RP Museum (Old RP)

[Steve]

(FADEIN: Inside a Private Jet. Super Series Strongman Champion Hans Nowak, and the lovely Miss Ann Sadowski sit comfortably, awaiting the jet’s takeoff. Hans is a beautiful creature. The type wise men wrote Psalms about. Six foot, just over three-hundred pounds, and an embarrassingly huge body. 53 inch chest, and 21 inch biceps. Hans is wearing a muscle shirt that reads, “Freedom Ends Now.” Miss Ann is the type of woman to divorce you once you’ve left for war. Sexy Librarian looks. She has deceiving class. Even by the way she sits, you know Miss Ann is a ball breaker)

Miss Ann looks up from her New York Times Crossword, to catch Hans pouring over a set of books. Needless to say, she doesn’t approve.)

MISS ANN: HANS! Put away those books!

HANS: (struggling) PU----NY..

MISS ANN: What have I told you about learning? What have I told you about the American Educational system?

HANS: PU---NY….SI—SS---Y M----A----N.

MISS ANN: You’ll find nothing to better yourself in there.

HANS: HAHAHAH! Book is great Hans journal. One he keep whole life, words he dream of saying to American men, if ever they met. (back to the book) TA----KE….. YOU-----R…………….S0-------UL.

MISS ANN: (casts Hans a loving glance. If he were a stone, she’d wish for a million of him, to spend an afternoon skipping Hans across the skin of a lake.) Not an eloquent beast, but he tries. Ohh, he tries. Hans, show mistress your arms again. Show mistress what made her leave Poland whorehouse and life of shame.

(HANS jumps out of his seat and flexes for the camera, ripping off his muscle shirt.
Miss Ann throws her face into Hans’ left bicep, and licks his massive arm like a cat bathing itself. Shamelessly, she mugs for the camera with Hans.)

MISS ANN: Yessssssss! Yesss! Look America! Look! Look at my massive, misunderstood beast! In your country, he’d be locked away, a threat to society, your women wouldn’t give Hans a second look. In America, Hans would be forced to join Army and fight stupid Bush war, or drive nails into bricks and mortar with his bare hands, and build lower-class house projects for your minorities and other assorted gremlins. But here, in Poland…in mighty Europe, Hans is a treasure. Here, in the bosom of the world America forgot, Hans…my sweet Hans is a God amongst men.

HANS: (growls) America, mine to rule. If girly man govern, Hans can too. I…I come to rob you cowards and fiends of your souls, to crush your skulls and spirits like melons. POP! SQUISH!! HAHAHA HAHAH! Hans feel no more remorse. He come to America, there is no freedom from massive arms, no freedom from slavery Hans throw your sissy men into to. Has come to Vegas, yes city of legal whoring, to begin trek to over take the States. For, I need a mighty Kingdom to rule. I need women used to being on knees and letting men **** in their face. Hans, like late great General Zod, ask you to bow before your new master. In preparation for new life in hinterland I conquer your language in two days. How easy! I learn… (claps hands) Dick! (clap hands again) Suck! HAHAH! (Hans gets angry) Seriously cowards, Hans come to slur you endlessly, and take country by storm, one harlot by one.

MISS ANN: What pedigree does Hans have to take America, it’s poor values, and geeks captive? My baby is Super Series Strongman champion! Two times running! He come to Vegas on vacation. Yes, most men **** woman they do not know on beach, and drink until they fat and happy, but Hans, on holiday, Hans take up new sport and invade American shores like a Tank climbing Normandy. He bored with this world, he too much for it, but he can not yet move to Mars or planet fit for king, cause cancer research has reassigned our best minds to other areas.

HANS: Strong! Yes! This is my reward for lifting Russian jeeps over head, for pulling small school of children in 100 wheel barrows from city to city in Poland. This is my reward, for great God loving me more than he love any other man. Vacation? NO! Hans come to Vegas, to put America on shoulders, show world…America not stink no more, if run by European.

MISS ANN: Now, get American cameras off our plane. Hans has… (Miss Ann throws herself at his feet) hardened woman to ravish.

(FTB)

 

[The Great Eye]

James Donovan Vs “The Last Goth Monster” Mitch Grey

Rp for the match here. Rp will be collected Thursday.

 

[The Great Eye]

The Living Dead Vs Hans

Rp for the match here, be collected by Thursday.

 

[The Great Eye]

Web Browser Vs jobber

Token Rp for character here.

 

[The Great Eye]

El Gordo Grande Vs jobber

Token Rp here.

 

[TH]

Re: James Donovan Vs “The Last Goth Monster” Mitch Grey

"Yeeeeee-haw!"

Fade into the lobby of the Bunny Ranch, where Jimmy Donovan is awaiting his "appointment" to come and see him.

JD: Wheee-doggie! I thought I ain't never was gonna get the chance to rassle in the big time after all those times I done been put in the slammer. But yee-haw! Here I am, in the City of Sin.

Viiiiivaaaaaa Las Vegas!

I am just happier than a pig in sh*t to be on the big stage here in Las Vegas, where I can have my cake and eat it too! And I'm in the main event too! Wheee-doggie, I ain't never thought I'd make that much of a splash early on in my prime time career! I'd call home and tell my pappy if he didn't disown me after the third time I went to go see Darla Starla on the corner of 23rd and Walker in the Big O. I didn't think that the thousand dollars bail wasn't gonna be that bad on 'im, but he kept talkin' 'bout how it ain't 'bout the money, it about his son livin' a life of sin.

