Preview:- THE WRESTLE HOUR I – ‘War of the Wildcats’
By Ginger Biscuit, SPIT Staff Writer
THE WRESTLE HOUR I – ‘War of the Wildcats’
14 January 2012, Barn 3, Camancheros Ranch, Brewster, Nebraska
7pm – KNOB-TV and Local Affiliates
“I’ve spent my life fixing boots and smashing horse shoes” said Steven Farrington; the town’s resident blacksmith who was also commissioned to design and create the GREAT PLAINS HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP. It has taken nearly 2 months to construct and finally both Farrington and Promoter Capt. John Holmes are both pleased with the end result.
But there is no point having a championship belt without anybody worthy of wearing it. Capt. Holmes has spent literally days scouring the local wrestling scene putting together a roster that has a combined wage value as the local Chinese Takeaway. But it’s not all about money in Capt. Holmes’ eyes, it’s about honor, dignity and the respect that comes with being a champion.
When Holmes announced in 1989 that he was joining the US Army, the town celebrated with a huge (all 109 residents) street party, with the biggest send off since Johnny and Pete Budgoe went to Vietnam in ’65.
Many things changed while he was away, Sally from number passed away and young Tinker Toney left his job at the market to train to be a plumber. But it wasn’t just the sleepy town of Brewster that changed, John Holmes had too.
Returning with the title of Captain and a brandishing a Red Fez that he claimed he had won in battle after beheading one of Saddam Hussain’s Revolutionary Guards, he was full of stories of terror and violence.
It wasn’t until 1995 when rumours started to circulate that someone matching his description was selling Burritos from a pickup truck in New Orleans, that many in the town questioned whether he had seen action in Desert Storm or not. Desperate to garner a better reputation in the town, he took over his late Father’s farming business and decided to expand it as much as possible, creating many employment opportunities in the process. He can now claim that it is his swine stock that supplies some of the biggest grocery outlets in the North with his 3% pork wieners.
Now Capt. John Holmes was ready to take on his next nemesis – the entertainment industry! Unfortunately for him a male strip act flopped worse than the 1923 one man mission to Christmas Island.
But with a spare barn and a passion for some mano a mano, he purchased a 15 foot wresting ring from an Irish travelling family and decided to launch Spit and Sawdust Wrestling. And while many in the local area are determined just to call the promotion SPIT, it has left Holmes undeterred to become a successful promoter.
With the signings of Terence Diaz, Darren Hughes and Gunn Carmelo announced quickly, the town was even more abuzz at the news that local adult/faming channel KNOB-TV was looking to broadcast a bi-weekly wrestling show.
So - TV Show + Shinny New Wrestling Belt = WILDCATS AT WAR. Capt. Holmes’ first card will feature all athletes locked in a 12 foot high steal cage, with the first man able to climb over the top and have both their feet touch the floor declared the winner and new GREAT PLAINS HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION.
The dynamics of the match are going to be interesting, the lack of heating in the building is going to be interesting and hopefully the action…will be more than interesting.
As soon as the wrestlers got wind that this match was going to take place La Beouf the Oklahoma cowboy with a very strange French sounding name was hotly tipped as the favourite.
“I’m hotly tipping La Beouf to be favourite” declared local bookmaker and part time landscape gardener Joseph ‘5 of Spades’ Lindsey.
Much has been made of La Beouf’s past in cage matches, with a record of 8-0 over the years. Many fans are desperate to check out youtube.com to find some clips of his previous matches, but unfortunately there are only 5 homes in Brewster with working internet and all of them are to busy watching a dog on a skateboard. It’s funny, you should check it out.
There has been much talk in the town of a black force at work over at Camancheros Ranch. Years ago many would have just assumed it was an illegal recycling plant that Capt. Holmes had set up, but now talk is of dark forces. Malachi Blackhart who is set to perform under the ringname Endgame is not your everday pro’ wrassler. He is a dangerous human-being with no real regard for his own safety, it will be interesting to see how the local Brewster community take to him, after al this is a town that still burnt witches in 1981.
Also with a good chance of lifting the championship is Darren ‘The Bomber’ Hughes – a tough talking and hard hitting native of Staten Island, New York. He’ll be viewed as an outsider, a ‘city kid’ by the audience. Most of the local fans have as much chance of visiting the moon as they do New York - will this help or hinder ‘The Bomber’ as he looks to lift the title in a match that could be right up his street.
There is no doubt that the fans in attendance and those at home are in for some fantastic action. The show starts at 7pm on KNOB-TV, sandwiched right between a 4 hour documentary on the affects of Swine farming in warm weather climates and the 8pm softcore movie thriller ‘Sorry, I Left My Trousers At Home’ staring Dean Marlon and Jazzy Jizzle Jenny.
So I leave you with the following riddles:- Who will win the ‘War of the Wildcats’? Will Endgame scare off the children or become a hit with the housewives? Does La Beouf like lacrosse? Will anybody in Nebraska be able to understand Darren Hughes’ thick New York accent? Does Tiny Toney charge reasonable rates because my toilet is blocked? Can there be anymore John Wayne references in SPIT? AND WHAT THE HELL IS A BLACKSMITH?!
The answers to these and more should hopefully be revealed next Saturday at 7pm at Camancheros Ranch, Brewster, Nebraska.
