SLAMTRACK 3

[brusch]

[The coldest of opens. Backstage in the limbo between walkway to the ring and the changerooms sits "Hangman" J.J. HILL. He sips a lukewarm coffee which reflects his current demeanor.]

J.J.: Why am I even here? I need to join a book club or sumthin'.

[Even as he speaks, "the Last Titan" IVAN DALKICHEV and his manager NATHAN FEAR approach, likely headed to the ring. Wouldn't you know it? J.J.'s seated position blocks their progress.]

J.J.: Evnin' kemosabes! You look busy.

[IVAN gives the seated man a cold stare, meanwhile FEAR looks like he's about to pop a vein in his temple. A moment passes, and with mock surprise HILL stands up. Even at his impressive height, J.J. is still almost a head shorter than the Russian.]

J.J.: Oh well ain't I a fool! Well, excuuuuuuse me big fella!

[With exaggerated politeness, HILL sweeps the chair out of IVAN and NATHAN’s way.]

J.J.: Y'all have a good match now, buddy!

[J.J. favours the duo with a jaunty salute.]

……

RED LINE WRESTLING

in conjunction with DePaul University
PRESENTS…


SLAMTRACK 3


LIVE from the SULLIVAN ATHLETIC CENTER, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS



​

[To the sheer delight of DANNY DALTON and the rest of the RLW staff, the crowd continues to slowly grow week by week. The official gate for this show is 987 - juuuust under the vaunted 1000 mark. The usuals are there - the Hipster Conclave from Wicker Park with their tattoo sleeves and signs like “SHARKUTAN IS AN INSIDE JOB”…the Lincoln Park yuppies with their small kids who, somehow, have started fashioning Go-Go Spectacular style masks and “GO CHARLIE!” signs…and the ever-growing crop of fresh faces, wondering what all the buzz is about.

DALTON headbangs to the jams as he is wont to do, just super psyched to be there. He’s wearing a Flight of the Conchords tee beneath a light brown corduroy jacket and dark blue jeans. He makes his way to his solo announce desk as amped as ever.]

DD: “WELCOME to SLAMTRACK THREE!! My name is Danny Dalton, and life is REALLY GOOD if you’re a Red Line Wrestling Fan! SO many important happenings happened on the last show - the biggest, of course, being my SUPER AWESOME ANNOUNCEMENT for the inaugural 12-wrestler RED CROWN TOURNAMENT, which will crown the first official champion of our beloved RLW! Chaos from the Marsupials of Mayhem and the House of Hill…dramatic debuts…THE SECOND COMING showed up, which, quite frankly, blew my mind…folks, it’s safe to say that this train is running full speed ahead, and in a hurry! LET’S GET THIS THING STARTED!”

[ARIN McHENRY, with that weird creepy grin that shouldn’t make you uncomfortable but really really does, stands in the center of the ring in a banana yellow suit with a bright red dress shirt and matching yellow pocket square. He lifts his Bob Barker–style microphone up and clears his throat as if he was about to belt out the national anthem. Young referee Jen Glass stands at the ready.]

AM: “thhhhhhhhHHHHHHHIS MATCH, IS SET FOR ONE FALLLLLLLL…and it is a QUARTERFINAL, TRRRRRIPLE THREAT MATCH! In the RED CROWWWWWWWN TOURRRRRRRRRRRRRRNAMENT.”

CHARLIE WILLIAMS v. IVAN DALKICHEV v. BOOKFACE
​

​

[A cavalcade of at least twenty DePaul sorority sisters pour out of the back in matching pastel blue booty shorts and tees emblazoned with white hashtag symbols. In a trance, they stare blankly at their smartphones as the Twitter Terror BOOKFACE emerges, chuckling like a madman. Several boos from the traditionalists in the crowd, while the hipsters stare at their phones and let out loud ironic cheers when they start seeing selfies posted by the zombie sisters.]

