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Round 1: Classy Mike C vs. Johnny Niles

Johnny Niles

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Joined
Mar 5, 2012
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Camera shows Johnny training at the gym. He connects with several punches and kicks to the punching bag before taking a break. The interviewer comes up to Johnny, who now has a towel draped over his head.

Interviewer: Mr. Niles, what are you training here for?

Niles: Oh, I'm not training, I'm getting ready for my friend's baby shower. WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M TRAINING FOR!? The ULTRATITLE tournament, of course.

The interviewer, realising the stupidity of his question, continues:

Int: Your first round opponent is Classy Mike C. How do you plan on beating him?

JN: Classy Mike C... Yeah, I've heard of him. He's accomplished a lot in his career, but I'm not worried. He may be a multiple time champion, but he isn't the Best In The World. Do you know who that is?

Int: I suppose it's... you?

JN: You're damn right it's me!

Johnny takes a sip out of his bottle of water before going on:

JN: So, Mike C, I've got a question for you: What makes you "Classy"? Is it because you're a multi-champion? Or is it because you're anti-America? You know what... I don't care. All that matters is that I'll face you at the ULTRATITLE Round 1. You may be thinking "Ah, winning this thing will be a piece of cake." Well you know what, you're not even gonna pass the first round. You know why? Cause your opponent is me, Johnny Niles, the BEST IN THE WORLD!

With that Niles walks off leaving the interviewer alone with the cameraman.
 

Classy Mike C

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Joined
Sep 4, 2004
Messages
105
Points
0
Age
36
Location
Manchester, England
The Best in the World...at bad impersonations...

It's ULTRATITLE time and please forgive your narrator for being a little excited! 128 of the world's best wrestlers doing what they do best...erm, wrestling. And today we're going to witness the return to the big stage of a wrestling great...Classy Mike C.

We join our hero in his personal locker room at the USPW Ameri-Dome...please forgive me for that terrible name but someone thought it was a good idea to afford the home of some of the best superstars around a terribly crass, tasteless moniker. The room is a homage to the kind of rhetoric Mike C has been spouting in recent times...I wouldn't say it's anti-America but it's certainly pro-everywhere else. The walls are decorated with not only posters from Mike C's famous battles down the years - Sean Taylor, Nero, Jay Smash, Lord Alucard from EUWC, AJ Johnson and JD Screw from GWA and, more recently, Phantom and Mark Force from USPW - but also images of numerous international icons from various different walks of life...Nelson Mandela, Arthur Scargill, Che Guevara, Joe Strummer, Bob Marley, The Dynamite Kid and more. Around the room there's a couple of Soviet flags (no doubt belonging to his team mates The Red Army, those communist throwbacks to a past era of wrestling and indeed society itself), an ice hockey jersey (property of proud Canadian and alleged woman assaulter Shawn Starr...) and, of course, Mike C's trademark cricket bat.

And our hero? Well, he's sat plumb in the middle of it all watching the TV with his custom made USPW United Kingdom Championship belt draped across his lap. We can hear English accents but we can't see the show...it could be The (original) Office, it could be Downton Abbey, it could be the Teletubbies...we just don't know. After a few moments, and a chuckle from Mike C, he turns and acknowledges the camera.


Mike C: Oh I didn't see you there...please come in.

Let's hope Mike C is paying more attention when push comes to shove...

Mike C: Now...as you're not wearing a grotesque red, white n' blue polo shirt I'm guessing you're not USPW camera crew which must mean...it's time for ULTRATITLE!

Mike C seems as excited as I am...and I'm practically hysterical!

Mike C: Well, well, well...what a few months it's going to be! A lot of people have asked me recently "what happened to you Classy Mike C? You were destined for the top...you reached the top...and then you kind of disappeared". And one of the people who asked that question is me. What have I been doing? What am I trying to achieve? Well, I'll give you a bit of insight...

Once upon a time there was a wrestler called Classy Mike C. Sometimes the fans booed him, sometimes the fans cheered him, sometimes they didn't realise he was even there. He was prone to the odd catchphrase or two, he worked hard and he won some titles. Then he won some World titles. He beat EUWC Hall of Famer Sean Taylor to win the EUWC World Championship using Taylor's own finisher. Then, if that wasn't enough, he beat him again. He went on to be the golden boy of the EUWC management until he was ultimately...and wrongly...dethroned. That hit Mike C hard, but it hit EUWC harder and they closed down not soon after. Fast forward to last year and to GWA...a modest but proud company with a long history. Not only did Mike C become their World Champion, being pinned only once in his time there...but such a wonderful champion was he that the company was forced to close because nobody was up to the challenge of beating him...probably.

But through all that, and through to where we are now, Mike C became disillusioned. He'd lived in America for 12 years, fighting and beating the best. He picked up a few knocks along the way but he always came back stronger. Then, after taking another extended hiatus...he was told he was being deported.

