Ricky Gant vs. Dean Matthews

[EZieba]

'The Rant' Ricky Gant vs. 'The Show Stealer' Dean Matthews

Normal Match

 

[BuffBellows]

Llllllllllike A Glove

Fade in to a black backdrop with the neon-green "RATINGS BOOST" logo emblazoned brilliantly across it. A stool has been set up here, upon which seats the self-styled Show Stealer, Dean Matthews. Despite the unfortunate events that took place at the recent Onslaught, he appears none the worse for the wear; however, he IS holding a thermometer in one hand.

"So yeah," Dean says, shrugging his shoulders a little. "For those of you in TV Land who are wondering, I'm okay this week. Last week I had a really bad case of the flu and couldn't breathe out my nose, but this week I have no such ailment. Now I'm sure Smirky Dirky Rodgers is gonna run around telling everyone about how he's such a tough guy 'cause he beat a loser like me, but what he WON'T tell you about is the big handful of tights he had to grab to do it. But hey. It takes a real big man to cheat against a guy who can barely breathe and is drowsy thanks to Tylenol flu pills."

"But let's put that screwjob behind us. I don't dwell on the past. I've always said that looking back won't get you anywhere. You gotta look forward, so that's what I'm doing. So let's look forward. What lies ahead? A guy who calls himself 'The Rant' and whose last name is the same as the french word for Glove."

"Now then, Ricky Glove. I was gonna spend this little promo-time trash-talking you like I have most of the OTHER dismal little maggots I've faced, but then I realized that you and I have a few things in common. Number one: We've both been screwed out of matches recently. With me, it was Smirky Dirk grabbing my tights while I was sick; with you, it was Reuben Sandwich Fasco dropping you on your head after jumping you from behind with a frickin' chair. Shame, huh? I thought you had that boxing prick in the bag no problem. I mean, hell. Your record in GXW is pretty damn good. You've steamrolled a lot of good competitors and came THIS CLOSE to capturing the TV Title - yet you got screwed by a f(bomb)in' BOXER. Dude, that... That must suck. I feel for ya."

"But that ain't all. You and I, we're both the kind of guys who are just BETTER. Take me. I'm the BEST mat technician in this company right now. There is not a man in the world who can beat me on the mat... when I DON'T have the flu. You... you're certainly good. One of the best in this company, if I were to say so. And that, Rick, is why our little match at Onslaught is going to steal the freakin' show. Two of the best in-ring competitors among GXW's crowd of newcomers going head-to-head, one-on-one."

Dean pauses, then clears his throat.

"Emphasis on the one-on-one. That leads me to ANOTHER thing you and I have in common: Neither of us is at this alone. You've got your posse, I've got mine. But there's a difference there, though. Since coming to GXW, about all YOUR posse has done is cost Boogie Smallz a third-tier title and talk a lot. And you've been here how long - six months? More? On the other hand, in ONE WEEK the Ratings Boost has laid out the owner of the company AND his chief executive, not to mention singlehandedly raising the ratings for Revolution - and that's not even counting what we've got in store at X-Perience. In less than a MONTH the Ratings Boost had delivered some of the best TV GXW has seen since the days of Team Phenom."

"But I'm gonna cut you a deal... You keep YOUR posse backstage and out of the match, and I'll keep MINE backstage and out of the match. That way it'll be just you and me. The Rant and the Show Stealer. Two men with real TALENT. But let me tell you this right now. If your boys DO decide to come down and mess around in our match, MY boys will be right behind 'em to throw 'em out faster than the bathwater. Sure, you've got a man advantage on us... but look at the Boost for a minute. I've got two Cruiserweight Champions AND a former GXW World Champion at my back. Somehow I doubt your little band of misfits will be able to deal with THIS array of talent."

"Anyway, Glove... I'll be signing off now. I'll see yoooooooooooou at Onslaught, buckaroo. And wear some gloves. Wouldn't want you to get your hands dirty...."

Fade out.

 

[TheTruth]

RE: Llllllllllike A Glove

(The scene opens up with Ricky Gant backstage at a recent GXW event.)

