.: SWIFT MMA resident interviewer Alison Retty stands before a non-descript black drape background. Next to her sways the young up and comer Landon ‘The Prairie Samurai’ Price sporting a silver spoon stuck firmly to his nose. Several folks carrying Styrofoam bowls pass right through the camera shot forcing a frown from Price. *CLANK* The spoon bounces off the floor :.
Price: “ Oh come on guys! I was going for the record there, did you see that Ally? Some folks just have to get their ugly mugs on camera.”
Alison: “For the last time, my name is Alison. Can we get on with this already?
.: Price gives each palm a good greasy lick and proceeds to slick his hair back :.
Price: "Ready when you are girlfriend"
Alison: *rolls eyes* "3...2..1..Hello again fight fans! Alison Retty reporting live from the capital of Canada - Ottawa, Ontario and exclusively for Channel 238 MMA-HD TV. Joining me amid the smells and burning mouths of ‘The True North Chili Cook-off’ is SWIFT MMA new blood Landon Price. Congrats mister Price on a brilliant debut performance at Retaliation 4; what brings you here to Ottawa?"
.: Price holds up a bright red T-Shirt to his chest that boldly portrays an oversized monkey holding a giant steaming bowl - the text on the shirt proclaims : CHUNKY MONKEY CHILI :.
Price: “So glad you asked Ally. I’m here in the beautiful city of Ottawa representing my newest sponsor: Chunky Monkey Chili. As we say at CMC - “Go ahead and put a little monkey in your mouth.” I’m sure you’ll all be pleased to know Chunky Monkey Chili is now made with real 100% bits of monkey!”
.: A loud groan emanates off-screen followed by some angry mumbling. Price glances at Alison sheepishly :.
Price: “ Scratch that last bit, apparently it’s made of beef. Go figure!”
Alison: “Oooookay lets change gears. Last week yourself and Joseph Baskin battled to a three round decision which you ultimately won unanimously. What are your thoughts on your performance and any lessons learned going forward.”
Price: “ Wow, that was quite a mouthful my fair lady. To be honest I lost myself in your eyes while you were speaking. How embarrassing! fortunately I have prepared this canned Haiku for precisely this situation”
.: Price slips a small piece of paper from his sleeve and gazes directly at Alison Retty, their noses practically touching :.
Fists did fall like rain The samurai will was known; Enter the monkey.
.: Alison appears dumbfounded at first, then prepares to speak. Price presses a single finger to her lips :.
Price: “ Uh-uh-uh. No need to speak dear Ally. I can peer into your deep, dark eyes and assume I have answered your questions about last week completely. I’ll also assume that you intend to press me for comments on my next opponent - Liu Kuan. Well it appears that magically escaping the plastic clutches of Mortal Kombat has led Kang, ahem my apologies -Kuan ,to a 2-0 record under the SWIFT MMA banner. Most impressive indeed.”
.: A familiar Johnny Cash ring tone interrupts leading Landon Price to flip open the phone mid-interview :.
Alison: “What are you do…”
Price: *holding his hand over the phone* “Ally, it’s extremely rude to interrupt a conversation!” *returning his attention to the call * “ Sorry, just some crazy chili fan….totally hot though“*eyes Alison*”The chili that is….so you sent it then? Excellent! How do you get something like that through customs? …. Alright, see you soon.”
.: Price hangs up the phone and proceeds with a disjointed shuffle dance while drawing some long stares from those around him :.
Price: “My secret weapon has arrived my dear! Oh happy days. With this tool in my possession, my ground game will go from weakness to superior advantage. I must get back to Montreal….I hope bugs bought diapers…”
Alison: “Diapers, what the he…”
Price: “No time to explain! You shall see soon enough Ally! Price…OUT!”
.: Landon Price does a twirl before running headlong at the camera and waiving his Chunky Monkey Chili shirt proudly. The camera shakes, then falls to the floor where only Alison Retty’s feet can be seen :.
The scene opens in front of "The Cage" Allison Retty is waiting somewhat impatiently for someone, a few short moments pass and a member of the tech staff walks up to her and leans against the cage.
Retty: Where the hell is he? Liu Kuan was set to have an interview with me right about now.Tech Guy: I don't know Ally (Allison angrily leers at the man who laughs nervously.) err sorry...Allison. Corvitz said he'd be here so I'm sure he'll show up any moment now.
Allison slowly shakes her head and huffs in confusion when all of a sudden the lights begin to flicker and dim slowly. Allison looks around frantically and gasps when she looks at the spot the Tech Guy was standing on a few moments ago only to see Liu Kuan standing in his place with a blank stare on his face. The lights return to normal and Allison looks around for the Tech Guy but gets stopped by Liu Kuan who speaks up.
