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RUSH HOUR

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brusch

Main Event Caliber
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Apr 16, 2012
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[Barry the Intern has been hard at work for several weeks creating a video introduction for Red Line Wrestling’s first ever online PPV. Would you like to see it?

Of course you would.

In the old EPW style, images flash across every few seconds as the thumping beat of the unique RUSH HOUR theme song pumps through the screen depicting a litany of highs and lows from the debut shows of the company, complete with beginner-film-school-level slide wipes between shots:

‘SCI-FI’ RUSS SPACKLER in SHARKUTAN FORM with a bizarre submission hold on ‘NORMAL’ JOHN JOHNSON, letting out a bestial YAWP!

The trio of J-MAX tagging, tagging, tagging, a never-ending onslaught of pain and knife-edge chops on their opponents!

FAFNIR chasing SKYLAR MONTGOMERY through the Sullivan Athletic Center with what must be a 30-pound hawk of meat!

Shots of the Fullerton Red Line station a mere few blocks away from the arena, packed to the brim with commuters bundled up for the winter!

JOHNNY DORN with his jaw dropped as he comes across the crew of #zombies, BOOKFACE smiling with approval!

HOUSE OF HILL motioning to the camera, trying their darndest to get Barry into frame!

IVAN DALKICHEV with a sickly cold look on his face as he Titan Bombs GO-GO SPECTACULAR, with NATHAN FEAR looking on in sinister approval!

DANNY DALTON sitting behind the announce desk with a big doofy smile on his face, chuckling and then giving a cheesy thumbs-up to the camera!

Shots of the cult-fans of super hipsters with their ink and awful haircuts holding up signs of varying degrees of cleverness!

IKAN JOBTAYOO, ever so close to a rare and precious victory, getting swarmed by the marauding MARSUPIALS OF MAYHEM with KID KOALA leading them on!

BRYAN RODGERS looking up and down his gear for the correct logo to hawk, only for GO-GO SPECTACULAR to blast him with an E-F-5!

THE SECOND COMING engulfed in a spotlight, head lowered, making her way to the ring!

And finally, Barry’s closing graphic: rapid-fire headshots of the entire roster fly by one by one, a few of them represented as black silhouettes with question marks over their faces, before a COMPLETELY OVER-THE-TOP AND PROBABLY UNNECESSARY AMOUNT OF FIRE AND EXPLOSIONS, revealing the final text which appears over an all-white backdrop…]


RED LINE WRESTLING


in conjunction with DePaul University
PRESENTS…

RUSH HOUR

Streaming LIVE on iPPV from the SULLIVAN ATHLETIC CENTER, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS



[Just above 1400 fans are jam-packed into the Sullivan Athletic Center, the usual crowd you might expect – the hipster pocket with their contrarian smarky mindset, the yuppies with their young children, current DePaul undergrads in varying degrees of sobriety. DANNY DALTON is maybe about as happy as he’s ever been – he’s even got a collared shirt on beneath his blazer! Of course, he’s also got a t-shirt on over it with three wolves howling at the moon. Next to him, LEYENDA DE OCHO sits with a Zelda-themed mask and his old NFW “Can’t Keep Me Down” tee and a matching microphone headset.]

DD: “WELCOME TO RUSH HOUR, ladies and gentlemen!! This is without question the biggest night we’ve had as a wrestling company. My name is Danny Dalton, and joining me tonight as a special guest commentator, it’s our head trainer! Leyenda de Ocho! Good to see you, man!”

LDO: “Thanks Danny, it’s great to be here and see these wrestlers get a chance to really make their mark on local, independent wrestling as a whole. I’ve worked with every single man and woman in the back, and we have been blessed as a company to have so much energy here. This place is special, and I’m proud to be a part of it.”

DD: “We all are, Ocho, and BOY do we have a loaded show tonight. We’ve got two extremely compelling teams competing in our opener, J-MAX versus the newly-formed Johnny Dorn and BookFace. You’ve worked with these groups – what are your thoughts?”

LDO: “Well frankly, I can’t believe how polished J-MAX is. This is a team that could compete anywhere in the world and hold their own, and I think they showed it at SLAMTRACK 5. What’s really going to be interesting to see is how they react to Dorn and BookFace…to be honest, I haven’t always been really impressed with the work ethic of Johnny Dorn. He’s the kind of guy who always looks for an excuse to take a night off, to stop what he’s doing if a pretty girl walks into the gym and say hi – but I don’t know…something’s different now. BookFace is a man I’ve competed against personally, and the whole Social Media Psychopath thing is for REAL – and I think if he can figure out how to reach Dorn and bring out his natural ability, we’re going to see a hell of a match.”

DD: “Are you concerned at all about Dorn’s…let’s put this gently, his penchant for the adult beverages?”

LDO: “We all have our own things…I mean, look at me – I can get pumped up to fight if I’ve played enough Earthbound! They just need to find a way to throw J-MAX off their precision-style offense, which I don’t know how they’re going to do – but that’s why it’s settled in the ring and not on paper.”

DD: “Then we have a match between Bryan Rodgers and Skylar Montgomery – two relative newcomers to Red Line Wrestling, each looking to make an impact. What have you seen from them so far?”

