Sands vs. Beast

[JABolich]

EPW World Heavyweight Championship
Steel Cage Match
Christian Sands (C) vs. Beast

The rematch the world has been waiting for has finally arrived. For months the hatred between Sands and Beast has escalated, and now it will meet its conclusion. Will Beast finally claim that which he has sought after for so long, or will Sands' evil ways carry the day?

 

[MarcusWestcott]

The time has come.

[ Fade in to an EPW set, complete with chain link fence and EPW banner hanging in the background. Kenny Lombardo stands alongside Beast, who is dressed in street clothes. ]

KL: Beast, we're on the way to EPW's second major PPV, Unleashed. Once aagain, it will be Beast versus Christian Sands in the main event, the EPW World Heavyweight Championship on the line. What are your thoughts on this match?

Beast: Well Kenny, first off I'd like to thank the EPW staff for coming up with this whole cage match idea. I couldn't ask for a better setting in which to become EPW Champion.

KL: Isn't that a little bold of you to come out and claim victory so soon?

Beast: It could be. And I'm sure that Sands will come out and run his mouth, saying that he beat me before. He's going to ask me why this time is going to be different. Fine, I'll tell you.

[ Camera zooms in on Beast. ]

Beast: Why this time is going to be different? All the variables have changed. This isn't the same Beast that Sands fought last time. Sure, I loathed him then, and still do now. Sands disgusted me in our first encounter, and he still disgusts me now. Sands wants respect just because he's World Champion? I can't respect any man that feels the need to stroke his ego by abusing women - no matter how good of a wrestler he may be.

And, when the woman he happens to be abusing most just so coveniently happens to be my girlfriend, well that just kicks things up a million notches. Now, not only is there loathing and disgust, Kenny, there is pure, unadulterated anger. There is a rage I haven't felt in ages that's come out in me, and it needs an avenue to be channeled. Coveniently, I'm booked against Sands in a cage. Works for me. Not only do I get to desroy Sands in a cage, but I get beat and batter and bloody his body in ways just not possible in a regular ring.

KL: That's it? This match is going to be different because you're pissed off?

[ Beast shoots Kenny a glare that could kill. ]

Beast: Of course not, idiot. Sands is going to of course shoot his mouth off about how great a wrestler he is. There's only one problem with that. This match is in a cage. It's got nothing to do with who the better wrestler is. This is all about survival. This match is all about revenge. This match is all about who the better fighter is. About who the strongest is. About who can survive the confines of the steel cage. This is combat in it's purest form.

And I'm sure Sands will say something about how I need a fight to beat him, and not a wrestling match, but remember this, Sands. In our last match, I didn't give up. I never quit. I passed out first. I endured everything you threw at me, and after that match no one dared question my wrestling ability. Even you had to admit that you respected what I can do in that ring. I don't *need* a cage to defeat you, Sands.

It's just going to make the victory that much sweeter when I stand over you, EPW World Heavyweight Championship in my hands, looking down at you and smiling, seeing the legacy of Christian Sands turned into nothing more than ground hamburger by the steel at my hands.

This PPV is aptly named. It's time to Unleash the Beast. It's time to turn him loose and see him do what he came here to do.

And that is become EPW World Heavyweight Champion.

[ FTB. ]

 

[JABolich]

(FADEIN: White backdrop. CHRISTIAN SANDS sits in front of it, the World Title thrown over his right shoulder. He stares into the camera over the tops of his mirrored shades.)

Sands: Looks like we've come full circle, haven't we, big guy?

Sort of funny how some things change and others stay the same. New Pay-Per-View... new match stipulation... new city... same old Beast. I see your balls are still bigger than your head. It also seems that the Ten Commandments of Beast are still in effect. Please, Beast - ground hamburger? What's next? Gonna turn me into dog food and beat me like a government mule? Yeah, maybe you do have an ounce of talent in the ring, but you're still about as innovative as a brick. Next time try cutting a promo WITHOUT using a trite wrestling cliche.

Before I get down to running some REAL verbal rings around you, I just need to ask you a question.

Why does the opening lyric of your entrance music say "I like your pants around your feet?"

Why is that, hm? Why would a "tough guy" like you come out to a song loaded with sexual overtones? Is it because you're a SEXY BEAST? Or maybe just a horny Beast? Yeah, Lindsay can do that to you. It's that ass. Believe me, I know from experience.

Be a good boy and clear that up for me, because it's naggin' at me, man.

Now then. Let's get down to serious business.