Mike C's face turns at this point. Gone is the cheerful demeanour, in it's place a deep frown.

Mike C: Now...far be it for me to dictate America's policy on immigration but ask yourself, is that any way to treat someone who's brought so much joy to so many in this country? Is that any way to treat someone who has time and time again sold out arenas? That incident cemented something in me...not bitterness, I'm not bitter at all...but it woke me up to the failings of America. Now I'm not some 1980s heel spouting communist propaganda and nor am I some fat, bloated veteran who's gone away, honed their skills in Japan and come back sucking just as much...I'm just an honest man. And honestly...America is failing. I love this country, but why can't it be more like the rest of the world? Why can't it leave behind this greedy, paranoid, megalomaniac attitude and just learn that it's not an all powerful beast anymore...learn that, a lot of the time, it kind of sucks.

And so, with that in mind, I come onto my first opponent in this tournament...and certainly not my last...Johnny Niles.

Mike C's face portrays a mixture of emotions...confusion, pity, jolity...don't ask me how he's managed it but he's got it down to a tee.

Mike C: Johnny Niles. Joh. Nee. Ni. Uls. It's a name that you think you've heard before but you know you haven't. Now I've learned a few thinks about dear Johnny recently. I've learned that he's straight edge...I've learned that he likes Pepsi...I've learned that he thinks he's "The Best in the World"...and y'know something? It all kind of sounds familiar, doesn't it? It's almost as if this rookie nobody has been flicking through the channels, no doubt looking for another bargain on the shopping channels, and stumbled across a popular entertainer from another business and thought "hmm, that works quite well for him...maybe if I do the same people will give a damn about who I am!". Well Johnny...I'm afraid that impersonation might be the highest level of flattery but it's also the lowest level of talent.

I'm glad you've heard of me...you should have heard of me. You should have watched each and everyone of my matches, be it for the World Title or right at the bottom of the bill, and tried to learn from me. But I know you won't have. You're not that smart and you're not that good. I was hoping that entering ULTRATITLE would give me a platform to help make America a better place, instead I end up fighting CM Flunk. At least it will show exactly what America is though...out of ideas and not ready for anything...and hopefully you'll learn from that Johnny. I'm in this tournament to change the world, you can either acknowledge that and lay yourself down for a better America...or you can face me and become a footnote in my revolution. Your choice Johnny...

And with that Mike C diverts back to his English TV shows. With a flick of a button he returns to his show. Gosh I hope he's watching Teletubbies...
 

Johnny Niles

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Joined
Mar 5, 2012
Messages
42
Points
0
It's time for our ULTRATITLE reporter to interview his next interview of the day. And there he is: the one and only Johnny Niles. Our reporter walks up to him with microphone in hand before starting the interview.

Reporter: Hello Mr. Niles, if you'd pleas...

Niles takes the mic out of the reporter's hand before saying:

Niles: Sorry, but I'm not in the mood to be questioned today. However, I am in the mood to give some rebuttals to a guy named "Classy" Mike C.

Johnny's face portrays anger, but it quickly disappears and Niles starts to chuckle.

JN: Oh, Mike C, you think I'm just a copy of CM Punk? Hehe, you couldn't be more wrong. Now, while it is true that CM Punk was a big influence on me and my lifestyle, but I'm not exactly like him. That'd be like saying John Cena was a copy of Hulk Hogan. Sure, there are similarities here and there, but in the end they're nowhere near exactly alike. There's a difference between me and Punk: I keep my word. Punk said he'd bring change, but everything is still the same as it was before.

Johnny contemplates on his next answer, before continuing:

JN: You're bitter about being deported, aren't you. Well that's how it is bud. You need certain documents in order to stay here for a long time. They're called visas, have you heard of them? Now, you say you didn't have any compitition in the company you worked in, right? Well, that's because there wasn't anyone like me. You see, I don't just say I'm the best, I AM the best. I've worked hard to get where I am, and I've had to give up on a lot of things in order to do so.

Johnny takes a look at a photo on his table, before turning back to the camera with a stone-cold look in his eyes.

JN: I don't care if you call me CM Flunk. I don't care if you call me a wanabee. Nothing you say will matter. Because, it will all be just words when you and I face off at the ULTRATITLE. You say you want to make a better America, well then why don't you run for President then? You should, cause it's the only thing you can do after I beat you in our match. You better be ready for our match becaus.... you know what? It won't make a difference whether you come ready to fight or just lazily going through the motions. The result will still be the same: the winner will be me, Johnny Niles - the one and only BEST IN THE WORLD!

With that Johnny gives the mic back to the reporter before leaving... wait, he's coming back.

JN: Oh, and one more thing: Teletubbies!? What are you, five!?

Now he leaves...
 

Classy Mike C

League Member
Joined
Sep 4, 2004
Messages
105
Points
0
Age
36
Location
Manchester, England
Vote Mike C 2012!