AM: “COMING TO YOU STRAIGHT from your NEWWWWWS FEED. WEIGHING in at 172 pouuuunds…THE GREATEST SOCIAL PHENOMENOM-NOM-NOM SINCE YOUR MOTHER’S GAPING GAAAAAAPE HOLE! BOOOOOooooooookFACE!”

DD: “Arin, I swear to God, we had a meeting about this. Language filter. Ugh. Well regardless, folks, you can’t deny that BookFace has garnered a huge amount of attention since he debuted with us in the Red Line, taking down the vaunted challenger Raucous in a LUCHA FIGHT. He’s talked about gaining even more followers through this tournament - can the Social Media Psychopath trend worldwide? Or will he bring out the fail whale?”

​

[ARIN audibly gulps hard into the microphone. The wolf-like NATHAN FEAR, complete with black suit and red dress shirt, emerges first, followed by the hulking behemoth that is IVAN DALKICHEV. FEAR looks like he wants to literally eat BOOKFACE, while DALKICHEV walks forward, slowly and unblinkingly, towards the ring. ARIN tries to contain his emotions as best he can after getting a talking-to from his SLAMTRACK 2 introduction. The crowd, still with images from SLAMTRACK 2 on their mind, boo the hulking colossus of muscle as loudly as they can, shutting up any time he turns his cold gaze to the crowd. Nathan Fear burns a hot laser beam of hatred into Jen Glass’s forehead; Jen does her best to ignore this.]

AM: “…..from, FROM SEATTLE WASHINGTON…accompanied to the ring, byyyy NATHAN FEAR. Weighing innnn at 402 POUNDS! THE LAST TITAN. IVAAAAAN DALLLLKICHEV.”

DD: “Boy, just LOOK at this man. Quite frankly, he was DOMINATING the action in his debut match last show, and critics say the only reason he lost is because he got greedy by Titan Bombing the fan-loved Go-Go Spectacular DIRECTLY ON TOP of Harry Balkin the elder. Nathan Fear has had PLLLLLENTY to say about that, and we’ll see what happens this match - especially since the same referee, Jen Glass, is calling this match! You can’t blame Jen, though - a pin’s a pin, and a win’s a win!”

​

[The lights go out and the crowd volume goes up. The ceiling is illuminated by a Demon BatSymbol, followed by flashing lights and an illuminated CHARLIE WILLIAMS and DEMON IN A BLUE SUIT jumping up and down on the top of the ramp. It’s high five city as they make their way to the ring.]

AM: “And FINALLY, from CHICAGOOOOOOO, ILLINOIS! Weighing innnnnn at 236 POUUUUNDS…THE BLUE DEMON, CHARLIIIIIIIIE WILLLLLLLLLIAAAAAAAAAAMS!”

DD: “What a true competitor this Charlie Williams is! He took part in the first match ever broadcast by Red Line Wrestling in a winning effort over ‘The German Dragon’ FAFNIR. There’s a lot of hometown love for the Blue Demon - let’s see if he can translate it into a second win!”

[The bell rings, and INSTANTLY, DALKICHEV throws a big boot that sends WILLIAMS flying across the ring. He gets up to a knee, hand to his jaw, as he looks at the towering behemoth before him. DALKICHEV looks to BOOKFACE, who holds his hands up as if to say “I won’t get in your way!” and backs up to the rope. What followed was a solid 4 minutes of DALKICHEV raining clobbering hammerblows as WILLIAMS covered up, occasionally finding enough space to throw a few powerful chops to the chest! DALKICHEV presses forward, a man with no conscious awareness of pain.]

DD: “Man, Dalkichev is a scary man, you guys. Charlie Williams is peppering in some really good shots here and there when he can - he needs to get some space, FAST. And BookFace doesn’t seem to be interested in getting his hands dirty - look at him, he’s not even in the ring! He’s laughing at a fan for having a flip-phone…hey BookFace, technology isn’t free, you know! Back to the action - oh god, Dalkichev has Williams up - he slips away! BIG dropkick to the back of Ivan’s legs, and holy moley, the man is down to a knee! This may be his chance!”