Well, if goin' out and havin' carnal knowledge of hookers is a sin, well then I'm goin' to hell! And I ain't about to have it any other way.

An' in a way, rasslin' for the first time on the big stage is kinda like breakin' in a 15 year old trick who's turnin' for the first time. Sure, she's rill tight, and it might be uncomfortable at first, but once you done git yerself off, it feels so gosh darn good, I reckon.

Although I heard this Mitch Grey guy been 'round the block a coupla times. Reminds me of the first time I laid down wit' a hooker. I was a teenager, and she was a beautiful raven haired woman a' great experience. Even though her titties sagged down to her hips, she still was a good lay, good enough for a lad like me on his first time, I reckon.

Now, Mr. Grey, I know that cuz yer experienced, you'll be a good match for me this round. Just promise me you won't give me no red bumps on my junk. Man, they itched like hell after I was done bangin' her, and they didn't go away for a week. Worst week o' my life, I reckon. But I ain't tryin' to bang ya. I don't swing that way, nuh uh, no matter how many times I been offered, I only do women.

But rasslin' ain't much different from f*ckin', I reckon. It's just there ain't no penetration in rasslin'.

A blond haired, large busted woman in a leather bustier and thigh-high black stockings comes into the lobby.

Hooker: Jimmy? Oh my, I'm like so flattered. This is your third time with me this week.

JD: Well Kittie, yer my favorite here. I jus' cain't get enough.

Jimmy walks with Kittie into the back as the camera fades to the LVW logo.

 

[thegr817deuce]

Re: Web Browser Vs jobber

We fade into a dimly lit room. The only light in the room is seen emitting from a computer screen in the background. The screen of the computer rolls heavily as something from the darkness makes a noise. The sounds of lead hitting concrete startle the camera man who quickly shoots to the area of sound.

We peer into the darkness that is the room, but still see nothing. The light from the computer monitor barely makes its way into the edge of the screen as a voice comes from the darkness.

“Life on the run isn’t fun.”

“You live your life and follow the instructions set forth for you by the norms of society as you do your best to try and make it in this harsh world.”

“Capitalism is the thing that drives these people into the ground. It’s what makes them useless, what makes them replaceable.”

“It’s always survival of the fittest. If you can’t get the job done, there’s someone or something out there that can and will.”

“Many people saw this happen to them just decades ago when computers and technology began doing simple everyday chores.”

“They *****ed and moaned about losing their jobs to electronics, saying how they would never get the job done as well.”

“They were wrong. Technology is an unstoppable force that will continue through all of time.”

“Computers are merely the first step in this process.”

“So the newer generations think ‘let’s get on this computer bandwagon because it’s the wave of the future.’”

“The only problem with that is that the computer is just as ever changing a factor in life as it was when it was first introduced.”

“Newer programs are discovered that make what was already easy even easier.”

“The ability for human beings to take in knowledge caps at certain points. Whether it’s mental capacity has been reached or decay has simply pulled away at the synapses of the brain, humans have a ceiling in their knowledge.”

“But not technology.”

“Old facts are quickly forgotten by newer generations of humans and the new ideas are quickly placed into the growing computer field.”

“Computers gain all the knowledge that humans integrate into them, but they still remain true in the basis that they were originally programmed with.”

“Computers will always store the best day in stock exchange history or who won the 1995 homerun crown.”

“The humans? They’ll forget it shortly after it happens. Ask a sports fan who won SuperBowl XXXVII. It wasn’t the Patriots, so it’ll take them a while to remember unless they’re a Buccaneers fan.”

“Computers are what will carry this capitalistic nation as they continue to fight their way to the top.”

“While the company you work for denies you a job because some asshole made an illegal download from your workstation sending you into an unbelievable frenzy of running and hiding, begging for another meal because your savings has run out, wondering just how in the hell you can get back to the top, thinking of how great it was while you were king of the jungle that is the information super highway, pleading with some sort of god that you question his even being because of the life you’re forced to live, cringing in every corner that…”

*Cough*

“Sorry about that…”

“The human has become a highly replaceable resource. They can easily be shoved to the side while the company evolves.”

“But the computer…”

“The computer and its technology are something that this nation cannot live without.”

“But every night, I’m forced to sit the light of the same thing that has put me where I’m at.”

“I must share a filthy, disgusting life in a different basement every night with my arch enemy. The one thing that has made me ‘replaceable’.”

“But it’s what I love.”

“I have nothing in this world that brings me greater pleasure than when I set in front of that monitor.”

“When I rub my forefinger across its power button as it warms up in anticipation of a full electrical current running through it, I feel the impending electricity that will flow through that data processor.”

“When I don’t have a blanket to wrap around my cold and weary limbs at night, I can massage the zip drive to heat my body better than any cotton-sewn structure.”

“The computer, it is what I love.”

“It is the only love that is in my life right now. It’s also the life I used to love having.”

“Now, while I hop from basement to boiler room in building after building, it is the only constant in my life while I try to make something new for myself.”

“Las Vegas Wrestling has been the only establishment that has offered any kind of refuge for a man of my standing in society.”