LDO: “There’s one common thread between both of them – they’re DANGEROUS. Bryan has all the talent in the world, though the thing is, he keeps getting orders from his manager that hold him back in-ring; I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but it’s like talking to a brick wall. He’s got to figure out a way to balance whatever he has going on with his manager if he’s ever going to succeed here. Then there’s Montgomery – I’m nervous for this guy, and everyone else in this company should be afraid of him too, because he is NOT afraid to put his entire body on the line at any given moment. He will hurt himself to hurt you, and that’s hard to game-plan against.”

DD: “After that, we have a match I’m REALLY looking forward to and it’s because it’s so hard to predict – the triple-threat elimination match for the #1 Contender spot between Kid Koala, The Second Coming, and Go-Go Spectacular.”

LDO: “Unpredictable is right, Danny – holy moley. I just can’t, I just can’t right now. Kid Koala is unlike any competitor I’ve ever seen before, because his motivation is just so completely unique to him. Anarchy, at all costs. Two-See and Go-Go are two of the finest athletes we have here, both very young, both very raw, but both very hungry and with a lot of ambition. I could see either of those two taking it, but I could also see Kid Koala stealing this opportunity from both of them because his mind is just so completely out there. I have NO idea what’s going to happen!”

DD: “Kid Koala draped Russ Spackler over his own body and let himself get pinned – have you ever SEEN something like that??”

LDO: “No, ESPECIALLY not when there was an opportunity for the championship on the line. I fought and scratched and clawed and it took me YEARS before I won my first championship of any kind in professional wrestling – and to see someone just throw it away to make a point is so completely foreign and scary to me.”

DD: “Finally, we have the finals of the Red Crown Championship tournament – Russ Spackler versus Ivan Dalkichev. Two men with extremely contrasting styles, two men who have found nothing but wild success in their tenure here in RLW – and while Kid Koala in essence ‘gifted’ the pair this match, it’s not as if these competitors are second-tier. These two are TALENTED and DANGEROUS.”

LDO: “I still get a shiver down my spine when I think about Dalkichev, just Titan Bombing Go-Go Spectacular over and over – it’s really a testament to the athlete and the person that she is that she was able to bounce back just a few weeks later, and finds herself in a great spot to make an impact tonight. Dalkichev is just impossibly built – how in the WORLD can someone be that big, that muscular, and that athletic? I’m pretty sure they call him The Last Titan because he destroyed all the others. And then there’s Spackler – one week, he’s a shark/orangutan monster, one week he’s a slimy ball of goop, next week he’ll be a Piranha T-Rex monster or something…”

DD: “You’re saying he’s unpredictable.”

LDO: “He’s unpredictable! Nathan Fear is a hell of a manager for Dalkichev, but it’s just so difficult to game-plan for a guy like Russ Spackler – when you think you know the answer, he changes the question, and as crazy as he seems, he’ll surprise you with something crazy and tap you out. I wonder all the time if he’s crazy like a fox. This is going to be a fantastic and WORTHY pairing to crown our first-ever Red Crown Champion.”

DD: “I couldn’t agree more. It’s so cool to be calling a show with you, man! This is going to be a great night! I’m FEELIN’ IT! Let’s get this RUSH HOUR train a-rollin’!”

[ARIN McHENRY has a fresh haircut, though the bleach-blonde streak is intact; rather than being a scraggly mess, his hair is now merely chin-length. He tuxedo’d up for the occasion, though it must be noted that his tux is matched with a gaudy neon-purple bow tie and matching cummerbund, and his shirt is pastel blue. Friendly RLW junior referee Jen Glass stands by at the ready.]

AM: “thhhhhhhhHHHHHHHIS MATCH, IS SET FOR ONE FALLLLLLLL!”


J-MAX v. JOHNNY DORN & BOOKFACE



[BOOKFACE enters the ring with his posse of crazy-hot #zombies, completely engrossed in their touchscreen devices. JOHNNY DORN enters quickly behind, looking extremely happy and a bit stumbly wumbly, though BOOKFACE seems to be in wild support of this. The pair make their way down to the ring in a full-on dance/strut.]

AM: “INTRODUCING FIRST…at a combiiiiiiiiined weight of 392 POUNDS…the SOCIAL MEDIA PSYCHOPATH! THE KING OF CORNHOLE! BOOKFACE…annnnnnnnd JOHNNYYYYYY DORRRRRRRN!”

DD: “These freaking guys, Och.”

LDO: “You’re absolutely right, and there’s the thing – BookFace is surprisingly gifted, and Dorn is one of those guys who doesn’t have ‘I Quit’ in their vocabulary. Maybe it’s a part of the bro-code. I can’t really say, it’s one of those things outside my area of expertise. All I know is, these guys have that sprinkle of crazy that makes them a threat every night!”



[The trio of J-MAX steps through the curtain, led by Lisa Loeh. She motions towards Paco Losantio, who nods and makes his way to the back arm-in-arm with Lisa, as Roger Stevens and Yoshikazu YAZ march towards their opponents.]

DD: “These guys are a little intimidating, am I right?”

LDO: “You can’t teach chemistry – it just takes time and it takes nature. And these guys have it. We’re seeing YAZ and Stevens here, and you can be totally confident that if El Quezacoatl was here instead it would be the same kind of chemistry.”

AM: “AAAAAND THEIR OPPONENTS! At a combiiiined weight of 448 POUNDS! ROGER STEVENS…YOSHIKAZU YAZ…JAYYYYYYYYYY-MAX!”