[WILLIAMS bounds off the ropes as if he were a whirling dervish and CLOCKS the giant Russian with a Discus Ear Punch! DALKICHEV howls out as WILLIAMS does everything in his power to stay on the offensive, utilizing his speed advantage to duck clotheslines and boots. BOOKFACE remains on the outside, letting the happenings happen. DEMON IN A BLUE SUIT is getting restless and makes his way towards BOOKFACE to give him a piece of his mind, which BOOKFACE ignores, though he glances at the ring here and there.]

DD: “The Blue Demon is all heart out here, folks! Throwing everything he’s got at the giant Rush-oh NO! Williams went for a kick, but he’s caught! Dalkichev’s expression is just pure ice…LEG TRAP CHOKESLAM, that’s just a HUUUUUGE impact. Fear’s calling his protege over to give instructions - what instructions are really NEEDED at this p-WHERE DID BOOKFACE COME FROM?? HE’S GOING FOR THE PIN!

1!

2!!

…….BROKEN UP BY DALKICHEV! Nathan Fear, with the ring awareness of a true veteran, sent the giant over there and he broke the pin up at the NICK of time!! BookFace stepping back now, he really needed to steal that one but he’s got the ire of the Last Titan now! DALKICHEV HAS BOOKFACE IN HIS CLUTCHES! GORILLA PRESS! And he’s just TOSSED to the outside in a crumpled heap of tweety birds and pain! He turns his attention back to Williams, he’s stirring now, looking to get to his feet, but he’s still dazed…


……..TITAN BOMB! Dalkichev wastes NO MORE TIME and crushes the Blue Demon! Here’s the cover, it’s academic at this point, aaaand!

THREE! We have our first semifinalist!”

​

​

AM: “Theeeeeeee winnerofthismatch…THE LAST TITAN. IVAAAAAAAN DALLLLLLKICHEVVVVVV.”

[FEAR enters the ring, the hyena fully pleased with the outcome of the match. He stares at referee Jen Glass until she exits the ring before he raises the gorilla-arm of DALKICHEV up in victory.]

DD: “What a DOMINANT win by the Last Titan! I’d be scared for ANYONE who tried to get in this guy’s way - he’s just a brick wall of ice cold hate. And now, ladies and gentlemen, let’s take it BACKSTAGE! Arin McHenry is interviewing one man who’s scheduled to participate in the main event tonight, IKAN JOBTAYOO!”

[Backstage in front of the RLW-standard backdrop. Ikan stands alone, a hulking icepack taped to his shoulder and a slightly-swollen bottom lip. Nonetheless, his countenance is RESOLUTE!]

AM: “Ikan, let’s face it…you got just WRECKED by Johnny Dorn in the lead up to tonight’s match. Let’s talk about that.”

IJ: “…this is the true, Mick Henry. My focus, it was such on the Comings of Second that I had the no eyes in my head back for SOME JERK JERK named the JOHNNY DORN! I still am the recoverings, and though the medical doctorticians say I am not the one hundreds of per cent, I am cleared for to FIGHTINGS! So let it be know - NOTHING will STOP ME NOW-“

[…a Chicago Cubs wristband-clad arm barrels into frame, colliding with great ferocity into the back of IKAN’s head. The Beer Pong Baron, JOHNNY DORN, brings his gelled-up Wrigleyville hair into frame with a cacophonous beer-belch. With no hesitation, DORN sets up for the Barleycorn Bomb sitout gourbuster, executed with a violent SPLAT to the hard concrete below.]

JD: “YA KNOW SOMETHIN, BRO?? I didn’t MAKE my damn STATEMENT to sit on my ass and twiddle my thumbs while D***LESS over here steps in front of your cameras, and your microphones, and your twinkly dink yellow suits! WHO MADE YOU THE BRO-THORITY, BRO? WHERE’S MY SHOTSKI??”