Oh boo-friggen whoo. In the years I've been involved with this business, I've seen some real dripping puss people, with vagina tears smearing their mascara coming up with lame ass excuses for losing, but you take the cake. Blaming your loss because you had the sniffles... you poor little boy. You know that might have fooled Mommy when you were seventeen struggling to make it past that special ed fifth grade teacher, but Mommy isn't around to write you a note anymore. Are you sure that Rodgers grabbed your tights, or did he have your pantyhose for leverage? The most amusing portion of all this isn't your pansy ass, limp wristed, fruit of a reply, but the fact that this ass pirate had the audacity to question if his opponent was a real man. What's a matter tough guy, did he not give you the reach around?

Ricky Glove? White hot insult there. Is the appropriate response fo this an, "I know you are, but what am I"? I have to admit I'm not toally versed on the third grade insult wars anymore. It's been a while. Man oh shucks, you got me... you altered my name to make a funny. Damn was that without Mommy's help?

You do make a point though, I did lose my last match. You see though, I'm not out here talking about how I had a bladder infection or some lame sorry pathetic excuse. Instead I'm a man. I go on with life. The tear drops stay dry.

Although since you are patting yourself on the back about how astonishing you've been since coming here, maybe I should slap a tampon on and be just like you. I mean afterall you've raised the ratings, isn't that right. You've been such a big shot as a sick jobber trying to overcome the huge odds and Tylenol. Not only that but you were able to beat up on ownership. How difficult, and so utterly original. That's so much more thrilling than winning. No wonder you stick to such heavy medication. When you can do things like beat up on old people and non-wrestlers, who needs to actually win matches, let alone TITLES.

I've said enough though for now... I'd hate to incure the wrath of the cruiserweights that you run with. How imposing and frightful. Nothing says enforcer like the guys that get sand kicked in their face.

"Show stealer" what you should be doing is going out and stealing yourself some more medication. Maybe an aspirin or two, so when I bust you open and kick your ass you can blame the drugs... I'll even help you out... "I would have beaten Gant", errrr almost forgot the wicked cool Glove insult... "I would have beaten Glove, but the aspirin didn't stop my headache and the fans laughter gave me a migrane." Or maybe you'll be on the rag and have a real excuse.

 

[BuffBellows]

Hooooo... Aren't You A Wee Smartypants

Fade in to a rather classy restaurant somewhere in Belfast. The cameraman weaves his way through the maze of tables before seating himself at a window table, right across from a familiar figure - none other than Dean Matthews. Tonight, he has exchanged his white suit coat and pants for a sharp, charcoal-grey suit of Italian make; he is currently dining on a rather large steak. Swallowing his bite, he looks up.

"Say what you will about this sh*thole of a country, but the food's good."

Placing his fork down on the table, Dean adjusts his collar a little. "But I'm not here to talk fine dining. I'm here to pimp-slap my favorite little smart-mouthed weasel, Ricky Glove. Rick, you seem to think that you're somehow better than me. Huh. Why would that be, exactly? 'Cause you fought a stoner to a draw on global Pay-Per-View? 'Cause you got punked out by a BOXER with about as much real wrestling talent as a brain-dead rhinoceros? 'Cause you were in the CSWA? Get real. When it's all said and done, you're all bluster. You talk a big game, but when it comes time to back your sh*t up, you haven't had a lot of luck lately, have you? Deny it if you want, but your little escapades against Fasco and Biggie Sma- er, BOOGIE Smallz prove that."

"By the way, you get brownie points for riding the 'you're a widdle third-grader' approach into the ground. I bet it took you all week to think up that response."

"What I DO take issue with is you tossing aside the Ratings Boost as just a bunch of cruiserweights. Hellooooo? Have you been paying ANY attention at all? Were you listening when I said that Eric Davis held the GXW World Championship? Did you know that that title is the HIGHEST ACCOLADE IN THIS INDUSTRY? Yeah, CSWA can make that claim, but f*ck CSWA. But I'm digressing. The fact is, I run with a man who's been to the top of the industry. Besides, you're one to talk about running-buddies, 'cause from what I'M seeing, YOUR little posse consists of a third-tier champion, your own lame self, and two guys who aren't even on the roster. Talk about your bands of misfits, huh? Yeah."

"Now I'll tell you what, little Ricky. Run along and suck off Hotbody for awhile, and come back when you can think up something a LITTLE more original than running around screaming 'You're a whiny loser fag!'. Seriously. If that's the best you can come with, I'm gonna start throwing your promo tapes out without even watching them. I don't have the time nor the patience to get into a widdle insult war with someone with the mental capacity of corned beef. Maybe you can bait the rest of the twits in this promotion into that game, but not me. So go ahead and talk your sh*t, Rick. While you're running your mouth, I'll put my boot in it."