[A mixed reaction from the crowd. The hipsters are in love – the wholesome crowd is bitter about how they handled the House of Hill.]

DD: “It looks like referee Jen Glass is ready, and we have Dorn versus Stevens – let’s get it going!”

[DING DING!]

[As one might expect, STEVENS charges whole-bodily towards his opponent, throwing the most violent and boisterous knife-edge chops ever conceived by man. DORN throws a few blind clubbing forearms with varying degrees of accuracy – STEVENS interrupts him by blocking a shot and turning it into a Chickenwing Suplex! He tags to the waiting YAZ.]

DD: “It begins…the rapid-tag clinical strategy of J-MAX.”

LDO: “It’s completely sound – keep your opponents guessing, keep someone on your team as fresh as possible, it’s a wonder that this is a brand new idea in RLW. It’s a testament to these veterans of the ring and a testament to the fact that they could compete anywhere!”

[YAZ blasts DORN with a running dropkick, which is kicked out at one and a half. He runs to the ropes and builds momentum to hit a standing moonsault, before hitting a series of brutally stiff forearm strikes to the prone DORN. Rather than negotiating a pin, he tags STEVENS back in. STEVENS pulls DORN up so he’s sitting vertically on the mat, before sending him to his back with an explosive knife-edge chop. He goes for a cover, which is kicked out at two.]

DD: “Dorn, man – say what you will about his ability, he’s sturdy as a dang rock in there! It’s going to take a genuine knockout blow to get him out of here!”

LDO: “Nothing to complain about with the J-MAX strategy – they’re executing the match beautifully.”

[DORN tries to roll out of the ring as STEVENS tags YAZ back in. Before DORN can reach sweet release, YAZ picks him up off the ground and throws DORN clear across the ring with a German Suplex. YAZ stalks his prey, BookFace hungrily looking for a tag as the #zombies prowl ringside, completely in their own personal twittersphere. DORN slowly gets to his feet, just in time to eat a YAZ sprinting spinning heel kick! YAZ goes for the cover, only for DORN to get his foot on the rope at two!]

DD: “Have Dorn and BookFace gotten ANY offense in??”

LDO: “If they have, it’s next to nothing. I think we all saw this being a one-sided battle.”

[YAZ motions to the crowd, which gives him a mixed response – the hipsters appreciate his team’s workrate, the genpop want to be more entertained. YAZ slowly walks to his corner to make yet another tag – a brunette #zombie suddenly begins to push DORN like a keg into his own corner to make a tag to the completely fresh BOOKFACE! BOOKFACE ducks beneath the rifle-like knife edge chops of STEVENS, only to counter with a series of dropkicks. DORN is not yet on his feet in the corner as he sees his teammate hit a baker’s half-dozen of dropkicks on STEVENS.]

DD: “BOOKFACE has always been surprising here – he’s always viewed as this underdog, but he’s surprised us before and come out on top here in RLW!”

LDO: “Like I said earlier tonight – he didn’t get the Social Media Psychopath name for nothing. He was about a half-inch away from shattering my nose within the last year, and he’s only gotten better since then. BookFace is the real deal.”

[DORN is still gassed in his corner, when the brunette #zombie from before reaches underneath the ring and pulls out a pint of Pabst Blue Ribbon. DORN’s eyes go wide and a half-grin cracks across his face as the #zombie opens the beer and instinctually pours it down his gullet. Once the can is emptied, the #zombie immediately returns to texting – but DORN looks like he’s just eaten a can of Popeye’s spinach. Wildly refreshed, he sticks his arm out awaiting a tag from his new best bud. BOOKFACE, though completely in control, shrugs and tags in DORN.]

DD: “Johnny Dorn looks like a new man! He’s throwing lefts and rights, lefts and rights RIGHT at Roger Stevens, and suddenly the tide has – wait a minute. Steven with a BRUTAL AS HELL CHOP! The sound from that chop may have literally damaged my eardrum, good LORD – AND A SAVATE KICK BY STEVENS! He whirls his hand in the air and points to his partner in the corner, and it looks like he may think this match is over!”

[STEVENS makes his way to the corner – in his haste, he doesn’t see BOOKFACE make a blind tag in. BOOKFACE waits behind his corner, winking to the ref about his deception. YAZ sets up DORN for a Trunk-lift Brainbuster DDT, and is halfway to hitting it – when mid-move, BOOKFACE comes flying off a springboard and hits a bulldog on YAZ! BOOKFACE covers YAZ – STEVENS goes to break it up, but DORN drunkenly rises and shoves STEVENS hard into the corner!”

“1!

2!

3!!”

[DING DING DING!]



DD: “HOLY CRAP…”

LDO: “Dorn and BookFace won??”

DD: “They won!! Stevens look pissed - how did they...they found a way to get the win in a blink of an eye!”

LDO: “Wh…no. J-MAX is too good for this, aren’t they??”

DD: “Any given night, Och. They accounted for Dorn, but couldn’t put his glorious drunken butt away – and then the devious BookFace wasted no time!

LDO: “Was it really devious?”

DD: “I choose to believe it was – I saw J-MAX just OBLITERATE a stalwart team in the House of Hill at SLAMTRACK 5, I can’t believe this.”