[ARIN gets the hell out of dodge in a hurry as he sees FAFNIR and HARRY BALKIN JR. enter the shot, jumping into DORN with their own hatred and enmity. Fists fly from all angles and perspectives, with DORN having surprisingly amazing success against his two disorganized opponents.]

DD: “I’m so sorry to everyone watching at home for the language, we’re SUPPOSED to be a FAMILY SHOW…can someone get back there?? This is getting out of control, and fast! We’ve got something TRULY on the line with the Red Crown Tournament, and these men are BOUND AND DETERMINED to wreck it all!”

[DORN starts sloppily, yet fiercely, stomping FAFNIR and BALKIN JR, who are fighting just as much with each other as they are with DORN. The camera is completely still, an indicator that BARRY THE INTERN is long gone; he’ll certainly get a talking-to for that. Suddenly, muffled voices and four shadowy figures appear…THE MARSUPIALS OF MAYHEM! DORN throws one last punt into IKAN’s head and hustles out of frame as KID KOALA, eKID NAH, and KANGARRY ROO blast FAFNIR and BALKIN JR into oblivion with power bombs and super kicks. The Marsupials of Mayhem stand tall over the fallen men, with those of them who had visible faces smiling sadistically. POSSUM emerges from a safe zone, leaning on the shoulders of KID KOALA who kneels amongst the bodies.]

KK: "I'm not sure if you guys understood you were infringing on our rad but WE are the purveyors of anarchy in here and we will NOT be shown up by you people for a single second."

[KOALA leans down into the face of FAFNIR.]

KK: "We are the Marsupials of Mayhem and we run this b****. We do it our way and if you think you know what's going on you've got another thing coming. Ride the Red Line and this - train - CRASHES!"

[He crawls across the floor, over to IKAN.]

KK: "Women screaming. Kids crying. Grown men quivering. Wrestlers FALLEN! THAT is our product. We peddle that s***. So pay attention, watch your back and keep your beady eyes peeled."

[KANGARRY ROO gives BALKIN JR. a kick in the guts for good measure before flipping him the bird. eKID NAH stalks through the fallen, laughing. POSSUM smiles with wild eyes.]

KK: "Do you see the devil inside me? Do you see the opportunity when it knocks? The rules were meant to be broken."

[KOALA rises to his feet, staring at the abandoned camera.]

KK: "And if it feels good? Do it."

[He waves a hand to urge the rest of the Marsupials to follow and they head off down the hall, giving each other high fives.]

DD: “…wow. WOW. I don’t know what this means for tonight’s main event, but…wow. Johnny Dorn makes his presence felt, HARD, and then the Marsupials of Mayhem just CLEAR HOUSE! They’re agents of chaos, pure and simple folks, and I get the feeling that this is going to be a recurring theme from this group of rowdy Australians. I don’t really have a segue for this - WHY WOULD ANYONE HAVE A SEGUE FOR THIS - so I’m just going to send it down to Arin McHenry, who’s found his way to the ring safely and unharmed, for the next quarterfinal match!

AM: [dabbling his brow with the bright yellow pocket square] “The following match, is set for ONE FALL, and it’s ALSO a QUARTERFINAL, TRIPLE THREAT MATCH in the RED CROWWWWWWN CHAAAAAAMPIONSHIP!!”

GO-GO SPECTACULAR v. RUSS SPACKLER v. RAUCOUS



​

[RAUCOUS, clad completely in black and yellow latex, pops out yelling unintelligible jargon to anyone who will listen. He slides into the ring and points at whoever he feels like pointing towards.]

AM: “Frommmmm TORONTO, CANADA. WEIGHING INNNNN at 183 pounds…..RAUCOUS!”

DD: “We’ve expected a lot out of this man, and frankly we expected a lot more than he showed in his first appearance - though it’s hard to give a wrestler too much flack for falling to someone as ridiculous and unpredictable as BookFace!”

