to be the one who finally takes a title belt from Joe the Plumber."

Sound familiar, Hornet? Not the title belt, but a title belt. Nobody has taken one from him yet.

"I'm not friend with Joe. I've never had a conversation with him outside of something about drano, and something about drugs, but he's the NFW World Champion. Seeing as New Frontier Wrestling ismy home, that makes him my champion by default."

"But I don't get the derision. Professional wrestling has always been the haven for freaks and degenerates. Watching old tapes, I've seen lobster suits and wheelbarrows of guano, midgets with tourettes and jars of urine running amok in supposedly serious wrestling companies."

I understand, these were aberrations and not indicative of the respective companies as a whole, but are they so much different from a plumber as World Champion?

For that matter, why does Joe the Plumber have to prove his value to either of you? Are titles not won and lost in the natural way where you both hang your respective hats?

"You don't have to like Joe the Plumber - you don't even have to hold your tongue when you tell him how he smells, but Hornet?"

"You do have to respect him."

Simple reason - he has something both of you want. You have nothing he wants.

"For that matter, he won the belt via a clean and undisputable pinfall over the former champion Nova, who was the winner of the Season 2 Ultratitle, who won the belt - also in clean and undisputable pinfall fashion from the Ego Buster, Dan Ryan himself. Are you going to tell me that Dan Ryan doesn't deserve respect? The man held four or five World Championships, simultaneously, something I think nobody had done since Hornet."

"I admit that New Frontier Wrestling has a larger than normal share of freaks and geeks, Hornet, but that has nothing to do with Craig Miles. Before Craig Miles left, he had instigated a Wrestling Revolucion that he hoped would bring the NFW back to the UWA's roots, to clear out the drug addicts and dead weight, and show the wrestling world which company was the one to beat."

Considering how many currently reigning World Champions lined up at the door for this shot at Joe, I think we can say mission accomplished and move on.

"Under Shepherd Mayfield, we've entered a vicious cycle of a vindictive owner picking through his favorites and targeting those who don't fit in his utopia, Hornet. I think that's a step down."

But I'm not interested in talking about the Shepherd right now.

"The point of it, Hornet; Triple X, is that in the midst of the plumbers and drug addicts, the Legions and Vargas, the Problem Children and Kooter Johnsons, New Frontier Wrestling also contains the best wrestlers currently in the business."

"Rook Black."


"High Flyer."


"Cameron Cruise."

To say nothing of Steve Knox and Felix Red, two men you're going to see much more of than you'd like.

"To disrespect the NFW World Champion is to disrespect the NFW itself, and that's something I don't look too kindly upon."

"Don't misunderstand me, I'm not trying to distract you from your match, and I'm not looking to call either of you out."

Don't underestimate me, either... or you'll force my hand.

"Good luck against Joe, Steve, and Felix... you're gonna need it."

After all, gentlemen, your three opponents never found New Frontier Wrestling to be too much for them to handle.

Glass houses, stones, and all that jazz.


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