RUSSIAN ROULETTE 2012: EPW TAG TITLES: Burns/First (cc) vs. Animezing Dragons
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The Great Eye
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(FADEIN: Eddie "The Fire" Burns looking at the camera with a hard stare. Eddie has on a red button up shirt and black pants, his EPW World Tag Team Title belt over his shoulder.)
BURNS: Pay Per View, the big time in this sport. It's been over 5 years in the making for me. Five years I bled and suffered all across America and even the world itself to make a name for myself...Five long years I've fought to finally get somewhere in this business...
When I threw that fire at you Karl...When I pinned and won this belt...I felt nothing but pride, nothing but relief that my long road of suffering and pain had finally paid off for me...I've had to spend all my time while holding this belt listening to people talk about what's right and what's wrong, even my partner, a man who I thought understood what really matters in this sport has looked down his nose at me and told me to straighten up and fly right.
Well nobody died and made The First God...And as far as i'm concerned, I'm tired of being his charity case, tired of being the guy he's got to make excuses for...Yeah he got my foot in the door, but I've knocked the damn door down since then...So you don't like how I'm acting First? Well I don't like how YOU are acting either buddy. And you're not the only one who can throw around threats around here...How's this for you...I'm doing WHATEVER I want and if you don't like it, tough sh*t, I'll throw fire, pull the tights, do anything I damn well please to do and if it offends your delicate feelings, I don't give a damn, we're in this together and you're going to pull your weight plain and simple.
Karl Brown and Otaku...You got beat by ME once before, and I will beat you again...I will beat you even if it breaks my partner's heart to see you lose, but this is a dog-eat-dog world and I plan on making sure you're the dog that gets bit this time around...Russian Roulette is where you take your final bullet.
(FADEOUT)
BURNS: Pay Per View, the big time in this sport. It's been over 5 years in the making for me. Five years I bled and suffered all across America and even the world itself to make a name for myself...Five long years I've fought to finally get somewhere in this business...
When I threw that fire at you Karl...When I pinned and won this belt...I felt nothing but pride, nothing but relief that my long road of suffering and pain had finally paid off for me...I've had to spend all my time while holding this belt listening to people talk about what's right and what's wrong, even my partner, a man who I thought understood what really matters in this sport has looked down his nose at me and told me to straighten up and fly right.
Well nobody died and made The First God...And as far as i'm concerned, I'm tired of being his charity case, tired of being the guy he's got to make excuses for...Yeah he got my foot in the door, but I've knocked the damn door down since then...So you don't like how I'm acting First? Well I don't like how YOU are acting either buddy. And you're not the only one who can throw around threats around here...How's this for you...I'm doing WHATEVER I want and if you don't like it, tough sh*t, I'll throw fire, pull the tights, do anything I damn well please to do and if it offends your delicate feelings, I don't give a damn, we're in this together and you're going to pull your weight plain and simple.
Karl Brown and Otaku...You got beat by ME once before, and I will beat you again...I will beat you even if it breaks my partner's heart to see you lose, but this is a dog-eat-dog world and I plan on making sure you're the dog that gets bit this time around...Russian Roulette is where you take your final bullet.
(FADEOUT)
EpyonMarx
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[FADE IN to what an anime fan will be able to tell you is the sound of “Through the Night” performed by Masahiko Arimatsu, also known as the theme to Outlaw Star. There’s a glow from a TV lighting up the room a little, but we can only make out the outlines of piles of DVDs and CDs. We can also hear what sounds like a phone conversation, mumbled at first until a shadowy figure steps closer to view. Judging by the outline, and the voice, it’s EPW’s resident anime buff, Otaku]
Otaku: Yeah, yeah. Hey, Dragon-domo, listen, I’ve got great news! Oh, you’ve heard? Well, when’re you coming over for train…
[He slumps against the wall]
Otaku: Huh? What do you mean you can’t? Why?
Your eye’s still messed up? Oh, but can’t you still… insurance… no, no, I kinda understand, but… it’s… oh God. You mean they don’t know if you’re worth the risk?
Yeah. I guess it is high risk, especially with Burns. The guy’ll do anything to win. When’re you gonna find out if they’ll insure you? Man that’s cutting it close. No, no, I understand. Thanks for letting me know. I’ll… I’ll think of something. Sure, give him a call and see if he’ll be on standby. Would be major if he can but I want you there instead if you can. Yeah, bye.
[He tosses the phone so it lands behind a pile of DVDs as he slumps to the floor in thought.