The bunting is out and it's red, white and blue...there's a crowd of people stood cheering and a lectern out front on a stage...American rock music (I don't know, let's say Kings of Leon...or Slayer) is playing in the background...and given the year your narrator can only assume we're at a presidential rally. But who's it for? Barack Obama? Matt Romney (or "Mitt" Romney as he's known in New Zealand...it's an accent joke...)? Or maybe one of those crappy third party candidates who like tea and nobody in the rest of the world has or will ever hear about? No, it's for none of those. Because out onto the stage steps Johnny Niles' choice for the next President of the United States of America...and the current "President" of the United Soldiers of Anarchy...Classy Mike C.

Mike C waves to his gathered supporters (most likely actors, but let's not break kayfabe) as he moves towards the lectern wearing an immaculate suit (they always seem to be immaculate don't they? Do all wrestlers have a fetish for ironing or something?). He picks up a little United Soldiers of Anarchy flag and waves it while the rock music (God wouldn't it be awesome if presidential candidates really did come out to Slayer?) dies down. Mike C clears his throats and leans in to the microphone.

Mike C: My fellow Americans...or Anarchians...or whoever you are...we are here today to celebrate. Celebrate my ascension to the top of the ULTRATITLE tree and celebrate my imminent victory over a certain Johnny Niles! It will be glorious, I promise you, and you will all be a part of it!

The "supporters" cheer. Some break out in a "Mike C!" chant. Some break out in a "Mark C!" chant. Some break out in a "Marky!" chant. I'm guessing they're the ones who are paid to be there.

Mike C:
Thank you! Now Johnny Niles was a fine opponent during this race, sure he was, but we're the ones who are going to make it! We're the ones who will make a difference! Johnny Niles tells you that I couldn't be more wrong by saying he's a CM Punk rip-off...but that's a damn lie! I could have said he's a Kamala rip-off! I could have said he's a Pamela Anderson rip-off! I could have said he's a respectable wrestler! And while he may be a bit of a has-been like Kamala, and certainly a bit of a "boob" like Pammy, he is certainly not a respectable wrestler so I would have been a hell of a lot more wrong!

The "supporters" begin chanting "Ka-Ma-La!". Seems they know who he is...

Mike C: Now to be fair to my right honourable opponent he does seem to have a grasp of US immigration laws. He knows that to stay in this country legally you have to work...but since when did that apply to celebrities?! Every year Britain exports more and more of it's celebrities over here to take part in reality TV shows or hang around LA taking cocaine and THEY don't get kicked out! Why should a humble, hard working man like me be deported just because I'm awesome and not currently working? Doesn't seem fair right?

The supporters boo...obviously in a way that agree with Mike C, not to show their displeasure at him...

Mike C: But while Johnny Niles, the so-called "Straight Edge Hero", does understand immigration law he doesn't seem to be up to scratch on Presidential law! He doesn't seem to realise that someone born outside the USA can't run for Presidency! And as I was born in Wythenshawe Hospital...Manchester...England...that includes me! So what is it Johnny Niles wants?! Does he want foreigners as President?! Does he want HITLER as President?! I don't know...but he certainly didn't say that he didn't want that.

The supporters boo even louder now...obviously in a way that shows that they (and probably, to be fair, Johnny Niles) don't want Hitler as President. But it's ok, he's dead anyway...

Mike C: And worst...worst of all people...Johnny Niles does not like the Teletubbies!

The supporters boo even more loudly! The camera focuses on one man dressed as Tinky Winky (although we can't be certain that he's not an actual Teletubby).

Mike C: I know, I know. One of the greatest, and most profitable, exports in British television and Johnny Niles doesn't like it! But you know what? Johnny Niles, it doesn't matter whether you do or don't think all those things...it doesn't matter if you're the "best in the world"...and it sure as hell doesn't matter if I'm going through the motions...because even if I am I will beat you seven shades of s**t in the first round of ULTRATITLE. You're clearly a hungry young man, and I commend you for that, but I don't think you fully realise what it takes to be the "best in the world". Am I the "best in the world"? Probably, at something at least. I'm a good wrestler, I make excellent roast potatoes and I know exactly how America can get better. I know that America is a country full of potential that is stifled by the inane stupidity of it's leaders. I know that if America just look at itself, I mean REALLY looked at itself, it would see how flawed it is. And I know that I am the best man in the world to bring it forward, and bring it forward I will. The world will see, and most importantly America will see, that I know what is best. And you Johnny Niles...you will see what it takes to make it in this sport. And hopefully you will be so badly beaten that the only thing that will make sense any more is the Teletubbies. God bless the USA...the United Soldiers of Anarchy...and God bless Classy Mike C!

Mike C gives the crowd a double V salute a la that "great" American President Richard Nixon. Slayer (or some other American rock band, your choice) begins to play again and hundreds of little United Soldiers of Anarchy flags wave. I think Tinky Winky has a tear in his eye.
 
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