“And because of this, I now aspire to make Las Vegas Wrestling the new love of my life.”

“Capitalism is a crude, crude thing that this nation still does not fully understand.”

“It will not only rip your life and everything about it away from you. But it will also rip away your love and what you live to do.”

“This computer is an everyday reminder of how I must do something different with myself than doing what I love.”

“But nothing you love should be thrown to the curb for some Americanistic ideal like capitalism.”

“Instead, I’ll continue to throw this country and its economic system a single-finger salute as I still make something of myself and do what I love to do.”

“Las Vegas Wrestling is about to witness what happens when a man has been stripped of everything but his hard drive.”

The light from the monitor cuts out and the entire scene goes to black. More sounds of lead hitting concrete fill the microphone. A painful yelp is heard.

“God damn it!”

Fade to blacker.

 

[John Doe]

Re: El Gordo Grande Vs jobber

FADEIN…

We come in at an Airport baggage claim a man towering over the others as he grabs a single duffle bag, he has a mask the colors of the Mexican Flag eagles on the side. A white t-shirt reading “Proud to be Mexican” some denim jeans and a pair of boots. The only thing that we question is his white skin and blue eyes. his muscular arms popping from the sleeves, stares hit him from the kids around the area. He makes his way to the Las Vegas streets, his name…El Gordo Grande, he hails from La Chiwawas, Mexico he halts staring at the camera.

EGG:

“Ah, finally arrived to Las Vegas, sin city, the city of sin. Gambling, druggies, and more liquor than a Mexican tequila bar. The fact is, I have been running ramped to find a federation to accept me. And finally after years of searching and being denied I have found a home in this hole we call LVW. This place where people look the other way to join. But hey! I am in the ring!”

(He walks to the exit of the airport)

“Man oh man. This airport is packed. Hmm, this is the first time in many years I have came back to the states, not just for the wrestling purpose, because hat peso doesn’t pay crap. Catch my drift. Plus the water is horrid, so here I am back in the states making about the same I made in La Chiwawa to wrestle in a ring. Trust me if it weren’t because I get paid, well, I wouldn’t look twice at this place. But who am I to judge.”

(El Gordo Grande waves down a taxi who drives past him)

“What the hell! I forgot how rude Americans were! Anyways, I really look forward to facing these men in the ring. But for now I have to get to the hotel room.”

(He flags down another taxi and hops in)

“Viva Las Vegas”

FADEOUT….

 

[ShawnHartXXX]

Re: The Living Dead Vs Hans

FADE IN:

INT. THE ARENA LOCKER ROOM - DAY

Close on MC LUSCIOUS BOOTY DIVA X, mean muggin' for the camera. Sporting a Terrell Owens jersey, a matching do-rag, and a brand new set of breasts, the baddest MC ever to grace the mean streets of Sheboygan is locked, loaded and ready to FIRE!

DIVA​

Yo-yo-yo, check this out... yo! Angelica Monique Leroux all up in the place like a SCUD missile from the Dirty South!

She pauses for a beat, then more mean muggin' persists. Mean muggin' SO MEAN that small children everywhere no doubt were, well... not really afriad, but at the very least slightly confused.

DIVA​

Check this, I may be one SEXY b(FCC)tch, but when it comes to Sin City and LVW, the sexiest b(FCC)tch in the land is none other than MY man, the baddest wrestler in the afterlife, the LIVING DEAD!!

The camera pulls back, revealing the man himself, the LIVING DEAD, laying on the ground before Diva. He is twitching and wheezing incoherently.

DIVA​

Damned right, Dynamite! You think these luscious buns is hardcore? Shoooot you best'uh check the the Living Dead! He's got more moves than a chess match, and each one is unstoppable like MC Luscious Booty X spitting lyrics from her ample lips. Ain't that right, lover?

THE LIVING DEAD​

Uuuuuhhhhhhhhhnnnnggggh...ggrrruuuuuhhh...nnn..... Rrrruuuuuuuuuunnnnngggghhhhkkkk.

DIVA​

Yeah, yeah! So what's up? We got some fruity booty named Hans this week? Fo real, he needs to go back to Switzerland and make me an army knife, cuz I'm ready for war... and ain't no way he's gonna hack it in this biz after goin' one on one with the deceased! Don't like it? Tough. It's TRUTH y'all... and sometimes the truth HURTS! Peace!

FADE TO BLACK

 

[Steve]

Re: The Living Dead Vs Hans

(FADEIN: CLOSE-UP of HANS sweaty, anguished face. Camera pulls back to reveal he’s pulling a school bus full of inner-city children across a Nevada road. Hans pulls mightily on the series of chains over his right shoulder. Dozens of grade school students hang out the bus windows, looking on incredulously as Hans pulls the bus another five feet. Miss Ann, stands on the last step, doors open, her body half hanging out, barking commands at her steed.)

MISS ANN: Mush my sweet, mush! Lead these colored lambs from slaughter. Lead them to their home, to Poland Embassy, where they will be educated properly, and chiseled into a fine sculpture of dignity.

HANS: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee……awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

MISS ANN: Pull you big dicked Ox, pull. Look at their precious little faces, look at the excitement and anticipation of receiving a good education etched on their faces. Were they not American, and black…how sweet they would be to our European eyes.

(Hans gives a great, big yank, and then stops. He needs a break.)