CUT TO: An Empire Pro Wrestling Russian Roulette backdrop, Otaku dressed as Gene Starwind from Outlaw Star]
Otaku: You know, I was stoked when Ryan-domo said we were getting a tag title rematch. I can’t complain about Burns using fire, I mean we won the titles in what was a handicap match by the end, a win’s a win no matter how crummy you do it. But yeah, I was stoked about getting a chance to take back the titles, but because of what Burns did it might not be Animezing Dragon (singular!) that comes down. See, Dragon-domo’s eye hasn’t healed and his insurance says they can’t be sure of the risk. He’s going in to have it checked and looked at but it’s touch and go. I want the fans to know that. But Dragon-domo’s making a call so if he can’t make it I’ve got a partner who’s just as good.
But that doesn’t really do much for right now, does it? Because Burns is from the Ctarl-Ctarl Empire and all that. Or he’s a pirate. Or Tao master. Or something. I mean, he’s gonna do everything to win, and look who’s behind him. How can they lose?
Well… to be honest there’s no revenge for me in this match. Because how can you get revenge on a coward like Burns? I pity him, I really do, because even if a win’s a win and all that, how people’ll remember him is as someone who had to use fire to win. Not right, not wrong, but cowardly, and he’s too cowardly to care.
Whatever. I’m always going into a match to win. This is no exception. I just wanted to let the fans know what’s up, though, so keep watching, and get ready to see me kick some ass!
[CUT TO: black, quickly followed by an animated montage after the Voice]
Voice: Next time on Animezing Dragon…
Otaku: Hey Otaku-ites! Otaku here! Next time on Animezing Dragon, the evil Space Pirate Burns has me cornered as his puppet master watches on. My friend is hurt and can’t come to the rescue this time, but who’s that in the distance?
Next time on Animezing Dragon, Friend or Foe – The Fire Burns!
See you soon!
[FADE OUT]
Otaku: Yeah, yeah. Hey, Dragon-domo, listen, I’ve got great news! Oh, you’ve heard? Well, when’re you coming over for train…
[He slumps against the wall]
Otaku: Huh? What do you mean you can’t? Why?
Your eye’s still messed up? Oh, but can’t you still… insurance… no, no, I kinda understand, but… it’s… oh God. You mean they don’t know if you’re worth the risk?
Yeah. I guess it is high risk, especially with Burns. The guy’ll do anything to win. When’re you gonna find out if they’ll insure you? Man that’s cutting it close. No, no, I understand. Thanks for letting me know. I’ll… I’ll think of something. Sure, give him a call and see if he’ll be on standby. Would be major if he can but I want you there instead if you can. Yeah, bye.
[He tosses the phone so it lands behind a pile of DVDs as he slumps to the floor in thought.
CUT TO: An Empire Pro Wrestling Russian Roulette backdrop, Otaku dressed as Gene Starwind from Outlaw Star]
Otaku: You know, I was stoked when Ryan-domo said we were getting a tag title rematch. I can’t complain about Burns using fire, I mean we won the titles in what was a handicap match by the end, a win’s a win no matter how crummy you do it. But yeah, I was stoked about getting a chance to take back the titles, but because of what Burns did it might not be Animezing Dragon (singular!) that comes down. See, Dragon-domo’s eye hasn’t healed and his insurance says they can’t be sure of the risk. He’s going in to have it checked and looked at but it’s touch and go. I want the fans to know that. But Dragon-domo’s making a call so if he can’t make it I’ve got a partner who’s just as good.
But that doesn’t really do much for right now, does it? Because Burns is from the Ctarl-Ctarl Empire and all that. Or he’s a pirate. Or Tao master. Or something. I mean, he’s gonna do everything to win, and look who’s behind him. How can they lose?
Well… to be honest there’s no revenge for me in this match. Because how can you get revenge on a coward like Burns? I pity him, I really do, because even if a win’s a win and all that, how people’ll remember him is as someone who had to use fire to win. Not right, not wrong, but cowardly, and he’s too cowardly to care.
Whatever. I’m always going into a match to win. This is no exception. I just wanted to let the fans know what’s up, though, so keep watching, and get ready to see me kick some ass!
[CUT TO: black, quickly followed by an animated montage after the Voice]
Voice: Next time on Animezing Dragon…
Otaku: Hey Otaku-ites! Otaku here! Next time on Animezing Dragon, the evil Space Pirate Burns has me cornered as his puppet master watches on. My friend is hurt and can’t come to the rescue this time, but who’s that in the distance?
Next time on Animezing Dragon, Friend or Foe – The Fire Burns!
See you soon!
[FADE OUT]
The Great Eye
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(FADEIN: The First sitting on a bench next to the Bewitched Statue in downtown Salem. First’s face painted white black lines like Prince Nuada’s scars. First is in all black and his hair is pulled back in a pony tail. Muse sits next to him, First’s EPW World Tag Team Title resting on her shoulder.)