"Now if you'll exCUSE me, my dinner's getting cold."

Dean picks up his form and goes back to eating his dinner as we fade out.

 

[TheTruth]

RE: Hooooo... Aren't You A Wee Smartypants

[updated:LAST EDITED ON Feb-05-03 AT 00:22 AM (EST)](Fade in on "The Rant" Ricky Gant who has just finished watching a tape of "The Show Stealer" Dean Matthews on a backstage video monitor.)

Gant: I "think" that I'm better than you? I thought it was pretty obvious to everyone that's been paying attention, but if we must discuss it so be it. If so it's not because of a match against Boogie Smallz. That match was nothing but an exercise in affirmative action to keep the belt on the guy who had played the race card to the GXW offices faster than Johnny Cochraine. And to be honest it's not because I had a decent run in the CSWA a couple of years ago. Just take a good look in the mirror, rewind a copy of the tape of that promo you cut a few days ago and objectively look at it. If you still don't see any reasons popping up at you, than your more pathetic than even I had given you credit for.

Although you being objective is not something that I'm really expecting. Afterall a few days ago you were talking about how we were guys that were just better. You and me remember. A step above the rest. Than after I came out and verbally slap you in the face, your song plays in an entire different key. Typical though, I actually have grown accustomed to it. I'll admit that I have a tendency to be harsh, but sadly also dead on accurate. Those are just not the types of things that people want to hear. Way to dispute them though, your counterpoints were stellar. I mean the best line was to try and cut down my third grade insult wars crack. That's good, way to find the exact focal point of what I was saying and crush it with impudence. You've really come a long way to overcome the pathetic loser image that you portrayed in your first interview.

What's truly sad is that you take more pride, more time and more attention in defending your little group. I guess you felt you had to ramble on about them since I spent a good two or three sentences about them and they are so imperitive to this match up between YOU and I. But let me recant all the horrible things that I must have said about those guys that got your panties bunched again. I mean afterall the one dude was a former GXW World Champion. I'm sure that gave you a semi to just repeat. Not like you've ever done it, but at least you can get a rub by saying you know someone that won a belt. But that's not it, you've also got not one, but TWO cruiserweight guys that have your back too.

As for my promo tapes, no wonder you'd want to throw them in the garbage. Afterall it pointed out the truth about you, and how pathetic you are. Guess when something hits home that badly you want to cover your ears and pretend that it just didn't happen. Or at least dismiss it with a whine about how much aspirin you were taking.

It's really no wonder that the ratings have been sky high since you got here. Killer promos, drugged up ring performances, and such team unity. It's no wonder that the GXW is considered the best in professional wrestling.

 

[BuffBellows]

Listen Here, Slim.

Fade in.

We're on a golf course somewhere in Ireland. It appears to be early in the day, judging from the position of the sun. In the background, a little golf cart rolls idly along. The camera pans to the left, bringing the now-familiar Dean Matthews into the shot; he's clad in a white turtleneck sweater and goofy checkered golf pants and is currently lining up a putt.

After a moment, he looks up, forgetting the putt for now. "Ricky, you're quite a case. Do you know that? You think you're hot sh*t to get up in my face because I did something as simple as revising my opinion on you. What a concept, huh? Ever heard of revising an opinion? Frankly, my first conceptions of you weren't all that educated. All I had to go by was rumors and stories passed around the locker room. Seemed satisfactory to me. However, having heard you run your mouth firsthand, I quickly reevaulated my conception of you. You're good, but you're also an even bigger @sshole than I am - and that's hard to do."

"But I'm going to agree with you on one thing. This isn't about our respective posses. It's about us. The Show Stealer and the Runt... er, the Rant. Seeing as all we've proven so far would be that I have better taste in running-buddies than you, let's go in an entirely different direction and say that I'm going to bash your nose in and slap that silly little smirk right off your face. Why? Because I can. But mostly because you don't THINK I can. Awfully egotistical of you. Luckily, I'm more than happy to burst your bubble - Bust your Ego, as a certain prominent GXW personality might say. But go ahead. Go on and tell yourself that I ain't got sh*t on the almighty Emperor Ricky Gant, Master of All Things Wrestling, because after Onslaught you'll be doing a little opinion-revising of your own."