LDO: “Life is full of confusion, Danny.”

DD: “Well let’s cleanse the palate a bit. At SLAMTRACK 6, we’re going to see some brand new competitors, and one of them has seen fit to make this message known to the RLW world. Barry, if you would, please.”



[Fade in....to the sound of white noise and static snow covering the screen. As the sound of the white noise begins to change frequency it grows quieter and a voice begins speaking in a low, steady voice.]

VOICEOVER: “…it isn't a game, it isn't an act. I'm not an entertainer, I'm a fighter. And I've come for blood…”

[Slowly the snow clears up and the screen morphs into a silhouette, shadow covering more than half of the man's large frame. His face also split in half, shadow on one side and a piercing green eye on the other.]

V/O: “…and the trail of bodies I leave in my wake is only the beginning of the end.”

[The shadow slowly crawls across the man's face, eventually revealing a sick smile and eyes full of malice. He stares, unblinking, at the camera for a moment before he continues.]

V/O: “Oh the story I shall weave.. with broken bodies and bruised egos. Take heart while you still can, while you're still able. Impending doom is at your doorstep…”

[The shadow then shoots back across his face, blanketing the screen in blackness. End transmission.]



DD: “…wow.”

LDO: “…yeah.”

DD: “That’s a scary-looking man on the horizon, but that’s the thing about RLW, Och – something about our rag-tag band of pirates attracts these vicious and hungry competitors, and when that happens, EVERYONE’S game gets elevated, you know?”

LDO: “Too true.”

DD: “It looks like Arin’s ready to get rolling with the next match, let’s make it happen!”

AM: “The following match, GUESS WHAT Y’ALL? IT’S SKEJUFOWUFAWL.”


BRYAN RODGERS v. SKYLAR MONTGOMERY




[BRYAN RODGERS, followed ever-so-closely by MIDORI ONITA, breaks through the curtain, his ring gear plastered head-to-toe with a litany of patches with brands under the ownership of the Nakamura Global Conglomerate. Very near-and-dear to his heart is his beloved Skullington T. Chair, which he carries with him to the ring.]

AM: “INTRODUCING FIRST! Frommmmmmm SNOWFLAKE, ARIZONAAAAA! Weighing in at 243 pounds! THE MANIAC! BRYANNNNNNNN ROOOOOOOOODGERRRRRRRRRRRS!”

DD: “Like seriously, Ocho, this is worse than NASCAR.”

LDO: “It’s true that he’s basically a slave to his company ownership right this second, but I’m just SO ready to see what can happen if he can ever be himself, you know? He’s got that chair, he’s got that muscle, he can CERTAINLY go in the ring – but he’s always going to have that weight on his shoulders.”



[SKYLAR MONTGOMERY emerges from the curtain with a lit cigarette in his mouth – and also a steel chair. He makes his way to the ring, occasionally pointing a hand to his head like a revolver blowing his brains out.]

AM: “ANNNNND INTRODUCING SECOND…frommmmm LONDON, ENGLAND! Weighing in at 198 POUNDS! SUICIDAL! SKYlarrrrrrrrr mooooooonTOMGERYYYYYYYY!”

DD: “This freaking guy.”

LDO: “This freaking guy.

DD: “Is he actually carrying that chair to the ring too? Because I don’t think ANY chair can measure up to Skullington…oh dear. This may be an issue.”

LDO: “It doesn’t look like Rodgers is relinquishing his own weapon – though he is consulting his Magic H8 Ball…I wonder what it’s telling him?”

DD: “Sometimes I get concerned about that ball…speaking of concerned, SkyMont is in the ring, and he hasn’t relinquished his own chair…”

[DING DING]

DD: “The bell has rung…ladies and gentlemen, I feel like I need to make this clear – this is NOT any sort of no-disqualification match. This is strictly a one-on-one match against two up-and-comers in this company. A suicidal maniac and a wunderkind who’s forced to shill product…why haven’t they let go of their chairs??”

[Neither wrestler has released grip of the leg of their respective steel chairs. It’s a slow walk to the center of the ring, and before long, the two competitors are nose to nose. They’re jawing at each other, though it’s unclear what the specific words are.]

DD: “This is…I’m worried, Ocho. I think this could get out of hand in a HURRY.”

LDO: “Me too – the poor ref is trying to get the chairs out of their hands, but it’s serving no use!”

[Both men raise chairs towards each other to an audible gasp from the crowd – before any further action can take place, THEY BOTH SWING!~]

DD: “YOWZA! Rodgers and Montgomery just took home-run swings at each other, and that was one of the loudest sounds I’ve ever heard!”

LDO: “Double cracks of skull on steel, Danny – of course it’s that loud!”

DD: “Is either man up? Is this match even happening? Oh dear, they’re getting up…”

[RODGERS gets up first, followed closely by MONTGOMERY. RODGERS flails wildly with his chair, striking his opponent in the back…MONTGOMERY follows suit with and equally crushing rib shot. This repeats for a solid 2 minutes.]

DD: “This is just UGLY! Why are they still out here? Wasn’t the match called off?”

LDO: “Yes, but this is turning into some sort of pride thing – two recklessly violent men, and OH GOD, WHAT?!”

[RODGERS and SKYMONT simultaneously strike each other in the brain with their chairs, and they are both on the mat. Medical personnel are being summoned. Both men look bleary-eyed and wiped out.]