FIRST: Karl and Otaku, you’re right that Eddie is an object of pity and a fool of a man, and I don’t doubt that you want to take out your revenge on him, even if it won’t be all that meaningful for you to face such a worthless creature. Fact is I’ve done all I could to talk to or reason with Eddie and none of it has worked so I give up.
Look Eddie, I’m done with everything I’ve tried to do. We’ve had our falling outs time after time, but the fact is, I want to be your friend. I’m sick that this business has torn us apart as it’s done to so many other people…So what I’m trying to say here is that I don’t care anymore…I’m not going to stop you from pulling any stunts or doing anything stupid, you want to throw fire and pull the tights and all the rest of that nonsense. Go crazy, it’s all good with me.
I won’t do it, I’m fighting this match and every other match on the up and up. But you don’t need to abide by any rules. You’ll get what’s coming to you sooner or later, we all do, and when you face your reckoning maybe then you’ll wise up and figure some things out, but until then I figure it’s best to just go along to get along and we’ll try to make things right between us.
I get what the business has done to you. You’re afraid a few losses will get your contract voided and send you back to wrestling anywhere that’ll pay you a few hundred dollars up front, I know you’re scared of what could happen to your career, but don’t sweat it man, you’ve made it, you’re in EPW now and you’re all good to go. Just relax and enjoy it.
And get ready to fight two men who are clearly going to be out for blood and looking to take a bite out of your hide for the stunt you pulled to win these titles. I’m going to hold up my end of the bargain against the Dragons, but the real question is, even with all the tricks and all the bullsh*t.
Cause I’m going to the TD Bank North Garden to put on the match of the night, I’m going to be there to fight tooth and nail to keep the EPW Tag Team Titles where they currently are. I know Karl and Otaku are going to do everything to take them from us, but we’re not here to be sitting ducks just waiting to be picked off.
So Eddie, I hope you’re ready for this, because I sure as hell know that I am.
(FADEOUT)
FIRST: Karl and Otaku, you’re right that Eddie is an object of pity and a fool of a man, and I don’t doubt that you want to take out your revenge on him, even if it won’t be all that meaningful for you to face such a worthless creature. Fact is I’ve done all I could to talk to or reason with Eddie and none of it has worked so I give up.
Look Eddie, I’m done with everything I’ve tried to do. We’ve had our falling outs time after time, but the fact is, I want to be your friend. I’m sick that this business has torn us apart as it’s done to so many other people…So what I’m trying to say here is that I don’t care anymore…I’m not going to stop you from pulling any stunts or doing anything stupid, you want to throw fire and pull the tights and all the rest of that nonsense. Go crazy, it’s all good with me.
I won’t do it, I’m fighting this match and every other match on the up and up. But you don’t need to abide by any rules. You’ll get what’s coming to you sooner or later, we all do, and when you face your reckoning maybe then you’ll wise up and figure some things out, but until then I figure it’s best to just go along to get along and we’ll try to make things right between us.
I get what the business has done to you. You’re afraid a few losses will get your contract voided and send you back to wrestling anywhere that’ll pay you a few hundred dollars up front, I know you’re scared of what could happen to your career, but don’t sweat it man, you’ve made it, you’re in EPW now and you’re all good to go. Just relax and enjoy it.
And get ready to fight two men who are clearly going to be out for blood and looking to take a bite out of your hide for the stunt you pulled to win these titles. I’m going to hold up my end of the bargain against the Dragons, but the real question is, even with all the tricks and all the bullsh*t.
Cause I’m going to the TD Bank North Garden to put on the match of the night, I’m going to be there to fight tooth and nail to keep the EPW Tag Team Titles where they currently are. I know Karl and Otaku are going to do everything to take them from us, but we’re not here to be sitting ducks just waiting to be picked off.
So Eddie, I hope you’re ready for this, because I sure as hell know that I am.
(FADEOUT)
EpyonMarx
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[FADE IN to Otaku, heavy bags under his eyes, talking to a (clearly added in editing) CG version of Mesousa from Pani Poni Dash! as they walk through a (clearly added in editing again) anime style highschool]
Otaku: So, like I was saying, it stinks! Dragon-domo’s still waiting to hear from insurance, Ryan-domo’s getting impatient, and the person Dragon-domo is trying to call up as a possible replacement is out of town! Meanwhile all I can do is try and stay positive and train when I know full well that if I don’t win I could be reduced to sitting through poorly dubbed reruns of 1950s Disney shorts! Is there anything worse than that?