You're a gem, Beast. How nice of you to come out here and predict EXACTLY what I'm going to do as if you knew me at all. You are right about one thing, though - I DID beat you before. But what you don't realize is that I beat you the same way I'm going to now: by capitalizing on the fact that you think you know me. Going into Black Dawn you thought I was some punk who fluked his way into the match, but in the end who got punked out, hm? This time you think you know me well enough to predict exactly what I'm going to say. How're you going to take it when you're proven wrong?

Thank you for pointing out the obvious fact that this match is in a cage. But if you think that a few tons of steel are going to change the outcome of this match you are sorely mistaken, because I can defeat any man in any environment at any time. You want to talk to me about survival? Fine, go ahead. You're looking at the man who's confronted the best in the world and survived. I, on the other hand, am looking at a man who got choked out in the main event of a Pay-Per-View when he tried to hang with me. I give you credit for doing well, Beast, but you didn't survive. Rather, you were left lying motionless on the canvas like the b*tch that you are. What does that say about you when you talk about survival?

You've been a thorn in my side for the past two months, Beast, and now it's time to pay the piper. You could've taken the high road, you know. There was a time when I respected you as a man, but you pissed it all away when you speared me in that hallway. I don't take kindly to being disrespected, Beast. Everything I've done to you, you've had coming. At Unleashed, I will seal the deal. After I beat you for a second time, I will have proven myself superior to you beyond a shadow of a doubt, and both you and the world will have no choice but to afford me the respect I as champion deserve.

Take a good long look at this title on my shoulder. The nameplate reads SANDS.

Trust me when I say that it will continue to read SANDS for a long time coming.

(FADEOUT)

 

[MarcusWestcott]

The Truth Hurts

(Camera fades in to a white backdrop. Beast sits in front of it on a wooden stool, one foot on the floor, the other foot with his heel hooked on the bottom cross piece. He stares into the camera over the tops of his mirrored shades.)

Beast: (in his best Sands impression) Hello, I'm Christian Sands. You might know me from such educational videos as "Hypocrite? That's me!", "101 Ways To Say The Exact Same Thing With A Limited Vocabulary", "I Once Wrestled For 66 Minutes And Didn't Win", and my personal favorite: "Cliches Are The Devil!" I come from Ontario, Canada, where the men are so tough, we wear our mirrored glasses with the mirrors on the *inside*.

(Beast takes the glasses off his face, revealing intense eyes underneath. Beast inspects the glasses and then fires them off camera.)

Beast: (back to normal speech) Well, ok... that last part may have been a bit of a stretch - we all know there are no tough guys in Ontario - but it wouldn't surprise me a bit if it were true. That way Sands, you could spend all your time looking at yourself. That's all that matters to you anyway. Nothing else is a blip on the radar except for the world according to Christian Sands - and all that exists in that world is himself.

The brightest star in a galaxy of one.

Sure, Sands, you might say that you are at a level all your own. That's fine. Put yourself up on the pedestal. The fall down is just going to be that much harder. The truth of the matter is, Sands, that you're so blinded by your own ego that you're oblivious to everything happening around you. You don't see me standing right in front of you, ready to strike and take that title from off your shoulder - ready to dethrone you.

Ooops. Was that a cliche?

My bad. Sorry.

You're right - we have come full circle...

Crap. Another cliche.

Now where have I heard that one before? Oh yeah, the man that shouts to the world Sands' First Commandment - THOU SHALT NOT USE CLICHES!

But lo and behold, God opens his mouth, and violates his own rule.

Asshat. Shut the f*ck up.

At least if I was going to use the whole "mule" line, I'd use "rented mule" instead of Government mule. But we wouldn't want our World Champion stealing lines from a senile, paralyzed, end-of-the-road has-been announcer, would we?

Innovation?

But then again, I wouldn't expect any more from an end-of-the-road has-been World Champion like you, Sands.

So while Sands works hard to show the world he's not a flaming hippocrate - and fails miserably - I, the next EPW World Champion am diligently preparing for a match that it is my destiny to win - to destroy Christian Sands in the cage and bring home the gold. Sands, you may talk the talk and boast about how you can win in any environment, but son, you're preaching to the choir.

Dammit! Bad Beast! Another cliche! I MUST be punished!

This isn't *any* enviroment, Sands.

This is my home.

The cage, a cell... this is indeed the Beast's Lair. I have NEVER been defeated inside a cell or a cage. And you're sure as HELL not going to be the first. This is MY environment, Sands.

And no one - NO ONE - is more ruthless... more aggressive... more lethal... more savage than a Beast forced to defend his own territory.

Cliche, Beast... cliche.

F*ck it.

It's a drive... a passion... a natural, primal urge so strong that it can't be avoided. It can't be repressed. It cannot be held back. There is only one thing that can be done, and that is to allow that primal nature to be fully unleashed as if it were hell itself, to engulf all those that dare stand in front of it.