​

[Loud boos from all but the Hipster Squad, who are cheering their PBR-drinking heads off. The Sharkutan emerges, as bizarre and as ferocious as ever. His main squeeze follows behind in a wetsuit, “trying” to “contain him” to little effect as he roars as only a Sharkutan can.]

AM: “And, from THE MISTY CONFINES. Weighing innnnnnn at 245 POUNDS. He’s not Science Fiction! HE’S SCI-FI…RUSS…SPACKLERRRRRRRR!”

DD: “I’ve seen some strange things in my time, people. I’ve seen some strange wrestlers. Even here in the Red Line! But Spackler? He may be on another level of unwieldy and bizarre and cool and messed up. He was extremely effective when he debuted at SLAMTRACK 1, let’s see how he competes tonight!”

​

[The crowd ERUPTS as their hero, GO-GO SPECTACULAR, emerges from the back. She runs up the ramp and flies into the ring with Superman-like body control, posing in the center of the ring and smiling and pointing to the young fans in the crowd wearing homemade LATINA FIRE masks. She perches herself on the top turnbuckle and says a silent prayer as Referee Ross Russell makes his way to the center.]

AM: “And finally, FROOOOOM ELLLLL PASO! She is LATINA FIRE! GO-GOOOOOOO SPEEEEEECTACULARRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrr…” [ARIN tries rolling his R’s at the end. He does not succeed.]

DD: “They really love Go-Go here in the Red Line - she found a way to pick up a win in a match where, to be frank, the most terrifying man in the company was also competing at SLAMTRACK 2…and she’s shown as much heart as someone ever could! Can she advance into the next round? We’ll find out, RIGHT NOW!”

[The ref signals for the bell and the three wrestlers begin circling each other rapidly. SPACKLER lets out a guttural YAWP before locking up with GO-GO, both trading a series of catch-as-catch-can holds and counters and COUNTERS ON TOP OF COUNTERS. RAUCOUS does his best to fly in with a double clothesline, which is ducked by both GO-GO and SPACKLER, sending RAUCOUS crashing face-first into the second turnbuckle. Seeing his first opportunity, SPACKLER tosses GO-GO aside and begins to furiously maul RAUCOUS in the corner. The ref begins to count to 5, and at 4.5, GO-GO steps in and rips SPACKLER off of the downed luchador!]

DD: “Go-Go is getting in Spackler’s face here! She’s a woman of great honor and integrity, she’s made that clear from the get-go, and she won’t allow Spackler to bend the rules - A SLAP TO THE FACE BY SPACKLER! What a dirtbag move there…Go-Go is ENRAGED! DROPKICK BY GO-GO! ANOTHER DROPKICK! Irish Whip, he bounces off, HEADSCISSORS TAKEDOWN! Spackler just went FLYING there! She goes for the coverrrrr, AAAND! Kickout at 2! She takes a step back and motions for the Sharkutan to get up!”

[Out of the corner of her eye, she spots RAUCOUS get to his feet and charge her direction. She leaps with great vigor over the luchador as he bounds back, only to be caught with a PELE KICK! GO-GO runs to the ropes and leaps through the air - TORNADO DDT to RAUCOUS! She goes for the cover, which is broken up by SPACKLER. SPACKLER tosses her to the outside as quickly as he can and gets to work on the fallen RAUCOUS, hitting a series of power moves - Gutbuster. Cravate Suplex. 5 snapmares in a row. A cover to the clearly exhausted and wounded RAUCOUS, which is broken up by a MASSIVE leg drop by GO-GO. ‘Latina Fire’ gets to her feet first, followed by SPACKLER. RAUCOUS is nearly out on the ground, though he is stirring.]