[Mesousa tries to speak, but Otaku cuts straight back in]
Otaku: I mean yeah I’m good, you don’t get to come back to a place like Empire Pro Wrestling without being good because Ryan-domo’s the kind of guy who’ll ask which window you want to be thrown out of if he thinks you’re wasting his time and then he’ll throw you out of an even higher one, but come on! They’re dysfunctional, or is that DISfunctional around here, but Burns-san could win this match on his own with some underhanded trick that means they still get to keep the titles because the referee never saw it.
Mesousa: [as a thought voiceover] breathe… breathe…
Otaku: And another thing, where do they get off thinking it’s Dragons? Do people not listen any more? People have ears but they keep forgetting that right now there’s not even a Dragon, he might not be allowed to wrestle! It’s like… it’s just Animezing! Maybe I should slip that note to Fatora… you know, funny thing, I used to think his name was Fedora. Like that hat. He looks kinda hatty.
Mesousa: [still as thought voiceover] please kill me now…
Otaku: GAH! I’m such a baka! I’m like baka green or something! Getting all worried about this, and in my own dreams! Maybe my maker should issue a recall on my life.
Mesousa: that’s my line…
Otaku: Hm? Did you say something, Mesousa?
Mesousa: no…
Otaku: OK. It’s decided! I’ve gotta apply myself! Think ahead, that’s what Dragon-domo’s taught me. Be ready. Ready for anything. Open minded. Accept that anything can happen and you won’t be shocked by it! So what if I end up wrestling them on my own? So what if this all turns out to be an elaborate plot that’s got more twists and turns than an episode of Excel Saga
Mesousa: [under what Otaku’s saying] or pani poni dash…
Otaku: I’m still here! I’m ready! Heck, it’s just two of them! I can beat them! No, I’m going to beat them! YEAH!!
[He pumps his fist, at which the CG and animeted scene (misspelling deliberate) disappear, with only a soft “Oh…” coming from the thoughts of Mesousa drifting on the wind… Otaku pauses, confused for a moment, before shrugging]
Otaku: Ah, well. Call me crazy, and Neels does regularly. But I could have sworn there was an animated bunny. Crazy.
Hey… that’s not such a bad idea! You need to be crazy to take on Burns-san when he’s threatening to do whatever it takes, and you need to be even crazier to take on someone like The First when there’s gold involved! I know, he’s the same as me, titles are nice. He wants to keep the gold no matter what he says about fairness! He’s even admitted it, he’s giving Burns-san free reign knowing he can’t stop Burns-san but that he can ride him into keeping the gold!
Clever girl… boy… make-up wearing but not cosplaying boy… man… whatever!
Yeah. I’ve been too worked up, too worried. This is going to be fine.
The titles coming back with me and whoever is in my corner… a chance to show Burns-san and The First that I’m stronger than last time. Step into the fire can get you burned but not if you’re made of fire. Or something.
Man, I need to sleep more. Tonight, sleep! Tomorrow, train! The day after, something, then profit!
Nah. Not profit. Because if I want to win there’s not going to be any profit. If it ends up being me on my own… it’s going to take every drop of sweat and every microgram of effort and energy I have and I’ll never be the same man after the match that I was going in. For one, I’ll be a two time Empire Pro Tag Team Champion! But I’ll be wiser. I feel wiser already. Hey, Mesousa…
Oh yeah. That was me dreaming.
Right. I’ve made up my mind. Be ready for anything. Because anything doesn’t like to be kept waiting! Anything can happen when anything’s kept waiting, but if you’re ready for anything you can help anything happen at all.
Man I gotta sleep…
[He walks off, seemingly as if he’s never even been aware of the camera. FADE]
Voice: Next time on Animezing Dragon…
Otaku: Do I gotta do the preview? I just wanna hit the sack! OK, okay, jeez, touchy for a narrator. Hey Empire Pro Wrestling-ites! Otaku here! Next time we’re in for a real game of Russian Roulette, as the clock ticks slowly slowly forward. Dragon-domo and I have been separated, but I’m moving forward through the maze of the evil Burns and his puppet master! I’m stoked, I’m ready to fight, but what will I find when I reach their lair in the centre of the maze? You won’t believe it, and you don’t wanna miss it!
Next time, on Animezing Dragon – Change of Heart, the Moment of Eternity!
[END]
Otaku: So, like I was saying, it stinks! Dragon-domo’s still waiting to hear from insurance, Ryan-domo’s getting impatient, and the person Dragon-domo is trying to call up as a possible replacement is out of town! Meanwhile all I can do is try and stay positive and train when I know full well that if I don’t win I could be reduced to sitting through poorly dubbed reruns of 1950s Disney shorts! Is there anything worse than that?