DD: “That was just BRUTAL, and unfortunately it looks like neither man is on top – just brutality from both competitors. I’m sorry fans at home, I think we were all looking to see these two go at it in a real honest-to-goodness match-“

LDO: “Sorry?? These two men went from never having competed against each other to KNOCKING EACH OTHER OUT with chairs! It’s hard as hell, but good lord, Danny! Talk about making an impact – both of these men look like they’re willing to just wreck themselves here…it’s scary to watch, but it’s scary to face them too!”

DD: “Maybe you’re right. As medical personnel tend to those poor fools, let’s talk about this upcoming #1 Contenders Match.”

[A Barry-created graphic splices The Second Coming, Go-Go Spectacular, and Kid Koala as equal thirds of a crazy masked face with a smorgasbord of emotion. In bright yellow block text across the top: #1 CONTENDER ELIMINATION MATCH.]

AM: “The following is a THREE-WAY ELIMINATION MATCH, and the winner will be declared the NUMBER ONE CONTENDER to the RED CROWN CHAMPIONSHIP!”

#1 CONTENDER ELIMINATION MATCH – KID KOALA v. THE SECOND COMING v. GO-GO SPECTACULAR



DD: “The best way to describe Go-Go’s run so far in RLW is a series of the highest highs and the lowest lows – she’s obviously a big player here, but it seems like whenever she gets momentum, some big roadblock hits her.”

LDO: “Go-Go has all the potential in the world – and I’ve heard rumors about a darker side of her. Hard to say if it will come out at this stage – the bottom line is, she’s a stud who needs to realize how studly she is. Hopefully it’s soon.”

[GO-GO makes her way down the ramp, going from walking to running before bouncing and flipping into the center of the ring and Superman-posing. She soaks in the cheers of the crowd from each of the four turnbuckles.]

DD: “No doubt about it – Go-Go is a role model, am I right Ocho?”

LDO: “She’s beloved. You can’t fake that.”



[The lights go completely black, minus a spotlight over the Red Line’s main girl – Two See. Her head is lowered as she makes her way to the ring.]

DD: “Here’s everyone’s girl!”

LDO: “I want to make it clear – there’s something about 2C I can’t put my finger on. She’s wise beyond her years – there’s something about her…”

DD: “I get that vibe too, believe me. She’s a special talent – I think we’ll be lucky to one day call her an RLW alum. In the meantime, this is an incredibly important moment for her – and she has a nemesis in this match!”

LDO: “You’re absolutely right – a nemesis with no interest in seeing her succeed-“



LDO: “THIS man, Kid Koala!”

[KID KOALA emerges from the curtain and is immediately flanked by eKID NAH, KANGARRY ROO, and POSSUM. Each Marsupial finds different sections of the crowd to embed themselves while KID KOALA marches towards the ring manfully and with great confidence.]

DD: “What an unpredictable situation…This man is the king of all things anarchy in RLW.”

LDO: “The rest of the Marsupials of Mayhem came down with him…I don’t like this.”

DD: “Does anyone like this?”

LDO: “Maybe the hipsters. I don’t know. This is not ideal, because we want an honest-to-goodness Number One Contender here, and all I know is the Marsupials of Mayhem know how to live up to their name.”

[ARIN McHENRY goes to make introductions but is quickly ejected from the ring as KID KOALA flies across the ring at GO-GO SPECTACULAR with a big dropkick! He throws two punches, then backs off – almost motioning 2C to go after the ‘fallen prey’. 2C hesitates for a moment, enough for GO-GO to recover and throw a roundhouse kick at whoever is closest – which happens to be 2C! KK takes several steps back and watches his two opponents trade huge blow after huge blow – seemingly unaware of the cunning marsupial still in the match with them. At long last, 2C blasts Go-Go with an enzuigiri and goes for a cover!

1!

2!

…BROKEN UP BY KID KOALA???]

DD: “Kid Koala broke that up?? Why would he care? This is an elimination match – you get rid of one person, you get one step closer to the #1 contender spot-“

LDO: “Don’t you see, Danny? Kid Koala doesn’t want The Second Coming to win – he doesn’t want ANYONE to ‘win’ – he made it clear that he doesn’t believe in the perceived ‘Brass Rings’ of wrestling.”

DD: “…then what is he doing here in RLW??”

LDO: “A fair question.”

[KK shouts at 2C that she needs to stop going for the victory – she needs to eliminate herself. He then proceeds to throw heavy knee strikes into Go-Go’s abdomen. Go-Go eventually starts to fight back, throwing forearms into KK before running to the ropes and hitting a high cross-body! 2C follows up with an elbow drop on KK and goes for the cover, which is kicked out at one and a half. KK waggles a finger at 2C, Mutumbo-style. KK steps back towards a corner once again, which is met with incredulity by both of his opponents before 2C blindsides Go-Go with a clubbing forearm! Out of nowhere, she grabs Go-Go by the legs and goes for the HORNET WINS~ Scorpion Deathlock – which is quickly broken up by a roundhouse kick to 2C’s gut by KK!]

DD: “It’s clear here – Kid Koala is not interested in clean finishes.”