DD: “Go-Go and Spackler are locking eyes here, and they both glance at the latex-clad man on the ground before them - it’s almost as if it’s a matter of ‘who gets to the injured man first’? Spackler charges - clothesline is ducked by Go-Go! Back and forth they go between the ropes, these two are just SPRINTING here - OUCH! Raucous was getting up for a moment, and Go-Go hit him with a BRUUUUUUTAL SHINING WIZARD and hasn’t stopped running!!! HOW DO YOU STAY ON YOUR FEET AFTER CONNECTING ON A MOVE LIKE THAT? They continue to run the ropes - WHAT?? YOU CAN’T DO THAT!”

[The woman in the wetsuit sneaks her hands beneath the bottom ropes and grabs one of GO-GO’s boots, sending her crashing face-first into the mat. HUGE boos from the crowd. The ref sees it and motions for her to leave the arena, as SPACKLER pulls RAUCOUS towards the center of the ring…]

DD: “Just the worst kind of person to interfere in this sort of - WAIT! THAT’S THE PTERALIMBDAL! Spackler’s version of the Lotus Lock, and Raucous has nowhere to- HE TAPS! RAUCOUS HAS TAPPED OUT!”

​

AM: “Thhhhhhhhewinnerofthismatch. SCI-FI…RUUUUUUUSS SPACKLERRRRRRRR.”

[Boo City, USA. Go-Go pleads her case to the referee, extremely upset that she was taken out in such a dirty fashion. The ref expresses his condolences, but explains there are no disqualifications in this sort of match and reluctantly raises the flipper-fist of SPACKLER.]

DD: “MAAAAN, I can’t believe that Go-Go Spectacular couldn’t get it done there, she looked amazing! But Sci-Fi Russ Spackler is a man with no morals, no ethical high ground, and he’ll do whatever it takes to get the win, INCLUDING having his main squeeze directly interfere in the match. It worked here tonight, and that’s just really unfortunate. We’ve got one more match on tap for tonight, but before we get THERE…Barry! Let’s give them a preview of what’s coming on SLAMTRACK 4!”

[Cue BARRY THE INTERN, with pictures of floating doves in slow motion followed by a Chopin Nocturne, beautiful sights of Chicago’s Millennium Park, children laughing - QUICKLY SMASH CUT into a black screen surrounded by incredibly low-budget flame graphics that you would swear came directly from the original Duke Nukem. Text appears in the center of the frame as RLW’s theme begins to blare.]

MORE QUARTERFINAL MATCHES for the RED CROWN!

TENSIONS BOIL OVER BETWEEN THE MARSUPIALS OF MAYHEM AND EVERYONE IN THE WORLD!

A SUPER SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE BY SOMEONE OF NOTE!

SLAMTRACK 4!!!1!
​

[A loud guitar riff followed by a loud YEAHHHHHHHHH!~ echoes through the Sullivan Athletic Center before the camera cuts to a dumbstruck DANNY DALTON.]

DD: “…Barry, you were so close. SO close. And who is this ‘Someone of Note’?? No one’s told me anything about this! I think I can speak for everyone when I say we’re trying to run a PROFESSIONAL- hold on a minute, I’m getting something in my earpiece…wait a second, HE’S going to be here?? You’re kidding. ……well, alright folks, you’re just going to have to wait in suspense, but trust me when I say it’s going to RULE! Let’s bring the show home now, as we—wait a minute, I’m told that a RUCKUS is going on backstage. Barry, get a camera back there NOW!”

[The screen lights up as a shaky POV-cam takes us running down the hallway backstage leading from the gorilla position to the locker room. We near the corner when without warning, GO-GO SPECTACULAR flies through the air, landing painfully on the floor in a heap. DALTON balks in surprise!]

DD: “HOLY MOLEY! What was THAT?”

[As GO-GO lies hurt on the floor, a COLOSSAL SHADOW falls over her… and the shot pans up to reveal “THE LAST TITAN” IVAN DALKICHEV as the assailant. The expression etched on his stone-like face is one of COLD RAGE! Slinking up beside him appears NATHAN FEAR with the sideways smile of a heartless tyrant.]

