SLAMTRACK 1: The House of Hill v. The Haughty Troupe

[brusch]

Roleplaying thread for The House of Hill (Sam Hill & Simon Hill) v. The Haughty Troupe (The Bullseye Kid & Munchy Man)

1000-word roleplay limit
No stacking allowed whatsoever

Roleplay deadline is Monday, August 18 at 11:59pm Chicago time

 

[fugginVOSS]

"Hill brothers... You better get ready to climb the mountain, brother."

(FADE IN: on MUNCHY MAN (in his mulleted beauty) and THE BULLSEYE KID (sporting his balding ponytail). They stand before the RLW green screen, where BARRY THE INTERN sends video footage shot from a helicopter going over the Himalayas. MUNCHY has the stage.)

MUNCHY: "You little PUNKS better recognise, brother, twenty years of tag team experience standing on the other side of that ring, brother. Twenty years of kicking ass more deserving than YOUR punk ass'."

(BULLSEYE takes the mantle.)

BULLSEYE: "The Haughty Troupe represent TWO things... How to handle your BUSINESS and how to hand you your ass. And if you piss ants think for a single, tiny, teeny second you've got a chance against us?"

(He scoffs. MUNCHY MAN joins the gufaw.)

BULLSEYE: "You got a doughnut's chance on Oprah's buffet."

(They exchange a fist pound.)

MUNCHY: "We'll see you PUNKS in Chicago. And we're going to teach you a lesson in CLASS! And then we're gonna kick your ASS out of CLASS! Coz when the Haughty Troupe come to DePaul..."

(The duo wrap their arms around each others shoulder.)

HAUGHTY TROUPE: "CLASS IS IN SESSION!"

(FADE to BLACK!)

 

[Showtime]

[We are outside of the prestigious DePaul University library, with two-thirds of the House of Hill, Simon and Sam.]

Simon Hill: We were going for an "academic feel" Barry, why can't we use the library for a location shoot?

Barry the Intern: I told you, I am not supposed to be part of these things! Also, Sam got you kicked out, didn't he?

[Looking suitable abashed with UoI (DePaul) Jersey tied around his waist, Sam Hill kicks his feet and looks at the floor.]

Simon: it isn't his fault. After the last promo you filmed he was convinced his pants were haunted.

Sam Hill: EXORCISE MY PANTS!

Simon: Well, regardless, I was trying to make us look sophisticated and all, but I guess we'll just have to stand here and look smart instead.

[Sam Hill strokes his chin in an effort to look philosophical. Sadly, the hand stroking his chin was the hand holding up the jersey. Barry helpfully edits the next few terror-inducing frames out in post.]

***
[We reopen, back in the greenscreen studio. Thankfully, the shot is waist-up of the Hill Brothers. Barry adds dinosaurs with lasers coming out of their eyes to the shot.]

Simon: ...said we were sorry!

Barry the Intern: I am not getting paid for this!

Simon: So where was I?

Sam: HAUGHTY!

Simon: Right. So Munchy Man and Bullseye seem to just have our number. Seems they have all the answers. Seems they are the ring professors who are going to teach us a thing or two.

Sam: SKEPTICAL!

Simon: We are indeed. Munch, Bull, what you fail to realize is that in our blood flows more wrestling pedigree than you can imagine. I will be the first to admit Dad and Uncle Jake were kinda mediocre...

[Both Hills shrug.]

Simon: ...but we're told that sort of stuff skips a generation anyway. As an aside, allow me right now to apologize to any future I may somehow have.

Sam: UNLIKELY!

[Simon smacks Sam upside the head.]

Simon: Mom said do not judge, Sam. Anyhow, Munch Man and Bull Kid, while that might skip a generation, we are still of the line of one of the greats. And Grandpappy up in heaven shall smile down when he sees his descendents kick the living holy hell out of you! And the House of Hill Shall Rise Again!

Sam: BETTER CATCHPHRASE!

Simon: Thanks. I've been doing some research into marketing phraseology.

[We fade will green in the back and Hills in the front.]