[Mesousa tries to speak, but Otaku cuts straight back in]
Otaku: I mean yeah I’m good, you don’t get to come back to a place like Empire Pro Wrestling without being good because Ryan-domo’s the kind of guy who’ll ask which window you want to be thrown out of if he thinks you’re wasting his time and then he’ll throw you out of an even higher one, but come on! They’re dysfunctional, or is that DISfunctional around here, but Burns-san could win this match on his own with some underhanded trick that means they still get to keep the titles because the referee never saw it.
Mesousa: [as a thought voiceover] breathe… breathe…
Otaku: And another thing, where do they get off thinking it’s Dragons? Do people not listen any more? People have ears but they keep forgetting that right now there’s not even a Dragon, he might not be allowed to wrestle! It’s like… it’s just Animezing! Maybe I should slip that note to Fatora… you know, funny thing, I used to think his name was Fedora. Like that hat. He looks kinda hatty.
Mesousa: [still as thought voiceover] please kill me now…
Otaku: GAH! I’m such a baka! I’m like baka green or something! Getting all worried about this, and in my own dreams! Maybe my maker should issue a recall on my life.
Mesousa: that’s my line…
Otaku: Hm? Did you say something, Mesousa?
Mesousa: no…
Otaku: OK. It’s decided! I’ve gotta apply myself! Think ahead, that’s what Dragon-domo’s taught me. Be ready. Ready for anything. Open minded. Accept that anything can happen and you won’t be shocked by it! So what if I end up wrestling them on my own? So what if this all turns out to be an elaborate plot that’s got more twists and turns than an episode of Excel Saga
Mesousa: [under what Otaku’s saying] or pani poni dash…
Otaku: I’m still here! I’m ready! Heck, it’s just two of them! I can beat them! No, I’m going to beat them! YEAH!!
[He pumps his fist, at which the CG and animeted scene (misspelling deliberate) disappear, with only a soft “Oh…” coming from the thoughts of Mesousa drifting on the wind… Otaku pauses, confused for a moment, before shrugging]
Otaku: Ah, well. Call me crazy, and Neels does regularly. But I could have sworn there was an animated bunny. Crazy.
Hey… that’s not such a bad idea! You need to be crazy to take on Burns-san when he’s threatening to do whatever it takes, and you need to be even crazier to take on someone like The First when there’s gold involved! I know, he’s the same as me, titles are nice. He wants to keep the gold no matter what he says about fairness! He’s even admitted it, he’s giving Burns-san free reign knowing he can’t stop Burns-san but that he can ride him into keeping the gold!
Clever girl… boy… make-up wearing but not cosplaying boy… man… whatever!
Yeah. I’ve been too worked up, too worried. This is going to be fine.
The titles coming back with me and whoever is in my corner… a chance to show Burns-san and The First that I’m stronger than last time. Step into the fire can get you burned but not if you’re made of fire. Or something.
Man, I need to sleep more. Tonight, sleep! Tomorrow, train! The day after, something, then profit!
Nah. Not profit. Because if I want to win there’s not going to be any profit. If it ends up being me on my own… it’s going to take every drop of sweat and every microgram of effort and energy I have and I’ll never be the same man after the match that I was going in. For one, I’ll be a two time Empire Pro Tag Team Champion! But I’ll be wiser. I feel wiser already. Hey, Mesousa…
Oh yeah. That was me dreaming.
Right. I’ve made up my mind. Be ready for anything. Because anything doesn’t like to be kept waiting! Anything can happen when anything’s kept waiting, but if you’re ready for anything you can help anything happen at all.
Man I gotta sleep…
[He walks off, seemingly as if he’s never even been aware of the camera. FADE]
Voice: Next time on Animezing Dragon…
Otaku: Do I gotta do the preview? I just wanna hit the sack! OK, okay, jeez, touchy for a narrator. Hey Empire Pro Wrestling-ites! Otaku here! Next time we’re in for a real game of Russian Roulette, as the clock ticks slowly slowly forward. Dragon-domo and I have been separated, but I’m moving forward through the maze of the evil Burns and his puppet master! I’m stoked, I’m ready to fight, but what will I find when I reach their lair in the centre of the maze? You won’t believe it, and you don’t wanna miss it!
Next time, on Animezing Dragon – Change of Heart, the Moment of Eternity!
[END]
The Great Eye
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(FADEIN: Eddie Burns standing in front of the Beerworks in Salem. Black and Gold Tim Thomas jersey on, blue jeans, EPW World Tag Belt over his shoulder.)