MISS ANN: We will stop here. Children, unload in civilized manner and gawk at Super Series champion, bow before your new daddy, and future ruler of America. HANS NOWAK!

(The kids file off the bus, bemused, and unsure of what to make of any of it.)

KID: Does this mean we don’t have classes today?

MISS ANN: My poor, poor child….and yes, I am speaking in the literal tongue. You have been sold by your parents to Hans and I, and we will lead you to Polish Embassy where you will be given proper education, and flown, one by one, back to Poland to work in Castle. You, with the Peanut allergy… (A little bookworm steps forward) You are not special and will be granted no favors. As of this second, your only problem is being American.

ALLERGIC KID: But…my mom said (kid holds out a piece of paper)

MISS ANN: Foolish child! Put away your doctor’s note! Your sorcery is of no use to us. You are same, like other babies. Now, file around Hans. Bow..Bow before my massive beast.

(The kids make a circle around Hans.)

HANS: My small friends. Hans bid you hello. How does it feel that mighty Hans, Super Series champion, and the strongest man on Planet, greet you? That he acknowledge your lives?

(kids shrug)

HANS: It make you feel good! Living Dead, I, I do not acknowledge your existence, for I’m told you are already dead. Lucky for you, luck that you will not know what happens when (Hans takes a Karate stance and thrusts at the camera) HANS ATTACK! Hans lift car, clear over head, Hans eat nails for breakfast, but **** new room in house. Hans pull more than you dream with just his dick for one mile. I have train, and I have train hard for this moment…for when I set foot on American Soil and make fools of your ***** whipped men, and so-called athletes. Hans never wrestle before, but Dead, he not need Halloween costume to get laid.

MISS ANN: Yes, my beast, YES! Children, look at Living Dead and his neighborhood whore and know THAT is the life Hans has saved you from. Dead, Hans educate you in ways of being man. It is too late for you, too late for the proof of purchase that American Youth wasted today…but for these precious colored children there is hope. And hope lies for them, just like it does in infant country…WITH HANS.

HANS: (karate thrust) HANS ATTACK!

(FTB)

 

[NotorisSTD]

Welcome Home

The following is a transcript of a webcast, originally aired on www.wrestlingeek.com, approximately a month ago.

ANGRY ARTHUR: Hello wrasslin’ fans. I’m Angry Arthur.

SEXY SAMMY: And I’m your other favorite wrasslin’ journalist, Sexy Sammy.

ANGRY ARTHER: We’re in our late 20es, and neither of us have ever seen a naked girl.

SAMMY: Nope. Every waking moment I pray for the sweet release of death.

ANGRY ARTHER: Our guest tonight is one of the true enigmatic legends of the squared circle. He’s was a main eventer in FWF and IWF, held numerous titles, fought like…frickin’ everybody, and beat the vast majority, was one of the innovators of BYW and the "soft-core" styles.…Formerly known as Maxwell Houz and Midiot, we are very pleased to introduce Mitch Grey!

MITCH GREY: Cool guys. Thanks for puttin’ me over.

ARTHER: And thank you for being on the show tonight.

MITCH GREY: Thanks for having me.

ARTHER: So let’s start off with the big question, why’d you walk away from the ring, seemingly at your peak?

MITCH GREY: Eh, a lot of reasons. After I won the IWF world title, I felt like I had accomplished everything I wanted to do in wrestling. At the same time, all my friends I broke into the business with were brain damaged from O.C., and I was starting to see what happens to guys who’d been in the spotlight for too long, and ah….y’know. Having people on the street calling you “Midiot” all the time gets a little old.

SAMMY: (chuckles) yeah. All I feel is pain. Mostly in my private area.

MITCH GREY: So I decided to cash in my chips while I was winning, as the expression goes…is that how it goes?

ARTHUR: Dunno. What are you up to these days?

MITCH GREY: I’m in retail, actually. I manage a Hot Topic franchise out in Kingsbury Mass. Its fun, it’s easy, it’s good money, and I don’t get my head smashed through a table every night.

SAMMY: I smash my own head through a table every night. Just to feel...something.

ARTHUR: So let’s talk a little about your career. It was cool as ice.

MITCH GREY: Yeah, I got to work with some of the big guys. Anarky ‘n Manson ‘n Rabesque, The Jobber back in his heyday. A few others.

ARTHER: And of course, you were a founding member of the Crack Rock Crowd.

MITCH GREY: Yeah, I’m glad most of those kids made out as well as they did. ‘Cept Toxick.

ARTHER: Eh, I was never a big Toxick fan.

MITCH GREY: Originally he was the talker, and me and Conor were the workers. Once the rest of us learned how to cut a promo, the writers had trouble thinking of things to do with Toxick. Not to take anything away from him as a worker though. He had a really good run in WWL for as long as that show lasted. I think maybe he let the "Whitedust" character go to his head a little...

ARTHER: Any idea where he is now?

MITCH GREY: Well, the internet reports him dead about three times a week. So I don’t take those seriously anymore. Last time I talked to him was when we all signed up for the BYW reunion show which didn’t end up happening. I guess he was counting on some of that money to pay off some people he owed. Who knows what happened after that?

ARTHER: That’s sad.

SAMMY: I’m sad.