LDO: “There’s a mindgame element here, and I get the feeling only Kid Koala knows the rules…”

[KK shouts at 2C about giving up the chase, about giving up the pursuit for a title shot – out of nowhere, Go-Go Spectacular flings KK across the ring with a hurricanrana! She – wha?? – extends an arm to 2C on the ground and, with a mutual nod, gets on the same page – both women charge at KK and hit him with stereo Superkicks!!]

DD: “Oh man!! Stiff kicks straight to the jaw, Kid Koala may be out! Here’s the coverrrrrr-

NO! Kick out at two and a half! But the Aussie Anarchist doesn’t look all that steady!”

[KK motions to the general crowd, and eKID NAH steps forward. It looks like he’s been chewing on a big hunk of bamboo – turns out, it’s a Kendo Stick. He hands it over to KID KOALA, who promptly hits a home run across the scalp of GO-GO. Referee Jen Glass signals the timekeeper and a bell rings. Arin McHenry with the call.]

AM: “Kid Koala, has been DISQUALIFIED!”

[OOOOOOOOOOH!]

DD: “We need to make it clear, folks – YOU CAN’T CHEAT IN THIS MATCHUP! Kid Koala has blatantly brought a weapon into play here, and Jen is doing her best to get this anarchist out of here!”

[The mic picks up Kid Koala loudly saying “Your turn,” as he hands the Kendo Stick to the Second Coming; Jen Glass is doing her damndest to get KK out of there while also dealing with the other Marsupials who are doing their best to cause general mayhem around the ringside area. 2C has a clear shot at Go-Go, at least for a split second – but 2C looks over at the ref and sees that her eyes are moving rapidly around the ring. She can’t risk it. Instead of blasting Go-Go, she blasts KID KOALA!! KK stumbles backwards to the ground, hands upon his scalp, the Marsupials unsure of what to do. He continues to bark towards the ring, calling for 2C to give up her earthly desires and destroy Go-Go with the weapon in her hands – seeing the ref readily engaged, 2C throws the weapon squarely at KK, who collapses into the barricade. 2C begins to turn her attention back to Go-Go, who has already risen from the mat and hits 2C with a running knee lift! She goes for the cover, which 2C kicks out a two!]

DD: “What a turn of a events! The Marsupials are doing their best to cause mayhem and destruction in this match, but it looks like the two ladies in this match have so much to fight for!”

LDO: “The Marsupials are still around the ring…I don’t like it…”

[KK shouts at 2C to give up the chase, to let Go-Go take the win – she gets distracted for a split second, allowing Go-Go to throw her across the ring with a hurricanrana! 2C gets up, only to be met with a fury of kicks from Go-Go in the corner – the ref eventually calls Go-Go out of there before she gets DQ’d herself. 2C EXPLODES out of the corner with a Lou Thesz press, throwing heavy rights and lefts into Go-Go’s grill while keeping an eye out for the Marsupials who are still around the ring. She hestitates to put a final strike through to Go-Go, which enables the luchador to roll over and counter into a modified crossface! 2C is in big pain here as Go-Go wrenches in the hold!]

LDO: “I don’t remember teaching Go-Go THIS!”

DD: “This could be the end of it – Jen Glass is checking on Two See here, let’s see if – wait a minute! She’s fighting through it, she’s fighting, she’s – SHE GOT OUT! SHE GOT OUT! Wait a minute – SUPERKICK FROM THE SECOND COMING! Go-Go is on her knees – Second Coming sets up behind her – IT’S THE FALL FROM GRACE! HER SIGNATURE SUBMISSION MANEUVER!”

LDO: “Out of the corner of her eye she’s watching Kid Koala! He’s still barking at her to give this match up! He’s thrown a steel chair into the ring!”

DD: “A last ditch effort? She might not need – GO-GO’S TAPPING! SHE’S TAPPING!”

[DING-DING-DING]



AM: “THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH…and the NUMBER ONE CONTENDER to the RED CROWN CHAMPIONSHIP…….the SECOOOOOOOND COMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIING!!!”

[The crowd universally erupts in all pockets. The Marsupials of Mayhem are PISSED, but Kid Koala motions them back up the ramp rather than instigating any further. KK burns a hole in The Second Coming’s dome with his eyes as he exits the arena.]

DD: “Whoa Nelly, Och – we have a new #1 contender, and whether it’s Spackler or Dalkichev, we know who’s next in line.”

LDO: “A hard fought match – the Marsupials did what they could to make Two See eliminate herself, but she won it without fighting dirty – that’s all you can ask for. Go-Go may have some beef after getting the business end of that Kendo Stick, though…”

DD: “Absolutely. 2C didn’t get her hands dirty, but she may have benefited from the dirty work of others.

Now, it’s time for the main event. We have something special for y’all.”

[Two unnamed RLW employees make their way to the ring with cloth-covered bounties – one cloth taller, one cloth wider. It’s set on a black display shelf near the announce desk, as DANNY DALTON stands and begins to address the crowd with an in-hand microphone.]

DD: “Have you all had a good time?!”

[WOOOOO!~]

DD: “This is kind of an emotional moment for me personally…I’ve been your commentator from the beginning, but at the end of the day, I’ve always been a fan first. I love this, you guys.”

[WOOOOOOOOOOOO!~]

DD: “Twelve wrestlers entered this tournament a few months ago – all of them are skilled, hungry, talented, and just all-around great representatives of the future of wrestling. I can’t compliment the pool of talent enough, because good LORD did they bring it. And now, now? We’re at our final two. And they’re going to compete for THIS.”

