Hey you. Yea, you.. the stupid fuck sitting behind your computer eating Cheetos and jacking off to anime porn. Why don't you do something productive with your life for once?
No you silly bastard... don't get up and go outside. You're too fucking fat to get up your parent's stairs anyway. No, move your mouse across your Windows 98 powered screen and click the address bar on Internet Explorer. We're going to YouTube.
There? Good. Now, it's time to go to everyone's favorite channel ran by Mr. Jizztastic himself, the supreme sleaze.. Superb Dick Fury. What? This is Red Line and you don't know who Dick Fury is? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Look up 'SuperbDick69.'
As you trusty 56k modem whirls and whines you sit there adding to the caked up imitation cheese flavor pile that encrust your keyboard. Finally, after what seems to be a fucking decade the channel loads. Amazingly, for the first time in a long time, there is a new video. It's titled 'Go-Go Shitacular.'
Of course you're going to click it.
As the video buffers... fuck this is taking forever. You know, you COULD be a fucking adult and get a job so you can afford broadband. Jesus. Anyways, as the video buffers your greasy fingers flicker in excitement. Finally, it begins to play.
You are welcomed by an up close shot of the thickest, manliest chest hair you have seen. It's almost disturbing how your eyes focus on the nipples. No, really, it's beginning to be fucking sick. Stop that shit.
The camera is fumbled with until finally it's moved up and you are introduced to the most magnificent mulleted man you have ever seen. His handle bar mustache is the most glorious thing to ever come across your screen, including that time you did shrooms and watched 'Two Girls, One Cup.'
Dick looks directly into the camera and smiles before he begins to speak.
"Guess who's back?! That's right you little Dicksters.. big daddy Dick is here! You see, Dick loves his gig over in the UTA every other week, calling matches while sitting next to the beautiful chocolate piece of ass Jennifer Williams. But there's no way you can keep a good Dick down. It was only a matter of time before Dick came."
"What better way for Dick to be seen then for his first match to be against Red line's own resident whore, Go Go Spectacular."
As he speaks, Dick begins to run his hand through his grizzly chest fro."
"See, Dick's little Fury is used to being called spectacular as the bitches scream 'Go! Go!' so why not match him up with the bitch who obviously idolizes him?"
A confident look comes across his face as he puffs his chest out and pays particular attention to his left nipple with his right pointer finger and thumb.
"Dick has watched you through the years on the indy scene, and as much as he likes fans like you, all he can think of is how your name should be Go Go Shitacular with how fucking terrible you are you in the ring."
Fury slowly moves his hand over to his right nipple, or 'Righty' as he likes to call it.
"You don't deserve to be in the same ring with Dick. Many bitches have come and gone, thinking they could handle Dick, but when it was all said and done.. Dick left them broken, and unable to walk right for weeks."
His hand moves down, joining his other below where you can see. What is he doing as he talks?
"And just like each of them, Dick will break your back and make you humble. He will pounce on you with the force of a jaguar, and plow through you like the whore that you are, leaving you lying, unable to move as he stands over top satisfied."
He closes his eyes, and his head tilts back just a bit. Really.. what the hell is he doing below the screen?
"Oh Go Go... Dick's going to take you down hard. It's going to be the longest.... match you have ever had. The hardest.... bout you've ever been in. Oh yea, Dick is going to deliver what all the fans want to see... He's going to give Go Go Spectacular the Money Shot right to your face!"
He bites his lips and quivers a bit before opening his eyes and looking up, his hands now coming into view and rubbing together.
"When he's done, your face is going to be covered Go Go... Covered with sticky... hot... crimson blood. Oh yes. Dick is going to then pin you and make you wish you'd never attempted to take Dick on."
He moves his right middle and pointer finger up to his mouth, before moving it away as he blows a kiss toward the camera.
"When it's all said and done, the smoke as cleared, and they help your motionless body from the ring... Then Go Go.. you will have known... what it's like to have..."
He bites his lip again, releasing a small moan before continuing.
"... To have felt... the Fury..."
He stands looking directly into your eyes as the scene fades to black. Shocked, the disturbing images stick in your head. Wait.. why are you hard? Ugh. You really are a sick fuck.
"Hey! Angel! You going to let him get away saying all that to you? Come on, let me out. I'll take him on so that you don't have...
(Cutting the voice off in the mirror, a hand hits the mirror almost like it is putting their hand over their mouth to shut them up. It speaks with the hand over the mouth.)
"Fine, this is me talking to the hand, to your hand. I'll just be in my own little corner of the world, in your mind. Minding my own business. Walking my beat...
(One last final fist hits the mirror in the reflection's face.)
"OKAYYYYYYYYY! Hey no fair I'm not supposed to bleed."
(The scene cuts to "The Latina Fire" Go-Go Spectacular, pacing back and forth. On the television is a paused picture of her opponent for Slam Track 8, Dick Fury's face. She takes a hard deep breath, collecting her thoughts calmly before she speaks out.)
Go-Go Spectacular: "My goodness. I think that I honestly need to purify my brain, and wash my ears after listening to all of that. Those were a lot of...male genitalia. I think that the Atomic bomb of F-bombs just detonated on my TV...ALOT! And I can honestly see the fecal matter written on the walls and there was a lot of it. Well you know what they say, when the crap hits the fan, some people run and some people stand their ground and face it head on. Well, regardless of what was said Dick Fury, this is me standing my ground facing it all head on just like what I am going to do whenever I face you this week on Slam Track 8. I'm going to take you on and take you down and not in what you feel is the good way. No sexual innuendos here. I am being literal. Brother, I am going to take you down and defeat you on Slam Track 8."
"You say, that you've watched me on the independent scene but you have never fought me in the ring so you cannot say about supposedly how much I suck in the ring. Once I get in that ring with you, I am giving you a fight and it will be a fight that this little 130 pound little can of super fly TNT is going to take right to you. You may beat me but you are never going to forget me. Make no mistake about it, you may bust me open like a stuck pig and I'm okay with that. I expect that. But don't be surprised if you find a couple of your teeth gone from your gums because I am going to knock'em right down your throat. You just set the tires and lit the fires underneath me."
(She pauses as the sticks her nose in the air to take a whiff of the air.)
"So what is that smell Richard? That's the smell of napalm and like a certain movie once summed up, 'I love the smell of napalm in the morning.' That's right Richie, I am 'The Napalm Express' and I will ignite at Slam Track 8 against you. And what I do to you will send a message to whatever I do to you will send a message to that crazy little Harley Quinn chica, Emevlas Stastias and whatever so-called plans that she has for me I will not stand by and let her hurt another person here in the RLW. Simple as that."
"That's all I got to say, and you can quote me on that...all of it."
FWrestling.com was founded in 1994 to promote a community of fantasy wrestling fans and leagues. Since then, we've hosted dozens of leagues and special events, and thousands of users. Come join and prove you're "Even Better Than The Real Thing."
Add Your League
If you want to help grow the community of fantasy wrestling creators, consider hosting your league here on FW. You gain access to message boards, Discord, your own web space and the ability to post pages here on FW. To discuss, message "Chad" here on FW Central.