MITCH GREY: Eh, something like that was bound to happen eventually. "Live by the sword," as the old expression goes...Jeez, I'm not sure that one's right either...

ARTHER: So any plans to return to the ring?

MITCH GREY: Not anytime soon. I’m pretty happy where I am. I stay in shape, just to keep myself from drinking again, so I still get offers everyonce in a while, but it's just not worth it to me. I've been away too long to get over on the big shows. I might do a reunion thing someday, but for now, I'm just managing my store and concentrating on being a husband and father. Gotta grow up sometime, I guess. And that cliche, I'm sure, was the one I was thinking of...

SAMMY: I’m not happy. I hate myself. I’m going to shatter the bathroom mirror, and slash my wrists with the broken shards…

ARTHER: Hmmm, well, that’s all the time we have today. Again I’d like to thank Mitch Grey for showing up for our meager little show.

MITCH GREY: N’prob.

CANDACE CAMERON VOICE OVER: And then….something went horribly wrong….Actually, a bunch of things went wrong. Really quickly.

(CUEUP: “Fat Lady of Lumburg” by Fluttr Effect….)
(CUTTO: LVW backdrop logo, in front of which stands a rather large, hairy, surly fellow, in a faded Misfits Skull T-shirt, leather jacket, and black jeans…Our subject cracks his knuckles, sighs, and shoots the camera an icy stare….)

“the last goth monster…”

You want to know about hell, Jimmy? Listen to me, you whore hoping dolt…I thought I was finished with the likes of you. I thought I could move on. Have a real life. Be a real person. No more Find the chicken matches, no more Dutch Oven Death Matches, no more (winces) “Masturbating Lenny” matches…no more softcore, no more hardcore…Just normalcy. Just real life. My wife and 2.3 kids in a yellow house in suburbia. Because I did my time in your world. I experienced all the insanity and stupidity that comes with being a human action figure. And it was supposed to be over.

But, kicking and screaming, I’ve been dragged back in. And I’m very, very, pissed off about it.

Some people might find your antics amusing. Maybe even “cutting edge.” We’ve had wrestlers addicted to violence, we’ve had wrestlers addicted to drugs, and plenty of wrestlers addicted to sex…but a wrestler who’s addicted to sex and can’t get laid for free?…I guess that’s something new.

So g’job, sport. You’re such a waste, people might cheer you for it. You should be proud of yourself.

I can only knock you so much though. I used to be just like you. The me of five years ago would be dressed as a giant crab and making tasteless A.I.D.S jokes right now. The me of today is mostly interested in beating you to a pulp, collecting my paycheck, and getting as far away from Vegas as I possibly can.

Until the next match. The next time I’m dragged back in.

Hell to me, is wanting to grow up into a certain person when you’re 15…and succeeding. Hell is when your old dream becomes your curse. Hell is wishing I had gone to college…Wow, that’s really melodramatic.

I guess if I had my way, I wouldn’t beat the crap out of you, Jimmy. But I'm gonna. I’m gonna end up beating the crap out of a lot of people. Because, for better or worse, I’m really good at it. (FTB)

 

[TH]

Sex you don't have to pay for? Get outta here!

WARNING: The following RP is meant for mature audiences only... you've been forewarned....

The scene is a hotel room at the Mandalay Bay. Queen sized bed, sheets and blanket made neatly. The door flies open, and a big, burly security guard walks in, holding Jimmy Donovan, still knocked out. Following him in is a chick with neck length brunette hair, straight, neatly cut. She's wearing black rimmed Weezer glasses and has a smallish frame, perky tits... she's the girl who gave Jimmy her panties before the match.

Emo Chick: Alright, just plop him down on the bed.

Guard: Okay.

PLOP

Guard: You sure he'll be safe with you?

Emo Chick: Of course he will. I'll take good care of my snookums, and if he needs to be taken to the hospital, I'll take him there.

Guard: I'm probably breaking a ton of rules by doing this.

Emo Chick: Hey, this is Vegas. Rules are supposed to be broken here.

Guard: Well, what's gonna keep me from ratting you out?

Emo Chick: How about $100?

Guard: No sweetie, I don't want money.

The guard unzips his pants and puts his hand inside the crotch.

Guard: I want... satisfaction.

Emo Chick: Eww... gross. No, why would I want to do anything with you?

Guard: advancing Because I'm a lot bigger than you...

Emo Chick: backing away Well yeah... but I could just scream and wake my snookums up... and even if he is groggy, he'll still kick your ass.

The guard stops short.

Guard: Fine, have it your way. But now I want $300, cash, right now.

Emo Chick: I only have $100 cash on me. So you'll have to take that and like it.

The guard looks pretty frustrated, knowing that the chick is in a position of power.

Guard: Alright, but you gotta let me show you... this.

The guard unbuckles his belt and shanks. He's bare-ass naked from the waist down to his shins, where his pants are crumpled up around his ankles. The emo chick shirks back in horror.

Emo Chick: Eww, that is so friggin' gross. Do you know how to use clippers?

Guard: Hey, it's nature's beauty.

Emo Chick: Not when it's that hairy... seriously, did you expect me to go down on that?

Guard: Uh, yeah.

Emo Chick: Pull your pants back up, and seriously, for the future, it's not fun for the girl when she's gotta pick pubes out of her teeth every five seconds when she's blowing you... that and well it won't be as enjoyable for you either.