[DANNY lifts both cloths – one reveals the semi-familiar bright red metal crown, and the other reveals a genuine title belt – a red strap with silver plates, the center featuring a large RLW logo, the two nearest plates featuring bright red crowns, and the outer two plates featuring the Chicago flag. The crowd ooh’s in admiration.]

DD: “The Red Crown Championship. This is the real deal, folks. This title determines the fate of this company for as long as the crown is worn by the champion. It is to be revered, it is to be respected. And heavy is the head that wears the crown.”

[DANNY steps back to the announce desk as ARIN McHENRY announces from the ring.]

AM: “THE FOLLOWING MATCH…is the MAIIIIIIIN EVENT! AND IT IS FOW….theeeeeeeRED CROWN CHAMPIONSHIP of RED LINE WRESTLING!!!”


RED CROWN CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
RUSS SPACKLER v. IVAN DALKICHEV




[SPACKLER’s ominous music echoes throughout the arena as a spotlight shines upon him, emerging through the curtain in all his boogery gross glory. His special lady-friend Cookie is close by, showing a unique admiration and devotion to this hideous beast that finds itself in the main event of the biggest event of RLW’s history.]

AM: “INTRODUCING FIRST! From URBANA, ILLIONIS! Weighing innnnnnn at 245 POUNDS! ONCE THE SHARKUTAN, NOW THE BOOGERFIEND, IN THE FUTURE EVERY NIGHTMARE IMAGINABLE…SCI-FIIIIIIIIIIII, RUSS…SPACKLERRRRRRRRRRRR!”

[The crowd erupts for the bizzaro science fiction creature before them. SPACKLER roars gutturally, and unchained beast, as he enters the ring.]

DD: “This is the guy we can’t put a finger on.”

LDO: “No one can, not even Nathan Fear. Spackler may look ridiculous, he may look like some sort of novelty – make no mistake, he’s the genuine article. He’s counting on you to not take him seriously, and right when you relax for a split second, he takes you out. Maybe the best head-game in all of RLW.”



[DALKICHEV emerges from the curtain alongside his manager and mentor, NATHAN FEAR. DALKICHEV has always looked ripped – he looks especially Stonewallish at this stage. One would easily believe he was made out of concrete and paint. FEAR leads his protégé to the ring, and DALKICHEV appears to cast a half-ton shadow behind him.]

AM: “AAAAAAND HIS OPPONENT! FROM SEATTLE, WASHINGTON….weighing in at FOUR-HUNDRED TWO POUNDS! HE IS THE LAST TITAN! IVANNNNNNNN DALLLLLLKICHEVVVVVVVVV!”

DD: “Every time Arin announces that weight I seriously can’t believe it.”

LDO: “Me neither – 402 pounds?? That’s just CRAZY talk. But the truth is, I’m not willing to disagree with Ivan or Fear about it. They say it’s 402? I believe it’s 402. And he really is just a brick wall of muscle, isn’t he?”

[The bell rings, and both men are slow to engage. The crowd is HOT for this clash – they are more than ready to see a champion crowned. SPACKLER looks over to COOKIE and nods – DALKICHEV looks over to FEAR and nods. Both managers see the exchange, no one knows what to do and everyone freezes up. It’s broken up by a guttural YAWP from Snot SPACKLER, willing to launch himself forward and engage in a collar-and-elbow tieup with his opponent. DALKICHEV quickly responds with a front suplex and a series of blunt-force trauma power moves.]

DD: “Say what you will about Spackler, his game CAN’T be about running straight forward into Dalkichev. The Last Titan is just too powerful!”

LDO: “You’re absolutely right. And look here – what’s Cookie doing?”

[COOKIE SPACKLER hops on the ring apron and does her best to attract the attention of the Crimson Colossus. It doesn’t seem to be working well, and eventually referee Ross Russell makes his way over to shoo her away – only for SPACKLER to dive in and connect with a boogery low blow! SPACKLER capitalizes on his temporary edge, yelling with all his might and connecting with a big Gutbuster and going for a pin. The ref is slow to make his way over to the count, and DALKICHEV kicks out at one-and-a-half. SPACKLER complains about the terrible count, and DALKICHEV immediately throws a clubbing clothesline to the back of his opponent’s head, sending him crashing to the mat. DALKICHEV lifts the dead weight of his opponent, slumped over completely in his arms, before tossing him in a belly-to belly suplex!]

DD: “Kind of an opportunistic opening to this match, wouldn’t you say?”

LDO: “Yeah – Spackler taking advantage of Cookie’s distraction, Ivan taking advantage of the slow ref – neither of these warriors care about anything beyond the double-yoo!”

[DALKICHEV motions for his opponent to rise; SPACKLER slowly does, and DALKICHEV builds momentum and crashes his crazy body mass in a Battering Ram! He goes for the cover, and SPACKLER somehow kicks out at two. COOKIE once again gets on the mat and does her best to distract DALKICHEV. The ref warns her, but she doesn’t leave – and COOKIE gets ejected from the match!]

DD: “Oh man! It looks like there’s no more sneaky edge for Spackler in this match – his main squeeze has been tossed from the ring!”

