JACK HARMEN(O.S.): We travel together.
(FADEIN: JACK HARMEN is driving a Scooby Doo like mini-van. He wears a brown jacket with yellow lines up the sleeve. TONY DAVIS sits in the passenger seat, playing a Nintendo 3DS while wearing a STARTER version of the classic CSWA jacket. MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER sits in the back seat, leaning over the head rests, unbuckled in. She wears a fluffy black jacket covering her trademark red skirt suit.)
TONY DAVIS: You should probably wear a seat--
(JACK HARMEN slams on the breaks, causing MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER to fly into the front seat.)
TONY DAVIS: – belt.
MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER: What the shit Jack!
JACK HARMEN: Do you want me to run over ANOTHER elderly woman? Cause I can!
(JACK HARMEN points outside the window. A woman in her 70s is crossing the street using a walker. She turns and sticks her tongue out at them. HARMEN puts the car in park and revs the engine.)
JACK HARMEN: Yeah you heard me!
(HARMEN leans out of the driver's side window.)
JACK HARMEN: Keep movin' granny before I big bad wolf you.
(CUTTO: BLACK.)
TONY DAVIS (O.S.): We eat together.
(CUTTO: MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER walks into an elegant restaurant with her current beau, Odessa Dungeon trainee KEN DAY. DAY is wearing a leather jacket and dark slacks. MARY-LYNN wears a slinky red dress. KEN pulls out a chair and seats MARY-LYNN.
At the next table, two men holding menus drop them to the table. It's TONY DAVIS and JACK HARMEN, dressed down in such a way they should only be eating a meal at McDonalds. They grab the table and pick it up, merging with MARY-LYNN'S.)
JACK HARMEN: Tony got scared of his seafood.
TONY DAVIS: It was looking at me! Plus it feels weird eating without you. I can't do it.
MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER: I'm on a date guys! This is totally inappropriate.
TONY DAVIS: What's appropriate about letting me STARVE!
(MARY-LYNN frowns. CUTTO: Black.)
MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER (O.S.): We even go to the bathroom together.
(CUTTO: MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER, wearing her skirt suit, standing outside the men's rest room. She knocks on the door.)
MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER: Hey guys! You okay in there?
(CUTTO: Outside view of two bathroom stalls. We can see the feets of Team VIAGRA, identifiable by their colorful monogramed boots.)
JACK HARMEN: Why do I only tweet on the toilet?
TONY DAVIS: That's gross. You should tweet in the toilet, not on it.
(CUTTO: Outside the bathroom, as MARY-LYNN stomps her heels impatiently.)
MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER: I should never have shown Jack twitter. ARE YOU TWO DONE!
JACK HARMEN(O.S.): One minute! Just playing homoerotic chicken with Joey Melton!
(CUTTO: Multiple bursts of static. CSWA logo. JACK HARMEN stares directly at the camera from only a foot away. In the background, TONY DAVIS stands in his athletic gear over one shoulder. MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER stands over JACK'S other shoulder, carrying her clipboard and doned in her usual crimson skirt suit. She tips her emerald glasses down to the tip of her nose.
HARMEN shakes his head and pulls back to a medium shot.)
JACK HARMEN: I just don't know how to respond. I mean, Ramey's out here being all polite and (ala Clay Davis) SHHHHEEEEEEIIIIIIIIII-IT … it's hard to be angry after having my dick jerked.
(TONY DAVIS frowns. Harmen doesn't turn around before he rolls his eyes.)
JACK HARMEN: Metaphorically speaking.
(TONY DAVIS nods in understanding.)
JACK HARMEN: Jesse Ramey literally took the murder-death-kill-repeat gene out of my DNA...
(HARMEN'S eyes go wide.)
JACK HARMEN: Wait! That was your plan all along! You SNEAKY sneaker wearing SNEAK!
(JACK rushes up to the camera.)
JACK HARMEN: Think you're gonna have Viagra go soft on you with reverse psychology and praise? You think we're going to fall for your MIND GAMES?! No, this is a KILLABLE – REPEATEDLY MURDERABLE offense!
(MARY-LYNN coughs.)
MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER: What if he was honest?
JACK HARMEN: He says it after we beat him, then I'll believe him.
MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER: You can't be too sure you're going to win Jack. Ramey is an accomplished professional and Pat Gordon, in only his fifth match or so, gave you a run for your money in the Ultratitle.
(HARMEN shakes his head.)
MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER: He's only gotten better since.
JACK HARMEN: Sure, but Jesse Ramey and Pat Gordon Jr.? They're not FAMILY.
(HARMEN backs off, and wraps his arms around the shoulders of a distracted TONY DAVIS and a disinterested squirming MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER.)
JACK HARMEN: They are not a SYMBOL of tag team wrestling. We are a legacy. We are eternal. The blue pill bottle looming over the squared circle, ready to SPIKE the Neilsons at a moments notice. As men, we are flesh and blood, and can be ignored. United, as the little blue pill that could, we are incorruptible. Everlasting. We are the tag team Batman.
(HARMEN tosses his hand up in a devil horn taunt as the camera pulls away. It begins to fade to black as the conversation continues. DAVIS whimpers.)
TONY DAVIS: Awh man! Way cooler name!
JACK HARMEN: Yeah, but it we were Team Batman, we would have named it after Nipplegate Schumacher.
TONY DAVIS: I'm totally coming out dressed like Batman. Be my Robin.
(HARMEN shakes his head.)
JACK HARMEN: Why would I be the Robin?
(Picture has faded completely to black.)
TONY DAVIS (O.S.): I'm larger. Obviously.
JACK HARMEN (O.S.): Why are we still discussing this? The interview's over, and we're not dressing up like Batman and Robin.
TONY DAVIS (O.S.): AWH! Man! But I've got Shark Repellent!
JACK HARMEN (O.S.): This says "Sharks Repel Ants"