The guard pulls his pants back up. Emo Chick hands the guard a Benji.

Emo Chick: Now just go before I throw up.

Guard: Fine... have fun with your knocked out wrestler.

Emo Chick: Oh believe me, I will.

Exit the guard. Emo chick goes over to the bed and just pounces on Jimmy DOnovan, kissing him on the mouth to try and resucitate him. Jimmy awakens from his stupor shocked that a woman is on top of him...

...and actually kissing him. Startled he shoves the emo chick from off of him and sits up.

JD: Who, wha, whoa... argh... man! What in tarnations are you doing? No kissin' on the mouth! Hell, and I thought that was part a' yer rules 'n sh*t...

Emo Chick: Rules? Ugh! What are you talking about rules?

JD: Hooker rules!

Emo Chick: Hooker... what...

JD: Yeah, a hooker! Ain't you a hooker?

Emo Chick: No, I... wait, you think I'm a prosititute?

JD: Yeah, I paid for a hooker to come up by my room after I was done rasslin' for the night. Wait a second... this ain't my room...

Emo Chick: I know it isn't. It's mine.

JD: You mean...

Emo Chick: Mmhmm...

JD: totally oblivious You mean hookers can rent rooms themselves?

Emo Chick: No you big dummy... I'm not a hooker.

JD: Then... who are you and what have you done to my hooker?

Cut to Jimmy's room, where a blond woman with 36DDs in a blue sequined dress sits on the bed with her right hand shoved in her dress.

Hooker: He better get here soon... I can't take this much longer.

Cut back to the Emo Chick's room.

Emo Chick: I didn't do anything to your stupid hooker. Ugh... I knew I shouldn't have done this.

JD: But if you ain't no hooker, and you ain't done nothin' to no hooker... then who are you?

Emo Chick: My name's Crystal. I'm the chick whose panties are stuffed in your tights?

Jimmy pulls the panties out of his tights.

JD: Oh yeah... now I remember. So you ain't no hooker?

Crystal: No... I'm like your biggest fan.

JD: Wait a cotton pickin' second now... I gots fans?

Crystal: Well yeah. I have all your tapes. See my daddy is a huge wrestling fan and he always watched indie tapes and he got the Observer. I saw you wrestle, and I thought you were gonna be next big thing, until well, the hooker incidents. Daddy told me that you were just retiring, but I knew it was bull. I mean, it was just an answer a dad wanted to tell his preteen daughter to prevent having an awkward sex talk...

JD: This is all too much for me to handle. What in tarnation is goin' on?

Crystal: Look, I pretended I was your fiancee so I could get you away from the paramedics. I saw the hit that Mitch Grey laid out and it was a perfect opportunity for me to take you away. I mean, I was just wet when you came up to me and my girls up in the crowd, and I knew I had to have you tonight.

JD: Wait a second, if you ain't a hooker, and you'se a woman... and you'se horny... does this mean I'm gettin' laid for free tonight?

Crystal: Yes. You are.

JD: YEEEEHAW! I ain't gotten laid for free in 8 years!

Crystal: Now shut up and kiss me.

JD: Well, I hafta apologize for not bein' all that good a kiss...

Crystal doesn't care. She attacks him with the fury of a horny 12th grade Catholic school girl. the action gets hot and heavy as the screen fades to the LVW logo... we had enough explicit content for one promo

 

[Koby]

Nobody Cheats the House

(FADEIN: Nightime - a close-up shot of the Fremont Street Experience from the east - the lights flickering against the ceiling canopy, a distant glimpse of the lit "FOUR Q..." from the Four Queens, people bustling on the concourse; vendors selling pretzels, fratboys shuffling along with neon-concave drink glasses in hand, women done up in their finest hoochie-wear walking fast, cellphone to ear - the camera quickly zooms back away from the made-up downtown away from the Experience to the grungy part of Fremont Street, right across Las Vegas Blvd., the night sky making the rundown buildings look even more ghastly - camera pans to the right, catching a flash of the "El Cortez" before landing at the corner of Fremont & 6th, in front of the parking garage, and onto JACK HOUSE.

HOUSE stands silent, staring into the camera - white button-down shirt open, white wife-beater underneath against his dark skin, a glimpse of his black slacks in the frame - his right eye giving off a noticeable glare, his nappy hair shadowed on the wall right behind him. JACK HOUSE rubs his beared chin, and wipes his hand on his T.)

JACK HOUSE: "That's right. Las Vegas. The city built by some punk-ass b*tch tryin' to CHEAT the mafia. Casinos in them days, made to CHEAT the people. Or so they say. People didn't know the ODDS. People didn't know that you couldn't BEAT the HOUSE."

"Punk-ass b*tches then roll up in here thirty years back, and they get back at the casinos - CHEATIN' at the tables - fakin' bets, countin' cards, hidin' cameras, wearin' earphones, changin' dice, writin' fake tax forms - these mutha[BEEP]as come up in here and say they winnin' at the game, straight up, all fair and square. (Shakes head) You ain't WIN or BEAT SH[BEEP]. All y'all did was CHEAT the HOUSE."

"Then these mutha[BEEP]as, they CHEAT to BEAT the game... they start callin' themselves legends - (HOUSE clasps his hands together and yells) - LEGENDS. (HOUSE sneers)."