-------
By Ginger Biscuit, SPIT Staff Writer
THE WRESTLE HOUR I – ‘War of the Wildcats’
14 January 2012, Barn 3, Camancheros Ranch, Brewster, Nebraska
7pm – KNOB-TV and Local Affiliates
“I’ve spent my life fixing boots and smashing horse shoes” said Steven Farrington; the town’s resident blacksmith who was also commissioned to design and create the GREAT PLAINS HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP. It has taken nearly 2 months to construct and finally both Farrington and Promoter Capt. John Holmes are both pleased with the end result.
But there is no point having a championship belt without anybody worthy of wearing it. Capt. Holmes has spent literally days scouring the local wrestling scene putting together a roster that has a combined wage value as the local Chinese Takeaway. But it’s not all about money in Capt. Holmes’ eyes, it’s about honor, dignity and the respect that comes with being a champion.
When Holmes announced in 1989 that he was joining the US Army, the town celebrated with a huge (all 109 residents) street party, with the biggest send off since Johnny and Pete Budgoe went to Vietnam in ’65.
Many things changed while he was away, Sally from number passed away and young Tinker Toney left his job at the market to train to be a plumber. But it wasn’t just the sleepy town of Brewster that changed, John Holmes had too.
Returning with the title of Captain and a brandishing a Red Fez that he claimed he had won in battle after beheading one of Saddam Hussain’s Revolutionary Guards, he was full of stories of terror and violence.
It wasn’t until 1995 when rumours started to circulate that someone matching his description was selling Burritos from a pickup truck in New Orleans, that many in the town questioned whether he had seen action in Desert Storm or not. Desperate to garner a better reputation in the town, he took over his late Father’s farming business and decided to expand it as much as possible, creating many employment opportunities in the process. He can now claim that it is his swine stock that supplies some of the biggest grocery outlets in the North with his 3% pork wieners.
Now Capt. John Holmes was ready to take on his next nemesis – the entertainment industry! Unfortunately for him a male strip act flopped worse than the 1923 one man mission to Christmas Island.
But with a spare barn and a passion for some mano a mano, he purchased a 15 foot wresting ring from an Irish travelling family and decided to launch Spit and Sawdust Wrestling. And while many in the local area are determined just to call the promotion SPIT, it has left Holmes undeterred to become a successful promoter.
With the signings of Terence Diaz, Darren Hughes and Gunn Carmelo announced quickly, the town was even more abuzz at the news that local adult/faming channel KNOB-TV was looking to broadcast a bi-weekly wrestling show.
So - TV Show + Shinny New Wrestling Belt = WILDCATS AT WAR. Capt. Holmes’ first card will feature all athletes locked in a 12 foot high steal cage, with the first man able to climb over the top and have both their feet touch the floor declared the winner and new GREAT PLAINS HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION.
The dynamics of the match are going to be interesting, the lack of heating in the building is going to be interesting and hopefully the action…will be more than interesting.
As soon as the wrestlers got wind that this match was going to take place La Beouf the Oklahoma cowboy with a very strange French sounding name was hotly tipped as the favourite.
“I’m hotly tipping La Beouf to be favourite” declared local bookmaker and part time landscape gardener Joseph ‘5 of Spades’ Lindsey.
Much has been made of La Beouf’s past in cage matches, with a record of 8-0 over the years. Many fans are desperate to check out youtube.com to find some clips of his previous matches, but unfortunately there are only 5 homes in Brewster with working internet and all of them are to busy watching a dog on a skateboard. It’s funny, you should check it out.
There has been much talk in the town of a black force at work over at Camancheros Ranch. Years ago many would have just assumed it was an illegal recycling plant that Capt. Holmes had set up, but now talk is of dark forces. Malachi Blackhart who is set to perform under the ringname Endgame is not your everday pro’ wrassler. He is a dangerous human-being with no real regard for his own safety, it will be interesting to see how the local Brewster community take to him, after al this is a town that still burnt witches in 1981.
Also with a good chance of lifting the championship is Darren ‘The Bomber’ Hughes – a tough talking and hard hitting native of Staten Island, New York. He’ll be viewed as an outsider, a ‘city kid’ by the audience. Most of the local fans have as much chance of visiting the moon as they do New York - will this help or hinder ‘The Bomber’ as he looks to lift the title in a match that could be right up his street.
There is no doubt that the fans in attendance and those at home are in for some fantastic action. The show starts at 7pm on KNOB-TV, sandwiched right between a 4 hour documentary on the affects of Swine farming in warm weather climates and the 8pm softcore movie thriller ‘Sorry, I Left My Trousers At Home’ staring Dean Marlon and Jazzy Jizzle Jenny.
So I leave you with the following riddles:- Who will win the ‘War of the Wildcats’? Will Endgame scare off the children or become a hit with the housewives? Does La Beouf like lacrosse? Will anybody in Nebraska be able to understand Darren Hughes’ thick New York accent? Does Tiny Toney charge reasonable rates because my toilet is blocked? Can there be anymore John Wayne references in SPIT? AND WHAT THE HELL IS A BLACKSMITH?!
The answers to these and more should hopefully be revealed next Saturday at 7pm at Camancheros Ranch, Brewster, Nebraska.
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