Liu Kuan: Your friend won't be joining us today Allison, he's...away at the moment. But "I" am here, and I'm more than willing to indulge your interview request.
Retty: O..ok? Well, umm...where did you come from? You just kind of appe...
Liu Kuan: Such an inelegant and well thought out answer Allison, are you really the best that Colin Corvitz can afford? Where I came from is of no consequence to you. What is important is that I AM here.
Allison takes a deep breath and regains her composure. She rolls her neck and then slowly turns her attention back to Liu Kuan before continuing on with the interview.
Retty: Ok, well I guess the most obvious question is going to have to be how do you feel coming off of your last fight?
Liu Kuan: Another "fantastic" question Allison, how would you feel? I just kicked a man so hard his jaw was broken, I took him just as I said I would. Now the time has come for me to pull Landon Price down into the grave.
Retty: I just talked to him earlier and he seemed...preoccupied, what is "your" strategy going into this contest?
Liu slowly rubs his hands together and laughs calmly to himself as he ponders the question asked of him by the lovely interviewer standing a few short feet away from him.
Liu Kuan: Well, my strategy is simply to win Allison Retty. And as far as I'm concerned he can play around all he likes, he'll have only himself to blame when I hold his very life in my hands and I squeeze until he is nothing but a heap of flesh lying in the middle of The Cage.
Retty: I guess that leaves me with one last question then Liu...
Liu Kuan: The time for questions is over for now Allison Retty, all will be revealed when the time is at hand. Landon Price, my advice to you is prepare yourself for the onslaught, death comes for you on this night.
The lights begin to flicker once again causing Allison to back slowly away unsure of what is going to happen, when the lights return to normal the Tech Guy is back in his original spot, a very nervous look on his face. No evidence of Liu Kuan is in sight except for the symbol 安息 (rest in peace) seared into the very floor of the cage it's self.
The scene opens back up in a long abandoned building, the walls are rotting, the floor is covered in a thick layer of dust, and all the furniture in the room, aside from a conveniently placed throne, is in shambles. Outside a storm is brewing, the room is illuminated every once in awhile by flashes of lightning revealing the shadowy figure of Liu Kuan moving slowly towards the throne.
Liu Kuan: The hour of fate is slowly approaching for you, Landon Price. I have warned you that your very life force rests in my hands, the question now is do you choose the path of wisdom and stay far away from "The Cage"? Or...do you choose your untimely demise and enter to face death himself? Either way Landon, I shall be walking into One Shot at Glory ready to take home my rightful title as champion!
After another flash lights the cramped room up Liu is seen seated in the throne holding a black rose in one hand, he touches the flower with the other and it quickly wilts and dies. Liu drops the flower and watches it float lifelessly to the dirt covered floor below.
Liu Kuan: Like the rose that lost what little life it had just moments ago, you will also fall to the floor. But when you fall, you shall fall knowing you could have prevented your demise. But fate is a cruel mistress, and she answers to me Landon Price. Mock me now, but we shall see just who has the last laugh once the bell sounds for the second time. Two men have fallen before you, men who with every fiber of their beings thought they were a match for me, thought that they were MORE than a match for me actually but those thoughts saved them not. Those thoughts made only their egos bruise harder once they were bested by me, they allowed theirselves to think me only a man. They thought me something beatable but these thoughts are simply just misconceptions.
The shadowy figure stays still for a moment but in a matter of seconds disappears out of nowhere as yet another lightning bolt lights up the room.
Liu Kuan: This day and all the days after shall inevidably belong to me, count your remaining days Landon Price. They are after all, very rapidly being taken from you, and they will be long gone once you make the decision to step into my worlld. You have been warned, but I know my warning shall be ignored as it always is, such a pity.
.: A look only described as shock mixed with disgust adorns the faces of both Landon Price and Razik El-Tazan. Grunts and groans fill the Crooked Smille MMA gym but it's obvious the sounds are not of a human source. Landon's face contorts as he pinches his nose with two fingers :.
Landon: "Well I hate to say it, but this may have been a mistake. I didn't know these things ate so much. And that smell..."
Razik: "I've heard of some crazy training techniques, but this one takes the cake Price."
Bugs: " You didn't know they eat a ****-ton? How about eating trainer's arms?? You didn't know that either you bumbling idiot! "
.: Bugs sits on a stool, his arm bandaged and iced. Not far from him sits a large steel cage containing an unusual training aid. A fully grown orangutan sits in the corner of the cage, covered in feces. Hanging from his mouth is a rather large piece of bugs' sleeve :.