"Naw aw... ain't none of you mutha[BEEP]as legends in my book. Scam-ass b*tches, foolin' people into talkin' y'all up, talkin' y'all up like you did some sh[BEEP] legit. You ain't done SH[BEEP]." (Laughs)

"LEGENDS of Las Vegas, JACK HOUSE put y'all on NOTICE. That punk-ass b*tch in the white suit? Mr. VEGAS? B*tch wit' no talent, got all y'all to name the city after him. But I know... I know he CHEATED Las Vegas - CHEATED the HOUSE. I gave him his shot to BUY some INSURANCE - INSURANCE to give up the game, give up the lies - but that fool ran his mouth, went AGAINST the odds, and the HOUSE... (snaps fingers) got BLACKJACK."

"This sh[BEEP] goes the same for y'all in THIS game. The WRESTLING game. There be LEGENDS out there who done the same to get their fame. CHEAT their way to the top. In due time, one of y'all mutha[BEEP]as'll gonna get called out to show up at MY table, and t'try and beat the odds, STRAIGHT UP."

"LVW? Same for you. I got my (points at glass eye) EYE on you. Try to CHEAT your way to the top like all these... LEGENDS in wrestling did?"

"Then I'll take you out to. The House is here fo' PAYBACK. The House is gonna get back to EVEN, and then the House is gonna get AHEAD, 'cause the odds are in MY FAVOR."

"Don't forget to buy insurance... because NOBODY - BEATS - THE - HOUSE."

(BLACK)

 

[Koby]

Week 2 - El Gordo Grande v. Bill Bellmoth

Post the RP here.

 

[Koby]

Week 2 - The Web Browser v. "Cowboy" Jimmy Donovan

Post RP here.

 

[Koby]

Week 2 - Hans Nowak/Carmine Esposito v. Mitch Grey/The Living Dead

Post RP here.

 

[TH]

Re: Week 2 - The Web Browser v. "Cowboy" Jimmy Donovan

"Wheeee-doggy! I loves me the Internet!"

Fade into a soundstage at the House of Blues at the Mandalay Bay Casino and Hotel. "Cowboy" Jimmy Donovan stands by with an LVW microphone.

JD: Yeee-haw! I sure do love bein' here in Las Vegas Rasslin', I reckon. Man, I had such a hootnanny of a good time at the first card. Well, at least I thinks I did. I don't remember much 'bout that night 'cept gettin' laid fer free after I woke up. Oh yeah, and I think I rassled that Mitch Gray guy. I wonder what happened...

Production assistant runs on stage and whispers something in Donovan's ear.

JD: WELL I'LL BE! That son of a ***** did that? Oh, that dirty rotten varmint, I'm gonna stomp a mudhole in him and walk it dry, y'all hear! I cain't believe he done did that after the match. Daym.

But I guess I cain't lets that get me down, cuz I gots a match against someone really different this week.

Mr. Web Browser, I ain't gots no reason ta hates ya there, partner. You and yer kind pervide me with a great service.

Internet escort services.

Whee-doggy, I love me some hookers I can buy online. Man, they even come to my house! I ain't gots to walk the streets or head out to the brothels on the outskirts of the city. Door ta' door service, it's the wave of the future!

But I guess I gotsta do what I gotsta do, Mr. Browser sir. My only hope is that after the match, after I done gave you an Oklahoma STAAAAAMPEEEEEEDE, that you would find it in yer heart t'forgive me and show me some more of those Internet escort sites, you know, maybe ones that have Brazilian chicks on 'em. Cuz I ain't found one of those yet, and I really, really wants to bang me a Brazilian lady, I reckon.

Or at least you can find me some good ol' fashioned pornography. Cuz hey, if I can't bang me a Brazilian, I can at least watch someone else do it and whack off while imagining that I's the one who's doing it.

Fade to the LVW logo.

 

[parallax1978]

Re: Week 2 - El Gordo Grande v. Bill Bellmoth

What are the idiots that run this place thinking? Putting ME the great Bill Bellmoth, 9 time World Series of Wrestling Champion in a match with a worthless piece of enhancement talent like this, this, this… what was his name again? Luchador El Gordo Grande? Christ I think I ordered that along with some cinnamon twists and a Mountain Dew for lunch. You are out of your league kid, but don't worry after you, like so many before you fall to my greatness, there is always a job for you mowing the lawn at my multi-million dollar estate. ::Maniacal Laugh::

 

[thegr817deuce]

Re: Week 2 - The Web Browser v. "Cowboy" Jimmy Donovan

We open to the sights of a rolling computer screen. We can make out that it is an unused desktop, but it takes us another moment to realize that the letters in the background are LVW. The camera zooms out and we see The Web Browser sitting on a swivel bar stool with no back. He slowly twirls himself around with a deranged smile on his face.

WB: You must truly love the greatness of Las Vegas.

Everything about the place screams of the joys that make up capitalism.

Take right now for instance…

Above me, thousands of silver dollar-eyed, greedy Americans are praying their lives away as they make deal after deal with the one they claim as their lord for just a small win.

That they can win just enough to break even from where they started and they’ll be happy.

Until they think about what a loss the trip is, simply because the fun isn’t enough.

The rush of adrenaline that pulling on the slot machine gives them just doesn’t quite cut it.