LDO: “Looks like Dalkichev is coldly waving goodb-OH GOD! CHOP BLOCK BY SPACKLER, and that might have seriously screwed up Ivan’s left knee! Owwwwwowowow. Barry, can we get a replay?”

[Barry hastily tosses up a replay of the move in question – an oblivious DALKICHEV gets absolutely wrecked by a full-shoulder chop block thrown by SPACKLER. Totally legal, but a possible tide-turner. The camera pants to NATHAN FEAR, heading into the crowd and asking for something. SPACKLER finds a way to contort the mass of humanity that is DALKICHEV into a cohesive position, connecting with a LOTUS LOCK!]

DD: “IT COULD END HERE! This move is VICIOUS!”

LDO: “Absolutely Danny, there’s a lot of strain to a lot of body parts in this move – wait a second…what is Fear holding?”

[FEAR climbs to the ring apron and lifts a box above his head…a tissue box. SPACKLER, in all his booger glory, gets sight of this terrifying death knell and shrieks into his corner. FEAR enters the ring and begins to try to use this as proverbial Kryptonite – Ross Russell is having none of it, insisting Fear get out of the ring. DALKICHEV throws a few sloppy punches into the abdomen of SPACKLER and FEAR refuses to leave – and FEAR IS EJECTED!]

DD: “WHOA!”

LDO: “EQUALIZER!”

DD: “Cookie was ejected earlier in this match, and now there’s no more Nathan Fear! And he is FURIOUS!”

LDO: “At the end of the day, these two warriors are going to have to find a clean way to win this match.”

[Minute after minute after minute of stalemate. For every titanic blow DALKICHEV delivers, SPACKLER attacks a new joint and nearly disables the Crimson Colossus.]

DD: “You know something, Och – a lot of times, guys get dirtier and dirtier the further they get into a match. The opposite is happening here.”

LDO: “You’re right – they had openings to win this in a cheap way and it never panned out for them. Whoever gets crowned as the first champion? They’re going to have to EARN it.”

[A crazy sequence – DALKICHEV whips SPACKLER in the corner and goes for a Yakuza Kick – ducked, and DALKICHEV stumbles on the bum leg! Spackler counters with Snapmare on Elm Street – connecting with one, two, three, four snapmares – an impressive feat of strength – going for a fifth, and DALKICHEV catches him in a three-quarters headlock! With a look of cold anger, DALKICHEV rises and hits a modified sit-out cutter on SPACKLER! He goes for the cover, but it’s kicked out at two. Booger SPACKLER goes for a hotshot, but finds himself unable to lift the sheer mass of DALKICHEV at this later stage – the Last Titan throws stiff elbows into the jaw of his opponent before connecting with an elevated backbreaker – SPACKLER kicks out at two again, before swiftly and slimily rolling around and tying DALKICHEV up in a Lotus Lock!]

DD: “A SECOND LOTUS LOCK! I seriously don’t know how he gets around the sheer body mass of Ivan, but good golly it’s a genuine Pteralimbdal!”

LDO: “Dalkichev is doing his best to fight out of it! He might have it here – whoaaaa there!”

[DALKICHEV breaks free and spins to his back, grabbing his opponent’s head and delivering a series of headbutts. SPACKLER staggers away, looking wrecked as hell. He goes for a spear, which turns into an extended shoulderblock since the giant refuses to go down – both men are intertwined in the corner. Both men throw clubbing blows at each other, back and forth and back and forth, before finally DALKICHEV takes advantage with a shot square to the now-bleeding nose of SPACKLER. DALKICHEV climbs to the second rope and sets his opponent up…]

DD: “Oh no…is he about to do what I think he’s about to do?”

LDO: “I think he is…”

DD: “……..OH GOD! SECOND ROPE TITAN BOMB! THAT’S ONE OF THE GNARLIEST SPIKES I’VE EVER SEEN! Here’s the cover – one! TWO!



THREEEEEEE! NEW CHAMPION! NEW CHAMPION!”

[DING DING DING]



[NATHAN FEAR re-emerges and looks ecstatic, as the ominous and terrifying music echoes throughout the arena. FEAR makes a beeline for the crown and title belt.]

DD: “All I can say folks, is I don’t know how anyone beats this man one-on-one. Do you, Och?”

LDO: “…you have to remember, I’m still active. I think SOMEONE could. But MAN, it’ll be a challenge. The Last Titan has staked his claim over Chicago.”

[FEAR enters the ring and places the Red Crown on the skull of his protégé, then snaps the title belt around DALKICHEV’s gargantuan waist. There is no confetti – rather, there is a tension in the air, as every fan in the arena – hipster or no – knows that maybe the single scariest and most powerful man in RLW has claimed the championship.]

DD: “This is just an ominous sight. I don’t want to outright say I was rooting for Spackler, because I need to have some sort of journalistic integrity…all I know is, I remember seeing the original tournament bracket and I hoped above all hopes that Dalkichev wouldn’t be the final say. And here we are.”



DD: “OH GOODNESS!”

[THE SECOND COMING emerges from the curtain and stands stoically, slowly lifting her head and making sharp eye contact with DALKICHEV. IVAN, for his part, looks fearless, cold, and deadly – and despite her absurd youth and size disparity, 2C matches it, gaze for gaze. The camera goes between the two several times, a complete standoff, before the screen fades to black.]

rlw.
 
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