Bugs: " What the hell were you thinking price!? I don't know why I let you talk me into this crap. Now I'ma hafta get a bunch of shots so I don't start foamin' at the mouth. "
Price: " Ohh gimme a break will ya. You've been foaming at the mouth for years. The dude on ebay said this fella was a heck of a grappler. If you can grapple with an orangutan, you can grapple with anyone!"
Bugs: "I coulda' brought in a brazillian, or even a wrestler or two. Who orders a damn primate!?"
Price: "Well sorry for trying something unorthodox. Have you seen my opponent? He's freakin' delusional! Creepo thinks he's some kind of angel of death or something. "
Bugs: " Callin' a man delusional and you're trying to spar with primates? That's like callin' the kettle black boy-o. "
.: The cage rattles suddenly and Bugs nearly leaps off his seat. The orangutang appears amused by the arguement and smiles deviously :.
Razik: "I thought my brother-in-law was weird but this ... thing ... puts him to shame. What do we do with it? "
Bugs: " Lemme grab my shotgun and we'll put two between it's beady little eyes!"
Price: " No way! C'mon, be rational. PETA would be all over us if we offed an innocent animal,"
Bugs: " He ain't innocent! The beast woulda' ripped my throat out if it got the chance. Besides, isn't that there Pamela Anderson a part of PETA? I wouldn't mind a bit of her all over me! Woooooo-ha!"
.: The orangutang slaps his hands together in approval :.
Price: " Well what do you know. Looks like the hairy bugger is a TnA kinda guy!"
Razik: "Hey bugs, the both of you smell alike and you've got the same taste in women. You should be the best of friends. "
Bugs: " Ha! Don't they execute comedians like you in Egyptizan or wherever the hell yer from?? I've had enough crap for one day. Get this gap-toothed **** machine outta my gym! And when yer done start lookin' over the tape of Liu Kuan I gave ya! "
.: Bugs pulls himself off the stool and mimics a punch at the steel cage. The orangutang screeches and flaps his tongue in retaliation as Bugs marches off towards his office :.
Price: " Well, back to square one I suppose. That's the last time I purchase zoo animals off the internet. "
Razik: " Let me guess, it wasn't the first time either? "
Price: " Well who hasn't ordered a parrot off ebay and named him crackers, then give him an eyepatch, then wear an eyepatch themselves and walk around town asking for booty while recieving several slaps to the face and one extremely painful kick to the groin which in turn leads to a most interesting visit to a doctor who also owns a parrot named crackers but neither of them wear an eyepatch which lead me to ask "where's your eyepatch?" *Taking a deep breath* BUT...I digress. You should probably give me the scouting report on this Liu kemia."
Razik: " You mean Liu Kuan."
Price: "What'd I say?"
Razik: " Liu Kemia."
Price: " Huh, how bout that! Hey, did I ever tell you about the parrot I had that was diagnosed with leukemia?"
Razik: *Shakes his head* "Yeah, his name was crackers, I got it. Anyway, this Liu Kuan is a karate expert much like yourself. He's 2-0, both by knockout so you might consider taking him to the ground and out of his element. "
Price: "C'mon Razik, have a little faith in the power of ninpo! I figure I'll stand and bang with him until he wilts like all those pretty little flowers he carries about with him. I mean, who the hell sits around twirling roses? Who does he think he is, Seal? "
Razik: " Well, he refers to himself as the 'grim reaper'. He seems to live up to the name in the cage. "
Price: " Last time I checked, the Grim Reaper was a boney bastard preying on old folks who break their hips and adrenaline junkies convinced they can survive a fall from a mountain top. I don't exactly fit the bill. I can't wait to rip this phoney's jaw off so my name never crosses his rotting lips again. "
.: Razik bangs his fists together with a grin and places his arm around 'The Prairie Samurai'. The two begin strolling towards the nearest heavy bag :.
Razik: " Now that's the intensity I've been waiting for! It's time to turn this camp up a notch."
Price: " Damn rights! Uhh...what do we do about my hairy friend in the cage? "
Razik: "Don't even think of it, I know a guy who's always looking to get his hands on some exotic animals."
Price: "Exotic huh? Hey, did I ever tell you about my exotic parrot? Heck, he even wore an eyepatch.... "
.: Razik can only roll his eyes in annoyance as Landon Price vigorously relives his parrot capers for the umpteenth time. A parrot known as crackers, sporting an eyepatch and suffering from leukemia... or so the story goes :.
FWrestling.com was founded in 1994 to promote a community of fantasy wrestling fans and leagues. Since then, we've hosted dozens of leagues and special events, and thousands of users. Come join and prove you're "Even Better Than The Real Thing."
Add Your League
If you want to help grow the community of fantasy wrestling creators, consider hosting your league here on FW. You gain access to message boards, Discord, your own web space and the ability to post pages here on FW. To discuss, message "Chad" here on FW Central.