This week, it's you, Sands.

And when it's all said and done, when all the dust has settled, after I've raked your butt-ugly face up and down the cage, allowing the steel to slice it wide open and let the blood flow freely (after all, I wouldn't want to risk another cliche by saying ground hamburger)... and I pick up your scent and move in for the kill ... when your ashes lie in a heap in the middle of the cage, all that will be left is a pile of leather and gold that is the EPW World Heavyweight Championship. Just lying there for me to pick up and place around my waist.

And I will take my place as the Alpha Male, the Apex Predator in EPW.

But before I kick your ass, Sands, sure, I'll indulge you.

Why did I pick that particular song for my theme music? Perhaps it's because I'm a huge Nickleback fan, and got to fulfill every fan's dream by getting up on stage and sing with the band. I got to hang out with them backstage. And "Figure You Out" just happens to be my favorite song.

I'm sorry you didn't get the answer you're looking for. I'm sorry that you didn't get to see me provoked and pissed off because of you talking about Lindsay again.

I'm way past that point, Sands.

This thorn in your side is about to become bigger and bigger. I can't wait to see the pain and agony you're in when the next time you see that belt after the PPV, the nameplate is going to read BEAST - and scream to the world exactly who the best is.

It's time to Unleash the Beast within, Sands, and you're just an unfortunate bystander. Another victim.

Another one of my prey.

At Unleashed, Sands, you're going down faster than the cast of Sex In The City.

(FADEOUT.)

 

[JABolich]

Why, Mr. Beast?

(FADEIN: The empty white space favored by CHRISTIAN SANDS when he's in the mood for something other than a backdrop. SANDS sits in an armchair in the center of the white space, the title draped over the shoulder of his suit and his eyes hidden behind dark shades. Yep, it's the Smith look.)

Sands: Why, Mr. Beast?

You're a very curious sort of person, Beast. You strike me as the kind of man who can talk a big game, but when you get right down to it there's nothing to it. Sure, you've claimed again and again that you're going to beat my ass and take my title, but you haven't answered the most pertinent question. WHY, Mr. Beast? WHY are you going to do it? What is the reason? What is the means? What makes you so qualified to take what is rightfully mine?

Don't give me any of this Beast's Lair crap. The cage is MY domain, because as anyone who's followed my career knows, I made my fame in a tournament of cage matches. Before GWE's King Of The Cage tournament I was just another face. That changed when I beat a multi-time World Champion inside a steel cage and took another to his limits. So you see, steel cages have always been a friendly environment to me - and I don't see that changing just because you think it's your lair. If you want a lair I'll send one of my sycophants into the mountains to find you a nice warm cave. Wouldn't that be nice?

Besides, after dealing with a flaming woodpile and any number of other foreign objects, I don't sweat a cage in the least. I've seen worse.

Of course nothing else is a blip on the radar, Beast. Why would it be? Who here is good enough to defeat me? You? Ha! You being the dumb oaf who got choked the f*ck out last time he stepped into the ring against me. Tell me something - WHY is this match so different because it's inside a cage? Do you think a few tons of steel are going to save you from being choked out a second time? If anything, they'll make it that much easier for me to break you apart piece by piece.

But yeah, that's right. I'm full of sh*t. After all, I'm just another innocent bystander, right? Just another victim?

Wrong.

When will you learn, Beast? Was your defeat at Black Dawn not enough to show you that I'm more than just another victim? I'll spell it out for you very simply. I... AM... BETTER... THAN... YOU! I'm a better wrestler than you, I'm a quicker thinker than you, I'm a bigger star than you, and most importantly I've been singlehandedly carrying Empire Pro Wrestling on my back. As World Champion, I am the one people tune in to see. Every single viewer out there tunes in to stare at me in awe and wish they were just like me. Can you blame them?

You only wish you could be what I am, Beast.

I'd rather be a has-been than a never-was. Yes, there may come a time when I'll lose the title, but it certainly won't be to YOU. Like it or not I'll be leaving Unleashed with the title secure around my waist, because I've already proven that I can defeat you. Doing it a second time is just gravy. Regardless, I will make damn sure that you will NEVER hold this title.

It's nice to dream, though.

So dream of this.

(SANDS takes the title from his shoulder and holds it up to the camera.)

I know you want it.

But it's the nature of man to want things we can't have.

At least you can dream about it. You'll never be champion in the real world. But in your dreams you can be whatever you want to be.

At Unleashed, Beast, I'm waking you up from your dream world. Snooze while you can, because it's going to be over soon.

Sweet dreams.

(FADEOUT)