BURNS: Well hi to you Karl and Otaku, yeah you keep running your mouths about me being worthless and weak, it's fine. I've been hearing it from all sides for quite some time now, hell I even hear it from a guy who's supposed to be my friend, he's supposed to be my partner in all this, and it's really got me pissed off.
But lo-and-behold now I get a promotion, now I'm gonna be the guy that carries First to greatness. He's gonna let me have free reign to do what it takes to get the job done. Well guess what pal, I don't believe you for a damn second. You're just using me. Either this is a deal where I got to do all the heavy lifting and let you steal the glory, or you're just getting the knife ready to stick in my back.
You weepy warriors with all your rules and honor...You all need to listen up to a guy like Rich Mahogany who knows what it takes to get things done in this business. That's the way you get to the top, by doing whatever it takes. And that's how I'm playing the game, and you don't like it, tough.
Don't worry First, I got something in store for you to make sure you don't ruin my big night. You can chill out and not worry about a thing, ol' Eddie's got it all taken care of, once this night is over, you won't have to feel regret over any of my actions, because I got it all taken care of.
And when it's over and I'm still one half of the tag champions and Karl Brown and Otaku are losers crying into their beer or sake or whatever they drink in England...You can all just marvel at my genius.
So get ready Boston, cause Eddie Burns is gonna burn up the Garden.
(FADEOUT)
BURNS: Well hi to you Karl and Otaku, yeah you keep running your mouths about me being worthless and weak, it's fine. I've been hearing it from all sides for quite some time now, hell I even hear it from a guy who's supposed to be my friend, he's supposed to be my partner in all this, and it's really got me pissed off.
But lo-and-behold now I get a promotion, now I'm gonna be the guy that carries First to greatness. He's gonna let me have free reign to do what it takes to get the job done. Well guess what pal, I don't believe you for a damn second. You're just using me. Either this is a deal where I got to do all the heavy lifting and let you steal the glory, or you're just getting the knife ready to stick in my back.
You weepy warriors with all your rules and honor...You all need to listen up to a guy like Rich Mahogany who knows what it takes to get things done in this business. That's the way you get to the top, by doing whatever it takes. And that's how I'm playing the game, and you don't like it, tough.
Don't worry First, I got something in store for you to make sure you don't ruin my big night. You can chill out and not worry about a thing, ol' Eddie's got it all taken care of, once this night is over, you won't have to feel regret over any of my actions, because I got it all taken care of.
And when it's over and I'm still one half of the tag champions and Karl Brown and Otaku are losers crying into their beer or sake or whatever they drink in England...You can all just marvel at my genius.
So get ready Boston, cause Eddie Burns is gonna burn up the Garden.
(FADEOUT)
EpyonMarx
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[FADE IN to the sounds of Tatta Hitotsu no Omoi, or the theme from Gunslinger Girl II – Il Teatrino for those who may not understand Japanese. The song is playing fairly loudly as the scene fades, FOCUSING to show Otaku running on a treadmill. He looks odd, for him, dressed in shorts and a tight athletics vest, sweat glistening on his brow and across his shoulders. He keeps a steady tempo, weights added to his wrists and ankles and a bottle of water sitting on the treadmill control panel. Owing to his activity his breath is heavier than normal, but that’s to be expected]
Otaku: Hey. Sorry for training while I talk but we’re only a couple days away. Dragon-domo’s having his eye checked again but we won’t know until the day before Russian Roulette if he can wrestle. Don’t worry, he’s found someone who’s a real legend in case he can’t make it, so there’s going to be tag team action. I just don’t know who. But that’s life, ain’t it? Doesn’t always go as planned but you gotta be ready!
Especially with idiots standing across the ring. Yeah, I said it. Greedy idiots like First and Burns-baka. Especially Burns-baka. Don’t know if he even watches the show, probably not or he’d know Dragon-domo’s been injured and it’s been the Mighty Otaku saying that Burns-baka’s a weak, pitiful baka. Baka, baka, baka!
No, I’m not sorry. I’m angry. Angry that I couldn’t help Dragon-domo out in the elimination triple threat. Angry that Burns-baka’s walking around with one of the most prestigious championships in the wrestling world, right up there with the IWGP tag team titles. I’m angry that Burns-baka’s not been punished. Dragon-domo’s said not to worry about it because it’s one of those things that happens in this business, but it doesn’t make me any less angry. I’m also angry that First is being so hollow and so transparent that even Burns-baka can see the glint in First’s eyes when there’s a title belt around. Well, guess what, First, I have the same hunger for the tag team title and I’m getting it back!