NF: “Go ahead, Ivan… finish the job.”

[IVAN nods once and advances… GO-GO defiantly pushes herself back off the floor, but is half a second too late for the unsettlingly devastating YAKUZA KICK from the big Russian-born giant that nearly pops her head off her shoulders!]

DD: “I DON’T BELIEVE THIS! Mere moments after having JUST competed in a three-way battle, ‘Latina Fire’ Go-Go Spectacular finds herself the victim of a simply VICIOUS assault at the hands of Ivan Dalkichev, no doubt under the direction of his manager Nathan Fear! She’s completely POWERLESS to defend herself right now!”

[Like a bear looming over its helpless prey, DALKICHEV lifts GO-GO back up by the neck and the waistband… and flings her WITH EASE through the air! With a deafening CRASH, “Latina Fire” collides with a set of folding chairs leaned up against the wall. As she hits the floor, she disappears beneath a pile of steel chairs as they fall from the impact, save a limp arm poking out of the ruin… an arm that quickly disappears beneath DALKICHEV’s fingers and he grabs her and pulls her back out…]

DD: “This has to STOP! Security, officials… hell, get the whole CHICAGO BEARS team in here! Throw everything you CAN at that raging mastodon! He’s OUT OF CONTROL!”

NF: “BREAK HER, Ivan! Make sure she gets the message!”

[DALKICHEV hooks GO-GO and lifts her parallel to the floor… and the crowd “OOOH’S” painfully as they watch her being dropped HARD across the big man’s knee! IVAN stands again… and hits her with ANOTHER BACKBREAKER! Again he rises, this time hoisting GO-GO over his shoulder, right into position for the TITAN DRIVER! FEAR slips into the shot, setting up a chair in front of Ivan!]

NF: “You say 'a win is a win', you b****? Well you won’t be winning ANYTHING ELSE after tonight…”

[DALKICHEV reels back, preparing for the killshot… when a half dozen men bullrush the scene. The rescuers, some officials and others backstage volunteers, quickly pull the lifeless GO-GO from IVAN’s shoulders, while four men wrap themselves around his bulging arms in a BARELY successful attempt to keep him restrained. “Latina Fire” quickly gets dragged to safety where EMTs quickly check on her status.]

DD: “THANK GOODNESS! Our trusty backstage crew has broken this up! No telling what damage has already been done to Go-Go Spectacular after that HORRENDOUS attack, but it looked like it was going to get about MUCH worse!”

[IVAN and FEAR are pushed back and shooed away by the volunteers. The two of them innocently hold up their hands as they back away from the scene, FEAR grinning like a vulture. A distance away, FEAR turns to the camera.]

NF: “Last week, I PROMISED that we would answer for the INSULT we were dealt at SLAMTRACK 2! But now, you KNOW that NATHAN FEAR is a man of his word! We could have EASILY ended this pitiful girl’s career… but in the end, it’s all moot. Weaklings like her, and the OTHER amateurs back in that locker room, can only hide behind the innocuous rules of that ring to have any hope for victory! But even in that ring… NOTHING can compete with the absolute DOMINANCE of “THE LAST TITAN”... IVAN DALKICHEV!”

[FEAR gives the motion to follow, and IVAN lumbers after him as the two make their leave.]

DD: “…mother of God. I’m serious, they better make sure Go-Go is alright. Dalkichev can’t get away with this! Let’s, well…let’s take it to the ring once again, where yet ANOTHER of our wrestlers, Ikan Jobtayoo, was ALSO brutally assaulted backstage - is he even going to be ready to wrestle against The Second Coming? What in the world is going on with this WRESTLING PROGRAMME??”

AM: “The following contest is scheduled foooooooor, wait for it, ONE FALL! The winner of this match gets the TWELFTH SPOT in the RED CROWN TOURNAMENT!!”

THE SECOND COMING v. ????