"By the way, where I come from, we win titles based on SKILL. You can plead affirmative action all you want, but what it boils down to is that you just couldn't cut the mustard against a big doofy stoner from da hood. Besides, if titles WERE won based on affirmative action, YOU'D have won the belt to appease the mentally handicapped."

"Oh, and to shoot down a little misconception: I'm not tossing your promos out due to some sort of humiliation. There's not a thing in any one of your vignettes that makes me feel at all self-conscious. I'll throw them out because you're a bloody idiot and listening to you gives me a huge migraine. But I'll tell you what. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt this time and let you get your sh*t together before you try and go word-for-word with me again. Not that I'm expecting much out of your little Nitwit Camp."

"Oh pooh... looks like I broke my word. You want an insult war? You got it. But not now."

Dean turns his attention back to the golf ball and putts deftly. The ball teeters on the edge of a hole for a moment, then drops in with a 'plunk'.

"Chalk up another one for the Show Stealer..."

Fade out.

 

[TheTruth]

RE: Listen Here, Slim.

(The scene opens up with “The Rant” Ricky Gant standing in front of the standard GXW blue screen, with the logo displayed prominently in the middle. He’s wearing his standard attire, blue jeans, black t-shirt, black boots. He’s staring at the camera)

Gant: I have to give credit where credit is due. At first I thought that Dean Matthews was a complete idiot. But I’m beginning to “revising” that opinion a little. It looks like the guy is working on something that’s a little more to his speed. Golf. A game where you need to take some cold and flu medication to fit in. Something perfect for you and after I finish kicking your *** at Onslaught it’s something that you should give some more consideration to doing. At least on the pro golf tour they won’t throw a mic in front of your face and let you humiliate yourself repeatedly. But that’s just my “revised” view of what you should be doing instead of wrestling.

Revisions seem to be running wild lately don’t they. You revised your opinion of me recently. Ironically you revised an opinion of my WRESTLING ability based on a PROMO, but nevertheless you ‘revised’ that opinion of me. Don’t worry though, no one noticed that you revised that opinion after being verbally trashed. No one could see your ego deflate and you get that defensive. Man I bet it took at least two cruiserweights patting you on the back to restore enough confidence for you to even get back on the mic and try to stand up to me verbally.

Speaking of revisions, it seems like you’ve taken another scolding shot a my name. Revised it a little to really dig deep with the verbal assault. No really, Runt instead of Rant. It’s brilliant, it’s SOOOOO original. And it cuts me deep, to the bone man. You really got me shaken now. It’s like your in my head man. First you sub out Glove for Gant and now Runt for Rant. You’re such a vicious person. I can’t believe you haven’t been sanctioned by the GXW officials for such dastardly, devastating promos. Is nothing safe from your razor wit. You know I bet that made little Suzie cry in kindergarten when you were perfecting those zingers. Probably more than when you pulled her ponytails. I can’t wait to here what’s next. No really, that’s not sarcasm, I’m taking notes here on how to

As for Boogie and that title match, I don’t want to be a “revisionist” so allow me to fill you in on a little bit of fact. You know what fact is right? The stuff that you ignore when you come out here and run your mouth. Maybe this will help to “revise” another opinion. I never said that titles were won or lost because of affirmative action. The fact of the matter is that the GXW had a title match on a pay per view event with a short time limit to protect the current champion. He didn’t have to beat me, he just had to hold on for dear life while I slapped him around. Something that you won’t have the luxury of doing.

Before I go, I have one last thing to say. I found one thing with your last promo that I thought was good. You’ve already laid down the excuse for your next loss. Migraines this time? Better pound down some more medication so you can whine next week.

Now why don’t you go back to sinking balls with the guys, it’s the best thing you got going.

 

[BuffBellows]

It's a promo.

Fade in.

Backstage at the Odyssey Arena. We see Dean Matthews sitting in front of a TV, the screen of which ripples with static; he holds a tape in his right hand, tapping it idly against his left palm.

"Hoboy, another of those oh-so-fabulous Ricky Gant promos in my mailbox. I love how he talks down to ME about how I'm a pathetic loser, yet HIS promos look like they came straight off the short bus to Special Ed Class. Tell you what, slick. Once you're done patting yourself on the back and telling yourself that you're the second coming of Christ, come back and throw a DECENT promo at me. As it is, I'm only biting back at you 'cause I'm bored out of my damn skull and it's raining on the golf course."