Instead, they think about their mediocre lives that they must return to in which some more money that they didn’t earn would really help them along.

So they waste that money that finally got them back to sea level.

That money that was once so prized and treasured is dumped right back down the toilet because their greed brings them to want more.

That’s the American way.

Trust me, I know about greed.

Browser reaches over and grabs a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels. He pops the top and takes a big gulp before setting it back beside his monitor.

WB: Greed is what got me where I am today.

Even the above average salaries leave you to possess some greed.

But the greed is neither here nor there.

What matters now is necessity.

And necessity is being fulfilled by Las Vegas Wrestling.

And this week, Las Vegas Wrestling is allowing me, the Web Browser to take their prostitutional promoter for a little ride on the information super highway.

It’s people like James Donovan who have made the internet the mockery that it is.

The internet was built to do exactly what nickname says.

It was designed to be an informational source, not to be some sort of measure to please yourself when your wallet is running low.

People like you sicken me, James.

You’ve made a mockery of what really matters in my life.

The internet is supposed to be a tool so that many can learn and, at the same time, provide info so that the world may become a more intelligent place.

Instead, the more intelligent saw its potential to lead to a bigger market, leaving an amazing amount of opportunity for morons like you to pick up the mouse and give it a few clicks.

Now, I’m forced to sit here and listen to you talk waaay too much about the internet in the negative way that makes me sick to my stomach.

The pain is not something that I’m a fan of, James.

That’s why I used to own a desk job.

But you’ve forced me fill with aggression and hatred.

You may not have any hate for me, and quite frankly, I may have none for you.

But your ways have angered me and what I stand for.

The odds of me showing you some more good porn sites are about as good as your chances of getting by me this week without a broken mouse finger or two.

And I can assure you that the only thing you’ll be seeing, James…

Browser turns to the computer and double clicks on the mouse, but nothing happens. He clicks again with no response. He slams the mouse and clicks one more time before turning hastily to the camera.

WB: Well, you won’t like it!

Browser turns back around and clicks again, but nothing happens as the camera fades out.

WB: DAMMIT!

 

[John Doe]

Re: Week 2 - El Gordo Grande v. Bill Bellmoth

FADEIN….

It’s too easy, MGM Grand Casino, penny slots…he’s “Mexican” what do you expect.

EL GORDO GRANDE:

”Bill Bellmoth, the highlight of the night right? WRONG. Listen up tinker bell, you somehow fondled yourself into this match up, you somehow found yourself in the ring against…oh, how can we put it…a greater star? No, to typical to say. A flat out superstar, as for you, you are what we like to call the typical JOBBER.”

“Yes, I said it. The word that every person fears, you my friend are a J-O-B-B-E-R. a man paid to act as though he is truly a wrestler, but when the day comes he finally realizes he didn’t have the talent, potential, skill, or power to compete with us upper class men.”

“Out of my league? Yes if I was settling for a standard so low that I have to change my name to return to the wrestling industry. Something I am sure your pitiful ass has done. Just for you could achieve a self standard of glory. Not happen KID.”

“Wrestling is like a car. You have to learn how to park before you can drive the highway. You are not sufficient enough, capable enough, coherent enough to drive the highway. You are a hazard to this vehicle we call wrestling. There are no stops, no brakes, no traffic, you are causing this vehicle to slow down. Consider my foot parked in your ass.”

“Your million dollar estate? You must be dreaming. You don’t make enough income to pay the electrical bill on a million dollar estate. LVW alone doesn’t make enough money to rent out venues. You think they are going to go under in finances to pay your sorry loser ass? YOU OUT OF YOUR F*CKING MIND.”

“Unless daddy dearest spoiled his rotten son.”

“Honestly Bill, I would not be surprised if on day you were walking down the street, so happened to see a LVW flyer and said ‘I think I wanna be a wrestler today’. Your f*cking pathetic, just like 99.9% of the roster. Except….for….me.”

“Because wrestlers like me bring cash flow, wrestler like me get sales pitches, wrestlers like you get fired after 4 months because they couldn’t ‘cut it’. And it wasn’t for that reason either, they polished it up. It’s cause you SUCK you jackass.”

“You suck more than a hooker on a Saturday night. You suck so f*cking bad I feel sorry they even allowed you to wrestling to make you ‘feel good’. THEY HIRED YOU TO LOSE YOU F*CKING PRICK. You are nothing more than a man to count the lights on the ceilings and report if a bulb went out.”

“Word of advise.”

V/O: “One Dollar Tacos at the restaurant.”

“….”

“Oh….tacos.”

“As I was saying. Word of advise. QUIT. Quit before you embarrass so badly that you cry yourself to sleep. Not that that isn’t an everyday occurrence, I mean hell if I looked like your ugly ass and looked in the mirror I would cry too. But hell after I am done with you in this match what you looked like before would seem as though you were sleeping beauty.”

“I honestly wonder if your mom wanted to drown you when you were an infant. I mean…I would. Nobody wants a crack baby. In all truth, the psychiatric clinc is a few miles south of Las Vegas, check in, and say you THINK you can beat El Gordo Grande. They will absolutely consider you insane.”

“Other than that. Go play hide and go f*ck yourself.”

“VIVA LAS VEGAS!”

(He walks off set)

“…Where are those tacos?”

FADEOUT