​

[THE SECOND COMING has a lone spotlight overhead as she walks straight towards the ring, head down, hood and mask covering most of her facial features.]

AM: “Now entering the ring…FROM WARRRRRRWICK, NEW YORK! Theeeeee SECONNNNNNND COMINNNNNNNG!”

DD: “I honestly couldn’t contain myself last show when I heard The Second Coming was going to be here, and for that I apologize - but if you’ve seen the kind of talent this woman has, you would lose your cool too. VERY excited to see what she has to show here tonight!”

[…]



[……….]

DD: “…what’s the hold-up, guys? Where’s Ikan? Where’s her opponent??”







[………………….]

​

[“Wrigleyville’s Finest”, JOHNNY DORN, swaggers out the back with the air of a man who’s slipped a few things into ladies’ drinks in the past. A cascade of boos from all sides surrounds him, which he responds to by raising the red solo cup in his hand, drinking its contents, and spitting a mist of some sort of golden liquid to the crowd. He laughs and points as he White Boy Dances his way to the ring to his designated party anthem.]

DD: “Really?? THIS GUY????”

AM: “Aaaaand her opponent, FROM THE CLARK AND NEWPORT TRIANGLE. Weighing in at 236 pounds - THE KING OF CORNHOLE. Johnnyyyyyyyyyy DORN!”

DD: “HE STOLE IKAN JOBTAYOO’S SPOT! I can’t believe this - this is a travesty! I know he’s upset that he hadn’t debuted yet, but that’s the case for LOTS of wrestlers! I guess he took matters into his own hands and the higher ups have decided it’s time for him to put up or shut up. But I feel AWFUL for Ikan - he’s been working as hard as anyone in the WORLD for this kind of shot! And Dorn just SWOOPS IN and steals it. Unbelieveable.”

[Referee JEN GLASS signals for the bell. The boos have not stopped. DORN points to his cheek and offers 2C the first shot. She looks to the crowd with a frown and back at DORN before throwing a hard right hand, which DORN dodges by stepping aside and laughing. 2C stops moving and just stares at the douchery before her. DORN begins mocking the crowd and grabbing his junk while making a variety of obscene gestures with his other hand. He turns to start his own offense - and is met with a ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE FACE which sends him to his ass. DORN tries getting up, but is met with a flurry of kicks to the ribs and the head by 2C, preventing him from getting his bearings. The crowd loves this SO MUCH.]

AM: “I know I’m supposed to be a neutral voice of integrity in this program, but THIS IS AWESOME AND NEEDS TO KEEP BEING AWESOME. She’s kicking like she’s from a video game!”

[DORN finally gets to his feet and shoves away the much smaller 2C. He charges at her and gets her to the corner, throwing a series of shoulder blocks into her abdomen - only stopping at the referee’s count of 4. He gets into the ref’s face and nearly shoves him down, yelling “WHAT’S YOUR DEAL, BRO?”, which is met with much consternation from the referee - and a roundhouse kick to the back of the head by 2C, which sends DORN into a crumpled heap. She grabs his head and neck from behind and sets him up in a reverse DDT, but instead of dropping him, she sticks her knee to his back and forces him into an incredibly painful kneeled torqued position.]

DD: “I hear this is called the Fall From Grace, and Dorn looks out of it! Is it going to happen? Is it that quick?? IT IS! DORN HAS SUBMITTED!”

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AM: “The winner of this match, AND THE TWELFTH ENTRANT in the RED CROWN TOURNAMENT…THE SECOND COMING!”

[A cascade of cheers pours from the crowd.]

DD: “What a debut! Johnny Dorn is an outright monster, but he may have focused too much on APPEARING in a match than WINNING a match. He’s still really really terrifying to me - he left a PILE of wrestlers in his wake in getting here. But at the end of the day, The Second Coming has come through with the win! THANK Y’ALL FOR WATCHING, and remember! Ride the Red Line…and DON’T FALL ASLEEP!”

rlw.
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