BE All That And A Bag Of Potato Chips
[updated:LAST EDITED ON Sep-01-02 AT 08:38 PM (EDT)]A commercial for Burger Sultan comes to an end, fading slowly away until the image being shown is now that of a beat-up, sky-blue Ford Aerostar minivan. The van is parked just outside of the Baltimore Arena, with the side door in view. After a moment, the door in question slides open and a man of impressive size emerges. Standing six foot eight and weighing in at nearly three hundred and fifty pounds, the sandy-haired Swede known as Buff Bellows is clad in his usual attire, a teal-patterned Hawaiian shirt (this time over a white Hard Rock Café T-shirt) and green shorts.
As Bellows leans against the side of the van and folds his arm, another large form exits the van, this one draped in a turquoise-patterned shirt and blue jean shorts; his skin is brown-toned, and his bleached-blond hair has been spiked. Adjusting his shirt, Fat Farrell reaches over to close the door of the van, then leans against it as well.
"Hot damn," Buff remarks quietly, shaking his head with a small smile touching his face. "First the Motor City Maniacs... now, the two little poster boys for Extreme Tendencies. Am I supposed to feel special for getting this match?" He puts on a pensive expression, touching a hand to his chin, as his eyes cast over towards his left. "What do you think, Farrell?"
The Polynesian emits an exaggerated hmm, then grins at his companion. "Naah," he responds.
"I didn't think so," Bellows says, turning back to face the camera. He folds his arms across his broad chest, hiding the Hard Rock Café logo from view. "So it's Buff Bellows and Fat Farrell up against Inferno and Jeffie Jeff Robberts, huh?" he rumbles almost jovially. "Ain't this a TREAT! Inferno, the little LOSERweight, and Jeffie Roberts, Mr. Mood Swings himself. Good ta see ya, shrimps!" At this, he waves mockingly into the camera; Farrell mimics the gesture.
"I must say, though, that this match really IS a treat," Buff says, folding his hands behind his head. He grins enormously. "You know, the Monsta Boys have been known ta roll out a few midgets from time ta time, so it's kinda ironic that we're booked to wrestle... yep, two midgets! Two little shrimpy men who oughta stick to the loserweight division."
"Da Wonder Midgets!" Farrell pitches in, snickering. "Not only can dey wrestle, dey doubles as lawn darts!"
Bellows offers a low chuckle before looking back into the camera. "But seriously, boys," he says. "I've heard a'yas. I know damn well that there's more to ya than just a couple a' little crazy midgets. An' ya know somethin'? I'm glad. Buff Bellows and Fat Farrell love ta have fun, but we also love a good challenge. I know damn well that you two are both competetitors. But let me tell ya somethin', boys."
Buff rises from the van and begins walking to the Arena; Farrell falls in at his side. The big Swede continues speaking as he walks. "You two may BE competitors," he says, looking at the camera in 3/4 profile. "You two may BE extreme. But the two of us - we've got something on the line."
"Oh yeah, man!" Farrell adds, leaning forward a bit to grin into the shot. "Big stuff on da line!"
"Big stuff is right," Buff agrees as he and Farrell walk along the side of the arena. "You two, you got nothin' ta gain if ya manage ta beat us. But WE stand ta gain big time if we beat you two. Think about it. Buff Bellows and Fat Farrell manage ta defeat the two poster boys for Extreme Tendencies. Two relative unknowns upset a couple a' big-name boys like Jeffie Roberts and Inferno. Now THAT would get people talking."
The two Monstas reach a side door, which Farrell opens; they both stop talking as they step through. As the door closes behind them, the cameraman resumes his position, and Bellows continues speaking as he walks. "It'd be a hell of a boost for us," he notes. "It'd certainly turn more'n a few heads if we beat ya. People'd sit up and start takin' notice. It'd be one more step up that big ladder to the top of the tag division."
The big Swede stops at a door in the hall and pushes it open; Farrell enters, but Bellows remains outside. Farrell pokes his head back out: "You comin'?"
"G'wan ahead," Bellows tells him. "I ain't done."
"Cool," Farrell responds as he slips back into the room.
Buff looks back to the camera, standing still now; he folds his arms over his chest. "Now let me level with ya," he says in a more serious tone. "Yer a couple a' tough little guys - I'll give ya that. But come Onslaught, boys, yer facin' two Monstas who're tough as nails. It's in yer best interests not ta sell us short, 'cause the minute ya hold back we'll jump on ya and break ya inta pieces. So when you fellas face off against us, you better BE all that and a bag of potato chips, 'cause if yer anything but, yer done."
With that, Buff turns to open the door. He quietly exits the scene, and the camera focuses on the door for a moment before the image fades to black...