Yeah, everyone can see it. From the moment he came back gold’s been the only thing on his mind and he’s gonna do anything to keep it now he’s got it, even give Burns-baka freedom to do whatever he wants until he decides he wants to go after another title. Even Burns-baka’s caught on. I guess that makes First the Baka-domo. Or baka-kami. Some sort of baka.
But Russian Roulette isn’t going to go their way. No. Whatever Burns-baka’s got planned isn’t going to work, whether it’s him having dirt on the ref or bringing more fireballs or Asian-mist or whatever! Two can play that game! But I won’t. Except maybe the Asian-mist. Yellow mist might work.
[The song finishes, FADING to be replaced by a remix of The Starry Sky by HAL. Otaku quickens his pace to match the higher tempo beat]
Otaku: Seriously, I’m mad as hell but I guess I’m gonna have to use it properly. Undirected rage is worthless, said Dragon-domo. And he’s right! You can even look at weapons to find that. A bomb in the open does less damage than a bomb in a smaller space. The blast’s more focused, like a beam weapon. That’s what I’ve gotta be like at Russian Roulette, whether it’s Dragon-domo or someone else on the apron. I’m gonna focus the last few weeks since we lost the tag team titles into this one match, focus it more onto Burns-baka and First, focus it more and more and more until they can’t take it any more and they walk away embarrassed and humiliated. Or just beaten. That’ll work. Because I don’t want to end their careers, I’d feel bad about that. Maybe. Guess I’m a little unfocused right now.
But seriously, anyone who needs to use fireballs is pathetic. Yeah. Anyone who hides from what everyone can see about them is pathetic, and pathetic people don’t deserve to run around with prestigious titles. It’s a blight on the whole business!
You, Burns-baka, are a blight! And you, First. Blight!
One of you talks about doing whatever it takes, the other talks about honour. Dragon-domo’s gonna disagree with me, but if you’ve gotta do things outside the rules, you don’t deserve to call yourself good, let alone a champion, and if you talk about honour you better be able to back it up, and First can’t. He had the chance but didn’t, he could have walked away and said to Burns-baka, you defend this belt on your own, one on one. But no, First likes gold too much and doesn’t want to say it, it’s all about the title and the title alone for him.
Well… it’s more than the title to me. It’s my growth, and it’s about myself and it’s about my friendship with Dragon-domo. He’s helped me a lot. He’s made me a lot more confident. A lot more ready to take Empire Pro Wrestling and show it the true power of anime and youth! But above all he’s shown me that life’s only hard if you let it be. So, yeah, while he doesn’t like that I want a bit of revenge for what happened to him, I owe him a lot. I can respect the differences he and I have and it’s not gonna be either of us consciously changing or trying to change the other. We’ve grown to be friends, while First sounds like he just wants to control Burns-baka.
Gah! Thoughts disjointed. Sorry, folks, but I better focus. On training. Next stop after this is the fan show before Russian Roulette, and I promise, I promise I’ll tell you all whether Dragon-domo’s going to be in my corner as a wrestler or as my friend. He’s getting the call from his insurance that morning. He can’t use his left eye properly still but I know he wants to be there. I hope he can make it and wrestle because it’ll be even better to see Burns-baka get beaten by the man he hurt so badly. But even if Dragon-domo can’t wrestle, he’s got a replacement. He’s thinking about me and the fans, even now when it’s the biggest match of my career in the States, and I’ve gotta be at my best. I owe him so much, and this is all I can to say thanks now. Take what he’s taught me and win back the titles, with the power of youth!
[FADE…]
Voice: Next time, on Animezing Otaku…
Otaku: Hey everyone! Otaku here! It’s been a long journey but we’re almost at the end! I’ve fought through hoards of monsters and demons sent by Burns and his puppet master to reach their hideout, but it looks like I’m all alone, going up against the big boss and the mid-boss! It looks like the end for me! But wait a minute, who’s that in the shadows? Is it friend or foe?
Next time on Animezing Otaku, the penultimate episode. Treasure Chest. See you soon!
[END]
Otaku: Hey. Sorry for training while I talk but we’re only a couple days away. Dragon-domo’s having his eye checked again but we won’t know until the day before Russian Roulette if he can wrestle. Don’t worry, he’s found someone who’s a real legend in case he can’t make it, so there’s going to be tag team action. I just don’t know who. But that’s life, ain’t it? Doesn’t always go as planned but you gotta be ready!
Especially with idiots standing across the ring. Yeah, I said it. Greedy idiots like First and Burns-baka. Especially Burns-baka. Don’t know if he even watches the show, probably not or he’d know Dragon-domo’s been injured and it’s been the Mighty Otaku saying that Burns-baka’s a weak, pitiful baka. Baka, baka, baka!