"Speaking of which, slick - I've got a question for you. Do you have a life? Do you understand the meaning of LEISURE TIME? Honestly. So I like golf. I wouldn't call that a deep character flaw. What the hell did you expect me to do - spend my entire life in the gym lifting large objects? Hardly. I like to have a life."

"But let's get down to business. In that entire promo you only made ONE point that was actually coherent, and that was me judging your overall ability based on a promo. Let me clue you in on something, slick. In this industry, the mind is JUST as important as the body. You could be the most agile high-flier in the world or the strongest man ever born, but you need the BRAINS to actually make it work for you. Otherwise, you're just floundering. And surprise surprise - the brains come through in the promos. Therefore, when I see you spouting your empty-headed kindygarten insults in your promos, I can only asSUME that I'm going up against someone with the ring mentality of an empty-headed kindygarten brat. But hey, I'm sure you knew that already. My bad. My baaaaad. Far be it from little old me to dictate ring mentality to the Almighty Paragon Of Wrestling Virtue, Ricky Gant. Please, O Master Of The Wrestling Universe, forgive me for pointing out the fact that you're an idiot."

"So you think my name games are petty, huh? Oh, you got me. Shot me right in the heart. How dare I not live up to the standards of The Runt. Please, Ricky, teach me to be just like you. Teach me the art of being a lamebrained douchebag with the IQ of a zucchini. And teach me the art of hurling out insults like 'poo poo face' and 'widdle baby waa waa breath'. No, really. I want to be just like you. ...Give me a break. You're in absolutely no position to sh*t on MY verbal barbs, ESPECIALLY when the best YOU can come up with is calling me a third-grader and rehashing the old picking-on-children angle. Now I know that you have personal experience with molesting minors, but please, don't apply it to me."

"But hey. Let's forget the widdle name-calling for a second and get right to the core of this. Fact of the matter is this: I'm going to drop you on your frickin' head and take home a nice shiny win for the evening. Know why? Two reasons. One: I've got a reputation to build. I made an impact coming in here, and I'll be DAMNED if I let my momentum get thrown in the crapper by YOU. Let's just say I'm gonna use you as a footstool to the top of this company. And reason number two... I just plumb don't like you, and I'll take great satisfaction in pimp-slapping you back to mommy's house."

"So I'll tell you what, Rick. Playtime's over. So grab an apple, shine it up real nice, and bring it to Onslaught with you, 'cause you're going to school. Too bad I'm teaching the class. If I were you, I'd take notes, 'cause this lesson ain't gonna be one you'll wanna forget. With any luck, you'll learn something... like how NOT to suck and how NOT to be a complete f*ckin' lamer."

"That's it from me. I'm outta here."

Fade out.

 

[Mr Main Event]

Note: Posted for Ricky Gant's handler

("The Rant" Ricky Gant is shown in front of a GXW logo. )

Gant: Come back and throw a decent promo at you? You're kidding right? My promos have made you change opinions of my wrestling ability and changed the entire way you were handling how you cut your promos… Each time I opem my mouth your entire attitude changes. Hell you've even begun to use verbatim some of the lines that I've used in the past month or two here in the GXW. But you're right, you really nailed a point about how ineffective on the mic I am.

My bad, I guess I should have started out by talking about cold medicine and moved right into foreign adaptations of your name that somehow in your mind sounded somewhat less than totally boring. Maybe then I'd be cool enough to hang with two lightweights and one flash in the pan ex-champion.

As for your golf life, hell I was telling you that you should go full force into it. It seems to be more your style then professional wrestling. But feel free to somehow warp it in your mind into me not having any free time, or spending all my time in the gym. Go ahead because it's really interesting. Really.

I'm the one with kindergarten insults? Would you like to just get a
transcript of my promos and recite them verbatim? That's a great gimmick you've got going for you. From the first time I spoke towards you I mention you're juvenile insults and childish name changing. Should I expect your next promo to bad mouth me for talking about taking drugs and blaming my losses on them? No wonder ratings have spiked. You're a maestro on the mic. If you want I'll send you some notes on what I plan on saying next so that maybe you can use the material first for a change. But I guess it's just
the old saying coming to fruition, imitation is the sincerest form of
flattery.