No, I’m not sorry. I’m angry. Angry that I couldn’t help Dragon-domo out in the elimination triple threat. Angry that Burns-baka’s walking around with one of the most prestigious championships in the wrestling world, right up there with the IWGP tag team titles. I’m angry that Burns-baka’s not been punished. Dragon-domo’s said not to worry about it because it’s one of those things that happens in this business, but it doesn’t make me any less angry. I’m also angry that First is being so hollow and so transparent that even Burns-baka can see the glint in First’s eyes when there’s a title belt around. Well, guess what, First, I have the same hunger for the tag team title and I’m getting it back!
Yeah, everyone can see it. From the moment he came back gold’s been the only thing on his mind and he’s gonna do anything to keep it now he’s got it, even give Burns-baka freedom to do whatever he wants until he decides he wants to go after another title. Even Burns-baka’s caught on. I guess that makes First the Baka-domo. Or baka-kami. Some sort of baka.
But Russian Roulette isn’t going to go their way. No. Whatever Burns-baka’s got planned isn’t going to work, whether it’s him having dirt on the ref or bringing more fireballs or Asian-mist or whatever! Two can play that game! But I won’t. Except maybe the Asian-mist. Yellow mist might work.
[The song finishes, FADING to be replaced by a remix of The Starry Sky by HAL. Otaku quickens his pace to match the higher tempo beat]
Otaku: Seriously, I’m mad as hell but I guess I’m gonna have to use it properly. Undirected rage is worthless, said Dragon-domo. And he’s right! You can even look at weapons to find that. A bomb in the open does less damage than a bomb in a smaller space. The blast’s more focused, like a beam weapon. That’s what I’ve gotta be like at Russian Roulette, whether it’s Dragon-domo or someone else on the apron. I’m gonna focus the last few weeks since we lost the tag team titles into this one match, focus it more onto Burns-baka and First, focus it more and more and more until they can’t take it any more and they walk away embarrassed and humiliated. Or just beaten. That’ll work. Because I don’t want to end their careers, I’d feel bad about that. Maybe. Guess I’m a little unfocused right now.
But seriously, anyone who needs to use fireballs is pathetic. Yeah. Anyone who hides from what everyone can see about them is pathetic, and pathetic people don’t deserve to run around with prestigious titles. It’s a blight on the whole business!
You, Burns-baka, are a blight! And you, First. Blight!
One of you talks about doing whatever it takes, the other talks about honour. Dragon-domo’s gonna disagree with me, but if you’ve gotta do things outside the rules, you don’t deserve to call yourself good, let alone a champion, and if you talk about honour you better be able to back it up, and First can’t. He had the chance but didn’t, he could have walked away and said to Burns-baka, you defend this belt on your own, one on one. But no, First likes gold too much and doesn’t want to say it, it’s all about the title and the title alone for him.
Well… it’s more than the title to me. It’s my growth, and it’s about myself and it’s about my friendship with Dragon-domo. He’s helped me a lot. He’s made me a lot more confident. A lot more ready to take Empire Pro Wrestling and show it the true power of anime and youth! But above all he’s shown me that life’s only hard if you let it be. So, yeah, while he doesn’t like that I want a bit of revenge for what happened to him, I owe him a lot. I can respect the differences he and I have and it’s not gonna be either of us consciously changing or trying to change the other. We’ve grown to be friends, while First sounds like he just wants to control Burns-baka.
Gah! Thoughts disjointed. Sorry, folks, but I better focus. On training. Next stop after this is the fan show before Russian Roulette, and I promise, I promise I’ll tell you all whether Dragon-domo’s going to be in my corner as a wrestler or as my friend. He’s getting the call from his insurance that morning. He can’t use his left eye properly still but I know he wants to be there. I hope he can make it and wrestle because it’ll be even better to see Burns-baka get beaten by the man he hurt so badly. But even if Dragon-domo can’t wrestle, he’s got a replacement. He’s thinking about me and the fans, even now when it’s the biggest match of my career in the States, and I’ve gotta be at my best. I owe him so much, and this is all I can to say thanks now. Take what he’s taught me and win back the titles, with the power of youth!
[FADE…]
Voice: Next time, on Animezing Otaku…
Otaku: Hey everyone! Otaku here! It’s been a long journey but we’re almost at the end! I’ve fought through hoards of monsters and demons sent by Burns and his puppet master to reach their hideout, but it looks like I’m all alone, going up against the big boss and the mid-boss! It looks like the end for me! But wait a minute, who’s that in the shadows? Is it friend or foe?
Next time on Animezing Otaku, the penultimate episode. Treasure Chest. See you soon!
[END]